tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9042258452335836872024-03-05T18:03:05.764-08:00The Majak MixtapeAll Tunes, All Shade.JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.comBlogger336125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-74825759966800776192016-01-14T00:19:00.000-08:002016-01-14T00:20:07.979-08:00This Mixtape is Old as Dirt and Twice as Messy<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span></b> don’t remember if it was Lil Kim or Jesus who said it first, but Tiffany Pollard (aka New York from “Flavor of Love”) been gone for a minute, but she back with the jump off as she made headlines this month as she joined the latest cast of the UK reality show “Celebrity Big Brother.” </div>
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And she’s barely been in the house and already has made waves, this week because she had a breakdown when she was told that “David” died and assumed they were talking about Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband/fellow “Celebrity Big Brother” house guest David Gest and not Angie Bowie’s ex husband David Bowie.</div>
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Nothing says bereavement quite like wacky sitcom-level mistaken identity shenanigans. Right? Right.</div>
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Anyway, the return of Tiffany to TV screens to once again scream about being the head bitch in charge has made yours truly fond of the time when VH-1 was full of “Flavor of Love” shows, and I’m launching a campaign to bring some of those ladies back to relevancy in 2016.</div>
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First up is Tiffany Pollard’s former rival Pumpkin. Pumpkin and New York got into a figurative and then literal spat on their season when Pumpkin proudly spit on New York while making her exit from the show.</div>
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Yeah, spitting on a person is gross. But it’s still not as gross as a group of grown women competing to have sex with <s>Leprechaun: In the Hood</s> Flavor Flav.</div>
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Next up is Hottie, who was also on New York season of “Flavor of Love.” When she wasn’t busily declaring that people said she <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZNzyI2sLA">reminded them of Beyonce</a>, she was making horrifyingly awful chicken.</div>
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So I little to no evidence to prove this, but I somehow think that Hottie is responsible for the E.coli outbreak at Chipotle.</div>
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And finally, I submit the magic of Saaphryi and her iconic “lip chap.”</div>
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H-Town: “I’m a white girl. I’m frail.”</div>
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Saaphyri: “Well you should’ve thought of that before you were hitting people with flowers.”</div>
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Special shout-out to the girl who took a crap on “Flavor of Love.”</div>
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Still more dignified than some of the behavior on any version of “Love and Hip Hop.”</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://www.realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/">Reality TV Gifs</a></td></tr>
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Keep reading for this week's birthday-centric mix!</div>
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Oh Mixtapers, nothing fills me with more <s>completely unearned levels of delusion</s> happiness than being back at it with all new Mixtape and what better way to kick off this return than to celebrate my birthday.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/search/stassi/page/2">Reality TV Gifs</a></td></tr>
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We kick off this birthday mix on quiet note with Adele’s latest single “When We Were Young.”</div>
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When it’s your birthday, it’s super easy to get all depressed about being younger and wishing for the good ole days and all that nonsense. I, personally, am fond of getting older for the simple reason that it proves that I am, in fact, not dead. And 32 was such a joyous year overall for yours truly, mainly because I got to join the folks of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/LIVEfromLaCrosseShow/?fref=ts">Live From La Crosse</a>, a local sketch comedy group. And you know what’s the best part of surrounding yourself with extremely funny people? Knowing you’re always just two feet away from someone who is more emotionally unbalanced than you are.</div>
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Our next song comes from former “Parks and Recreation” co-star/star of the upcoming TBS series “Angie Tribeca” Rashida Jones and her ode to all things 1990s in the new music video “Flip and Rewind.”</div>
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Say what you want about her vocal abilities, I can at least tell you that this music video had a higher production value than all of Lifetime’s unauthorized TV movies of early 1990s shows you love to watch while super high on medicinal marijuana.</div>
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Subway, facing declines in sales because of the ubiquitous nature of the business and that whole scandal with their spokesperson being a big ole perverted a-hole, has unleashed a new ad campaign to make us all warm and fuzzy about sandwiches by way of going all Academy Awards biopic.</div>
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I don’t know how much truth there is to any of this Jersey Boys: Sandwich Shop Edition commercial, but I do know that one minute should’ve also been the length of the movie “Joy.” Take that shade, Miracle Mop.</div>
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And we turn back to this mix with one last song from the great Broadway legend Carol Channing. She’s about to get down and let everybody know how young she feels with the aid of a bunch of hippies including Tommy <s>Tokes</s>Tune.</div>
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Does anything say “young and with the now generation” quite like a number from “Mame”? I think not, kids. This is some old school realness. Like they don’t even still make this kind of gay background dancer anymore. I think the last time one of these were spotted was probably protesting the release of Al Pacino’s “Cruising” in 1980.</div>
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Well, that’s it for this mix. Tis a joy to be back! </div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">Every time you can start your car during subzero weather is a motherfucking blessing.</span></div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-627419915920702262013-12-27T10:36:00.002-08:002014-05-30T10:14:34.367-07:00This Mixtape Can't Stop<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>I</b></span>t’s a Friday night, and we are positioned at our usual spot with a drink in one hand, and our coat in the other. It’s at this precise moment when one of our friends, dressed sharply in a bow tie and nice pale blue button down shirt, comes shuffling through the crowd that is downtown bar on a Friday night. He comes up to us, somewhat giddy and pulls us aside to have a little talk.</div>
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“Which one do you think is better?” he asks us, holding his phone up to us.</div>
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We squint our eyes a bit as we scrolls rapidly through a set of six photos. At first we can’t tell the difference since they all seem to be of the same person---him---in the same pose---goofily grinning. It takes us a couple moments until it finally clicks.</div>
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“You’ve been gone for like past ten minutes so you could take selfies in the bathroom mirror?” we sigh, moving our drink from one hand to another as our eyes drift back and forth between our friend and his phone.</div>
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“Which one do you think is best?” he asks us, scrolling through the evidence of his impromptu bathroom photo shoot.</div>
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“I don’t know,” we say as we study the photos. “There is more lens flare happening in these photos than in both ‘Star Trek’ movies.”</div>
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“Just choose one,” he says as he keeps scrolling.</div>
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“That one,” we say.</div>
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“That’s not even a photo of me.”<br />
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Oh selfies, only a word that sounds like a euphemism for self-pleasure could accurately capture the masturbatory nature of social media. The term “selfie” came into its own in 2013, named the “Word of the Year” by the Oxford Dictionary . Somewhere, twerking is mad that it pulled an ass muscle for NOTHING. In honor of the selfie, we’re talking about our favorite selfie moments of the year.</div>
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Before they broke-up this year, the Jonas Brothers got lots of press for Nick Jonas posting a shirtless selfie on Instagram this summer. </div>
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Who needs a purity ring when you’ve got abstinence abs.<br />
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In honor of Nick Jonas and his shirtless beauty, we present Iggy Azalea's "Work" mashed together with Britney Spears' "Work Bitch."</div>
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Another selfie that caused a lot of stir was Kim Kardashian’s bathing suit selfie she posted to show off her slimmed down figure after giving birth.</div>
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In honor of Kim K., our next song is "Mirror" from Kat Dahlia's awesome EP "Gangsta"<br />
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The most notorious selfie of the year would have to be the one that President Obama took this year while attending at the Nelson Mandela memorial.</div>
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“Does Instagram have a bereavement tint?”</div>
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In honor of the dignitaries snapping a photo together, our next song is Disclosure's "You & Me" from their album "Settle."</div>
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Our personal favorite selfie was of Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper taking a selfie together while at Wimbledon.</div>
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It's the pic that launched a thousand fan-fics.</div>
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We still don't know what the fox says, but we do know what the Mixtape has to say about the year that was 2013 so keep reading as we take on Miley, #Thicke, great moments in shade and so much more!</div>
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Hello dahlings! Welcome to another edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it regenerates itself into the new Doctor. This is the last Mixtape of 2013, and we couldn’t be more excited to share it with you. It’s been a crazy year filled with the birth of a royal baby, a government shutdown, the untimely deaths of Paul Walker and Corey Monteith, and more X-Factor judges than you can shake a lacefront at. And we were there every step of the way <s>except for those months we didn’t write this blog</s>, letting you and pop culture have it, hunties. And now we’re about to start a brand new year! But you can’t move forward until you know where you’ve been so let us press play one last time in 2013 and get what?!</div>
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2013 was filled with musical comebacks. Miley Cyrus came back as Rihanna, Justin Timberlake came back as Robin Thicke, and Robin Thicke came back as a more rapey Marvin Gaye. No song in 2013 got people on the dance floors and caused more controversy than Thicke’s “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU">Blurred Lines</a>” and its accompanying music video. </div>
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In under five minutes, Robin Thicke was able to encapsulate some of the most popular trends of 2013: </div>
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Unnecessary hashtags.</div>
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"Ironic" sexism</div>
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Pharrell</div>
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Between “Blurred Lines” and Daft Punk’s “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5EofwRzit0">Get Lucky</a>,” Pharrell had a major huge career resurgence. We’ve always loved Pharrell, mainly because no matter how old he gets, he will always dress like he just worked a day shift at Zumiez.</div>
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And there is nothing better when two pop culture moments can meld together so we had to appreciated DWV taking on the Amanda Bynes debacle of 2013 to the melody of "Blurred Lines" in their parody, "Blurred Bynes."</div>
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And while Robin Thicke dominated the airwaves, no singer gathered as much press as Miley Cyrus, who joined in Robin Thicke in the biggest VMA train wreck performance since Britney was trying to give us more.</div>
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Get More: </div>
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<a href="http://www.mtv.com/ontv/vma/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">2013 VMA</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/artists/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Artists.MTV</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/music/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Music</a>, <a href="http://www.mtv.com/artists/miley-cyrus/" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Miley Cyrus</a></div>
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We could go on and on about cultural appropriation, the use of black women as props, and wonder exactly how much MDMA Miley was on when she performed, but we prefer to concentrate on the best thing that came from this performance:</div>
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You just know Rihanna is thinking, "There are not enough blunts in the world to get me high enough for this foolishness."</div>
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On a side note, our favorite moment of the entire 2013 VMAs was the extra “Baby, baby” that JC Chasez threw in his performance during the NSYNC section of Justin Timberlake’s performance. </div>
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We see you, JC Chasez, trying to riff your way back into relevancy.</div>
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Miley was everywhere. She was booty popping at Juicy J concerts, she was swinging naked on a “Wrecking Ball,” and she even hosted “Saturday Night Live.” </div>
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In honor of Miley, our next song on this Mixtape is "Problem" from Natalia Kills, off of our favorite album of the year "Trouble."</div>
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Miley wasn't the only pop girl to put out an album this year.<br />
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This year we found out that while Sara Bareilles is still not going to write you a love song, she will pen a tune for Katy Perry to rip-off completely as there were many comparisons drawn between Sara’s “Brave” and Katy’s hit single <s>“Winded, Breathy Vocals”</s> “Roar.” Though we were pretty meh about the single, we did enjoy the high school kids who won a contest to have Katy Perry perform at their school by putting together this video.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_01wJMrfLOM" width="560"></iframe><br />
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And while Katy Perry was roaring across the pop landscape, Lady Gaga tried to mount a comeback in the form of her album “ArtPop.” Lady Gaga, like Miley Cyrus, hosted “SNL” and performed at the VMAs as well as hosted her own rave as well as performed songs at the iTunes Festival as a way to generate hype.<br />
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So what did all of these high profile events translate in terms of sales? All three pop stars opened with relatively the same amount of first week sales.</div>
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Miley’s “Bangerz” album opened with 270,000 copies. Katy Perry’s “Prism” album debuted with 286,000 copies sold while Lady Gaga’s “Artpop” debuted with 258,000 copies sold.<br />
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It was an especially big decline for Lady Gaga, whose "Born This Way" album debuted with over a million copies sold in 2011. Apparently, Mother Monster had some of her Lil Monsters taking away by CPS in the intervening years.</div>
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These low numbers, given all the hype that surrounded most of these releases, made people concerned that 2013 was going to be the demise of the “pop girl.” </div>
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And then Beyonce came out of nowhere and dropped her self-titled album, selling over 600,000 copies in just three days of digital sales on iTunes. In one swift move, Beyonce proved that sometimes the biggest hype you can have is no hype at all.<br />
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No hype if you don’t include the Super Bowl. And those Pepsi commercials. And those H&M commercials. And that lipsync performance at the inauguration and the following Super Bowl press conference where Beyonce sang live to shut up the critics.<br />
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"Yes! Why did you let Jay-Z make a rap comparing himself to Ike Turner on Drunk in Love?!"</div>
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Speaking of the Super Bowl, Beyonce's performance featured a brief reunion of Destiny's Child. As soon as “Independent Women” started, social media went in on band member Michelle Williams like she had interrupted the show to sing “Pretty Girl Rock.”<br />
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One vocal person was R&B singer Keyshia Cole. Her coming for Michelle’s wig led to the greatest moment of shade in 2013.</div>
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When asked about Keyshia Cole’s diss of Michelle’s performance at the Super Bowl, Michelle <a href="http://theybf.com/2013/09/06/this-is-still-dragging-on-michelle-williams-offers-to-have-woman-to-woman-with-keyshia">said</a>:</div>
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“I can’t wait to see her [Keyshia Cole] in person so we can really try to talk and say ‘hey what happened?’ Cuz I will say this, I was a major fan of hers. That’s my first time even saying that. I understood her story… was rooting for her. I have a little sister that’s adopted. My little sister’s mother was a crack addict. My little sister was born with crack cocaine in her system, so when I see somebody like Keyshia Cole who is defying the odds, doing her thing and taking care of her family, she was somebody I was rooting for!”</blockquote>
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A close second was Mariah Carey throwing shade at fellow “American Idol” judge Nicki Minaj in an interview with Barbara Walters.<br />
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In related news, “Are You That Bitch?” is the title of an upcoming doggy dating show on Animal Planet.<br />
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In honor of Mariah so expertly letting Nicki have it, our next song is "Favorite Star" from Quadron's amazing album "Avalanche."<br />
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And we're now going to take it down a notch as we talk about some of the things that passed away in 2013</div>
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<b>ABC's sitcom "Happy Endings."</b><br />
It was smart. It was hilarious. It was therefore doomed to fail. After three seasons, "Happy Endings" got canned. Below, the cast and crew of do a fad that came and went this year: the Harlem Shake viral video.<br />
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<b>Azealia Banks' career</b><br />
Poor Azealia. She Tweeted herself out of career as she got into a feud with pretty much every person in the industry. See, at least Kanye West got an album out before he became a raging asshole.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoZEnWOHSjTLGjlUH1ukaVHGHEBUu92MseeH2tKhdLzTojATh5ugV8rPPW39Oavz5Foq5pVP7SCTxUWpsq9VdrtbmPJPGyVJFPBIpdAEqaSXmHDM0rNksQVZd7vpM8fGhswxKflhGZTqx9/s1600/12-27-13-15.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoZEnWOHSjTLGjlUH1ukaVHGHEBUu92MseeH2tKhdLzTojATh5ugV8rPPW39Oavz5Foq5pVP7SCTxUWpsq9VdrtbmPJPGyVJFPBIpdAEqaSXmHDM0rNksQVZd7vpM8fGhswxKflhGZTqx9/s320/12-27-13-15.gif" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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"If we dance our way there, the unemployment office won't be as depressing."</div>
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<b>Paula Deen on Food Network</b><br />
With a scandalous lawsuit surrounding her brother that dredged up info about Paula's racial politics, the Food Network decided to cut their ties with the popular hostess.<br />
We have heard that Paula is still trying to reach out to the African-American community.</div>
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"Y'all, this cornbread recipe goes out to all my niggas in jail, beating their dicks to the Double X-L.<br />
And from my kitchen to yours, love and best bitches!"<br />
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To her credit, she never made a Kwanzaa Cake.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/GrQbWeNQpiA" width="420"></iframe><br />
Nothing says "Afro-centric" quite like apple pie filling.<br />
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<b>Our ability to see after watching both "Teen Mom" Farrah Abraham's and "New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking" star Tami Erin's respective "leaked" sex tapes.</b><br />
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People will do anything to not resort to appearing on "Rachel vs Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off."</div>
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<b>Us writing about "Off Pitch"</b><br />
We spent most of 2013 <s>being mean-spirited</s> good-naturedly poking fun of the reality show detailing the misadventures of La Crosse's very own Grand River Singers. The show came and went with the speed and dignity of a late night Grindr hook-up, but we'll always remember the show thanks to our "Clef Notes: Recaps in the Key of Shade." Available on this very blog!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUMK8HgkdPMwVn7oPFvJ2D_TakCkm9Ix-s69Ga6plNfKJDof-P5L_CZfvbW8IgFcq-8kMHmeYdY9CmoFHPca427yo_dE_UgYkBj4G8Q-E4KrI71i-J_9h4h9-BHqJLsrH5phLicZn3j-CX/s1600/12-27-13-20.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUMK8HgkdPMwVn7oPFvJ2D_TakCkm9Ix-s69Ga6plNfKJDof-P5L_CZfvbW8IgFcq-8kMHmeYdY9CmoFHPca427yo_dE_UgYkBj4G8Q-E4KrI71i-J_9h4h9-BHqJLsrH5phLicZn3j-CX/s400/12-27-13-20.gif" height="326" width="400" /></a></div>
Stay strong, Honey Bon Jovi. Stay strong.<br />
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In honor of this, our next song is "Always Forever" from Cults' 2013 album "Static"<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5Mlgl--V5h0" width="560"></iframe><br />
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Now it's time for a<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzc10P-Ch1kP3Kop_uMHWlXXw2WFpaG4cV4EiMMb_32BMbaQOwe9svFKul24NlbczGeFa2wT-sPCiKYg2CbrU4i0asEWKjKy2QCTm4MczbJM0Y_YTgoFn8VCyCGgjC4fW5GhqIoFlsW_di/s1600/12-27-13-24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzc10P-Ch1kP3Kop_uMHWlXXw2WFpaG4cV4EiMMb_32BMbaQOwe9svFKul24NlbczGeFa2wT-sPCiKYg2CbrU4i0asEWKjKy2QCTm4MczbJM0Y_YTgoFn8VCyCGgjC4fW5GhqIoFlsW_di/s320/12-27-13-24.jpg" height="195" width="320" /></a></div>
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Somehow, Miley Cyrus and her uncoordinated lower back spasms became the face and booty of twerking in 2013.</div>
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She can't stop, and she can't twerk.</div>
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We now provide you with two of our favorite twerk moments of the year.<br />
First up, Julian Serrano<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/76131660" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <a href="http://vimeo.com/76131660">Julian Serrano Pretty Gang Twerk @julian serrano</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user10493678">fredo501</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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And our second favorite twerk of the year was the Vine videos put online by some NC State baseball players.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Z0eeusMO9ic" width="420"></iframe><br />
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It was a crazy year for politics. We had government officials being busted for drugs, that government shutdown in the fall, the implementation of the Affordable Care Act and subsequent dramas around the website but nothing quite exemplified the craziness of 2013 in terms of politics quite like the meteoric rise and almost equally fast fall of Senator Ted Cruz.</div>
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Senator Cruz had been a tea party darling for a bit but found himself in the spotlight when he took to the floor for a 21 hour talkathon in protest of the Affordable Care Act. What can one possibly talk about for 21 hours? Well you can read lyrics from a Toby Keith song, parts from Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” reference “Star Wars,” and even read “Green Eggs and Ham.”</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8_DhPm89sDNH8prbdHV4uCFNWjtIyRts56VfbILjpt-O9ZAU9_XCawm14AaAPADUAHHnMhCNksyUloTyxd5igAW8E6YYHw_KVQvVRATkjASV8qmEXAWqTO2XWk3HHCmsVfm4jvJ3bnAyT/s1600/12-27-13-17.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8_DhPm89sDNH8prbdHV4uCFNWjtIyRts56VfbILjpt-O9ZAU9_XCawm14AaAPADUAHHnMhCNksyUloTyxd5igAW8E6YYHw_KVQvVRATkjASV8qmEXAWqTO2XWk3HHCmsVfm4jvJ3bnAyT/s320/12-27-13-17.gif" height="265" width="320" /></a></div>
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His favorite Dr. Seuss book is "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" because it's all about some green lefty learning the power of a Christian holiday.</div>
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Our favorite political moment of the year was Michelle Obama giving Speaker of the House John Boehner all types of side-eye the day of the inauguration.</div>
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"I'm telling you, going as the cast of Orange is the New Black is an awesome Halloween costume!"<br />
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We'd write more about 2013, but we have drinks to drink and dudes to kiss at midnight. We hope you have a happy and safe New Year. And as always, remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-48525991512443887292013-12-20T11:05:00.001-08:002013-12-20T11:05:47.704-08:00This Mixtape Stole Christmas<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh the holidays, the time for joy and good cheer and a lot of shade. Last Friday, we unleashed onto the world “<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/12/clef-notes-very-off-pitch-christmas_13.html">A Very Off Pitch Christmas</a>.” To our surprise, nobody from Grand River Singers has thrown a brick through our apartment window yet. But with all writing, there has to be some things that get cut because of space so we’ve decided as a bonus treat to give you a moment from “A Very Off Pitch Christmas” that didn’t make it.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCh2o2nq_yBquuqjU_mjbi0uwYlstmf0tXG_bJ9vQ04xb38AVrFYEZbYsugo6NG0KbIGBkqXCWSVqx9T4l3Thv32AUz5pSiJjpwEPxE5pmoOS_7p8C7Z3e8Pr9_2P2g9u5Hgl2gZkffOGy/s1600/12-13-13-1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCh2o2nq_yBquuqjU_mjbi0uwYlstmf0tXG_bJ9vQ04xb38AVrFYEZbYsugo6NG0KbIGBkqXCWSVqx9T4l3Thv32AUz5pSiJjpwEPxE5pmoOS_7p8C7Z3e8Pr9_2P2g9u5Hgl2gZkffOGy/s1600/12-13-13-1.gif" /></a></div>
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Over footage of snow lightly falling, we hear GRS member Jon voiceover about he’s been trying to get himself out into the dating world after coming out to his parents.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3eo890PzthdqTqPXCTZM3WgMXjpIGpw-KC0ZdwbAmtvIvv7BtZu8pj6bgUeL32xOzvK4yWQCDsQXAj2cLpnqg514rlkq_QXaIiZF59dBW1UhqWr5cSN5u5XZPkwOdg9tF66Bzx0-Lape4/s1600/12-20-13-8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3eo890PzthdqTqPXCTZM3WgMXjpIGpw-KC0ZdwbAmtvIvv7BtZu8pj6bgUeL32xOzvK4yWQCDsQXAj2cLpnqg514rlkq_QXaIiZF59dBW1UhqWr5cSN5u5XZPkwOdg9tF66Bzx0-Lape4/s400/12-20-13-8.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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“It’s been really hard to find the time to meet the right guy. You know, with school, GRS rehearsals, and keeping my hair at maximum spikiness.”</div>
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We see Jon shuffling into a restaurant and sit down as he voiceovers about how he’s tried to use some different social media sites to try to get himself out there. But over the course of the past few weeks, he’s started talking to a lovely dude that he might think is the one.</div>
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“He’s the jazz hand to my blade,” Jon happily smiles to the camera. “Since we’re such a close family in GRS, they all felt like they needed to give me advice for my first date.”</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqIbDGKxsKODkzZjSEvuQYrfeHCxFp3Qzbtu3a3yMh1kmMee_ag2q-fXD_NPn3XsIIcBtE428B1bD7ZZepupOt0QMhvXUfYoVx8AAhEXnpOSjjxE8DArMJ0K1BFolBlxXuLQQmhyphenhyphen0H-9q/s1600/12-20-13-12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqIbDGKxsKODkzZjSEvuQYrfeHCxFp3Qzbtu3a3yMh1kmMee_ag2q-fXD_NPn3XsIIcBtE428B1bD7ZZepupOt0QMhvXUfYoVx8AAhEXnpOSjjxE8DArMJ0K1BFolBlxXuLQQmhyphenhyphen0H-9q/s1600/12-20-13-12.gif" /></a></div>
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Josh: “Don’t cry until at least after you're done with your appetizers.”</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQx14aP37OYcQHfL6uhqa-eiampuuC2DasgW7gwI3Aqp1u_KOe6a4cUeaxvOUBp0UBJsYY5ymuVWl-KfPfmv1Dr7dm-4H7PqaoBrg_p-ffb5LjaDBEGEVAyjPk0lo9Z9nkpVerSih5DI44/s1600/12-20-13-11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQx14aP37OYcQHfL6uhqa-eiampuuC2DasgW7gwI3Aqp1u_KOe6a4cUeaxvOUBp0UBJsYY5ymuVWl-KfPfmv1Dr7dm-4H7PqaoBrg_p-ffb5LjaDBEGEVAyjPk0lo9Z9nkpVerSih5DI44/s320/12-20-13-11.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Marcia: “Play hard to get. Only give him a hand job on the first date.”</div>
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Jon to the camera: “And this is why I’m going to be single forever.”</div>
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We see some time lapse footage of Jon nervously drinking glass after glass of water as time ticks away. Just when he’s about to throw in the towel on this date, he hears that his date has arrived. Excitedly, Jon throws his napkin on the table, stands up and turns around to see something he was not expecting at all.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsDqP9cBPJ-ubfqGOe-4ybsgcxgV8ZrgxMq49yyiWEQNCKSNixvwX8mJryf8dpJ3G54j3Ua9KkjG6pVXvvTsU-vPCySjpat6-2Yc1F7YqNKheTxXerOl7umCeQvxTefnBJq-51m0K2N9JM/s1600/12-20-13-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsDqP9cBPJ-ubfqGOe-4ybsgcxgV8ZrgxMq49yyiWEQNCKSNixvwX8mJryf8dpJ3G54j3Ua9KkjG6pVXvvTsU-vPCySjpat6-2Yc1F7YqNKheTxXerOl7umCeQvxTefnBJq-51m0K2N9JM/s1600/12-20-13-9.jpg" /></a></div>
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Jon tells the camera: “This is not the hunky dude who loves high kicks and Harry Potter as much as I do. This is some crazy lady.”</div>
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“Hi, my name is Doreen. I’m the biggest fan of ‘Off Pitch.' And I just wanted to meet one of them so badly so I made up a profile, took a photo from an Andrew Christian underwear ad and suddenly I was Jorge O’Hara, a swarthy man with dashing good looks, a love of cooking and a vers. top.”</div>
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The two sit nervously across from each other at the restaurant as Jon tries to figure out what to do as Doreen periodically rambles about her favorite “Off Pitch” moments.</div>
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Doreen excitedly says, “I loved that time where you guys messed up your performance.”</div>
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“Do you not know how vague of a statement that is?” Jon replies, tapping his finger on the table linen.</div>
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The date ends abruptly when Doreen gets a phone call.</div>
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“What do you mean JB is dead?!” she screams into the phone. </div>
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“Who’s JB?” whispers Jon across the table.</div>
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“My kitty cat,” Doreen replies.</div>
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Jon waits for a moment. “You named your cat after me?!”</div>
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“You both are just so good at prancing!” she says. “Or at least he was. Now he’s prancing in kitty heaven.”</div>
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Doreen grabs her purse, gives Jon a peck on the forehead and goes running out of the restaurant. A few moments later, a waiter comes by and asks Jon if he needs anything.</div>
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“A drink,” he says. “A drink and maybe some trauma counseling.”</div>
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Drink up, Mixtapers, and get into the rest of an all-new Majak Mixtape!</div>
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Mele kalikimaka, Mixtapers! Welcome to another edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it no longer wants to be a judge on “The X-Factor.” We are just a scant few days away from Christmas, and we couldn’t be more excited. Mainly because the holidays will be over. We're not saying we hate Christmas; we're just saying whoever said that this is the most wonderful time of year obviously never worked retail. Anyway, let us see who was naughty and who was nice this week as we press play on this week’s Mixtape and get what?</div>
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This week, to the surprise of no one on this or any other planet, a cast member from the mega-hit A&E series “Duck Dynasty” revealed himself to be a big ole homophobe in an interview with “GQ.” We’ve never actually watched the show. It’s mainly because if we wanted to watch a bunch of hairy beasts and their adventures in the forest, we’d go hang out at the “Country Bears Jamboree” attraction at Disneyland. </div>
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“Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson <a href="http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/12/18/duck-dynasty-anti-gay/">told </a>the magazine:</div>
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“Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong… Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”</blockquote>
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There is something incredibly wrong when Honey Boo Boo has a more evolved worldview than you do.</div>
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Robertson also went on to say:</div>
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“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer.”</blockquote>
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That sound you heard was a bunch of power bottoms saying:</div>
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In honor of this situation, our first song on this Mixtape is from upcoming “Drag Race” dragtestant Kelly Mantle and her hilarious cover of “My Neck, My Back” because the only thing that could frighten Robertson more than gay guys doing it is a gay man in a dress talking about wanting somebody to lick his crack.</div>
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In other pop culture news, Beyonce remains the high priestess of pop music as her self-titled album debuted on the top of Billboard with album sales of 617,000, sales based strictly on iTunes purchases. No promo, no singles, nothing. We all know who's the Supreme in the pop girl coven.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Beyonce basically did the album equivalent of her <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujJQhYbaR9I">2011 VMA appearance</a>. She let Lady Gaga open and make a fool of herself and then let Britney get some shine before taking stage, dropping a mic and revealing to the world her precious baby, this time her baby being an album.</div>
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In honor of this triumph, our next song on this Mixtape is Beyonce's tune "XO."</div>
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Speaking of Gaga, the "ArtPop" singer appeared this week to perform her single "Do What You Want" with "Voice" judge-turned-professional-features-artist Christina Aguilera.</div>
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Christina is singing the hooks on so many songs now she might as well change her name to Christina Ashantilera.</div>
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And now it's time for some . . .</div>
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This week saw the leak of “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” star Dylan Sprouse’s naked selfies <a href="http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2013/12/dylan-sprouse-owns-nude-photo-scandal-like-beyonce-would-want-hi/">all over Tumblr</a>. When asked about the matter, Sprouse said that his only was mistake was sending the photo to a person he probably shouldn’t have trusted. And what could only be seen as a genius marketing idea, Sprouse has maybe decided to make t-shirts of the selfies. See, that's how President Obama should've handled his selfie-at-the-Mandela-Memorial scandal. Sell some shirts online, pay down that debt.</div>
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In other former Disney stars news, Shia LaBeouf has gotten himself into hot water because he <a href="http://insidemovies.ew.com/2013/12/17/shia-labeouf-responds-to-plagiarism/">plagiarized </a>a comic book for his short film “Howard Cantour.com.” And when he issued his apology for that, the apology was apparently also plagiarized. In his defense, Beans never taught him how to properly cite his sources.</div>
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"Just like my career after 'Even Stevens,' nobody’s gonna be checking for your bibliography.”</div>
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And finally, Lindsay Lohan is <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/17/lindsay-lohan-singing-recording-studio/">back in the recording studio</a> and <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/17/lindsay-lohan-singing-recording-studio/">may be also writing a book</a>. Elsewhere, Hilary Duff is also working on an album. We assume on both of their Christmas lists is that it was the early 2000's, when people would've cared about these developments.</div>
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In honor of their attempt to reclaim their former glory, our next song is "Worldstar" from Childish Gambino's newest album "Because the Internet."</div>
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And now it's time for a</div>
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This week, members of the Cyrus family that aren’t Miley announced that they are putting together their own YouTube channel called “Seriously Cyrus” that will feature programs from various members of the family as they all desperately try to get those Kardashian koins.</div>
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It’s basically the YouTube equivalent of fruit cake: nobody asked for it but somehow it’s here in all of its obnoxious, tasteless glory.</div>
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And finally, pop dem bottles for a . . .</div>
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This week saw the release of the trailer for “Mitt,” a documentary following the exploits of Mitt Romney as he tried to run for President. We haven’t seen it yet, but we expect it to be like a more robotic version of “Wall-E.”</div>
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Our favorite moment was watching Romney try to iron his coat while still wearing it.</div>
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"It’s still less heat than I got for that 47 percent remark."</div>
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President Obama <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/sochi/2013/12/17/white-house-sochi-olympics-delegation-to-include-gay-athlete/4051581/">announced </a>the United States delegation who will be attending the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, and it will include such notable gays as tennis player Billie Jean King and ice skater Brian Boitano. </div>
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Standing up for gay rights everywhere. Just another thing Brian Boitano would do.</div>
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And that's it for this week! Have a wonderful Christmas, and we'll see you next week for our year end extravaganza! And remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-23181562981125045092013-12-13T08:42:00.001-08:002013-12-13T15:48:55.706-08:00Clef Notes: A Very Off Pitch Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy Holidays, dahlings, and welcome to a very special edition of “Clef Notes: Recaps in the Key of Shade.” Earlier this year, we had the <s>displeasure</s> honor to recap episodes of the La Crosse-based VH1 series “Off Pitch,” a reality show following the <s>completely producer-driven</s> quirky misadventures of La Crosse’s very own adult show choir, the Grand River Singers.<br />
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Over the course of eight episodes, the Grand River Singers sang and dance their way into the hearts of <s>snarky bloggers</s> America as they performed at venues big and small like the cow chip throwing festival, Applefest, a racetrack and ending the <s>series </s>season performing at the Mall of America. They laughed, they cried, they knocked over microphone stands.</div>
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In honor of Grand River Singers (and because we’re utterly shamelessly when it comes to trolling for views of our blog), we’ve decided to put together a special yuletide parody of “Off Pitch,” having watched and recapped every episode. So yes, we are writing this from a therapist’s couch if you were wondering. So sit back, sip on some eggnog, and get ready for all the seasonal shade that you can handle as we present “A Very Off Pitch Christmas.”</div>
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We open the episode with the Grand River Singers performing at a senior citizen facility as Rob and Tim, nestled comfortably on a couch, tell the camera that there is nothing they love more than <s>cashing a VH1 check</s> giving back to the community. This is why GRS is entertaining some elderly folk during the holidays. To the surprise of no one who has seen an episode of the show, this is not going all too well because that much unbridled <s>delusion </s>enthusiasm in the face of crotchety elderly folks just is a disaster in the making. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If reusing footage was good enough for the show, it's good enough for us.</td></tr>
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Marcia, in full-weaved out glory, tries working the room by getting the old folks to join her in the round of “The Name Game.” The first old lady she encounters purses her lips and simply says:</div>
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Undeterred, Marcia moves onto the next old person, putting a microphone in his face.</div>
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Marcia: What’s your name?!</div>
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Old Man: Wheezing noise.</div>
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Nurse, helping the man as he collapses out of his chair: Ma’am, you ripped out the tubes from his oxygen tank.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Still one of the better audience interactions I've had while in this group."</span></td></tr>
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We see more snippets of performance footage including Nick twerking all over the room. Below, a dramatic re-enactment for all of those who missed it:<br />
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Wheelchairs, IV drips, his booty even was rubbing up against a canasta game.<br />
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"Sorry, sometimes you can't control the twerk; sometimes the twerk controls you."</div>
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We are back on the bus with the GRS kids as they sit and talk about how they thought the performance went.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Honey Bon Jovi: "I think it went really well. We killed it."<br />Kayla, while adjusting her sunglasses: "And one person."<br />Molly J.: "Technically it was a massive stroke that killed him."<br />Nick: "I told you, people will do anything to avoid hearing 'Color My World.'"</span></td></tr>
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The Grand River Singers filter into their rehearsal space, decked out in Christmas lights and tinsel as Rob and Tim tell the camera how much they enjoy the holidays.<br />
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Tim: "We just love Christmas in our house. We’ve already exchanged gifts. I gave Rob this new scarf."</div>
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Rob: "Isn’t it gorgeous?"</div>
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Tim: "He chokes himself with it while he masturbates."</div>
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Rob: "IT'S TRUE!"[giggles and puts hand over his face]</div>
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The GRS kids mill about eating snacks. Aubrey and Molly K. smack a cookie out of Greg's hand. They tell the camera that Greg has put them in charge of helping him survive the holidays and all of the sweets that come along with it.</div>
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Greg whines while picking up a sugar cookie. "You guys are so rude. It's just a cookie."</div>
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Aubrey counters, "You wanted us to do this for you. You're the one trying to get fit."</div>
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"You make it sound like I overeat," Greg says. "I think I have some sort of food allergy that makes me gain weight."</div>
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"Is this like when you thought you were allergic to gluten," Molly K. sighs, "but it turned out you just didn't like the taste of brioche?"</div>
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"They are always making fun of me, but they don't know my struggle. Only Oprah does. </div>
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Or maybe Rob Kardashian."</div>
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Rob and Tim have the kids sit down so they can make a big announcement: they are going to be performing at the first annual French Island Wreath Festival.<br />
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"This festival is going to be huge for us. Like Mendota Sweet Corn Festival huge."</div>
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Rob and Tim tell them that the ladies will be auditioning to do a new song for the festivities, “Underneath the Tree” from Kelly Clarkson’s “Wrapped in Red” Christmas album.</div>
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Marcia and Vanessa immediately shoot each other looks. As other start doing their dance stretches, they walk off together in a completely natural, not-staged-at-all conversation about the solo. Marcia sulks a bit, telling Vanessa she knows she barely beat her out for the “Fireworks” solo, but she really wants this solo even more. </div>
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“Oh Marcia,” Vanessa says while patting her on the shoulder. “As they said to Mary and Joseph at the inn, there is no room for you. Why don’t you and your vocals go find a manger somewhere.”</div>
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"That's not the holiday spirit, Vanessa!" Marcia shouts, folding her arms against her chest.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPAlPQp-NElAzG8Ms68GYQN3NbI0i5N-dsilAmM1yuItXy7A7oeM37XQp5HrjGhqaRiuDlKI532RgfLz330QzTZXIEPx0xfBeqDkgUqGM5QtZcEtKfqEJYFgfL4cRHhrtWY1u7rlKOm4Wp/s1600/5-22-13-6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPAlPQp-NElAzG8Ms68GYQN3NbI0i5N-dsilAmM1yuItXy7A7oeM37XQp5HrjGhqaRiuDlKI532RgfLz330QzTZXIEPx0xfBeqDkgUqGM5QtZcEtKfqEJYFgfL4cRHhrtWY1u7rlKOm4Wp/s320/5-22-13-6.JPG" height="316" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"The only holiday spirit I like comes in a chilled glass, and it's at least 80 proof. Sorry 'bout it."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As the group begins to practice, Rob and Tim ask them what is on their on Christmas wish list for the year. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvgiFE8ApvUmVFw2zkVs5iTTxkFMTdwKaNJIvywCdwtkG5k5cYGOvQMErLxm9UhQaB7lZ295hRv-S3xL5EIKnSc5poptEMr0CbKCEzwhsUZHFumibFdioHPe6ztxxxYl33nvvHPujlTk5a/s1600/5-2-13-2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvgiFE8ApvUmVFw2zkVs5iTTxkFMTdwKaNJIvywCdwtkG5k5cYGOvQMErLxm9UhQaB7lZ295hRv-S3xL5EIKnSc5poptEMr0CbKCEzwhsUZHFumibFdioHPe6ztxxxYl33nvvHPujlTk5a/s320/5-2-13-2.JPG" height="181" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Nick: "Hairspray. Definitely hairspray. If not that, world peace."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk0WPC-MqJ9nJY1l1qc1VaIU843PcPIdb09UELepa6TW-QGLuBjZkLahSbERTuB6UtBplFtGvdf5Kh7u9X4dWutB3uMlts3lew5dmn7I2F8zBCgxmTC6h9Tst88Uo3YY3Q_1u-9oTTRVW8/s1600/12-13-13-4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk0WPC-MqJ9nJY1l1qc1VaIU843PcPIdb09UELepa6TW-QGLuBjZkLahSbERTuB6UtBplFtGvdf5Kh7u9X4dWutB3uMlts3lew5dmn7I2F8zBCgxmTC6h9Tst88Uo3YY3Q_1u-9oTTRVW8/s1600/12-13-13-4.gif" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Honey Bon Jovi: "A lifetime supply of tissues. And a new bandana."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0rmm_Hgnj-oBWQfUSGr33CVwQux35auiruOrP6WlEeOk865CrOTSktVSt7h-pVhC_97wKgnYIJxF1FTtNEC1gohBbuvRNCfFMZvqal8ySDe0KofDxwCVttSOQ2_xbQThtdE4R2vKscUJW/s1600/12-13-13-14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0rmm_Hgnj-oBWQfUSGr33CVwQux35auiruOrP6WlEeOk865CrOTSktVSt7h-pVhC_97wKgnYIJxF1FTtNEC1gohBbuvRNCfFMZvqal8ySDe0KofDxwCVttSOQ2_xbQThtdE4R2vKscUJW/s320/12-13-13-14.JPG" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Justin: "That no future casting director ever sees this show."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's the next day and the Grand River Singers have gathered, yet again, in their rehearsal space as they prep for the showdown battle between Marcia and Vanessa for the new solo. Sitting casually in the back is Kayla, reading a book. When asked why she wasn't getting involved in the diva-off, Kayla told the camera:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4mT0Bx7rZshyphenhyphenA9VKcJniZ2oa960l0KdUKEVzyrcbDMUCgWuXJSULLdmRdBcejoAT8sqWnKeqpxNQSRE_bEROWL8ke56Z_UT683sdn4nluUeS5VujQlrM5-uHSbEXUbwVKN82BrFlYB5TH/s1600/12-13-13-15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4mT0Bx7rZshyphenhyphenA9VKcJniZ2oa960l0KdUKEVzyrcbDMUCgWuXJSULLdmRdBcejoAT8sqWnKeqpxNQSRE_bEROWL8ke56Z_UT683sdn4nluUeS5VujQlrM5-uHSbEXUbwVKN82BrFlYB5TH/s320/12-13-13-15.JPG" height="181" width="320" /></a></div>
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"Um, because I have an audition for 'The Voice' in like three weeks? #TeamChristina."</div>
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<br /></div>
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Marcia gets up first to perform.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLbx9h8OL-ZLKlDdx0_enc76sM-bWWzd0pG8i5NvxkBGE8G9ba3ypYSyoaVOXYgbzIxq6gbipLTfxiLoKcqeoWSCm7cfF4Be9TpA_UBWWc1FDAgev33Cyysemout0Ge1aWxzfwq5a56TLF/s1600/12-13-13-10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLbx9h8OL-ZLKlDdx0_enc76sM-bWWzd0pG8i5NvxkBGE8G9ba3ypYSyoaVOXYgbzIxq6gbipLTfxiLoKcqeoWSCm7cfF4Be9TpA_UBWWc1FDAgev33Cyysemout0Ge1aWxzfwq5a56TLF/s400/12-13-13-10.JPG" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
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"I just kept telling myself to relax and sing. </div>
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And don't fart. </div>
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Especially the last one because I had a walking taco for lunch."</div>
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<br /></div>
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She was then followed by Vanessa. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXIZ27RGxG_2uJCz1IJbViT0_e5fFI7nqUIFKCBq1xEaiFfgBAJu7C2Ltv_tlygU_vb4QUpAObg7T_mno3GRoG7PqN5FYXGdWm_mX0A6gRs3qOtTdN12aNgNyKDJEU02UEEgWteJVRxIUu/s1600/12-13-13-13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXIZ27RGxG_2uJCz1IJbViT0_e5fFI7nqUIFKCBq1xEaiFfgBAJu7C2Ltv_tlygU_vb4QUpAObg7T_mno3GRoG7PqN5FYXGdWm_mX0A6gRs3qOtTdN12aNgNyKDJEU02UEEgWteJVRxIUu/s320/12-13-13-13.JPG" height="181" width="320" /></a></div>
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"Some people think of me as this hyper-competitive bitch with a pretty face and a great voice. </div>
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I'm obviously more than that. I also have amazing legs. You're welcome."</div>
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<br /></div>
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Out in the hallway, Marcia cheerfully says to the camera, "I think I knocked it out of the park."</div>
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<br /></div>
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Vanessa says, just out of camera range, "Are you talking about your audition or what you do to microphones during performances?"</div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2gsjwTupkbO0mXzqluEJo-eE2-u89lnX_E2dKlzlLB5tIHrMPDC1XZH8uMjnGQr41FA1kkUSpH_ypOB5PGz1dIxWJ-T_TOqPpFYzzSp6CfImXlg-xLW6i-ArccZ3KiLmtR0ZinzHxD8HP/s1600/5-2-13-8.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2gsjwTupkbO0mXzqluEJo-eE2-u89lnX_E2dKlzlLB5tIHrMPDC1XZH8uMjnGQr41FA1kkUSpH_ypOB5PGz1dIxWJ-T_TOqPpFYzzSp6CfImXlg-xLW6i-ArccZ3KiLmtR0ZinzHxD8HP/s320/5-2-13-8.gif" height="178" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">#Receipts</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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We see footage of Rob and Tim consulting each other before they return to the group to tell them their decision.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAYx1pQ_2c0XCTI_qa_msMFTN6cHupcebAUpYIsYzj68lEzds3p0Lo_JAiPVEE4iWnSvHN4L8waGmcv4G-SKTUiAUPiBBTElUgEEULxuNTisIyFibrwb1sEcPJn2vqd4NkjVDzLYXzvqAu/s1600/5-22-13-4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAYx1pQ_2c0XCTI_qa_msMFTN6cHupcebAUpYIsYzj68lEzds3p0Lo_JAiPVEE4iWnSvHN4L8waGmcv4G-SKTUiAUPiBBTElUgEEULxuNTisIyFibrwb1sEcPJn2vqd4NkjVDzLYXzvqAu/s320/5-22-13-4.JPG" height="320" width="248" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Rob: "Marcia, you did a great job. Vanessa, I wish I had a uterus so I could give birth to you and your talent. So the choice is obvious. We're going with Marcia."</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhljCH-B91U_L25ni75mMXnUFm8IBnWJWmSnZDY1_SPxX9M7rlUhJOnGWLOGaTeNg_S60RpEGSmqPc9W-CEqME4bWZmYwAsS3bokakrXIBR6N1p4wSlukAmMB_HuBPsp4vXbqRlSDnugXOA/s1600/5-23-13-19.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhljCH-B91U_L25ni75mMXnUFm8IBnWJWmSnZDY1_SPxX9M7rlUhJOnGWLOGaTeNg_S60RpEGSmqPc9W-CEqME4bWZmYwAsS3bokakrXIBR6N1p4wSlukAmMB_HuBPsp4vXbqRlSDnugXOA/s320/5-23-13-19.JPG" height="176" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Tim: "People who don't believe the struggle is real have never tried to teach Marcia choreography. So we're going to give her a mic stand and a solo and hope she doesn't hit anybody. </div>
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Our insurance premiums can't take another hike."</div>
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<br /></div>
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We cut to the Grand River Singers rehearsing away in the rehearsal space over the next couple days. Honey Bon Jovi approaches Aubrey, chewing on something, asking her for a kiss for the holidays. Aubrey sighs and says sure, go find some mistletoe. </div>
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<br /></div>
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“I did,” he says, pointing to his mouth. </div>
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“You’re supposed to hold it over your head, not eat it.” </div>
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“How are you supposed to have good breath when you kiss a girl?!”</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
An emotional looking Rob and Tim come into the room and have the kids sit down on the risers. They tell the group that they are no longer going to be performing at the first annual French Island Wreath Festival. The organizers, at the last second, found an act they preferred.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
GRS: Who?!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/1jqmlsx-qXE" width="420"></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Marcia: "Are you telling me we got booted for the 'Duck Dynasty' guys? Can't we at least be their opening act?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Rob, through his tears: "They found somebody for that, too."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
GRS: WHO?!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/mPRn065t7_A" width="420"></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Cut to Nick and Marcia, talking to the camera.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUw11R64VwdXtUMyNQaP0-HxxIMntgWvMnNmfq_ogqKwq-0jhO644SwG2ia0h5zMnXYGuxqtvW2psr50HvUN1SfjJrHObfc_kvkkJBLevbRXxBIKB5NsJRLxz0qo6Qp0l2HznsmJOou3bz/s1600/12-13-13-18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUw11R64VwdXtUMyNQaP0-HxxIMntgWvMnNmfq_ogqKwq-0jhO644SwG2ia0h5zMnXYGuxqtvW2psr50HvUN1SfjJrHObfc_kvkkJBLevbRXxBIKB5NsJRLxz0qo6Qp0l2HznsmJOou3bz/s400/12-13-13-18.JPG" height="218" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Nick: "Personally, I love Peaches. Nobody wields a 2x4 in a tutu better."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Marcia: "That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And I sat through two seasons of Basketball Wives LA."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's now the next day and there is a podium set up on the front lawn of Rob and Tim's house. They've decided to drum up support for getting them back at the festival and, according to Rob, they've invited all the local press. The camera scans the front lawn, showing a large STAND WITH THE GRAND RIVER SINGERS banner hanging from an awning, and shows that there is only one lone teenage girl with a notebook standing there, making this press conference about as successful as a "Britney Jean" single.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Not one to be discouraged, Rob opens the floor to questions.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Girl: So when is Anna Kendrick showing up?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Rob, leaning into the microphone: "That's 'Pitch Perfect.' We're 'Off Pitch.'"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Girl, tapping a pencil on her notebook: "So what're you telling me is that you're NOT going to teach me how to do the 'Cups' song? Fuck you, assholes."<br />
<br />
Marcia to Rob and Tim: "It's over. Let's just go inside. Our stage manager isn't even here."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMJCxoROdweW8dAGyyTWPmxH7yYW2exFjvwQos9PB90Zd1SLzinu9V76Ljkt-MzMH-86rilCfRZgMqwgu3gLLwTFoXJx_ZhkPF05E17DS-uhGgS3l4lXz07dBg9mNMnWxmOWwhgBpBFtm/s1600/4-18-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMJCxoROdweW8dAGyyTWPmxH7yYW2exFjvwQos9PB90Zd1SLzinu9V76Ljkt-MzMH-86rilCfRZgMqwgu3gLLwTFoXJx_ZhkPF05E17DS-uhGgS3l4lXz07dBg9mNMnWxmOWwhgBpBFtm/s400/4-18-3.JPG" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"The Duck Dynasty guys were giving a masterclass in beard maintenance. I can't miss that." </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sL_KFNnAwrsqhRChiZFlBZtrCRvrO0RqEbaQkzGCAWtbGRmp86GM9ZZD8sHpnbIzk4TN9OZaylvA_rnocqakk5c-bbyPGomejoC0LEIfqYDaAkDko_W_7QqoppewPOE253gMi7Xrqnhyphenhyphen/s1600/12-13-13-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sL_KFNnAwrsqhRChiZFlBZtrCRvrO0RqEbaQkzGCAWtbGRmp86GM9ZZD8sHpnbIzk4TN9OZaylvA_rnocqakk5c-bbyPGomejoC0LEIfqYDaAkDko_W_7QqoppewPOE253gMi7Xrqnhyphenhyphen/s320/12-13-13-7.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Rob: "We weren't going to let a little negativity get us down."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tim: "It's all about keeping an upbeat attitude about things. It's why we never Google ourselves."</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1wFRIXmfcl8rRyUN6YvFC9zwABVqqpnfP5DGR7fPbZEa1sGi5lWQotxPYBL1nYw4F_Kz8CY0LlESvWEAUJNFBpPaJX-LSbHyJNAcZx6OkHbBybt_XdVxFYBp1wLQvTl251xX33015zRil/s1600/12-13-13-19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1wFRIXmfcl8rRyUN6YvFC9zwABVqqpnfP5DGR7fPbZEa1sGi5lWQotxPYBL1nYw4F_Kz8CY0LlESvWEAUJNFBpPaJX-LSbHyJNAcZx6OkHbBybt_XdVxFYBp1wLQvTl251xX33015zRil/s400/12-13-13-19.jpg" height="252" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We next see the trusty GRS bus pulling up to the parking lot while Rob voiceovers that they are going to take their cause directly to the masses by doing another flash mob performance.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Unfortunately, we are no longer permitted on the premises of Festival Foods so we're going to do a flash mob here at our local Walgreens," Rob cheerfully says over footage of the Grand River Singers spreading out among the aisles.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN_vf_m3d17tW1sa5Wp3jvn40ioE_AEOatLpMaaHO8nm_oh1s8KUP0Zue5jwUUn4eQGhsTV4cga3TcTKiE9wQP01tnOHKGdPAJsidwF_7VEHV5XgLD6DXe2bZG7D0QdmP5kIfD5TdR8FaB/s1600/12-13-13-23.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN_vf_m3d17tW1sa5Wp3jvn40ioE_AEOatLpMaaHO8nm_oh1s8KUP0Zue5jwUUn4eQGhsTV4cga3TcTKiE9wQP01tnOHKGdPAJsidwF_7VEHV5XgLD6DXe2bZG7D0QdmP5kIfD5TdR8FaB/s1600/12-13-13-23.gif" /></a></div>
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"GRS, the time has come for you to show choir for your lives. Good luck. </div>
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And for God's sake Marcia, don't fuck it up."</div>
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Over the Walgreens sound system starts piping the music of "We Need a Little Christmas" from the musical "Mame."</div>
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Well sort of pipes into the store. GRS can't get into sort of groove as the sound system keeps being interrupted as they call people over to the pharmacy department to pick up their medication.</div>
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Honey Bon Jovi even ends up dropping Liv because he hears his name.</div>
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Liv, struggling to get up from the ground: "Where are you going?"</div>
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Honey Bon Jovi, sprinting through the store: "I got to pick up my medication for my ear infection!"<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi61fmcHlC-mZ4Dqcbo386K1K_Ono5-7NCG_-W46ZakQAT7tvRBbqLk8m_uPhijm-3VVjISTWOIAF889jzbz_ifXUhN3i-kmeXzF-qmgmRvpHBAbU0mI8bxPLGkQ6KiZhsuXr2imggu5JZR/s1600/5-9-13-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi61fmcHlC-mZ4Dqcbo386K1K_Ono5-7NCG_-W46ZakQAT7tvRBbqLk8m_uPhijm-3VVjISTWOIAF889jzbz_ifXUhN3i-kmeXzF-qmgmRvpHBAbU0mI8bxPLGkQ6KiZhsuXr2imggu5JZR/s320/5-9-13-3.JPG" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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Rob: "These kids are giving me so many migraines. I might have to start using Botox for it."</div>
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Tim: "Sure, you use Botox to 'cure your headaches,' </div>
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and I like to wear black latex because it's a slimming fabric.".</div>
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We cut to the Grand River Singers sadly piling into Rob and Tim's home, collapsing onto various couches as Rob and Tim shuffle in behind them. Some start crying because it's not an episode of "Off Pitch" until there are a boatload of tears.</div>
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Rob looks around the room and says, "Listen, does it suck? Absolutely. But it'll be fine. There's always another festival, right? Come on, let's sing a Christmas song folks. If doing this show has taught me anything, not having an audience at all doesn't me we have to stop performing."</div>
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The group gathers together as Rob takes the lead singing Dolly Parton's "Hard Candy Christmas."<br />
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Nick surprises Marcia with an early Christmas present, something he was going to give her at the Wreath Festival.</div>
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Marcia: "It's a Carrie Underwood as Maria Von Trapp doll!" </div>
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Nick: "If you crank the right arm, she sings; if you crank the left one, she acts."</div>
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Marcia, after cranking the left arm for a moment: "It's not doing anything."</div>
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Nick: "See? It really does capture her acting."</div>
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We end the episode with the sounds of GRS singing along while a light sprinkling of snow falls outside the living room window.<br />
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And because he's the closest thing we've got to Tiny Tim, we close out the episode with a message from Honey Bon Jovi.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUmu8gW-4-xH1Gw0HgDLKe3ShmvooSkwkDpQIQeoxxDziI42H92uJpOhEMy9YFzwc81pTzmZNbMXjs9s08VEvIKiYTgcT1XTAdeupOpjbrUCl2p3d0b4-lPQAk2nozGJc-GHlG2Kx-g-ey/s1600/12-13-13-12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUmu8gW-4-xH1Gw0HgDLKe3ShmvooSkwkDpQIQeoxxDziI42H92uJpOhEMy9YFzwc81pTzmZNbMXjs9s08VEvIKiYTgcT1XTAdeupOpjbrUCl2p3d0b4-lPQAk2nozGJc-GHlG2Kx-g-ey/s400/12-13-13-12.JPG" height="226" width="400" /></a></div>
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"You know, we're awesome. We'll knock your fucking socks off. Like BAM! Where did my socks go? Oh they're across the room. The Grand River Singers must have just performed. And that's who we are, doesn't matter what anybody thinks because we know, deep down inside, that GRS is the best."</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRVOtDXQvKAH9CmVRLG17b7k-rJ3y0lyLorsHYpnfmqNrOPzleOIbgIfOaqiwGOits6nkyM-3eyWX9ko9khKBx9pi9l7WkUZ6QzuqCmMhtykLKn6ulBADxh-S1upX4f-ftzwchp1Mgzx2z/s1600/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRVOtDXQvKAH9CmVRLG17b7k-rJ3y0lyLorsHYpnfmqNrOPzleOIbgIfOaqiwGOits6nkyM-3eyWX9ko9khKBx9pi9l7WkUZ6QzuqCmMhtykLKn6ulBADxh-S1upX4f-ftzwchp1Mgzx2z/s400/7.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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As always we like to thank Grand River Singers for being <s>such willing victims</s> good sports!<br />
And to everybody else:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJCH2sw605sQ17bDSFWYAqsXXUxdLM1GBKq3V6KFNq4EJ9hJgyJXXFpvmmWPeBlVPs8hIf_CKP8rgBLgmzVnmP5NGFNdhl1qWoGEDDkmurE310K964m4ru-AFpvS5mTQPrnBusqGiYQiS8/s1600/12-13-13-24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJCH2sw605sQ17bDSFWYAqsXXUxdLM1GBKq3V6KFNq4EJ9hJgyJXXFpvmmWPeBlVPs8hIf_CKP8rgBLgmzVnmP5NGFNdhl1qWoGEDDkmurE310K964m4ru-AFpvS5mTQPrnBusqGiYQiS8/s1600/12-13-13-24.jpg" /></a></div>
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And don't forget to<a href="https://www.ticketriver.com/event/9372"> purchase your tickets</a> for the Grand River Singers' very un-"Off Pitch" burlesque show, happening December 20-22 at the Batavian Building. </div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-7630023582592307832013-12-06T08:31:00.001-08:002013-12-06T08:31:14.163-08:00This Mixtape Sleighs<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>O</b></span>h the holidays. That special time of tinsel and holly, eggnog and fruitcake, blaming our rampant promiscuity on a mistletoe. It really is the most wonderful time of the year. La Crosse’s local theatre scene is getting into the holiday spirit with productions of “A Christmas Carol” (sadly Muppet-free) at UW-L, “A Don’t Hug Me Christmas Carol’ at The Pump House, and “Playhouse on the Air Presents: Miracle on 34th Street” at the La Crosse Community Theatre. </div>
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It’s no surprise that there are all these holiday shows happening. It’s a fact that audiences are 67 percent more likely to go to a show with a wreath on its poster; this is based on data we completely just made up. </div>
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Not one to be left out of the holiday cheer, the Muse Theatre is adding a sardonic edge to the season with their production of “The Santaland Diaries,” based on essayist David Sedaris’ experience working as an elf at a department store.</div>
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In honor of the play, opening this week along with “A Christmas Carol” and “Don’t Hug Me Christmas Carol,” we decided to recount our favorite moment working retail during the holidays. Behold:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo1Qqj9bdqu2XUlyEDdGSb6GvNQS7ooMKdNzgCwddubJGjNhoTkTaxdLnd_TWzg8vw-gkpHc9GvvP4XqdgKg65l0LmEI7yUdwjWBpcoHCbypOAP2zhb5HCVPQbB_GjTFvw0avhKAnN6FcH/s1600/12-6-13-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo1Qqj9bdqu2XUlyEDdGSb6GvNQS7ooMKdNzgCwddubJGjNhoTkTaxdLnd_TWzg8vw-gkpHc9GvvP4XqdgKg65l0LmEI7yUdwjWBpcoHCbypOAP2zhb5HCVPQbB_GjTFvw0avhKAnN6FcH/s400/12-6-13-4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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There is a distinct three part process that happens to us every holiday season while at work when it comes to the round-the-clock playing of Christmas tunes. First, there is joy. Second, there is misery. Third and finally, there is acceptance, acceptance usually appearing a solid month after the tunes have stopped being played. </div>
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One snowy December morning, just a few scant days before Christmas, we were walking the thin line of stage one and stage two of the Christmas process, humming along to the fourth version of “Santa Baby” we had heard that morning already, when we looked outside to see a small huddle of women. We had been so concentrated on the yuletide gold-digging lyrics we hadn’t noticed the store had opened but no sales associate happened unlocked the door.</div>
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So we went and, after a few embarrassing fumbles at twisting the locks, opened the door and greeted with a pleasant hello.</div>
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“It’s cold outside!” shouted one woman, probably in her mid-forties. “It’s cold and windy and the store is open early because of holiday hours. I CALLED.”</div>
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“I’m really sorry for the inconvenience,” we stammered a bit, apparently as successful at apologizing as we were at speedily unlocking doors.</div>
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“It’s a disgrace,” the woman continued. “Leaving a bunch of women out IN THE COLD IN DECEMBER.”</div>
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Before we could offer another apology, she and her contingency of equally annoyed friends brushed past, spilling some coffee on our dress shoes. Right behind them was an older, pleasantly rotund woman wearing a Packers knit hat. She was probably in her seventies. She had been outside with the group but apparently wasn’t with them. She came inside the store, aided by a cane. She stopped in front of us. We cringed for a second, waiting for either a verbal or cane blow. But neither came. She smiled at us, patted us on the shoulder and said the best thing we’ve ever heard from a customer:</div>
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“I’m so sorry. You’re going to have to deal with a lot of bitches today.”</div>
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Now Mixtapers, THAT is the true meaning of Christmas.<br />
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Stop rolling your eyes and keep reading as we dish about the good, the bad and the Britney Spears that happened this week in pop culture.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2Qq-ox2vJlyWNXICI9BHxxZQUgArSfLXmc16yiNsX09WlTPtumIytB7hAmFrCXN_xuwiIhpQtpQu4_kPdAraKvBUEiop4yhxxp_ThVgu8ggkejA3B2gL8ZEp3odm5JRtJ9PjGTdlctdj/s1600/12-6-13-5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2Qq-ox2vJlyWNXICI9BHxxZQUgArSfLXmc16yiNsX09WlTPtumIytB7hAmFrCXN_xuwiIhpQtpQu4_kPdAraKvBUEiop4yhxxp_ThVgu8ggkejA3B2gL8ZEp3odm5JRtJ9PjGTdlctdj/s1600/12-6-13-5.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/">RealityTVGifs</a></td></tr>
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Hark! The herald Mixtape snarks! Welcome to the another edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it isn’t waiting for the Kardashian Kristmas Kard to show up in its mailbox. Let us press play on this week’s Mixtape and get what?!</div>
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This week saw the release of Britney Spears’s new album “Britney Jean.” A friend of ours gave us a copy, and it proved to be the most underwhelming BJ we’ve ever received. Executive produced by Will.I.Am, Britney has said in several interviews that this is her most personal album. Buried under layers and layers of production, Britney’s presence on the album feels perfunctory at best. It’s not saying the album doesn’t have some highlights. Our favorite track is the album closer, “Don’t Cry.” Smartly using whistling as part of the instrumental, Britney Spears actually sounds like a human being singing instead of a breathy, weirdly accented Siri.</div>
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In other pop star news, Beyonce, along with her husband Jay-Z, have <a href="http://entertainment.time.com/2013/12/04/beyonce-and-jay-z-going-vegan/">announced </a>they are going to go vegan for 22 days. They will be living strictly on a diet of plants, berries and copies of Keri Hilson's "No Boys Allowed" album.</div>
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In TV news, the mid-season finale of "The Walking Dead" was viewed by over 12 million people. In related news, 5 million of those people are still not on speaking terms with people who gave away plot details in their Facebook statuses.</div>
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It was announced this week that “R.I.P” songstress/semi-professional Rihanna impersonator Rita Ora has signed on to<a href="http://www.justjared.com/2013/12/03/rita-ora-steps-out-after-fifty-shades-casting-news/"> join the film adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Grey.”</a> And we’re going to say something that Rita has probably never heard before: girl, you are too good for this. In honor of this, our next song is “Rent Money” from Dent May.</div>
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The biggest story this week undoubtedly was the death of “Fast and Furious” star Paul Walker, who died on Nov. 30 after being involved in a car accident. If you thought that the untimely death of young star near the holidays was going to stop people from acting like total a-holes, we admire your <s>delusional world view</s> optimism. As soon as Walker’s death made headlines, there seemed to be a rush to see who could mishandle the situation in the worst possible way.</div>
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First you had a cologne company <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/03/paul-walker-cologne-soccer-game/">run its ad</a> that features Paul Walker during a soccer game barely a day after the actor had died. Not to be outdone, “Wheel of Fortune”<a href="http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/12/03/wheel-fortune-explains-unfortunate-timing-fast-furious-puzzle-answer/"> aired an episode</a> of its show on Monday where one of the answers was “The Fast and the Furious.” </div>
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And then there was the news story about a Coffee Bean shop where employees <a href="http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Coffee-Bean-Paul-Walker-Tip-Jars-Varsity-Blues-Fast-and-Furious-Jason-Biggs-Twitter-234290211.html">asked patrons to vote for their favorite Paul Walker movie by way of tip jars</a>. The corporate honchos were alerted to the fact when “Orange is the New Black” actor Jason Biggs tweeted about the situation, calling it “exploitive” and “in poor taste.” You know, when it comes to recognizing poor taste, we normally wouldn’t trust the man whose whole movie career is built on his ability to thrust himself into baked goods but even a broken clock is right twice a day.</div>
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And now let's talk about some dudes loving other dudes in our new segment . . .</div>
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Tis the season for people coming out of the closet as “The Biggest Loser” trainer Bob Harper <a href="http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/11/27/bob-harper-comes-out-biggest-loser/">let the world know he was gay</a> while Olympic athlete Tom Daley posted a video to his YouTube account letting the world know he’s bisexual and dating a guy.</div>
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We wish YouTube had been around when we were coming out. We told our Dad in a restaurant because nothing tempers their <s>totally correct</s> fear we're going to become a power bottoming whore quite like a lefse wrap.</div>
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The Internet reacted with its usual blend of support, homophobia, and total derision over how any of this was “news” because it was so obvious that these two liked guys. Here’s the thing Internet, people don’t come out so you can be shocked. It's an expression of self-acceptance, not a M. Night Shyamalan movie.</div>
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In honor of this, our next song is “Boys” from Sky Ferreira’s debut album “Night Time, My Time.”</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjbLksfnjQiJsbh8DV_Rui4GcMsw3-q_xAu0UCKxyqdtXSiqq-fZxdoYSDQFh5KMva2CiEsDR1BR4Oi3pWUP0kyOFQJazCC1ogdhJwdzG6c1BdQmhGsZw0quq4r10XkKQlDTfV5r4c2YHX/s1600/2-1-13-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjbLksfnjQiJsbh8DV_Rui4GcMsw3-q_xAu0UCKxyqdtXSiqq-fZxdoYSDQFh5KMva2CiEsDR1BR4Oi3pWUP0kyOFQJazCC1ogdhJwdzG6c1BdQmhGsZw0quq4r10XkKQlDTfV5r4c2YHX/s320/2-1-13-6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Fast food commercials have had a history of using sex to sell their product a la those Paris Hilton ads for Carls Jr.</div>
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But now in a surprising twist, the person who is being treated like a piece of meat actually is a piece of meat, a piece of meat on a brioche bun as shown in the latest ads from Wendy’s.</div>
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This is why people go to Julliard, just for the possibility they may one day get to pretend to be sexually attracted to a square-shaped piece of hamburger.</div>
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Hey Mixtapers, do you keep stubbing your toe on the end of your bed? Well we've got a First World Solution to that First World Problem in the form of ToeJammarz.</div>
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Wow, the budget on this commercial was somewhere between nothing and a current <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOdmVtojaFU">Lil Kim music video</a>.</div>
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This week Joe Jonas <a href="http://www.justjared.com/2013/12/01/joe-jonas-i-first-smoked-weed-with-miley-cyrus-demi-lovato/">wrote an essay</a> for “New York Magazine” where he detailed his life as a Jonas Brother. The article was filled with revelations including that he lost his virginity at 20, smoked pot with Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus at 17, and how he was not allowed to have facial hair while he and his brothers did their Disney Channel show. </div>
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Joe also talked about his relationships with Ashley Greene as well as Lovato but noticeably didn’t talk about his time with Taylor Swift, who he famously broke up with over the phone.</div>
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In honor of Joe's dating history, our next song is Alice Smith's amazing cover of Cee Lo's "Fool For You."</div>
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In other interview news, Kanye West <a href="http://globalgrind.com/2013/12/04/kanye-west-radio-interview-louis-vuitton-presidnet-obama-michael-jackson-videos/?utm_source=Twitter">gave an interview</a> this week where he discussed the amount of relevancy that he and Kim Kardashian wield.</div>
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“The [biggest corporations] amount of money can only equal the amount of relevancy that me and Kim have. I might not be a billionaire, but I’m a trillionaire in relevancy.”</blockquote>
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Well it’s true that Apple or Microsoft have never inspired Seth Rogen and James Franco to dry hump each other on a motorcycle so there is that.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQw2qYOLIyRusy7bKh_GWXEPS-ZNj8qeUpK4djOgM_7SWnGAvvkkqv_58NzZRfHlSnB36EgFnlUeDimHFAQRpl4jQNlLC-XijM53iWp6qOzzIxdMGcExe-AUlrjdKUSxXI10QBTpb0moTY/s1600/12-6-13-2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQw2qYOLIyRusy7bKh_GWXEPS-ZNj8qeUpK4djOgM_7SWnGAvvkkqv_58NzZRfHlSnB36EgFnlUeDimHFAQRpl4jQNlLC-XijM53iWp6qOzzIxdMGcExe-AUlrjdKUSxXI10QBTpb0moTY/s1600/12-6-13-2.gif" /></a></div>
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Kanye has been spending a lot of time giving interviews and making a lot of comparisons between himself and various people. Don’t believe us? Just Google it.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv4e1h730RETLkt5Qg2RUvmSmJ0osvAIUPQ2Sz0xw8CVKZ2rKMjfxbMVE-MDoRHE35HWnu4s8oees_yjPjLxQAxVlpmtbs32tuBtpGZjizlRrhYolrGUV8nCIVp8gSYq0fxmP6zZOgTncA/s1600/12-6-13-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv4e1h730RETLkt5Qg2RUvmSmJ0osvAIUPQ2Sz0xw8CVKZ2rKMjfxbMVE-MDoRHE35HWnu4s8oees_yjPjLxQAxVlpmtbs32tuBtpGZjizlRrhYolrGUV8nCIVp8gSYq0fxmP6zZOgTncA/s400/12-6-13-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Seriously, he's compared himself to so many people he only has a few options left like Joan of Arc, Bill Nye the Science Guy and my cousin Pookie.</div>
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In honor of Kanye West's continuing quest for world supremacy, our next song is Lauryn Hill's new lyric video for her song "Consumerism."</div>
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And finally . . .</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizyRiE8ZDA5eSIezwptRZXyyXLTOix4D7IhvLEGSjaVO6AsGL99joaRYLKPdtl4I2hFI3GaMlMbQWYZGR-OK6iTXKRnDIEN8Bx4_Mr601GCJHHtsAgdup4zoUwgZYdsBvbNlVt9X81IPEi/s1600/11-8-13-12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizyRiE8ZDA5eSIezwptRZXyyXLTOix4D7IhvLEGSjaVO6AsGL99joaRYLKPdtl4I2hFI3GaMlMbQWYZGR-OK6iTXKRnDIEN8Bx4_Mr601GCJHHtsAgdup4zoUwgZYdsBvbNlVt9X81IPEi/s320/11-8-13-12.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This Thursday saw the much anticipated broadcast of NBC's live production of "The Sound of Music" starring "American Idol" superstar Carrie Underwood as Maria Von Trapp and Bill from "True Blood" as the Captain. So if you were wondering if Jack Donaghy is still trying to tank the network, this should be all the confirmation you need.</div>
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Thankfully we had Queen Audra McDonald to help keep this show from being a complete disaster.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Q5Gybm2uRFLglzaPtIHucs2A3RfUFP4VtVdQHvje7h_ane72jUPNuBIm-U2bElRrPDpvDQQ42sJZmQAVUhl1YstKx2JJ2mYTgZZOFAUZPftp4mxmAjpMsKzI_7dPIAhEgnc8c-E_aSB1/s1600/12-6-13-2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Q5Gybm2uRFLglzaPtIHucs2A3RfUFP4VtVdQHvje7h_ane72jUPNuBIm-U2bElRrPDpvDQQ42sJZmQAVUhl1YstKx2JJ2mYTgZZOFAUZPftp4mxmAjpMsKzI_7dPIAhEgnc8c-E_aSB1/s320/12-6-13-2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Carrie is clearly mentally recalling a season of having to look at Simon Cowell in a tight sweater in order to get some tears in her eyes.</td></tr>
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If this show ends up being any sort of success in terms of both ratings and album sales, we can totally see NBC trying to do another few similar broadcasts:</div>
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Kelly Clarkson in "The King and I."</div>
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Clay Aiken in "South Pacific."</div>
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Fantasia Barrino in "Flower Drum Song."</div>
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We close this Mixtape with a special moment for Nelson Mandela, who passed away this week at the age of 95. A truly inspirational figure for many, Nelson Mandela was not just a man but a force of change and peace. In honor of him, our last song of this Mixtape is Whitney Houston singing "The Greatest Love of All" for Mandela's 70th Birthday Celebration.</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-46260170057005693702013-11-22T10:37:00.002-08:002013-11-22T10:37:25.681-08:00This Mixtape Loves a Good Stuffing<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>T</b></span>his week Walmart found itself making headlines not for its famous low prices but for its infamous low wages for its workers. This was highlight by a store in Ohio actually setting up food donations at its Walmart location for its employees. Other than the fact that people were probably purchasing food from that particular Walmart to give to the employees and therefore Walmart is amazingly profiting from its own terrible work conditions, we began to think about the incredibly brief period of time we were employed at the store because bow ties don’t pay for themselves. So here is a little story, filled with snark and gifs, we’re calling:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNpYWxsyYH1wDhsMgS90bMYhlyMZJ1pigZG-ngxJ__5gYPAtINoLtk8DuJW_LK4fHrk0927vRakFX5TQDSpLY25uLFayl_7Vjl_HCOnXOYhHfdMbJq5e8NrHYcDBRcbxBNEI5ICsyUzCjf/s1600/11-22-13-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNpYWxsyYH1wDhsMgS90bMYhlyMZJ1pigZG-ngxJ__5gYPAtINoLtk8DuJW_LK4fHrk0927vRakFX5TQDSpLY25uLFayl_7Vjl_HCOnXOYhHfdMbJq5e8NrHYcDBRcbxBNEI5ICsyUzCjf/s400/11-22-13-10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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How we came to be employed at Walmart was pretty simple. Freelance reporting doesn’t pay the bar tabs so we looked for some extra work. It was a fairly quick process of applying online, interviewing and taking a drug test. </div>
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Training day arrived, and we were all shuffled into a training room to watch a large stack of DVDs all about being a worker at Walmart. The DVD that caught our attention most was a glorious one about the joys of working at Walmart and the evils of unions. Fear mongering at its finest, the video detailed how unions were completely unnecessary at Walmart due to their Open Door Policy that allowed employees to take their complaints to any supervisor, not just their own. </div>
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The funniest image was a fleet of Walmart semis driving through some rural town, with people frantically waving hello with total glee as the voiceover person talked about what a wonderful family Walmart was and how it treated everybody fairly. It was a beautiful sentiment until I remembered that was the same sales pitch Jonestown made.</div>
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After the video we played a board game, ironically modeled after Monopoly, and had discussion with some of the higher ups. This was when we were informed that every morning there was a morning rally. A morning rally that involved cheering. And employees giving each other a shoulder rub before the start of the work day. </div>
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Number One: We do not cheer unless its during a “Bring It On” marathon.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8u204CNEtltdix-qRX8XcZQQ_OV3CoTkspe_4lV0c-WXh0aFQFm_uGPnGg1rRZAxnc6V6_0W9yCPe7odj1eJfydFv4ZKYGuMiGdYSNwhCszc_59uh_VJsmlb2mprkEvEJD9UtHW3fwhcn/s1600/11-22-13-11.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8u204CNEtltdix-qRX8XcZQQ_OV3CoTkspe_4lV0c-WXh0aFQFm_uGPnGg1rRZAxnc6V6_0W9yCPe7odj1eJfydFv4ZKYGuMiGdYSNwhCszc_59uh_VJsmlb2mprkEvEJD9UtHW3fwhcn/s400/11-22-13-11.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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Number Two: Unless we’re at a spa retreat, do not need a shoulder rub.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUBMrNrIUV4lxLAaPdtTtTJQDMTfis90oz20DnMkYh1RUhane26LegHIT7xDubjzKn8Wx-kleFqs70GBXi2B-SqsEysF6LzOejP-QkOIg9uVFHO7HwW-iym4h-O8SdH3W1WkTFsYrRgJh0/s1600/11-22-13-12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUBMrNrIUV4lxLAaPdtTtTJQDMTfis90oz20DnMkYh1RUhane26LegHIT7xDubjzKn8Wx-kleFqs70GBXi2B-SqsEysF6LzOejP-QkOIg9uVFHO7HwW-iym4h-O8SdH3W1WkTFsYrRgJh0/s400/11-22-13-12.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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And just like that, at our lunch break, my employment at Walmart was over before it ever really began as we told a kindly old woman that we were probably not the best fit for the place. She, in return, told us that nobody is at first. How comforting.</div>
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We soon got a job at another retail store, our desire to work there solely based on wanting an employee discount. And while everything had a more upscale sheen to it, the moment we sat down for our training, we were transported back to Walmart as a DVD played and talked about how unions were not necessary at all. We're all a big corporate family here to support each other. We leaned back in our chair, took a deep breath and could only muster one thing to say: "Kum-ba-fucking-ya."</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijpY9YOjqvgwUmY5VWCNEUapukWWKt5bC47utysN8GWofEdH2sKdqPrFYmSjXt_cOKZenb1X7LcX52vfhysjD7AlTTepegAhsVir3Hh6fjfinDGRcU9x1byhpjqPYQ9Z6TsiUoF2uAyz8z/s1600/11-22-13-13.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijpY9YOjqvgwUmY5VWCNEUapukWWKt5bC47utysN8GWofEdH2sKdqPrFYmSjXt_cOKZenb1X7LcX52vfhysjD7AlTTepegAhsVir3Hh6fjfinDGRcU9x1byhpjqPYQ9Z6TsiUoF2uAyz8z/s400/11-22-13-13.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.com/">RealityTVGifs</a></td></tr>
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Get that turkey off your head and continue reading the Mixtape as we get pop cultured, take on some male celebrity angst, and throw another political partaaaaaay.</div>
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Hello to all our Turkey Lurkey Trollops and welcome to another edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it’s trying not to be dropped by its health insurance provider. Next week is Thanksgiving, a time for people giving thanks for all the wonderful things they have in their life. This is directly followed by Black Friday, an equally magical time when people shank others who are in their way of all those severely discounted wonderful things they’ll be thankful for next year. But before we get to carving people or cutting bitches, it’s time to press play on another Mixtape and get:</div>
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Is there anything more consistent than Alec Baldwin yelling at somebody? It’s like North Star but with fluctuating weight problems and rampant anger issues. This week saw the former “30 Rock” star embroiled in a scandal after <a href="http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2013/11/alec-baldwin-suspended-by-msnbc/">allegedly hurling a homophobic slur</a> at a paparazzo trying to snap photos of Baldwin and his family. Depending on who you ask, Baldwin either called the photographer a “cocksucking faggot” or a “cocksucking fathead.”</div>
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When reached for comment, The Fatheads said they wanted nothing to do with Baldwin’s foul language.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Alec, please save the anger for whoever convinced you to do Rock of Ages."<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">
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When asked about the incident, Baldwin claimed he didn’t know that “cocksucking” could be construed as a homophobic remark. Well sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes that’s what you put on your “hobbies and interests” section on your Christian Mingle profile.</div>
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Anyway, Baldwin’s daughter Ireland took to her Twitter to defend her father and so did Baldwin’s gay hairstylist <s>Auntie Tom</s> Nick Berros told <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/11/15/alec-baldwin-gay-hair-stylist-tmz-live-homophobic-slur/">TMZ Live</a> that Baldwin was probably just angry and that the yelling of the slur hasn’t put a damper on his love for Baldwin. In fact, he and his friends love him even more because of all the drama, proving that Jenna Maroney was absolutely correct.</div>
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That’s right folks. To the shock of literally no one, the people who are related and/or are financially dependent on Alec Baldwin are beside him. </div>
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One person who ain’t got time for Baldwin? Anderson Cooper. Cooper put Baldwin on blast for his use of the slur, which prompted Baldwin to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/19/anderson-cooper-alec-baldwin-homophobia_n_4301502.html">reply </a>on Twitter with the following:</div>
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“If I had Anderson’s paycheck and sorry ratings, I might be fast and loose with the truth, as well.”</blockquote>
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Cooper replied:</div>
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“Are you drunk? You’re kind of embarrassing yourself. I wish you well.”</blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t come for Cooper’s silver wig, Baldwin. He’s covered wars, Hurricane Katrina and survived hosting New Year’s Eve with Kathy Griffin so he doesn’t have time for your shit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In honor of Baldwin’s situation and whether or not he’ll learn from it, our first song on this Mixtape is “Time Will Tell” from Blood Orange’s new album “Cupid Deluxe.”</span></div>
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Aaron’s party is apparently over after Aaron Carter <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/11/21/aaron-carter-files-bankruptcy-dog/?adid=hero1">filed for bankruptcy</a> recently. Somewhere Hilary Duff is cackling about how she’s the only one who came out of the Carter/Duff/Lindsay Lohan love triangle with her finances and sobriety intact. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Personal pass" is Disney Channel code for coke. Obviously.<br /></td></tr>
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And finally, Sean Penn flipped out on a guy trying to take a photo of him while at a hotel. He probably should’ve freaked out on the person who just made bank by selling the video of said freak out to TMZ.</div>
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Jay Leno is being sued for defamation by a woman after he joked about news story that reported the woman had been smuggling a pet rat in her underwear/pantyhose. In the lawsuit, the woman alleges her husband now suffers from “severe sexual dysfunction” because every time [her husband] looks at her he thinks of Defendant Leno and the heinous segment depicting her as a sexual deviant.” </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jay Leno: Destroying Conan O'Brien's Dreams and Copulation Since 1992.</span></td></tr>
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In honor of this case, our next song is Katy B’s new tune “Crying For No Reason.”</div>
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Speaking of new music, Kanye West put out a new music video featuring Kim Kardashian riding a motorcycle like it was related to Brandy.</div>
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In other new music video news, Katy Perry has released a video for new single “Unconditionally.”</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Obviously this is symbolism of what happens when Katy Perry and the right key for "Roar" meet each other.<br /></span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjbLksfnjQiJsbh8DV_Rui4GcMsw3-q_xAu0UCKxyqdtXSiqq-fZxdoYSDQFh5KMva2CiEsDR1BR4Oi3pWUP0kyOFQJazCC1ogdhJwdzG6c1BdQmhGsZw0quq4r10XkKQlDTfV5r4c2YHX/s1600/2-1-13-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjbLksfnjQiJsbh8DV_Rui4GcMsw3-q_xAu0UCKxyqdtXSiqq-fZxdoYSDQFh5KMva2CiEsDR1BR4Oi3pWUP0kyOFQJazCC1ogdhJwdzG6c1BdQmhGsZw0quq4r10XkKQlDTfV5r4c2YHX/s320/2-1-13-6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Up first, Joe Boxers getting their holiday on in a new Kmart ad.</div>
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"Teacher says every time a male model jingles his bells, a drag queen gets her wig."</div>
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The ad has stirred up controversy because some view it as vulgar. You want vulgar? Listen to the Victoria’s Secret models <s>warble miserably</s> joyfully sing “Deck the Halls.”</div>
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And we end bring this mixtape to a close with a:</div>
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A <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/18/us/vote-on-beer-sales-divides-a-utah-town-where-few-drink.html?ref=us&_r=0">vote on whether or not to allow the sale of alcohol</a> divided the Utah town of Hyde Park. The measure was past with a margin of 2-1 in favor of the measure. When asked why they had decided to vote in favor of the measure, all Hyde Park residents could say was, "I'M SO FUCKING WASTED ON THIS SMIRNOFF ICE."</div>
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In Texas, a young conservatives organization got in trouble for planning a <a href="http://www.msnbc.com/hardball/catch-illegal-immigrant-event-sparks-ire">"catch an illegal immigrant"</a> game. The game would involve students dressed in a sweatshirt with the word "illegal immigrant" on it. Any student who "caught" the illegal and brought them back to the student union would receive a $25 gift card. Aw, racism, the gift that keeps on giving. The controversy has mostly liked put a kibosh on their next event, Trayvon Martin Tag.</div>
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And lastly, we like to take time to salute the one year anniversary of the single greatest movie we've seen in years in:</div>
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Yes dahlings, the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend marks the one year anniversary of the Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton <s>shitfest</s> Lifetime movie "Liz and Dick," starring Lindsay Lohan and that guy who used to sleep with Vanessa Williams on "Ugly Betty."</div>
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What it lacked in good acting, a tight script, nice setting, decent costuming or basically any sort of redeemable value, it more than made it up with the sheer lulz. Below, some of the greatest moments from "Liz and Dick."</div>
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Lindsay Lohan's accent comes and goes with such hilarious regularity we just assume that Anne Hathaway must have given her lessons. As hyped as the movie was, it was pretty much completely ignored when it first aired last year. Now available on DVD, we say that you should get some of your friends over, eat some Thanksgiving leftovers and indulge in one of the juiciest turkeys ever created.</div>
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In honor of this, our last song of this Mixtape is "Together" by Sam Smith, Nile Rodgers and a slew of other folks.</div>
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And with that, we end another Mixtape. We're taking next weekend off but we'll be back Dec. 6 with an all-new Majak Mixtape! And as always, remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-13066177094667256502013-11-15T06:52:00.004-08:002013-11-15T06:55:49.042-08:00This Mixtape is a Little Too Ironic<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>T</b></span>ime to have one hand in your pocket and the other one giving a high five, Mixtapers, as it was announced this week that Alanis Morissette is planning on turning her best-selling album “Jagged Little Pill” into a musical and therefore helping teach future generations the wrong meaning of irony. </div>
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Morrissette joins other 1990s acts like Spice Girls, Britney Spears and even “The Bodyguard” soundtrack, who have all found their music turned into jukebox stage shows. Never one to not cash in on the har<span style="text-align: center;">d work of others, we here at the Mixtape started combing through our extensive 1990's CD collection (thanks to Sam Goody) and have come up with a few potential ideas to invest our money in.</span></div>
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A “Clueless” musical based on its popular soundtrack needs to happen if only because the idea of a “Rolling With the Homies” dance number extravaganza is something we didn’t know we were missing in our lives until just now.<br />
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Plus, there would be original numbers like “Party with the Haitians,” “You’re Just a Virgin (Who Can’t Even Drive),” and the power ballad duet “I Have Direction (To the Mall).”</div>
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Because Alanis Morissette shouldn’t be the only angst-filled White girl from the 1990's to have a musical on Broadway, we’d throw our weight behind a musical based on Fiona Apple’s debut album. </div>
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Extra points to it if they were somehow able to incorporate her notorious acceptance speech from the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards.</div>
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Based on one of the best selling debut albums in history, “Hootie!” would use the music of Hootie and the Blowfish’s “Cracked Rear View” to tell the moving story of a man who simply wants a girl to hold his hand and a girl who just wants somebody to let her cry and a world who still trying to figure out who exactly was Hootie.</div>
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Dr. Dre’s Grammy-winning debut album would be awesome to see as a Broadway show, just to see the reaction from audiences who were pearl-clutching over “Into The Heights” incorporating hip-hop music into its musical. Just wait until you see people high-kicking to “Bitches Ain’t Shit.”</div>
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We believe this musical should happen if only because a) it would allow Lauryn Hill the money to pay those back taxes and b) Wyclef and Pras from the Fugees could get jobs working the box office. And if that doesn’t pan out, they could always just bring “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit,” the superior “Sister Act” we might add, to the Broadway stage just so people will be reminded that if they want to be somebody and they want to go somewhere, they better wake up and what? PAY ATTENTION.</div>
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Now get out of that ridiculous hover dress and continue reading as we take on the good, the bad, and, of course, the Gaga of pop culture.</div>
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Hello dahlings and welcome to another SNATCHING edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it isn't<a href="http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/11/14/alec-baldwin-glaad/"> being yelled at </a>by Alec Baldwin. We’ve got a jam-packed edition so let’s press play on this Mixtape and get:</div>
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After several years away from the pop music game, British songstress Lily Allen is back and causing a stir with her latest single and music video “It’s Hard Out There.”</div>
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Faster than a Tumblr social justice warrior could write “#problematic,” Allen found herself mired in controversy over whether or not her video was racist in regards to Lily having a crew of Black women dancing around her. Allen addressed these criticisms by <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/6-things-lily-allen-said-about-the-controversy-surrounding-h">saying</a>, in part:</div>
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<i>“The video is meant to be a lighthearted satirical video that deals with objectification of women within modern pop culture. It has nothing to do with race, at all.”</i></blockquote>
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Clearly this is some sort of metaphor about the way male chauvinism hoses women.</div>
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Here's our thing: objectification in the name of satire is still objectification, just with a different intent. And Lily Allen being fully dressed around a bunch of half-naked women is less a statement against the culture and more of a way of having your cake and twerking it too. You get to get the controversy and YouTube views but then you also get to put distance on it by putting a little bow on top that is saying you're just critiquing the treatment of women.</div>
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This isn't the first time that Lily Allen has sharply skewered pop culture and materialism as she did so expertly on her song "The Fear."<br />
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And see, nary a booty had to be popped.<br />
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At the end of the day, we say the real way to combat the objectification of women is to have women fully dressed while half-naked men dance around them. We say this as a total <s>flaming homosexual</s> supporter of feminism. Example below:<br />
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In celebration of the release of her new album “ARTPop,” Lady Gaga threw an “ARTRave” this week, which is like a regular rave but people are high not only on MDMA but also an inflated sense of self-importance so, you know, business as usual for Lady Gaga. The “ARTRave” featured performances from Lady Gaga, decked out in her typical understated attire.<br />
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With all of this promotion, including upcoming hosting gig on “SNL” as well as a special with the Muppets, you’d expect “ARTPop” to sell hugely right of the gate? Not so much, according to <a href="http://www.hitsdailydouble.com/news/rumormill.cgi">Hits Double Daily</a>. The website predicts that Lady Gaga will sell around 250-275,000 units, a sharp decline from when “Born This Way” sold 1.1 million copies its first week. <br />
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Guess it's time for the Little Monsters to <a href="http://dlisted.com/2013/08/15/the-little-monsters-are-sucking-craigslist-peen-to-meet-their-mother-monster/">start offering oral sex again </a>on Craigslist. Paws up, pants down, Little Monsters.</div>
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For pop lady comparisons, Miley Cyrus and her “Bangerz” album sold 270,000 units its first week and all Miley had to do was <s>shamelessly co-opt an entire subculture</s> lick a sledgehammer. Gaga’s chief competition, Katy Perry, sold 268,000 units of “Prism,” an album so generic one can just assume that RC Cola was one of the executive producers.</div>
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In other music news, Mariah Carey released her new single called “The Art of Letting Go," a song she just must have written when she looked at the prospects of "#Beautiful" going number one on the charts.</div>
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In other celebrity news, Fox has <a href="http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/11/08/fox-seth-macfarlane-animated-bordertown/">picked up a new animated series</a> from "Family Guy" creator Seth McFarlane called <s>Neverending Racist Joke Village</s> "Border Town," detailing the misadventures of two families who live in a U.S./Mexico border town. We're sure it's going to be filled with the usual nuanced humor we've come to expect from McFarlane.<br />
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This week saw the Kardashian family debuting a new commercial for their Kardashian Kollection clothing line for <s>Macy’s</s> <s>Target</s> <s>Burlington Coat Factory</s> Sears.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeoxaUKobGnTtr6EK2_cVEqY9Uom2kTffQkGMYCb_z_NmremJ3FppL6pJqZFQWe8qArpZRANd6jyCskwQShEGe9nbb_1BBlKFnB6iLXWy7jTSm4ZJalB3FoXgpd3eDcGzIclCF1hQRvTTS/s1600/11-15-13-5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeoxaUKobGnTtr6EK2_cVEqY9Uom2kTffQkGMYCb_z_NmremJ3FppL6pJqZFQWe8qArpZRANd6jyCskwQShEGe9nbb_1BBlKFnB6iLXWy7jTSm4ZJalB3FoXgpd3eDcGzIclCF1hQRvTTS/s400/11-15-13-5.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaTqLBBigvPosHmXzxzWBcDhVAKiFutZte-U9f6B6g9rF5gysjYhqDo_lmpOyEGECQWI5QQuv1OxniJY5E15vJktuKoAK2FPYrItvVqk6w4qMzJuzyTON1pg8QghAQt7JvMsEQ5hn5usqD/s1600/11-15-13-4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaTqLBBigvPosHmXzxzWBcDhVAKiFutZte-U9f6B6g9rF5gysjYhqDo_lmpOyEGECQWI5QQuv1OxniJY5E15vJktuKoAK2FPYrItvVqk6w4qMzJuzyTON1pg8QghAQt7JvMsEQ5hn5usqD/s400/11-15-13-4.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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And in other commercial news, break out your foam fingers, your teddy bears and your tongues! Miley Cyrus is bringing her <s>minstrel show</s> Bangerz tour to a town near you!<br />
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Time for some . . .<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPtDmeB6OPT2L2g0TIDhrbzHO7kg4AIP-kg1dfCHMw9lqhc7N5BCEaFbjEoeLznVyoUzZyM8QGZUU6rSrnoVxQCKZqfsWnweAMlyQ7b2Y6z7f3H33S2VOd56-mEaFZ8pwvhSz-pbSi6KrP/s1600/11-15-13-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPtDmeB6OPT2L2g0TIDhrbzHO7kg4AIP-kg1dfCHMw9lqhc7N5BCEaFbjEoeLznVyoUzZyM8QGZUU6rSrnoVxQCKZqfsWnweAMlyQ7b2Y6z7f3H33S2VOd56-mEaFZ8pwvhSz-pbSi6KrP/s320/11-15-13-14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Adam Levine is rumored to have been named People’s hottest man alive. Let us all remember that there was a time, circa "Songs About Jane," that he looked like this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv7_hsVwshozVucdasb9bH7MmPvQA9t9b7FBcUXkNTqiiSPGoMlXv9owPaJIO1Ve2NkVf-_8txMffjndTFR1Y86KqaMbSl0DfmBte1rzFvTMZB0cwrW9knZhBOqxpslRw2NGMAKX41FJWn/s1600/11-15-13-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv7_hsVwshozVucdasb9bH7MmPvQA9t9b7FBcUXkNTqiiSPGoMlXv9owPaJIO1Ve2NkVf-_8txMffjndTFR1Y86KqaMbSl0DfmBte1rzFvTMZB0cwrW9knZhBOqxpslRw2NGMAKX41FJWn/s400/11-15-13-10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Before he transformed into this:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4V2_wtlJEb7pDYFT3PkRX1auaBAPl9AVN-3pdnzTFq0QcGcWkteSHLhSUS0OgMr3ph4P7xMWOgir3riSpZ3h2RgT1uoRSocbyoAol3fyl2D8dhv_96NCWY5YQLs4_2nIKQDJolSDLQZ7p/s1600/11-15-13-11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4V2_wtlJEb7pDYFT3PkRX1auaBAPl9AVN-3pdnzTFq0QcGcWkteSHLhSUS0OgMr3ph4P7xMWOgir3riSpZ3h2RgT1uoRSocbyoAol3fyl2D8dhv_96NCWY5YQLs4_2nIKQDJolSDLQZ7p/s1600/11-15-13-11.jpg" /></a></div>
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so there is hope for <s>a very limited few of us</s> us all. In honor of this metamorphosis, all we can say is:<br />
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Jake Gyllenhaal was <a href="http://news-briefs.ew.com/2013/11/14/jake-gyllenhaal-hospitalized/">hospitalized for punching a mirror</a>. According to sources, the actor was filming an emotionally-charged scene and got so into his performance that he punched the mirror. When asked for comment, the mirror said, “I should’ve never asked him about if they were going to do a sequel to Prince of Persia.”<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6qFgIgrIUqGC86-LV3CWbHLJPL4vxqRHZlZA9VIJJkuU_3A8spoNq5lRpow1Qo7NR9S4nfe6lIsmfffiqWi6T4RybPI0l8uq0PW6Fd5LSLGwMpzGb6rUviudhVlym36wWD0cCoD759_j/s1600/11-15-13-16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6qFgIgrIUqGC86-LV3CWbHLJPL4vxqRHZlZA9VIJJkuU_3A8spoNq5lRpow1Qo7NR9S4nfe6lIsmfffiqWi6T4RybPI0l8uq0PW6Fd5LSLGwMpzGb6rUviudhVlym36wWD0cCoD759_j/s400/11-15-13-16.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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And finally we bring you . . .<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ0FxwOe18dNiJm82CtHsDOMBYkRD3dOq8ejyhogbMhzkVyrH7WPca2bv8rfzyJN-HUouS0RGTMkMNWt_Q8ANQTX3_s7YXzhyM36UCTzBuOTT-cDll9elSnO508qjrZ_6uiubPGOmWofZr/s1600/11-15-13-17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ0FxwOe18dNiJm82CtHsDOMBYkRD3dOq8ejyhogbMhzkVyrH7WPca2bv8rfzyJN-HUouS0RGTMkMNWt_Q8ANQTX3_s7YXzhyM36UCTzBuOTT-cDll9elSnO508qjrZ_6uiubPGOmWofZr/s320/11-15-13-17.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We love VH1 reality shows even though their programming of late seems geared to set Black people back so far that after one more season of "Black Ink Crew," we'll probably be back to being considered only 3/5 of a person. But no matter, we continually get our life from the hit franchise "Love and Hip Hop," both the Atlanta edition:<br />
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And the original New York edition. This week, we had a great moment in ratchetness from the love triangle that is Peter Gunz, his girlfriend Tara, and his recording artist/secret wife Amina. In the following scene, Tara comes to confront Amina about messing around with Mr. Gunz. Things are handled in a really adult, professional, totally non-tacky way.<br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:977777/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1717203%26vid%3D977777%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A977777" width="512"></iframe><br />
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Get More: </div>
<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop/season_4/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Love & Hip Hop</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop/season_4/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Love and Hip Hop 4 </a></div>
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Tara smacked Amina so hard, she may have corrected the poor girl's speech impediment. It's hard to tell with all the bleeping and the even louder noise of Rosa Parks slowly turning in her grave.<br />
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Let us be reminded that all this strife is over a man who, <a href="http://bossip.com/859429/steebie-j-taught-him-peter-gunz-admits-he-cheated-on-his-baby-mama-on-tv-because-hes-broke-and-needed-the-paycheck/">by his own account</a>, was dead-ass broke before even signing up for this show so these ladies are fighting over a crumb of a crumb just to get some camera time.<br />
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In honor of these people who clearly need some direction in their lives, we have Dum Dum Girls and their song, "Lost Boys and Girls Club."<br />
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And with that, we bring the Mixtape to a close. Be sure to like our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook </a>page and remember:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGQybqoGx3HmEb6SMSxojnTP_KWqjkZRhwhv7KGA_Cf9xZ7_dg0XpdXJC6zBwGrv0TactoSITGjKy9HNb_1BxcuASIES5TAXrlUsyYdAbhWOMjTOH8e9MvX5f2NfdEH-RJ-jxY3T2FBLhK/s1600/2-1-13-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGQybqoGx3HmEb6SMSxojnTP_KWqjkZRhwhv7KGA_Cf9xZ7_dg0XpdXJC6zBwGrv0TactoSITGjKy9HNb_1BxcuASIES5TAXrlUsyYdAbhWOMjTOH8e9MvX5f2NfdEH-RJ-jxY3T2FBLhK/s320/2-1-13-9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-83921763822631631162013-11-08T08:43:00.000-08:002013-11-08T11:06:31.508-08:00This Mixtape Loves Raindrops on Roses<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">J</span></b>ust when you thought that Gwyneth Paltrow and her Goop newsletter had completely cornered the market on recommending ridiculously overpriced things to the masses (we’re talking about <a href="http://goop.com/journal/make/160/the-goop-cleanse">$425 colon cleanses</a> </div>
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and<a href="http://www.goop.com/shop/stella-mccartney-exclusive-black-wool-trousers.html"> $835 wool pants</a>), Her Royal Winfreyness came back roaring with her annual “<a href="http://www.oprah.com/gift-list/Oprahs-Favorite-Things-2013">Favorite Things</a>” list as published in the latest issue of “O” magazine. </div>
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And like all the other lists that came before it, it’s an amazing blend of unabashed excess married with touchy-feely spirituality that we’ve come to expect from Her Royal Winfreyness. You seriously have to admire anybody that would put their own meditation CD with Deepak Chopra on the same list they have things like Beats Studio headphones, truffle popcorn and Himalayan salt shot glasses. </div>
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We here at the Mixtape decided that in honor of Oprah and her favorite things (including chai oolong tea and organic cotton pajamas) we’d compile our own, extremely low-rent list of some of our favorite things in a segment we’ve brilliantly decided to title:</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1o00B23V5udZ7gJhjTPIpQxsC2x8iZNcHYDXTE9yJZBfOjOxkVFQ6CKuNo9jFQwNeY7w2L00aAyKo7Qc85hsjFpYrqbCS6mkP_mi12EcBF0oATUGGhNAlRQDpEQuMXZ5dvCP8r2TMeimT/s1600/11-8-13-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1o00B23V5udZ7gJhjTPIpQxsC2x8iZNcHYDXTE9yJZBfOjOxkVFQ6CKuNo9jFQwNeY7w2L00aAyKo7Qc85hsjFpYrqbCS6mkP_mi12EcBF0oATUGGhNAlRQDpEQuMXZ5dvCP8r2TMeimT/s320/11-8-13-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">STAY MAD AT OUR CREATIVITY</td></tr>
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Mossimo underwear. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixwwxC1vpHSpAkEihYgkwbjx6-4D8bafJGjh-HIqAqn7AZu1RVZb3rHcWFxkQbgLL2XtLWzLZ0lSwhW29WGb6ZaKDrMVH4J1QjLGVU88aKzzQaGGft6bLL82yuqM-6FKZKLKm_TniuXmKm/s1600/11-8-13-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixwwxC1vpHSpAkEihYgkwbjx6-4D8bafJGjh-HIqAqn7AZu1RVZb3rHcWFxkQbgLL2XtLWzLZ0lSwhW29WGb6ZaKDrMVH4J1QjLGVU88aKzzQaGGft6bLL82yuqM-6FKZKLKm_TniuXmKm/s200/11-8-13-4.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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We like our underwear like our relationships: colorful, cheap and easily replaceable.</div>
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Kwik Trip food. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjempTuX8yig3K3DNicNRwipDvbRf79jXmmVhqEtfQPnNYFlcuQ_Sa_IjT9uWhdRaAyusSO_paJyftnx4L701GpbB0Vi_5d-mWnU32K7QDIv71_H0YsM0h8S3qiat-B8OdBYUJR_OQeY5Qr/s1600/11-8-13-5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjempTuX8yig3K3DNicNRwipDvbRf79jXmmVhqEtfQPnNYFlcuQ_Sa_IjT9uWhdRaAyusSO_paJyftnx4L701GpbB0Vi_5d-mWnU32K7QDIv71_H0YsM0h8S3qiat-B8OdBYUJR_OQeY5Qr/s1600/11-8-13-5.png" /></a></div>
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Why would we put warmed over gas station food on this list? Because when it’s three a.m. on a Friday night and you just drank your weight in dollar drinks at The Helm, a Kwik Trip chicken sandwich <s>or five</s> is not only a meal but also a life saver.</div>
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Bow ties. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPQk1p9uDznkAkC6N5GkvSo1nPwYfWOkwtzdGjGSWwrDwIWO112GBmj1AnYD0qKNP7OjBnI_G7fDbrDVFSbvCbObBUaQFVp1tDMEHKceKejvb6HctQG30hD8aE4FMZVqcW4kDY4ej2qxrU/s1600/11-18-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPQk1p9uDznkAkC6N5GkvSo1nPwYfWOkwtzdGjGSWwrDwIWO112GBmj1AnYD0qKNP7OjBnI_G7fDbrDVFSbvCbObBUaQFVp1tDMEHKceKejvb6HctQG30hD8aE4FMZVqcW4kDY4ej2qxrU/s320/11-18-5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We love bow ties and wear them on a daily basis so we can look like we’re on our way to a “Dr. Who” panel at Comic-Con.</div>
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Starlite Happy Hour. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcr1_Q8kTSlb0w7t6otFrGwCjmaxTLqCrYnEJot1tSuhyphenhyphenm8mrmW064tYItovErLGFTjqhfJEJo3-khoobNuW2T-sWCRaFn5x1_JbV9gY7XqIjw-gZczSFnSkFZS1Iy7x1usJw5qdaXokY_/s1600/11-8-13-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcr1_Q8kTSlb0w7t6otFrGwCjmaxTLqCrYnEJot1tSuhyphenhyphenm8mrmW064tYItovErLGFTjqhfJEJo3-khoobNuW2T-sWCRaFn5x1_JbV9gY7XqIjw-gZczSFnSkFZS1Iy7x1usJw5qdaXokY_/s320/11-8-13-6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We love any place that can destroy our liver with cocktails as well as our cholesterol with deep-fried mozzarella sticks. And you know what, we’re going to amend this one to include happy hour in general because drinking before sundown is a mark of true adulthood.</div>
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And because we’ve already been inundated with so much Christmas already (it’s like the pilgrims displaced a whole people for NOTHING), we end this list with the second greatest Christmas album recorded by a drag queen (Mariah Carey reigns supreme), Rupaul and her album “Ho Ho Ho.” </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc9y0kV2LXEfUngrWsWP4vGJXqhj-Ao2tR2YykN4yA6jGAKbH5qDoASQSCzEsHfn4lPgLJzvDQDKrMafYkv5KggCC_2E_PUy55TwaaY1gLQMtIJgzDh_bqalY1L28pFjEl82-SVYSkwUH2/s1600/11-8-13-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc9y0kV2LXEfUngrWsWP4vGJXqhj-Ao2tR2YykN4yA6jGAKbH5qDoASQSCzEsHfn4lPgLJzvDQDKrMafYkv5KggCC_2E_PUy55TwaaY1gLQMtIJgzDh_bqalY1L28pFjEl82-SVYSkwUH2/s1600/11-8-13-7.jpg" /></a></div>
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Below, her performance of “Little Drummer Boy.”</div>
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We’d write more, but we know you Mixtapers are poor as you are impatient so click to continue reading as we dish about the YouTube Awards, crack smoking politicians, the greatest show on television (this week), and so much more in an all-new Mixtape.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3qRER3M7NrWywArmIvxCvBN0FhNlyunuqZzQn8ZGeAwL6VNlMueMq7IuIUWT1oOjaMDtSg9MvzdWAnbZ3zGGR07niNbV14iU4eG1JYN1oFTJoK8UMV4fetyBUH3u65wOzDJecTnTDHsV/s1600/mixtape+image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3qRER3M7NrWywArmIvxCvBN0FhNlyunuqZzQn8ZGeAwL6VNlMueMq7IuIUWT1oOjaMDtSg9MvzdWAnbZ3zGGR07niNbV14iU4eG1JYN1oFTJoK8UMV4fetyBUH3u65wOzDJecTnTDHsV/s320/mixtape+image.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>H</b></span>ello dahlings and welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching the wig off of your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it isn't secretly videotaping Justin Bieber while he's asleep. We've got a jam-packed Mixtape this week just brimming with tunes and bad life decisions of the rich and famous. You know, just the way God intended it. So let's press play and get this Mixtape going, shall we?</div>
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Pop star Justin Bieber was <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDAQqQIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fgawker.com%2Fjustin-bieber-allegedly-caught-leaving-brazilian-brothe-1457371796&ei=5uh7UpznF8T4yAGklIDwCQ&usg=AFQjCNFLQjd13jTcbvVTSIlU42-jUfpa0g&sig2=QJdRnllxWPOGSeI2Y1Uqqg">caught leaving a brothel </a>this week while on tour in Rio de Janeiro. In his defense, he thought the Brazilian Wax Museum was going to be something completely different.</div>
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Later on in the week, Justin Bieber was hit by a water bottle during a concert, knocking the microphone out of his hand.<br />
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When reached for a statement, the water bottle said, “For once in my life, I just wanted to do a positive thing for the environment.”</div>
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From one hot mess to another, this past Sunday saw YouTube host its inaugural music awards featuring “live music video” performances from the likes of M.I.A.:</div>
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And Arcade Fire:</div>
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Nothing exemplified the clusterfuck-ness of the show than when “Parks and Recreation” star Rashida Jones dropped off two babies for hosts Jason Schwartzman and Reggie Watts before giving out the Breakthrough Video Award to “Thriftshop” duo Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. </div>
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Those infants were crying like they thought they were about to hear another live performance of “Same Love.”</div>
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In other music news, “Work Bitch” chanteuse Britney Spears released her follow-up single “Perfume.” </div>
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Fans and critics have praised Britney for sounding less Autotuned on the single than on recent efforts. Yes, we've officially come to the point where sounding like an actual human being on your single is considered a noteworthy accomplishment.</div>
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In business news, Blockbuster announced this week <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/06/tech/gaming-gadgets/blockbuster-video-stores-impact/">it's closing</a> its remaining stores as well as ending its DVD-by-mail service. While you may be gone, your training videos will never be forgotten.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Somewhere there is a hipster in this exact same outfit discussing the gender politics of "Saved By The Bell.'</span></td></tr>
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Let's all form a huddle to do talk about sports. It's time for . . .<br />
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This week, Aaron Rodgers <a href="http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/9929515/aaron-rodgers-green-bay-packers-broken-collarbone">broke his collarbone</a> while playing against the Chicago Bears while Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte <a href="http://espn.go.com/olympics/swimming/story/_/id/9933028/ryan-lochte-hurts-knee-encounter-fan">tore his knee ligament</a> while trying to catch a fan who ran at him. Meanwhile, we here at the Mixtape stubbed our toe in our Zumba class so, you know, walk it off you pansies.<br />
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In other sport news, jocks can be bullies. We're going to let that shocking news soak in for a moment. Okay, everybody good? Good. As we were saying, jocks can be bullies to others and often times to each other as highlight by the scandal surrounding Miami Dolphins players Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin as both players are suspended <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/05/sports/football/for-the-nfl-a-question-of-hazing-or-abuse.html?_r=0">due to accusations</a> that Incognito took hazing to the point of bullying Martin with racial slurs.</div>
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Ritchie Incognito (seriously, how is he NOT a villain from "Kick-Ass") tactfully addressed matters on his Twitter by writing: "If you or any of the agents you sound off for have a problem with me, you know where to find me. #BRINGIT.”</div>
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Nothing dissuades the public notion you're an aggressive a-hole quite like threatening an ESPN reporter publicly on Twitter. Like who is your sports agent? Chris Brown?</div>
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In honor of both of these players trying to hold onto their careers, our next song on this Mixtape is Broken Bells and their song "Holding On For Life."</div>
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And now we present:<br />
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Investigation Discovery’s crime shows have the best titles in all of television: “Cuff Me If You Can,” “Alaska: Ice Cold Killers,” “Southern Fried Homicide.” This week the network introduced a new show to this great pantheon:</div>
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Hosted by a trio of sassy old broads, the show is devoted to the murderous exploits of senior citizens. It’s like “Golden Girls” and “Grumpy Old Men” combined with a high body count, and it’s amazing. The first episode had a case of a woman who murdered the retirement home lothario in front of a roomful of octogenarians and nobody even noticed that he had been shot in the head. Multiple times. We mean, that's understandable if "Wheel of Fortune" is on because that is serious business.</div>
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The general flippancy about the entire thing is what makes this show a must-watch as everybody has this oddly lighthearted tone because the murderers may be urinating in their Depends at the time of committing murder. Like we've literally seen people more upset about being stuck behind an old person driving than any of these people talking about how one of these oldsters killed a family member.</div>
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In honor of these old people killing folks, our next track is Mogwai's song "Remurdered" from their upcoming album "Rave Tapes."</div>
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And finally, let us get out the chips and dip and crack open a beer because we're about to have a what?</div>
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After months of denial, Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted he did indeed smoke crack, making him the bald male Canadian version of Shoshanna from “Girls.”</div>
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The “crackusations” initially came about because of a videotape allegedly showing Ford smoking crack. Yep, a mayor of a major North American city is caught on tape smoking crack. And you thought those girls with their “soft grunge” fashion Tumblr pages were committed to 1990s nostalgia.</div>
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In honor of all of this 1990s realness, we’re serving up a track from Cut Copy’s 1990s dance music influenced album “Free Your Mind.”</div>
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And just when you thought this story couldn't get more bizarre, a video leaked the other day showing Mayor Ford threatening to "person's throat, poke out his eyes and ensure his victim is dead" according <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-24858250">to a BBC News article</a>. Ford said that he was probably drunk when he made this rant, just like how he was drunk when he allegedly smoked crack.</div>
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When asked if her son was an alcoholic, Ford's sister responded with, "It depends on what you consider an alcoholic." Well we're from Wisconsin so we're just to go refrain from commenting on the drinking habits of others.</div>
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The U.S. Senate <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/07/politics/senate-lgbt-workplace-discrimination/index.html?hpt=po_t1">passed LGBT anti-discrimination bill</a> that would protect gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders in the workplace. But before you get too excited with waving the rainbow flag around, the House of Representatives are most likely not going to pass the bill with House Speaker John Boehner, through his spokesman, saying he opposed the bill because it'd cause "frivolous litigation" and "hurt small businesses." The Traditional Values Coalition says that children are already "being confused by transgender teachers." You know what children are getting confused by? Long division. That's what they're getting confused by.</div>
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In other politics-connected news, Callista Gingrich was in La Crosse <a href="http://lacrossetribune.com/news/local/gingrich-signs-latest-children-s-book-at-valley-view-mall/article_402a1f16-4770-11e3-b1d0-0019bb2963f4.html">signing copies of her third children’s book</a>. We haven't read any of the series but when it comes to keeping a bratty child's attention, we're just going to assume the woman married to Newt Gingrich is an expert.</div>
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And with that, that's the end of this week's Mixtape. Have a great weekend! Be sure to like us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheMajakMixtape">Facebook</a>, follow us on <a href="https://twitter.com/majakmixtape">Twitter </a>or buy us some Polito's pizza if you see us out and about. Have a great weekend and remember to always:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-81233374172201319732013-11-01T08:42:00.001-07:002013-11-01T11:33:57.616-07:00This Mixtape is a Scream<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>O</b></span>h Halloween, the greatest barometer of what’s in and what’s out when it comes to pop culture landscape. Over the years we’ve been inundated with Sarah Palins, Black Swans and even got our drink knocked over by a Golden Girl or two. This year saw Miley Cyrus as one of the hottest trends when it comes to costumes because is there anything really quite as terrifying as an upwardly mobile, well-connected, ass-less celebrity appropriating parts of Black culture in a bid to be seen as adult? Yes, it’s called a “<a href="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-10/enhanced/webdr06/11/11/enhanced-buzz-23467-1381506093-4.jpg">Beer Schlong</a>."</div>
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Anyway, while we appreciated the scores of Mileys “twerking” across the Tri-State area, we were sadly disappointed that some of our ideas for pop culture costumes didn’t come to fruition so here are some ideas of costumes we wish we had seen this Halloween in a segment we've dubbed:</div>
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Our first costume choice is going as the ghost of Azealia Banks’ once promising the career. The “212” rapper seemed to have everything going for her: indie credibility, a banging single and a wave of hype surrounding her. So what happened? Azealia Banks decided she needed to feud with everybody from Perez Hilton to Lady GaGa to probably even one of our neighbors. The same social media that helped make Azealia a rising star seems to be the same one that has dimmed it as she’s become way more famous for her vitriol-filled tweets than for any of her singles.</div>
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Below, Azealia’s Tumblr-fashion-page-come-to-life music video, “ATM Jam." </div>
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Things necessary for an Azealia costume: a foul-mouth, a colorful array of wigs and weaves, and a whole lot of wasted potential.</div>
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But don’t worry, Azealia. Even though it seems like your serially-delayed debut album is about as likely to come out as a Keri Hilson Greatest Hits Album, the fact that Sky Ferreira finally put out her debut album, “Night Time, My Time,” should give you some sort of hope.</div>
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Our next choice is the British boy band The Wanted. The “Chasing the Sun” crooners are on the verge of launching an American tour of theatres, clubs and we’re sure some high school auditoriums. We’re not quite sure why The Wanted never took off in the States the same way as their counterparts One Direction. Maybe it was a lack of radio support or them not being as non-threateningly attractive as the One Direction boys or all that time they spent paling around with Lindsay Lohan. We here at the Mixtape still occasionally Spotify their song “Glad You Came” and wait with feverish anticipation when their inevitable Men.com video debuts with the same title.</div>
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Things necessary for costume: a British accent, a nice suit and a lot of singles that nobody ever got around to buying.</div>
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And our final Halloween costume is going as one of the scariest things to affect America: a member of Congress. Just think about it. Due to the rampant polarization of the two parties, we found ourselves in the midst of a government shutdown and on the brink of defaulting on our bills. We now live in a time where our political representatives govern by crisis, usually coming to some agreement at the very last second. That is at least scarier than the last two “Paranormal Activity” movies.</div>
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Things necessary for costume: a suit, a podium and, if you’re going as Sen. Ted Cruz, a Dr. Seuss book.</div>
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Keep reading as the Mixtape tackles the Jonas Brothers break-up, the upcoming YouTube Awards and an open letter to Julianne Hough.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3qRER3M7NrWywArmIvxCvBN0FhNlyunuqZzQn8ZGeAwL6VNlMueMq7IuIUWT1oOjaMDtSg9MvzdWAnbZ3zGGR07niNbV14iU4eG1JYN1oFTJoK8UMV4fetyBUH3u65wOzDJecTnTDHsV/s1600/mixtape+image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW3qRER3M7NrWywArmIvxCvBN0FhNlyunuqZzQn8ZGeAwL6VNlMueMq7IuIUWT1oOjaMDtSg9MvzdWAnbZ3zGGR07niNbV14iU4eG1JYN1oFTJoK8UMV4fetyBUH3u65wOzDJecTnTDHsV/s320/mixtape+image.jpg" width="320" /></a><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span></b>his week saw the announcement from former teen idols turned oh-they-still-trying-it group Jonas Brothers that they are breaking up. And like any group that was so at odds with each other that they had to cancel both a tour and an album, they went on a <s>let’s milk all this free press for all it’s worth</s> break-up promo tour including interviews with <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20750712,00.html">People Magazine</a> and<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hHaC4ek5D0"> a stop at “Good Morning America</a>.”</div>
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We can't say we feel that strongly one way or another about the break-up since we never paid attention that closely to the Jonas Brothers or their music other than the time we thought their song "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_cXhBy78T4">Love Bug</a>" was about getting a STI.</div>
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Prior to the break-up announcement, The Brothers Jonai were getting lots of press attention due to rumors that Joe Jonas <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CDQQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2F2013%2F10%2F18%2Fjoe-jonas-drug-addiction_n_4122833.html&ei=usRzUpCVK8jayAHgmICIAw&usg=AFQjCNGT2eeZYFuLZZWWHS-5n07OayHa1g&sig2=lDZNekcP2ks0Gg_2zkCHag">had allegedly embraced his inner Lamar Odom</a> while Nick Jonas <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CCwQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mtv.com%2Fnews%2Farticles%2F1711760%2F&ei=GsVzUti6KMegyAGM14CQAQ&usg=AFQjCNGyCJzj16sozbaxzKXlklCVeUGrRg&sig2=D8b2HopyLoaq7ux2l9iCjQ">was posting shirtless selfies</a>. You now add in this break-up into the mix and the Jonas Brothers have done something that two seasons of Kevin's "Married to Jonas" reality show couldn't: make them interesting.</div>
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Seriously, they haven't had this much attention since Nick and Joe were breaking the hearts of Taylor, Miley and Demi. The fact that all three ladies have better careers post-Jonas dating than the actual brothers makes the boys the pop music equivalent of "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79cWig36XJc">Good Luck Chuck.</a>"</div>
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Below, Demi Lovato’s new single “Let It Go” from the “Frozen” soundtrack.</div>
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And from one promo tour to another, Lady GaGa has been everywhere in anticipation of her third album “ArtPop.” This week saw the Mother Monster taking the stage at the British version of “X-Factor” to perform new songs “Venus” and “Do What U Want.”</div>
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Gaga may have taken her wig off mid-performance, but the real wig snatching happened on Twitter as Gaga’s perpetual feud with Kelly Osbourne got some new life as Osbourne <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/kelly-osbourne-lady-gaga-birthday-gift-eat-s-t-article-1.1498963">took offense</a> that Gaga tweeted a photo of herself and Kelly’s mother/X-Factor judge Sharon Osbourne with a cake in honor of Kelly’s birthday.</div>
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"Not to be ungrateful but why would you send me a birthday cake via my MOTHER in a country half the (world) away?" JustSendItToMe #LoveNotWar."</div>
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Apparently fearing that she may come off too level-headed and mature, Osbourne took to her Instagram and wrote “#EatMyShit#Hypocrisy.”</div>
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There hasn’t been this much of a fuss made over cake since probably Marie Antoinette.</div>
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And from one feud to another, <s>inexplicably</s> popular Food Network Guy Fieri got into a skirmish with his hairstylist and it was all caught on video.</div>
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And somewhere “Barefoot Contessa” host Ina Garten is curb stomping somebody for not using good vanilla in one of her recipes.</div>
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In other pop culture news, CBS <a href="http://variety.com/2013/tv/news/cbs-in-talks-for-how-i-met-your-mother-spinoff-1200779670/">in talks for a “How I Met Your Mother” spin-off</a> titled “How I Met Your Father.” In related news, the network is also planning to do a spin-off of “The Big Bang Theory” called “Creationism Is The Only Way, You Soul-Less Heathen Bastards.”</div>
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Looking to cement its status as the official replacement of MTV, YouTube will be hosting its inaugural YouTube Music Awards this Sunday with Jason Schwartzman as host and live performances from Eminem, Lady Gaga, Arcade Fire, Kendrick Lamar and more. Categories will include things like YouTube Artist of the Year, Video of the Year, YouTube Phenomenon, Video Innovation of the Year, and YouTube Breakthrough.</div>
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We here at the Mixtape don’t mind these categories as they do cover a wide spectrum but they seem to be missing out on the things that make YouTube such a unique vehicle for entertainment so we’ve come up with a few categories of our own:</div>
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Best Acoustic Cover of a Rap Song By a White Girl or Group </div>
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Most Egregiously Racist Music Video</div>
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Best Drag Queen Music Video</div>
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Now get out your crumpets because it's time for some:</div>
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Just because Halloween is over doesn’t mean you can’t get high on severely discounted candy and go see some Halloween-ish theatre productions happening in town this weekend.</div>
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Over at the Muse Theatre, it’s the final weekend of their staging of the musical “Bat Boy: The Musical.” Loosely based on a tabloid story, the musical is a campy romp detailing the misadventures of a young man who is part boy/part bat as he tries to navigate the non-cave world after being discovered and brought into the home of a veterinarian, his wife and his teenage daughter . The music is catchy blend of various styles from traditional Broadway to country music to even some rap music thrown in for good measure. The acting performances from the cast are appropriately campy to match the book of the musical and while there are the occasional pitch issues, the show flies by at a brisk pace based on the general enthusiasm emanating from the gung-ho cast.</div>
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Across town at the Pump House Regional Arts Center, it’s the final weekend of the delightfully dark play “Mr. Marmalade.” The play details the curious life of a four year old girl who has an imaginary friend named Mr. Marmalade who just happens to be a coked-out businessman who never seems to have all that much time to play with her. It’s a show that delicately and successfully walks the line between being darkly funny and just being bleak with powerhouse performances from its cast that always plays to the emotional truth of the crazy situations they find themselves in. Be sure to get to the show early to enjoy some pre-show music that gets you in the mood for the show.</div>
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And now we bring you:</div>
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Dear Julianne Hough,</div>
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Here is a helpful guide to the times where <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CDQQqQIwAg&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.latimes.com%2Fentertainment%2Fgossip%2Fla-et-mg-julianne-hough-blackface-halloween-costume-20131028%2C0%2C2733407.story&ei=achzUr6nKsewyQHi1YGYDg&usg=AFQjCNHFBlBekr8e8RHu9rvPIh_IDCCqGg&sig2=cB896yXuvnMFs9FInz_rgQ">donning blackface</a> is appropriate and not offensive in the least: never. Hope you can wrap your mind around all those subtleties. Next year we suggest you instead go as a witch or a vampire or, if you really wanted to scare everybody, you could just print the box office total for “Rock of Ages” on a shirt and wear that.</div>
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We end this Mixtape with special remembrances to "Simpsons" voice actress/"Bob Newhart" star Marcia Wallace and Velvet Underground/rock legend Lou Reed who both passed away this week.</div>
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And that's it for this week, dahlings. Be sure to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TheMajakMixtape">like our Facebook page</a>, follow us on <a href="https://twitter.com/MajakMixtape">Twitter</a> or buy us a vodka Diet Seven if you run into us downtown. </div>
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As always, have a glorious weekend and remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-9220001251372542012013-05-24T05:01:00.001-07:002013-05-24T05:01:36.355-07:00This Mixtape Is On-Key<br />
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Aw, nothing like a huge natural disaster to make everybody act like a-holes on Twitter, right? This week Oklahoma was hit with a devastating tornado that claimed the lives of some 24 folks, including nine children. Naturally in the wake of such a horrendous disaster, people looked inward and became introspective about their own lives and tried to make sense out of the tragedy. OR they took to their Twitter accounts to find new and intrigue ways to create public relation nightmares for their publicists to have to clean up because what’s the point of having a thought, any thought, if you can not share with the entire world as soon as it pops into your little head.</div>
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First up, “Daily Show” co-creator Lizz Winstead <a href="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/lizz-winstead-apologizes-oklahoma-tornado-526220">took to her Twitter account</a> to make a few pointed political jabs while referencing the tornado. Most pointedly, Winstead tweeted to her followers: “ This tornado is in Oklahoma, so clearly it has been ordered to only target conservatives.” Once the full devastation of the event was brought to light, Winstead eventually tweeted the following apology: "Made a political joke, Twas before devastation revealed. In hindsight, had I understood, I would have refrained. Beyond sorry, #LetMeHaveIt," </div>
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Here’s a helpful hint, Winstead, if you ever need to know when is it a good time to make a joke about a disaster: never. See, there you go. Super simple.</div>
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Speaking of tact or lack thereof, somebody a part of the Kardashian klan is most likely being fired after Motley Crue drummer Nikki Sixx <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/21/nikki-sixx-kim-kardashian_n_3312991.html">sent out a tweet blasting Kim Kardashian</a> for promoting bronzer in the midst of the tornado coverage. As we all know, Kardashians, like a lot of other celebs, get a lot of money for promoting various products through their Twitter accounts and its all probably put on an automatic schedule monitored by some lackey so we doubt Kardashian took time out of her busy schedule of trying not to be Photoshopped out of anymore MET gala photos to personally tweet it. But you know something wrong when somebody from Motley Crue has gained the moral high ground on you.</div>
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And from Kardashian attack to another, Frances Bean Cobain <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/22/frances-bean-cobain-kendall-jenner_n_3321525.html">took to her Twitter</a> to assail Kendall Jenner for having the nerve to tweet that she wished some things were easier. Yep, that’s one rich white girl complaining about another rich white girl complaining. Cobain went on a mini-rant about how Kendall had nothing to complain about given all the horrible things going on in the world.<br />
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We here at the Mixtape just hate that logic because it basically amounts to should ever have bad feelings about what they are going through because somebody somewhere is going through something worse so just get the fuck over it and don't be a baby no matter how much whatever you're going through sucks for you. Unless you’re the ONE person on Earth really going through the worst times. You can console yourself with actually able to feel bad. So yay?</div>
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In honor of this, we kick of this Mixtape with Sky Ferreira's "Everything is Embarrassing."</div>
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And the most interesting tweet to come out of all of this was “The Office” and well-know atheist star Ricky Gervais <a href="http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2013/05/ricky-gervais-slams-prayers-for-oklahoma-tornado-victims-urges-p/#sthash.PjVNE5fl.dpuf">tweeting</a> the following: “Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry send prayers to #Oklahoma #PrayForOklahoma. I feel like an idiot now… I only sent money.”</div>
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Now Ricky, you know that they also probably sent lacefronts, blunts and a shit ton of Autotune as well.<br />
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Now you dive into the new Mixtape and hopefully do better than Miguel leaping over an audience at this week’s Billboard Music Awards.</div>
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This week saw the <s>series</s> season finale of "Off Pitch," with our intrepid heroes performing at the Mall of America. It's been a long, strange trip for our Grand River Singers and what better way to look back at their season long journey than with:</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">A</span></b> is for ambassadors of music, the phrase that Grand River Singers like to refer to themselves as. We here at the Mixtape like to think we are the ambassadors of snark, bringing sarcasm to nations near and far.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>B</b></span> is for bow ties as frequently worn by GRS member Greg Bashaw.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;">Greg: I think that Steve shouldn’t be in the planning committee. He just needs to stay in the background. Like he’s used to.</span> </blockquote>
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We guess when we catch Greg between emotional meltdowns and pants ripping embarrassments, he’s reading bitches for filth.---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-this-show-choir-will-flash.html">Clef Notes, This Choir Will Flash Your Mob</a></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>C</b></span> is for crying. GRS members like to cry. A lot. When they're happy, when they're sad, when they're excited. Tears, they just be a flowing like they had all just finished watching a 24 hour marathon of "The Notebook."</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Marcia ends up having a breakdown over not being able to dance well. Greg has a crying jag after Rob says they are going to push him to lose weight. We swear, if that story arc doesn’t end with Greg hooked on pills, wearing a fur coat, banging on the rehearsal door of GRS like Patty Duke in “Valley of the Dolls,” we will lose all faith in the reality show genre as a whole.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Josh, through his pretty tears, lets everybody know how sad he is about all the tension and how they aren’t being GRS. You all are being uncoordinated and hyper-emotional which, according to the past 11 minutes of your own show, seems fairly in keeping with what being GRS is.----<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/get-into-all-of-this-microsoft-paint.html">Clef Notes, Tears of a Show Choir</a></span></blockquote>
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Everybody just needs a little more confidence, which leads us to our next song "Confidence" by the band The Dodos.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>D</b></span> is dancing. Example: paintography.</div>
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In honor of busting a move, our next song is "Lose Yourself to Dance" from Daft Punk.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>E</b></span> is for editing. The editing and continuity of this show made one of our friends wonder if this whole production wasn't just the high school AV Club project of one of the producers' kids:</div>
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"We come back from commercials to a hilarious moment of just abysmal editing. Rob
is backstage announcing the Grand River Singers with his usual “ambassadors of
music” schtick. They are all dressed in their usual Song That Dare Not Be Named
ensembles of glittery jackets with yellow shirt as we know that The Song That
Dare Not Be Named is the opener for GRS performances.<br />
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Five seconds later, the boys appear on stage and are magically not only in
different outfits but in a completely different section of the show while Rob is
still introducing the opening number on the microphone backstage<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-wheels-on-show-choir-go.html">."---Clef Notes, The Wheels on the Show Choir Go Round and Round</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>F</b></span> is for feelings. The folks of GRS have a lot of them</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 18px;">Josh tells Trim that he feels worthless and promptly starts crying. We swear, he must put “can cry at the drop of a hat” under his special skills section of his resume."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-show-choir-of-thunder.html">Clef Notes, Show Choir of Thunder</a></span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>G</b></span> is for Grand River Singers</div>
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"And can we just say how many times when explaining to people who GRS is, the looks of disappointment on their faces when people realize by 'adult show choir' we mean the members are adults and not 'adult show choir' as in banging while belting tunes."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/get-into-all-of-this-microsoft-paint.html">Clef Notes, Tears of a Show Choir</a></blockquote>
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"They were going to go swimming, but the fecal count was too high. If being
surrounded by something tainted with shit was such a big concern to any of these
folks, we’re pretty sure they would’ve never joined GRS."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-show-choir-of-thunder.html">Clef Notes, Show Choir of Thunder</a></blockquote>
In honor of the joy that the group has performing together, our next song is "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>H</b></span> is for Honey Bon Jovi, the breakout star of “Off Pitch” </div>
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Josh: “Yeah it’s kinda shitty to be at a shitfest. But at the same time have you ever performed at a shitfest? So it's another thing that you can put on, put on, put on your a list of things you've done."<br />
Bless him and everything he stands for.---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/clef-notes-cow-shit-show.html">Clef Notes, Cow Shit Show</a></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>I</b></span> is for incoherent as in “Honey Bon Jovi’s ramblings to the camera are usually brilliantly incoherent.”</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>J</b></span> is for jazz hands</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>K</b></span> is for knock as in Marcia knocked her microphone into the audience the first episode</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>L</b></span> is for all the lawls we got from the audience reactions to GRS</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ddc4_OsEzV7ovvrWX0cGbIwvZtjfM5siXQV6ivrL8U94y57u_hKVkYqXpVpkTjnIaQlT2EB86JMgdunoP5hRaR3OwBy5LDqzv2c5IDlTg22MH_xvgonl9a_vhP-7T4sbi6pO3p_4zhGl/s1600/5-9-10-15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ddc4_OsEzV7ovvrWX0cGbIwvZtjfM5siXQV6ivrL8U94y57u_hKVkYqXpVpkTjnIaQlT2EB86JMgdunoP5hRaR3OwBy5LDqzv2c5IDlTg22MH_xvgonl9a_vhP-7T4sbi6pO3p_4zhGl/s320/5-9-10-15.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjTh_9YA_M8GSS3FtxUEuZpqnVAYmYE50_xoSYm3NPgqvGJtzaJTF9A2AxhuF2N78Oe9PDcndSgsC43l9n4ya7-6A7wcXkV-OXaVB51mHuDaSvIkW4A68pciV5eg4Gxkj_cqy2rbkWi-D/s1600/5-9-13-15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjTh_9YA_M8GSS3FtxUEuZpqnVAYmYE50_xoSYm3NPgqvGJtzaJTF9A2AxhuF2N78Oe9PDcndSgsC43l9n4ya7-6A7wcXkV-OXaVB51mHuDaSvIkW4A68pciV5eg4Gxkj_cqy2rbkWi-D/s320/5-9-13-15.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>M</b></span> is for muscles</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOQJiyDJxCrJDaxe0MAUJi04AUXwIUBG2mwLnruDiXinqasK3qU3Vyh6Q87f7VppiOS_y8ISRQefkbuYKsv7Lmv1d1cytXdFgndtvUsyz6BsSn90iXIZ5ajnZ437rHFbt7PCyvxfsFeBJY/s1600/5-9-13-9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOQJiyDJxCrJDaxe0MAUJi04AUXwIUBG2mwLnruDiXinqasK3qU3Vyh6Q87f7VppiOS_y8ISRQefkbuYKsv7Lmv1d1cytXdFgndtvUsyz6BsSn90iXIZ5ajnZ437rHFbt7PCyvxfsFeBJY/s320/5-9-13-9.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijQsXILQ2seUvvesuUwOW6CHwcvM_IAOy9mvM68-6YQx3zDR_CzOGOqLwjH_amBAckVFAClioqy8r9jKRniL4dejBfbkjB65KJe_Tw5BwyzCr_fm7TmL7mAK16UBpCxig9tMi44iHKYVnw/s1600/5-2-13-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijQsXILQ2seUvvesuUwOW6CHwcvM_IAOy9mvM68-6YQx3zDR_CzOGOqLwjH_amBAckVFAClioqy8r9jKRniL4dejBfbkjB65KJe_Tw5BwyzCr_fm7TmL7mAK16UBpCxig9tMi44iHKYVnw/s320/5-2-13-1.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"A lifetime of jazz hands can make you buff as shit."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-show-choir-of-thunder.html">Clef Notes, Show Choir of Thunder</a></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>N</b></span> is for newbies</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">"We finally get to the performance and get to hear 'Color My World' for the millionth already this episode. Greg says that hearing Justin open the show singing the song makes his heart break a little. And the fact that this song exists makes our heart break so apparently there is no joy in motherfucking Mudville today."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/clef-notes-cow-shit-show.html">Clef Notes, Chow Shit Show</a></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>O</b></span> is for opinions because Rob and Tim had a lot about their singers.</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Rob: I can transform myself into a drag queen in one hour. If they can't do it, I'm sorry. They’re girls. They already have all the basic necessities.<br />
Tim: But they need to look pretty.<br />
Rob: They are pretty.<br />
Tim: I'm saying, you don't have to look pretty when you do it so who cares.<br />
True shade begins at home, folks.----<a href="rob: I can transform myself into a drag queen in one hour. If they can't do it, I'm sorry. They%E2%80%99re girls. They already have all the basic necessities. Tim: But they need to look pretty. Rob: They are pretty. Tim: I'm saying, you don't have to look pretty when you do it so who cares. True shade begins at home, folks.">Clef Notes, Cow Shit Show</a></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>P</b></span> is for period. That awkward moment when Sam decides to tell the nation the reason why she can't make rehearsals is because she's stuck to a toilet because of her period.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:899117/cp~vid%3D899117%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A899117" width="512"></iframe><br /></div>
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<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 4px; text-align: center; width: 500px;">
<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
There are many people to talk to this about: your mom, your gal pals, your gynecologist. Your choreographers? Not the people for this because what are they going to tell you? Like you can't soft shoe yourself into better health, Sam.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Q</b></span> is for Quamme</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvgiFE8ApvUmVFw2zkVs5iTTxkFMTdwKaNJIvywCdwtkG5k5cYGOvQMErLxm9UhQaB7lZ295hRv-S3xL5EIKnSc5poptEMr0CbKCEzwhsUZHFumibFdioHPe6ztxxxYl33nvvHPujlTk5a/s1600/5-2-13-2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvgiFE8ApvUmVFw2zkVs5iTTxkFMTdwKaNJIvywCdwtkG5k5cYGOvQMErLxm9UhQaB7lZ295hRv-S3xL5EIKnSc5poptEMr0CbKCEzwhsUZHFumibFdioHPe6ztxxxYl33nvvHPujlTk5a/s320/5-2-13-2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The hair may say party boy, but the aerosol can says all business</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>R</b></span> is Roy G. Biv, the GRS bus</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-AcAKCJSa5jM9TQDJLEPRqtYsiRFC8jJ47y7b7tt1GiaqXH3fTPLpPPwO0s-NA1V0w0lZAROFzIiU7oHiOOw7Ge196wlTGdjFzTR0OClDTmhyphenhyphenqGhGjUk-cDpSFIpZMtqLbnG29-a5muMR/s1600/5-9-13-5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-AcAKCJSa5jM9TQDJLEPRqtYsiRFC8jJ47y7b7tt1GiaqXH3fTPLpPPwO0s-NA1V0w0lZAROFzIiU7oHiOOw7Ge196wlTGdjFzTR0OClDTmhyphenhyphenqGhGjUk-cDpSFIpZMtqLbnG29-a5muMR/s320/5-9-13-5.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The group get to performance at La Crescent Applefest. We love they decide to take a bus to the festival that is literally just like five minutes across the river from La Crosse.---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-wheels-on-show-choir-go.html">Clef Notes, Wheels on the Show Choir Go Round and Round</a></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>S</b></span> is scarves, the trademark accessory for the Grand River Singers</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuFwR0XyCWvPt7YZDigbPV9eXKh1ObXLsaWWHB-C0m13ulWTzJC6uDslY61y53VD_U8duPe5xTiSv7tN1pP68XMrMSVcBvKcpAm7R65fb8XN0wRd7-fA9ym6VOp6l57nxivKgh58toOuM1/s1600/5-22-13-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuFwR0XyCWvPt7YZDigbPV9eXKh1ObXLsaWWHB-C0m13ulWTzJC6uDslY61y53VD_U8duPe5xTiSv7tN1pP68XMrMSVcBvKcpAm7R65fb8XN0wRd7-fA9ym6VOp6l57nxivKgh58toOuM1/s200/5-22-13-3.JPG" width="131" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAYx1pQ_2c0XCTI_qa_msMFTN6cHupcebAUpYIsYzj68lEzds3p0Lo_JAiPVEE4iWnSvHN4L8waGmcv4G-SKTUiAUPiBBTElUgEEULxuNTisIyFibrwb1sEcPJn2vqd4NkjVDzLYXzvqAu/s1600/5-22-13-4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAYx1pQ_2c0XCTI_qa_msMFTN6cHupcebAUpYIsYzj68lEzds3p0Lo_JAiPVEE4iWnSvHN4L8waGmcv4G-SKTUiAUPiBBTElUgEEULxuNTisIyFibrwb1sEcPJn2vqd4NkjVDzLYXzvqAu/s200/5-22-13-4.JPG" width="155" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPAlPQp-NElAzG8Ms68GYQN3NbI0i5N-dsilAmM1yuItXy7A7oeM37XQp5HrjGhqaRiuDlKI532RgfLz330QzTZXIEPx0xfBeqDkgUqGM5QtZcEtKfqEJYFgfL4cRHhrtWY1u7rlKOm4Wp/s1600/5-22-13-6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPAlPQp-NElAzG8Ms68GYQN3NbI0i5N-dsilAmM1yuItXy7A7oeM37XQp5HrjGhqaRiuDlKI532RgfLz330QzTZXIEPx0xfBeqDkgUqGM5QtZcEtKfqEJYFgfL4cRHhrtWY1u7rlKOm4Wp/s200/5-22-13-6.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"Drink when you see somebody wearing a scarf. Take two drinks when it’s somebody other than GRS founder Rob Jones. Seriously, the scarf budget on this show must be astronomical."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/this-mixtape-is-off-pitch-on-pitchers.html">This Mixtape Is Off Pitch and On Pitchers</a></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>T</b></span> is for Trim, our nickname for Tim and Rob</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj29CxkJrOvGzM7ZzMFZtLvWN5fcRvCS_XG99ZjS0U-SjJbopx5CKCGkLhkMrUeTuguSM85kH3-0sOfazhyphenhyphenMd4hZSWBK8eLVIVpWv6w2GgktPmfVfrB7F0y0gI6nh32JE8cPpfG2rXqo8LR/s1600/5-23-13-8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj29CxkJrOvGzM7ZzMFZtLvWN5fcRvCS_XG99ZjS0U-SjJbopx5CKCGkLhkMrUeTuguSM85kH3-0sOfazhyphenhyphenMd4hZSWBK8eLVIVpWv6w2GgktPmfVfrB7F0y0gI6nh32JE8cPpfG2rXqo8LR/s400/5-23-13-8.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"We're pretty sure that mocking their own GRS performers is one of Tim and Rob's versions of foreplay."---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-color-our-show-choir.html">Clef Notes, Color Our Show Choir</a></blockquote>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>U</b></span> is for unemployed, one of the <s>only</s> major storylines of the season was Honey Bon Jovi's quest for gainful employment.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJWpDNgKQ45L7TTcZDflz9uOCvvKcC7XA8QtGxb2CuuIMkoTKlAv56fnAK6kLpKqt0CY8ApQxrAa5gps1C-t1-RTHn7mJLtx9t4DHMRGpTe1X7814sPGW3hvqmtwXwgHhmVO6c50qmNp9c/s1600/5-9-13-7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJWpDNgKQ45L7TTcZDflz9uOCvvKcC7XA8QtGxb2CuuIMkoTKlAv56fnAK6kLpKqt0CY8ApQxrAa5gps1C-t1-RTHn7mJLtx9t4DHMRGpTe1X7814sPGW3hvqmtwXwgHhmVO6c50qmNp9c/s400/5-9-13-7.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"We cut from this to Josh still trying to find a job. Yep. THIS is the thing that
the show has decided needs to be the only major episode-to-episode storyline of
the season. He hopes to get a job so he can have the funds to ask Aubrey out.
Aw, it’s like he’s a tattooed, long boarding, only fleetingly comprehensible
Jay Gatsby."----<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-this-show-choir-will-flash.html">Clef Notes, This Show Choir Will Flash Your Mob</a></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>V</b></span> is for </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk_DAjuKfmU6Em_BmqVCuZvvv82lOKlzpR6vWCqHNhJj5WEA4WCy5jz4P77h8VLv-q5fKrp2QOYvb16e59rxnTd4F4ghSrux6FPEVI8gQrGtxEI_nRwjZSNy_CNR3AdcxzEIVLxB4hk3hR/s1600/4-25-13-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk_DAjuKfmU6Em_BmqVCuZvvv82lOKlzpR6vWCqHNhJj5WEA4WCy5jz4P77h8VLv-q5fKrp2QOYvb16e59rxnTd4F4ghSrux6FPEVI8gQrGtxEI_nRwjZSNy_CNR3AdcxzEIVLxB4hk3hR/s320/4-25-13-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> “I’m not a mom, I’m not a grandma. I’m gonna look the way God wants me to look. And that’s hot.”---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-color-our-show-choir.html">Clef Notes, Color Our Show Choir</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>W</b></span> is for Wisconsin.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV8dVooPfllln2tu82oifNAq-GGDVpzH0PPYMXslqVc1IkemUduM42sWvr_eEXFoEFiYxtrT02dwrmXB0QSLvHPLtmaUjFmjSylUIAWms3qXG6YWC6f1gHzwCcuX-9hCgMLlNbMm9Gr8QZ/s1600/5-23-13-5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV8dVooPfllln2tu82oifNAq-GGDVpzH0PPYMXslqVc1IkemUduM42sWvr_eEXFoEFiYxtrT02dwrmXB0QSLvHPLtmaUjFmjSylUIAWms3qXG6YWC6f1gHzwCcuX-9hCgMLlNbMm9Gr8QZ/s320/5-23-13-5.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"The crowd goes over to a local watering hole to get themselves a shot before a
parade. Only in La Crosse would a plastic cup filled halfway be considered 'a
shot.'"---<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/05/clef-notes-color-our-show-choir.html">Clef Notes, Color Our Show Choir</a></blockquote>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>X</b></span> is xenophobia as this show is probably used as part of terrorist recruitments in other countries</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Y</b></span> is for YouTube because we’re constantly YouTubing songs after the show to get “Color My World” out of our heads.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Z</b></span> is for Zen as we are in a very Zen place now that we’re done recapping this show and won't have to hear this song for some time:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/kNuqu7-XQBo" width="420"></iframe><br />
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And with that bid "Off Pitch" a fond farewell. As always, we like to thank the Grand River Singers for being really good sports. Have a great weekend and remember:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpGTasIOvMlhJzd3_1sG_S3j6pTxStt1cNEvcEByhLA4jwisP2En4cAVRFpgVOfGBAkBK_taRB8dGLmrnGMKXqZWAygOLbGX9ovbSs-Tg0x5u9Ve28n7XuJYTztOdR3nFYjhXZYyuczAKn/s1600/3-8-13-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpGTasIOvMlhJzd3_1sG_S3j6pTxStt1cNEvcEByhLA4jwisP2En4cAVRFpgVOfGBAkBK_taRB8dGLmrnGMKXqZWAygOLbGX9ovbSs-Tg0x5u9Ve28n7XuJYTztOdR3nFYjhXZYyuczAKn/s400/3-8-13-3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-61586442832987945162013-05-23T09:14:00.001-07:002013-05-23T09:22:14.553-07:00Clef Notes: Color Our Show Choir<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;">O</span>nce upon a time, a few short weeks ago, we started recapping the VH1 series "Off Pitch," a series following comedic exploits of La Crosse's very own Grand River Singers. And in that time we've experienced auditions, festivals, tears, sequins, bow ties, jazz hands, blades, scarves, music videos, and more performances of "Color My World" than we think it's humanly possible for one person to stand. And now we come to the end of our recapping journey with the final two episodes of "Off Pitch." </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If you don't know the difference by now, you never will.</td></tr>
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Episode 7, “Polka Face”</div>
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We kick off the episode with Rob timing the girls and their costume change. Naturally, Marcia manages to get through this with her usual amount of grace and poise. Which is none.</div>
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This whole episode is devoted to the magical drunk-a-thon that is Oktoberfest. The kids all show up to the tapping of the Golden Keg. And speaking of things we wouldn’t mind tapping, Honey Bon Jovi excitedly tells us how awesome Oktoberfest, describing it in his usual eloquent way: </div>
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“Oktoberfest is huge here. It’s like double-d, Marcia’s boobs, huge. Yes that nice and that awesome.” </div>
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“This is my first tapping of the keg. But this isn’t my first Oktoberfest so I have like a half-cherry to bust.”</div>
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Aubrey tells us that she got to the bars at 6 in the morning and was drunk around 7:30, which sounds like a cry for help. Oh no, not to stop drinking but to step your tolerance up, honey. Anyway, she explains that her grandma was Mrs. Oktoberfest back in the 1980s while the crew asks her about her family tree, leading Greg to wonder if Audrey says she’s part bohemian, does that mean she’s got family from the Bahamas? IT’S LIKE LA VIE BOHEME never happened folks. </div>
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Kayla to Greg: “Why you always saying stupid shit?” Hey now Kayla, that, that is a . . . fair point. Never mind. </div>
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Malachi, swathed in a scarf, asks Aubrey if she has some Black in here and Aubrey helpfully replies she wouldn’t mind some black in her. The fact this directly transitions to Audrey hugging a friend named Randy seems like the most genius bit of editing since they had team builder Pam Mumm standing around silently when the group was in-fighting.</div>
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Honey Bon Jovi’s erection interviews to the camera that Audrey looks amazing in her dirndl. Aubrey: “I just flashed my vagina.” It’s like she already knows what her post-Off Pitch entertainment career prospects are. </div>
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We transition over to the GRS rehearsal space where Rob and Tim trot out new lederhosen and dirndl outfits for the group. The outfits are, how shall we say, a little porn-y like they are all suddenly going to be starring in a movie called Oktober-fuck. </div>
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“If you had given Aubrey a beer stein and a stripper pole, she would’ve been at home that night,” laughs Tim. </div>
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GRS member Erin says she wants to make sure the outfits are respectful since she’s been part of the Oktoberfest royal family provoking eyerolls from not only the fellow members of GRS but the whole country as well. </div>
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Thankfully, this leads us to a great moment of </div>
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“I’m not a mom, I’m not a grandma. I’m gonna look the way God wants me to look. And that’s hot.”</div>
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We come back from commercials with GRS scrambling around and doing media appearances, still trying to make “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” while even at a country station. The gang goes as far as putting on cowboy hats for one of their appearances with Greg serving Brokeback Show Choir realness for the cowboys.</div>
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We transition to the Grand River Singers performing at the family friendly pavilion. Vanessa is applying makeup to Greg: </div>
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Josh: Why are you putting makeup on? <br />
Vanessa: Why AREN’T you putting makeup on?<br />
Josh: Because I’m a dude. <br />
Greg: I am too. <br />
Josh: And I have perfect complexion.<br />
Greg: No you don’t.</blockquote>
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We cut from this to GRS performing, which is it’s usual mix of questionable vocals, forgotten choreography and flying microphones. So at least they are consistent. The performance ends with Rob and Tim letting the kids know they will be performing in the Oktoberfest parade. Greg helpfully tells the camera: “The parade is the peak of Oktoberfest and everyone is shitfaced. Everyone.” Vanessa begs to have her costume shortened.</div>
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And from that performance, we see the kids sitting on the bus, busting out a surprisingly decent rendition of “Celebration” while Kayla questions everything that is her life while slumped down in her bus seat. God, it’s that level of derision that makes us fear that Kayla is going to start her own recaps of this show. Magically the kids hop off the bus IN COMPLETELY DIFFERENT OUTFITS than they were in like five seconds prior. More on that later.</div>
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Anyway, they arrive at the beginning of the parade and Rob discovers that Vanessa has had fellow GRS member Erin cut her outfit to be a little shorter. This leads a completely and totally sober Rob to say, “If anybody ever cuts one of our costumes ever, I will cut them.” The argument continues on the bus with Vanessa humbly saying that nobody is going to be paying attention to the bottom of the outfit anyway but to her moneymaker and her twins.</div>
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The crowd goes over to a local watering hole to get themselves a shot before a parade. Only in La Crosse would a plastic cup filled halfway be considered “a shot.”</div>
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We cut to a montage of the group getting ready for the parade including Nick teaching Eric and Greg the proper way to pageant girl wave from the float: “Wrist, wrist, wipe a tear.”</div>
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Completely and totally sober Rob gives the group a pep talk about how Oktoberfest is a place for them to get the best exposure they’ve had all year. He says while a film crew from VH1 films this.</div>
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The Oktoberfest parade route is two miles long, Rob tells us, and the group needs to keep their energy up. In a better world, this would lead to all of them throwing back some caffeine pills, Jessie Spano style.</div>
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Rob warns the group to never point their microphone towards one of the speakers. Aw, some good old-fashioned foreshadowing.</div>
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The group starts their parade route with their polka medley, but since it’s at the beginning of the parade route, there is barely anybody there. So you know, they’re at least in familiar territory when it comes to their performances.</div>
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So then we’re to a lot of polka. </div>
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The group starts performing “Born This Way” with the microphones squeaking. This leads us to single best moment of:</div>
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“I felt so bad, I tried to fix things. Nothing I could do bring that squelch down. And that was just Josh.”</div>
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We have little to no doubt flinging insults about their GRS performers is one of Rob and Tim’s versions of foreplay.</div>
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The parade ends with a performance of The Song That Will Not be Named and Rob telling us that they didn’t get a trophy for their float. Womp womp.</div>
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Episode 8: Top of the World</div>
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We open the episode with some GRS footage clearly taken from the pilot episode as it is their performance at Riverside when they announced the new members. But you know what, whatever. This is the last episode and the hilariously awful continuity on this show has almost become a cold comfort to us here. </div>
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Anyway, Marcia steps into one of those magician boxes that makes you disappear. And because it’s Marcia, she gets trapped inside her closet. </div>
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Which, if you know how this episode plays out, Marcia being trapped in a closet could be seen as foreshadowing Jon Brown’s storyline.</div>
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We open with Rob discussing their upcoming Mall of America performance. </div>
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Rob: “You understand that the Mall of America is the Broadway of the Midwest.” No, no it’s not, and I’m going to need you to stop saying that like it’s true. You're performing in the rotunda of a really big shopping center. That's what it is. Chanhassen Dinner Theatre is closer to being the Broadway of the Midwest than that.</div>
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Rob let’s everybody know they are doing a new number in the form of Imagine Dragons’ “Top of the World.” The boys will be dressed as football players. The girls will be cheerleaders. Marcia and Erin will be in band costumes and playing instruments. Marcia will be playing the cymbals because that seems like a totally safe idea. One false move, and she could decapitate the whole front row of MOA shoppers.</div>
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Vanessa; “Is my mdriff going to be showing? Am I going to look like a Cheerio? Am I going to look like a prissy little white girl?” As if those two things aren’t one and the same.</div>
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Marcia seizes on this and complains that she isn't going to be a cheerleader due to the fact that her midriff is like jelly.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgctLIdjOUrOVknnj3v_q8WAsBIfSvTSuxr6BzzH0hfkPLY-QuxrFTsqWXuC7gSk13dz88Otxk-h5Yz_c1rbK6dFQ_wcgxhlJsunzdUOKyxQC1wOJMi6nSb3hb5EE0oyM1utk01Pga4b8sr/s1600/5-23-1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgctLIdjOUrOVknnj3v_q8WAsBIfSvTSuxr6BzzH0hfkPLY-QuxrFTsqWXuC7gSk13dz88Otxk-h5Yz_c1rbK6dFQ_wcgxhlJsunzdUOKyxQC1wOJMi6nSb3hb5EE0oyM1utk01Pga4b8sr/s320/5-23-1.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">CAUSE JAM DON'T SHAKE</span></td></tr>
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Tim tells us that there will also be two drum majorettes. <s>Kurt</s> Greg immediately asks if he can be a majorette and is shot down.</div>
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Jon Brown gets excited over this performance. “The only sport I ever played in high school was show choir.”</div>
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If you don’t know where all of this building too, congratulations on finally getting around to watching a television show for the first time ever.</div>
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We see Jon and GRS member Liv going out to dinner together so Jon can come out of the closet because nothing inspires embracing your sexual orientation quite like needing a storyline for an episode. Jon tells his parents that he’s gay and they take the news very well and it’s all very Trevor Project fabulous. </div>
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And then the Grand River Singers surprise everybody at the restaurant with a flash mob performance of “Born This Way” to celebrate the occasion. Okay, they don’t but wouldn’t that have been amazing? Of course. </div>
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Jon tells his dad he hopes that coming out of the closet will get him out of bear hunting. Nope, you’re just going to be hunting a different type of bear.</div>
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We come back from commercial with the Grand River Singers arriving at the Mall of America. Arriving, we might add, in the exact same ensembles they were rocking while singing “Celebration” the previous episode while they were allegedly on their way to the Oktoberfest parade route.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On the bus singing "Celebration" allegedly during Oktoberfest<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOcdEZusCtg4gJsZV6Lv4bXnjd8M75KkOB5Igar2GrGniUAtmsPkBS1uFRoaxJvQhyq7UAZdM_YesXn9q1OG3-Zza3UYbzLz4c85J9ferTCfj12Z1R04fNVyXtILFsemnqQ6J5tiwjdAJv/s1600/5-23-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOcdEZusCtg4gJsZV6Lv4bXnjd8M75KkOB5Igar2GrGniUAtmsPkBS1uFRoaxJvQhyq7UAZdM_YesXn9q1OG3-Zza3UYbzLz4c85J9ferTCfj12Z1R04fNVyXtILFsemnqQ6J5tiwjdAJv/s400/5-23-3.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSd4462wFllmoWDDq9s6G1GlJaKxu2D6kypp6NTCjDDaspnW7gH90L8BJ8ZpjotS9WHm5nvVkDrFXYFQAifDZqOfKhVsikp4B36bHOE-c-Xf5i6L6RCltpnqKu0FoK7TAVL75OHBRucNLf/s1600/5-23-13-11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="361" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSd4462wFllmoWDDq9s6G1GlJaKxu2D6kypp6NTCjDDaspnW7gH90L8BJ8ZpjotS9WHm5nvVkDrFXYFQAifDZqOfKhVsikp4B36bHOE-c-Xf5i6L6RCltpnqKu0FoK7TAVL75OHBRucNLf/s640/5-23-13-11.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The group arriving at the Mall of America.</td></tr>
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This show consistently bends the space/time continuum more than an episode of "Dr. Who."</div>
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The kids check into their hotel rooms and talk about how nervous they are about their upcoming performance at the Mall of America.</div>
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We then cut to GRS showing up to the MOA, walking in slo-mo. It’s a skill they perfected at the cow chip throwing festival in episode 2. The boys reveal their football outfits. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPlqnQEsFVqXtwWVj4URAZxdQcdpRQnZ-VaIvZpLgCzOQmRG2SItGbCRBXtOKoeIB0ELIAYJdtrcNzJ-3ZOeAtbsnNPxCJ9FZnwZ-y6Q367E9xGY7DgoQtAknuS8_yyVwgYl9piHJ2A19b/s1600/5-23-13-12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPlqnQEsFVqXtwWVj4URAZxdQcdpRQnZ-VaIvZpLgCzOQmRG2SItGbCRBXtOKoeIB0ELIAYJdtrcNzJ-3ZOeAtbsnNPxCJ9FZnwZ-y6Q367E9xGY7DgoQtAknuS8_yyVwgYl9piHJ2A19b/s400/5-23-13-12.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Rob says, “Now that we know the football costumes fit, we can continue prepping for the show.” Wait what? You’d wait all the way until you get the Mall of America to see if the costumes fit correctly? That is . . . Surprisingly not a shock at all at this point.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYNHfEdKB2NGF6Tu5PH1O-X7ZANbnU6jSJ55CwMurJldUH-mpx87KSGGVp6gNUyFlKKzrb_YfM9r8SUJs-p1wWHl3UumGIfv6ouYC52s1ceXVIfiLfuWPu7lnboS5LQpcLn5yFSvqPtzOh/s1600/5-23-13-13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYNHfEdKB2NGF6Tu5PH1O-X7ZANbnU6jSJ55CwMurJldUH-mpx87KSGGVp6gNUyFlKKzrb_YfM9r8SUJs-p1wWHl3UumGIfv6ouYC52s1ceXVIfiLfuWPu7lnboS5LQpcLn5yFSvqPtzOh/s400/5-23-13-13.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A tender #Trim moment</td></tr>
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And as per usual, the show continuity is totally and completely fucked as we see the Grand River Singers warming up in their “Color My World” ensemble.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6WEgSfuApYvlh0G2UjCcPnyUfWESBySfqrQ9Cm1FiD2D5pv3W7m1oyAnslZsRIYmSKe8tlf7IejBAQ6sGd076wW-40ZG7n9v7MjUzjp4JQEZQq_3-w0xTY8p0KLxxGHUdXwxyyXuar8yv/s1600/5-23-13-14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6WEgSfuApYvlh0G2UjCcPnyUfWESBySfqrQ9Cm1FiD2D5pv3W7m1oyAnslZsRIYmSKe8tlf7IejBAQ6sGd076wW-40ZG7n9v7MjUzjp4JQEZQq_3-w0xTY8p0KLxxGHUdXwxyyXuar8yv/s400/5-23-13-14.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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But magically they appear on stage in a completely different outfit and section of the show while being introduced by Rob.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSXsC9ZqbuOq6FdzAXRYVPGNpM4uV-k_M_nlT3piDCQrpxinmi_D5J_5Ph6yJ0akzc_uMTEWIuoBxBe1TeIxyhLxHUl7RUhrZy3JBmpikIcGOv0G3uumfctdTwuX28QNrYuQZA7LPSyXbU/s1600/5-23-13-15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSXsC9ZqbuOq6FdzAXRYVPGNpM4uV-k_M_nlT3piDCQrpxinmi_D5J_5Ph6yJ0akzc_uMTEWIuoBxBe1TeIxyhLxHUl7RUhrZy3JBmpikIcGOv0G3uumfctdTwuX28QNrYuQZA7LPSyXbU/s320/5-23-13-15.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Like even the people editing the show aren't here for "Color My World."</div>
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Anyway, we’re <s>tortured</s> treated with fairly lengthy clips of the Grand River Singers performing at the Mall of America including Greg taking a solo turn at the ever popular song “Defying Gravity” from “Wicked.”</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Greg in the way back, serving demonic face realness.</td></tr>
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Up next, the group sings “Top of the World” in their brand new outfits while Rob and Tim talk about how much of a family they’ve all become leading us to some Trim tears.</div>
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We close the episode with Imagine Dragons’ “Top of the World” playing and one final moment of </div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I don’t think anybody can hold us down. We’re the grand river singers. That’s why before every show we chant, GRS IS the best because we are the best. We perform the shit out of everything we do. We bring 100 110 percent not just 100 percent. Not just A, A, and A-plus. You get A-Plus double plus.”</blockquote>
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And that my friends brings an end the long crazy journey that has been watching and recapping “Off Pitch.” And as always, may the jazz hands be with you.</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-68929564077372119632013-05-16T10:01:00.001-07:002013-05-16T17:16:03.741-07:00Clef Notes: This Show Choir Will Flash Your Mob<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4xHK9HUELD0j1eVk4A57DLYwUwsCNQlIl0vBLNveF1vktWQasHNt3BiQpV7p1w_fow6YCE4CVVUVDtSvlU8RUD5BEbaf9yvHAPZ4NH9C7ILyR6_F13ti-Arx6nNSKYnxU5WX77p01qD9j/s1600/jmay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="354" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4xHK9HUELD0j1eVk4A57DLYwUwsCNQlIl0vBLNveF1vktWQasHNt3BiQpV7p1w_fow6YCE4CVVUVDtSvlU8RUD5BEbaf9yvHAPZ4NH9C7ILyR6_F13ti-Arx6nNSKYnxU5WX77p01qD9j/s640/jmay.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Buses were bought. Replacements were found. Apples were fest-ed.</div>
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On last week's "Off Pitch," <s>the producers of the show</s> Rob and Tim decided to purchase a bus for Grand River Singers so they could make those long journeys of five minutes across the bridge to Applefest in style and comfort. The group were whipped up into a frenzy of delight and wonderment as they got to not only paint the bus but also audition for solos for their upcoming performance. And speaking of performances, with GRS member Drew not being able to make it, Rob found himself donning a sparkly jacket and hitting the stage with the GRS kids while talking sadly to the camera about how he missed performing. And then he started singing "Rose's Turn" from "Gypsy." Okay he didn't do that. But now that we've put that idea out there, you now want this to happen in Season 2 don't you? Of course you do.</div>
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This week, GRS take on Rob's bitchy attitude, make a music video and spring a flash mob on unsuspecting shoppers just trying to get some groceries. </div>
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We open the episode with GRS rehearsing a song that surprisingly ISN’T The Song That Dare Not Be Named and Rob doling out mini-American flags for the singers and Tim saluting this glory.</div>
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It reaches levels of patriotism not seen since "Magic Mike."</div>
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After the credits, we open with the Grand River kids sitting around a campfire. Sadly, this doesn’t transition into a show choir version of “Are You Afraid of the Dark" unless you watch the bonus footage of Greg and Josh telling ghost stories because we're all going to pretend there is actually something more terrifying than a GRS performance. </div>
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We cut to Josh Bell blathering about his crush on Aubrey.</div>
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Kayla interviews that there has been a ton of tension in the group this year and we’re treated to a montage of a bunch of snippets of angry Trim to prove a point because this show is just the worst at anything resembling actual plotting. They all agree that Rob is being a big bitch and use this little fact as a unifying/bond force. Aubrey and Josh decide to share a tent together. Sadly for Josh it's one they can sleep in and not the one in his pants.</div>
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The next morning we see Rob and Tim coming out of their home and we reveal that the kids were camping in their backyard. Rob tells them he wants them to clean up their shit.</div>
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We transition from their yard to their rehearsal space as Rob announces that they are going to perform at Valley Fair and promptly starts nitpicking their performances with such critiques: </div>
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“If you’re not all going to start together, there’s no sense in rehearsing it.” </div>
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“I wanna see your teeth, I wanna see your tongue, I wanna see your tonsils.” </div>
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Everybody interviews that they are hating how Rob is basically transforming into a ripped version of Abby Lee Miller from “Dance Moms” and the core members of the group stay behind to tell Rob that he’s destroying their self-esteems with his negative attitude. We actually have no idea what the big deal is because yeah, he’s bitchy but they are aggressively sucking at some stuff so we don’t know what they think Rob should do. Hand out juice boxes and cookies and give them a gold star? </div>
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Rob says that he drove to Minneapolis and cried most of the way there and didn’t know why. Maybe he had looked at the show’s ratings? Shit starts getting real because Rob confesses that GRS has put stress on his relationship with Tim. Show choirs: ruining relationships, one spirited medley at a time.</div>
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We cut to the GRS folks showing up to Valley Fair and quickly discovering that their stage is way too tiny as well as the fact that they forgot batteries for their microphones. Tim also poses the eternal of all show choir questions: “Whose weave is in my mouth?”</div>
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Trim go scurrying about all of Valley Fair to try to find a battery.</div>
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Rob: “Can we ever have one performance that goes smoothly?” </div>
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The world raises its eyebrow and responds, “Lawls, nope.”</div>
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After some panic and some bitching back and forth between Rob and Tim, the performance gets underway. Things are going decently until Greg splits his pants and reveals his pink underwear to the folks. This leads to a frantic changing of pants with Rob, who inadvertently reveals he's rocking purple underwear because this show is now trying to appeal to underwear fetishists. Hey, get those views any way you can.</div>
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Honey Bon Jovi tells the camera that the performance went really well overall mainly because of the commitment Grand River Singers have.</div>
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Josh: “We go balls deep.”</div>
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The group decide to plan a little dinner gathering for Rob and Tim to show them how much they appreciate them. Naturally this leads to whacky shenanigans of stalling Trim so they can get everything ready. But since when it comes to subterfuge Jon isn’t exactly the second coming of Emily Thorne, this doesn’t exactly work out, leading the kids to scramble to make sure things are all in place when Trim shows up.</div>
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It’s all so cute that it’s impossible to mock. Almost. It took five episodes but we finally get a performance by the Grand River Singers that goes smoothly as they sing Olly Murs’ song “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0r8zxsWoR4">Oh My Goodness</a>.” And isn’t that the best gift for Rob and Tim? Well other than a scarf.</div>
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Episode 2 “The Douchebag Jar”</div>
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We open the episode with Josh Bell talking about his potential invention: the boob retainer. We assume this idea will be followed by the dick holster.</div>
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After the credits, we are in the ever familiar spot known as the GRS rehearsal space as Rob tells GRS that they are going to be auditioning for a chance to perform at the Mall of America. This leads to a montage of excited interviews as everybody explains what the Mall of America is, with Steven going as far as saying only the best acts get to play it. Pretty sure junior year of college we saw Ashlee Simpson at the Mall of America so the definition of “best” is obviously pretty flexible. </div>
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Rob tells the camera that the Mall of America is the Radio City of Minneapolis-St.Paul. It’s like he’s actively seeking a Rockette to high kick him in the testicles. Rob says they need to submit something that will set them apart from everybody else because apparently being in the midst of filming your own reality show for VH1 doesn’t fall under the umbrella of “unique.” </div>
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Kayla thankfully suggests that they submit a porno. “Do you watch porn? People watch porn.” Rob squashes that idea because he doesn’t want to see any of the GRS kids in porn. Except for GRS couple Eric and Justin because Rob has decided to have a fluke moment of good taste.</div>
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They settle onto the idea of making a music video. Aubrey, Steven and Greg volunteer to be on a planning committee for this because months in GRS have made them completely numb to aggravation at this point. The group goes to Myrick Park to scout locations, including a huge playground area. Greg and Aubrey love it while Steven says that it’ll be difficult. He douches to the camera that he’s made short films before, OF COURSE YOU HAVE, and they take a lot of planning.</div>
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Greg: I think that Steve shouldn’t be in the planning committee. He just needs to stay in the background. Like he’s used to.</div>
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We guess when we catch Greg between emotional meltdowns and pants ripping embarrassments, he’s reading bitches for filth.</div>
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We cut from this to Josh still trying to find a job. Yep. THIS is the thing that the show has decided needs to be the only major episode-to-episode storyline of the season. He hopes to get a job so he can have the funds to ask Aubrey out. Aw, it’s like he’s a tattooed, long boarding, only fleetingly comprehensible Jay Gatsby.</div>
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We move from this to the Grand River Singers starting to shoot their music video. Greg shows up late from work looking like a constipated ray of sunshine and joy.</div>
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Greg: “Since when are you the director of this music video?”</div>
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Steven: “Since you weren’t here this morning.”</div>
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The two argue back and forth with Aubrey hilariously caught in the middle. They eventually get around to starting to record their music video with Scott Jenks’ beard in charge of filming. There is a bonus threat of violence lingering in the air because Greg wants to punch Steven. Maybe that can be part of his initiation as a new member of GRS: a good ole-fashioned jumping.</div>
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They decide to add streamer cannons to their performance. Liv shoots her streamer cannon too soon. Rob: “Control your premature ejaculation.” Porn, premature ejaculation, this is family entertainment at its finest.</div>
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We move from this to stuffed dead animals. Yep. You read that right. GRS member Jon has hooked Josh up with a job with his taxidermist father. The fact that none of these animals have shown up in a GRS performance yet seems like an egregious oversight on the part of Rob and Tim. We watch Josh and Papa Brown skin bear paws, a sentence I never expected to write about this show.</div>
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Over at the GRS rehearsal space, Rob announces that the folks are going to be performing at the Mall of America because this show loves nothing more than introducing and resolving plotlines in one episode. When it can remember them.</div>
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Rob, Tim, Scott Jenks’ beard and Greg go to Festival Foods to start planning a flash mob because apparently it’s 2007 again when flash mobs were an actual cool thing. Rob actually says they snuck into the grocery store. Because nothing says stealth quite like a camera crew and an obvious permission to film there. Anyway, this all is promotion for their gig at the Mall of America. The same Mall of America that is hours away from La Crosse. So good strategy folks. Trim, Beard, and BowtieShaw stroll around the store, scouting different locations when Steven finally shows up.</div>
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Tim: I’m not wearing my watch today.</div>
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Steven: So you don’t know how late I am.</div>
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Greg and Steven end up arguing with each other, hurling insults back and forth while poor Festival Foods employee Georgia is just trying to give out some samples.</div>
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We cut back to the GRS folks mingling about Festival Foods in huge winter coats in the middle of summer in a bid to be discreet about their flash mob. Rob describes witnessing a flash mob as a glitter fuck fest; this is also how he probably describes what’s it like banging Tim. </div>
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We end the episode with the group doing a high energy flash mob of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." And because Marcia isn't there, nobody has to worry about accidentally hurling a loin of pork into somebody's face. And really, isn't that the most important thing? The performance ends with the usual stunned crowd faces and awkward silence that has become a comfort in watching this show. It's like a big comfy blanket of indifference.</div>
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Join us next week as we recap the final two episodes of this season of "Off Pitch." See you then, dahlings!</div>
JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-34745693728870293962013-05-10T10:38:00.001-07:002013-05-10T10:44:15.010-07:00My Best Friend's Mixtape<b style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">L</span></b><span style="text-align: justify;">et us be real for a second, shall we? The executives at Fox should just torch the set of “American Idol,” pin the arson on former co-host Brian Dunkleman, collect the huge insurance payout and move on with their lives but alas, that is not going to happen so we’re about to embark on the yearly trek to find new judges for the reality singing competition because televisions shows, unlike say wounded animals, are rarely ever put out of their misery for their own good. </span><br />
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Rumors have long been circulating that network executives haven’t been exactly enthralled with the new panel of judges including rapper Nicki Minaj, country singer Keith Urban, singer Mariah Carey and <s>yearly piece of dead weight</s> judge-from-the-beginning Randy Jackson and the resulting decline in the ratings, especially given how well things are going with the additions of Shakira and Usher to NBC’s rival singing competition "The Voice."</div>
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With Randy Jackson <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2013/05/09/randy-jackson-exits-idol/2148489">already announcing</a> he’s leaving the panel, we're pretty sure the next few weeks we’ll hear about the departures of Keith Urban, so he can go flat iron his hair in the safety of the arms of Nicole Kidman in Australia; Mariah Carey, who can go focus on working on her new album and taking care of her kids Monroe, Morocco and Nick; and Nicki Minaj, who will probably leave so she can ready “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded: The Re-Up: Armed and Fabulous” for iTunes. </div>
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So to prep for the inevitable search for the latest set of passengers to board this reality show Titanic, we've come up with a panel of judges we’d adore watching. Or at least fast forwarding through. </div>
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Judge Number One: Season Five of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” winner Jinkx Monsoon</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://fuckyeahrupaulsdragrace.tumblr.com/">Fuck Yeah! RuPaul's Drag Race</a></td></tr>
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After years and year of “American Idol” trotting out female judges who look like drag queens, isn't it about time that an honest-to-RuPaul drag queen actually landed on the panel? She’s funny off the top of her head, can belt the living shit out of a song and probably requires less time in the makeup department than Ryan Seacrest. </div>
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(Sidenote: We’ve read a lot of complaints about how Jinkx had an unfair advantage in all the acting challenges because she was a theatre major in college. After all of the college senior shows we’ve sat through, we can guarantee you that being a theatre major plays little to no part in if somebody can actually act.)</div>
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Judge Number Two: Charles Ramsey</div>
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Faster than you can say, “Ain’t nobody got time for that,” Charles Ramsey made headlines for helping rescue three kidnapped women in Cleveland and quickly became an Internet sensation.</div>
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Either way, Ramsey has a buzz around him and has already proven himself to be better spoken than ten thousand years of Randy Jackson screaming, “Yo! Yo! Yo!” at contestants.</div>
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And the third judge would be . . . US! Come on now, we could serve all types of bitchy Simon Cowell realness on a weekly basis because we’re fundamentally horrifically judgmental of everything everybody does. You’ve scrolled through this blog. You know how we roll. And more importantly, how we snark. And putting us on “American Idol” would advance a lot of causes that we hold near and dear to us. Those causes would be our checkbook and our closet. They are both truly things that we believe in.</div>
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Now stop photobombing Sarah Jessica Parker at the MET Ball and get yourself into the rest of the Mixtape as we take on marriage equality, the “Teen Mom” sex tape and spill some townie tea.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimDPKljGJOefDLPp837qh-evDjrmZeAOszYbAwPn399tFu5GYqZNNlx8eQFZEDl4W83z1uVqzv6ejXnyLR4i955HsgDqVjGuENj24ozUm64sAgRhl0Vo0_u-2dgWWHRJZu4mQSsw0LlUiv/s1600/mixtape+image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimDPKljGJOefDLPp837qh-evDjrmZeAOszYbAwPn399tFu5GYqZNNlx8eQFZEDl4W83z1uVqzv6ejXnyLR4i955HsgDqVjGuENj24ozUm64sAgRhl0Vo0_u-2dgWWHRJZu4mQSsw0LlUiv/s1600/mixtape+image.jpg" /></a>Why hello Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching the bouquet from your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes to find a DJ for its wedding reception. </div>
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Yes dahlings, as you’ve probably read already, the Minnesota House of Representatives passed a marriage equality bill by a margin of 75 to 59 on Thursday. We’re not terribly surprised by this move since Minnesota has always believed in the right for gay men to get married. Just look at Michele Bachmann’s husband. </div>
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The state senate is expected to pass the bill in a vote sometime next week which could make Minnesota the 12th state in the union to recognize gay marriage with weddings potentially happening as soon as August. That is more than enough time for us to learn the dance routine from Beyonce’s “Grown Woman” performances on her Mrs. Carter Tour to break it down like a boss bitch at a Twin Cities wedding reception. </div>
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Anyway, we applaud this move towards giving us all the right to be <s>betrothed to somebody we will grow to hate and resent like some Edward Albee play</s> married. Opponents of this have said that allowing gays to marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage. You know who has been already doing a superb job at that? Straight people. Really, they are simply marvelous at it. The only thing gays have done to harm the institution of marriage is designing a few questionable floral centerpieces for weddings so everybody just needs to calm down.</div>
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In honor of this huge occasion, we’re kicking off this Mixtape with “Together” from She and Him’s new album “Volume 3.”</div>
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The day the vote came through we actually got a frantic phone call from a Minnesota friend of ours. He’s been involved with the same man for years and always told him if they ever legalized marriage in the state, they’d totally tie the knot. Guess who just has had their bluff called.</div>
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Him: What am I supposed to do?!</div>
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Us: Burn the shoes and boil the rice? Sorry, never resist a moment to make a Sondheim reference.</div>
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The idea of marriage equality suddenly putting commitment-phobic gays on the spot gives us ten types of life here at the Mixtape. In honor of these poor souls who may be finding themselves under the newfound pressure of tying the knot, we offer up next “Every Night I Say a Prayer” from Little Boots’ new album “Nocturnes” that was just released her in the United States this week.</div>
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And what about us? What do we think of the idea of someday being married to the man of our dreams? We’re not quite sure at whole idea of being a husband, but we’re sure we have the perfect temperament to be a gay divorcee. Maybe Anderson Cooper will come sweep out off our feet and take us to live on some commune with Neil Patrick Harris and several of the Andrew Christian underwear models. In honor of this absolute delusion, our next song is “Out of My League” from Fitz and the Tantrums’ new album “More Than Just a Dream.” </div>
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And from things that make us feel better about the world to things that make us fear for humanity, “Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham’s porno was released this week. </div>
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And because we are complete and total masochists, we here at the Mixtape decided to sit down and watch the entire ordeal. There are parts of our soul that will never fully recover from it. And parts of liver may well be dead from all of the vodka we drank to be able to slog through it. And while we’re not going to post the video because we’re not that desperate for traffic to this site, we will let you know of some of the truly scintillating dialogue that peppers the video in a segment we’re dubbing:</div>
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Farrah: These buttons are going to take forever.</div>
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James Deen: Do you know how buttons work?</div>
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Farrah: I forgot my brain when I came to hang out with you.</div>
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It ‘s like they took the dialogue directly from “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” or something.</div>
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Farrah: I haven’t done this in forever, you’re going to kill me.</div>
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Well we all know we can rule out to this being Farrah referring to making a non-attention whore move. Homegirl is still trying to make everybody still believe that this was a private video she did that was never intended to reach the public. This is also the young woman who went on “Dr. Phil” and told a studio audience that her DUI was not correct for the follow reason: </div>
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“The car was shut off, my hands were off the steering wheel, I had been parked. There was no driving. That's that."</blockquote>
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She really knows how to build a legal case. She’s like a young Ruth Bader Ginsburg.</div>
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Anyway, back to the tape . . .</div>
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Farrah: I get cold because I’m like . . .cold. And then I really get hot.”</div>
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James Deen: It’s like you have no in-between.</div>
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Farrah: It’s like I’m fighting with myself.</div>
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James Deen: At all times.</div>
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Farrah: I’m either cold or I’m hot.</div>
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We still want to know if this was a better or worse experience for James Deen than working with Lindsay Lohan on “The Canyons.”</div>
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Farrah: I think my behind looks cute.</div>
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James Deen: You really are fucking cute.</div>
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Farrah: Awwww, thanks baby.</div>
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This is the most romantic dialogue ever to be uttered since “An Affair To Remember.”</div>
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And the greatest line uttered in the entire thing:</div>
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Farrah: Do we have eight in this bitch?</div>
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In honor of Farrah trying to live that lie that this video wasn’t totally meant for the masses to see, we offer up Say Lou Lou’s tune “Fool of Me” featuring Chet Faker.</div>
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Hey Mixtapers, have you ever been sitting around and thought to yourself, “Gee, there aren’t enough horrible examples of bad parenting on television?” Well Lifetime, the network that unleashed “Dance Moms” onto an unsuspecting universe, is trying to fill that CPS-centric void with their brand new program “Pretty Wicked Moms.”</div>
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We assume the casting for this show took place at a day spa located in the 9th circle of hell because it takes a special kind of a-hole of a human being to offer themselves up to the public as a terrible example of humanity on purpose. Like that is the basic, fundamental crux of this show. These women are awful. And they’re mothers. We’ve officially gotten to the point that if Madea, the Greek and not the Tyler Perry one, was real and alive, she probably would get at least a pilot for a series.</div>
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Speaking of mothers, Kobe Bryant’s bound to have a really awkward Mother’s Day with his due to a little lawsuit he filed to Mama Bryant from auctioning off a bunch of his memorabilia. According to <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/05/04/kobe-bryant-pamela-mom-vanessa-sofia-laine-over-money-feud-million-dollar-house-lakers/">TMZ</a>, Mama Bryant may have decided to try to have an action of Kobe’s stuff because she felt that Kobe spent more money on his mother-in-law than her, having at one time bought his mother-in-law a 3.2 million dollar home. The only thing we truly can gather from this story is that we’ve officially come to the point where White People Problems no longer even have to involve actual white people. ()</div>
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Now let us get a nice warm cup of . . .</div>
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There are certain sights in La Crosse that have become landmarks. The world’s largest six pack located at the Brewery. The Hiawatha statue that overlooks the Mississippi River. The bluffs that surround our community. And, most colorfully, the sight of local resident/celebrity Peachez dancing her way from one end of town to the next. She's a twerk team of one. And we know a little thing about twerking.</div>
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And when she isn’t dancing, she’s breaking it down with her words. Tupac who? Notorious B.I.G. what?</div>
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But last Saturday, our favorite dancer momentarily became Canned Peachez after being arrested for allegedly busting down the door an apartment door and swinging a 2-by-4. And unlike Charles Ramsey, the only thing she was trying to rescue was an Xbox she thought she belonged to her. Oh Peachez.</div>
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It takes a bold woman to rock the ombre hair trend for a mugshot. And for that Peachez, we salute you with Bruno Mars’ latest single, “Treasure.”</div>
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And with that we bid you a fond farewell and hope you have a great Mother's Day weekend. And remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-14936444664948679472013-05-09T08:19:00.001-07:002013-05-09T08:55:31.536-07:00Clef Notes: The Wheels on the Show Choir Go Round and Round<br />
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Teams were built. Anthems were sung. Tears were shed, as per usual.</div>
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On last week’s episode of Off Pitch, our faithful heroes, the Grand River Singers, stormed the beaches of Pettibone to have some fun in the overcast sun in a bid to lessen some of the tensions brewing about the rehearsal space. Show choirs aren’t just all glitter and jazz hands, honey. </div>
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Anyway, to try to create a more loving and supportive environment, Rob and Tim did some team building exercises. This went as well as anything else attached to GRS as quickly the good vibes dissolved into competition as Rob and Tim made the kids stand in line and sing the National Anthem because two lucky GRS-ers were going to get to perform it at a monster truck rally. Well, we’ve moved from dried cow shit to monster trucks so that’s some version of progress, right? We ended the episode with new member Steven defending his lack of a sparkly coat at the monster truck gig and perpetually absent member Sam being, well, late.</div>
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This week the Grand River Singers make a lovely new purchase while getting a surprising new temporary addition to the group.</div>
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We open the episode, after a brief intro of the group finally getting around to doing the trust falls we were asking for last week during their team building activities with Pam <s>Mute</s> Mumm, with Trim driving around La Crosse, swathed in their usual accoutrements of scarves and bitchery as Rob interviews that Tim has gotten them lost in a bad neighborhood because he never looks up directions. Rob seems to fear that somebody is going to come out and shoot them or something like they are traveling along the streets of Compton or New York City or, most dangerously, Cabot Cove, Maine. </div>
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Anyway, this little detour is not for nothing as Rob spots from the distance a school bus for sale and immediately becomes enamored with the idea of purchasing it for the group because at this point “Off Pitch” has dropped any pretense of existing in any sort of on-this-planet reality and has fully embraced the TGIF-style sitcom that it really is. We guess this would make Josh Bell the Cody Lambert of GRS.</div>
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Rob excitedly runs onto the bus, saying that it smells like school. So apparently it reeks of angst and Noxema? What a truly pleasant scent to wafting about.</div>
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Rob thinks that this whole thing is a sign from God. “It’s an omen,” he tells the camera without even the faintest trace of even pretending to know the usual connotation of the word.</div>
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We drift over the Grand River Singers rehearsal space where we find out that GRS member Drew will be missing a performance. We’re four episodes in, and we love how it seems like it will be nearly impossible for GRS to ever have a gig where they will all be in attendance. </div>
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Speaking of attendance or lack thereof, one of the bonus scenes for this episode is Trim getting rid of Sam because why keep a scene devoted to closing a storyline you’ve been building for the past two episodes. That would be actual plotting, which flies in the face of everything this show stands for. </div>
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So farewell, we hardly knew ye. Mainly because you never showed up. And that’s basically a you-problem. But we’ll never forget you and your performance-missing period.</div>
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Back to the actual episode, Marcia takes time out of her busy schedule of crying and messing up choreography to suggest that Rob should join the group for the performance since he knows the routine for <s>Color My World</s> The Song That Shall Not Be Named. This makes Tim scrunch up his face into an incredulous look, both at the suggestion of Rob performing with the folks and, even more likely the main reason, Rob’s total faux “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t” attitude because he knows Rob is dying to be up on that stage. It’s like that girl who always complains about hating to have her picture taken but somehow manages to have a whole folder on Facebook devoted to her duck-faced selfies.</div>
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They start rehearsing the number with Rob telling the camera that he’ll “out-perform any of them.” That’s good Rob. Set the bar low so you won’t be disappointed.</div>
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We cut from the GRS rehearsal space to Trim’s backyard as the members of GRS have gathered together to hang out. They are sitting around the table with their red solo cups because as if Rob and Tim are going to let any of these children near any of the good silverware. </div>
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As they chat with each other, GRS member Greg notices the school bus coming down the street towards them. It quickly dawns on the folks in GRS that this bus is theirs as Rob and Tim come out of the bus with their very own bus driver named Marvin. Oh Marvin, you’re going to wish you were dealing with obnoxious school children by the end of this, aren’t you? Of course you are.</div>
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The group promptly gets to painting the bus, leading us to another moment of:</div>
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Josh talking about painting bus: “I like to think that we got the Partridge Family and Village People and if they had a bus together, it’d be that.”</div>
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Josh on his love for the bus: “I’d make out with our bus if it would go out with me.” </div>
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Make a note: dress up as a school bus for next Halloween.</div>
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The GRS kids start painting each other which leads to Rob interviewing that when you paint a bus, you use oil-based paint and it does not come out. This immediately leads to a shot of GRS member Greg dancing on top of the bus while trilling about doing “paintography.”</div>
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The kids decide to name the bus Roy G. Biv, something that Aubrey helpfully explains to us stands for Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet. This is the most educational program involving a bus since we learned about valves.</div>
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We move from the school bus to the GRS rehearsal space to see one of GRS’s favorite activities: auditioning for solos. If you cut out the auditioning for solos and the tears from this show, you’d be left with pretty much five minutes of people twirling.</div>
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Up first, the boys audition for solos for “Just Around the Riverbend.” Josh really wants a solo. Next up is Greg. Scott Jenks’ beard and Rob have a brief conversation about Greg’s auditioning process.</div>
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Rob: Greg, he always auditions after Josh. He does it on purpose.</div>
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Malachi does his solo for “Riverbend” and we quickly go through a montage of the girls auditioning for their “Meadowlark” solo. Marcia screws up. Kayla manages to have a burp more on-key than half of these singers have been most of the season and Molly J. sings Meadowlark with Jon making all types of faces.</div>
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After the auditions, Rob says, “If you’ve ever seen 'A Chorus Line,' this is very much like 'A Chorus Line.'” And somewhere the ghost of Marvin Hamlisch is getting ready to step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch Rob in the face.</div>
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Malachi gets the solo for “Just Around the Riverbend” while Molly J. gets the solo for “Meadowlark.”</div>
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We cut to the only consistent storyline of this series which is Josh Bell desperately seeking employment, to no avail. Nothing says, “Please hire me for gainful employment” like a longboard and a bandana.</div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">He talks about how he if he doesn’t get a job he’ll have to drop out of GRS. He gets teary eyed about the idea of losing his friends. Wait, what? If you’re not in the group anymore do you get shunned? Is GRS like the Amish but with more sequins and weaves?</span></div>
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Rob and Tim interview that they don’t think the kids are really getting the spirit of “Just Around the Riverbend” so they take them to go sing the song on the La Crosse Queen. “We’ve decided to go method,” Rob excitedly says. Well it’s good thing for them and society at large then that they aren’t doing anything from “Sweeney Todd.”</div>
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And from the La Crosse Queen to two muscle queens, we cut to Tim drilling Rob. About the choreography. Get your mind out of the gutter you disgusting perverts! Rob knows that he cannot fuck up this performance because he’ll never see the end of it. It’s basically just really a cheap excuse to throw Rob into a tank top and watch him dance around. </div>
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It’s one of the more brilliant decisions they’ve ever made on this show.</div>
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The group get to performance at La Crescent Applefest. We love they decide to take a bus to the festival that is literally just like five minutes across the river from La Crosse. </div>
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Anyway, the group shows up to perform at Applefest and quickly set up their stage, which happens to be located near the port-o-potties. </div>
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Rob is terrified at fucking up this performance because we know that the one that GRS prides itself on is having performances that run smoothly and are devoid of any sort of screw-ups whatsoever.</div>
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We come back from commercials to a hilarious moment of just abysmal editing. Rob is backstage announcing the Grand River Singers with his usual “ambassadors of music” schtick. They are all dressed in their usual Song That Dare Not Be Named ensembles of glittery jackets with yellow shirt as we know that The Song That Dare Not Be Named is the opener for GRS performances.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjleh-qEt6dQhl6OgzXj9ZAHNR_KJ9_Vf2Bip1tE1giC2odL8ByToDBSl8FVTOngvfeiPG7TJ6LFGWWeAj-aQQS13YOtSZQLOKCgQyuP1UW83LXwIcc4SbL-erkY52Bq97s5tId8oKhHMDR/s1600/5-9-13-10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjleh-qEt6dQhl6OgzXj9ZAHNR_KJ9_Vf2Bip1tE1giC2odL8ByToDBSl8FVTOngvfeiPG7TJ6LFGWWeAj-aQQS13YOtSZQLOKCgQyuP1UW83LXwIcc4SbL-erkY52Bq97s5tId8oKhHMDR/s400/5-9-13-10.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Five seconds later, the boys appear on stage and are magically not only in different outfits but in a completely different section of the show while Rob is still introducing the opening number on the microphone backstage.</div>
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We get that dramatically it pays off a lot more to show the solos of “Just Around the Riverbend” and “Meadowlark” and then see Rob performing with the group as the ender, but you’d think that people would be a little more skillful at editing this total time-shift of things.</div>
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Bus Drive Marvin looks at all of this choreography and wonders to himself, “What’s going on?”</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqy7n8zBfGHBmwzYuu-520W9znaUsgtKsH9lfrXhp9kXUbLtcIPPkUCMbUHSg63oT3Elv9tpRV20GLwuLu7gZrVgUl8FNoNo3WoHT0XeKUnj9Dwkem_iM_cpyHGmulTerfhmvg5eVI2rIo/s1600/5-9-13-11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqy7n8zBfGHBmwzYuu-520W9znaUsgtKsH9lfrXhp9kXUbLtcIPPkUCMbUHSg63oT3Elv9tpRV20GLwuLu7gZrVgUl8FNoNo3WoHT0XeKUnj9Dwkem_iM_cpyHGmulTerfhmvg5eVI2rIo/s320/5-9-13-11.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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We get an array of snippets of performances as we see the Grand River Singers belting out their songs, Rob and Tim interviewing about how well these performances are coming along and seeing various people get up and use the Port-O-Potties located just off to the side. We love that a camera person was probably assigned to keep his or her camera trained on this area for the entire performance.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDG3hfo50W8llz85nSEKfD9A4gQYb_zEwix0GjuHB-UGBr3UrM6rWLW2hzW_z2P5gIQtiwFZHXP_HmGWSz4ANDqP-8jtOHSvWh2ElneoNTfEguSTn0tstkjSFQY0YxxnGtx6jI7vnfG7VK/s1600/5-9-10-15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDG3hfo50W8llz85nSEKfD9A4gQYb_zEwix0GjuHB-UGBr3UrM6rWLW2hzW_z2P5gIQtiwFZHXP_HmGWSz4ANDqP-8jtOHSvWh2ElneoNTfEguSTn0tstkjSFQY0YxxnGtx6jI7vnfG7VK/s400/5-9-10-15.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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After all of these performance snippets, we finally get to see Rob perform THAT song you never ever hear these people performing. Ever. Not once in the history of this show. </div>
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Another hilarious bit of editing right here. During the end of the performance, the audience pans out to audience to get the usual WTF reactions that are the bread and butter of this show. We get the below golden moment of total boredom.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjTh_9YA_M8GSS3FtxUEuZpqnVAYmYE50_xoSYm3NPgqvGJtzaJTF9A2AxhuF2N78Oe9PDcndSgsC43l9n4ya7-6A7wcXkV-OXaVB51mHuDaSvIkW4A68pciV5eg4Gxkj_cqy2rbkWi-D/s1600/5-9-13-15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjTh_9YA_M8GSS3FtxUEuZpqnVAYmYE50_xoSYm3NPgqvGJtzaJTF9A2AxhuF2N78Oe9PDcndSgsC43l9n4ya7-6A7wcXkV-OXaVB51mHuDaSvIkW4A68pciV5eg4Gxkj_cqy2rbkWi-D/s320/5-9-13-15.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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This girl looked awfully familiar to us. And then we remembered we had seen this exact same footage but in a different context.</div>
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Above is a screen capture from the pilot episode of "Off Pitch" when the group is finishing up singing "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me." Apparently we hadn't seen the last of footage of this girl as it was totally repurposed for this episode. Well, unless she always travels with the same group of people and always makes the same bored expression. And you know, we wouldn't actually completely say no to that being a real possibility.</div>
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Anyway, we end the episode with Rob having a genuine moment of reflection about not only doing the song with GRS but also about his time away from performing.</div>
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“I didn't really think about myself being twice any of their ages. I just did my thing. You know, once you perform enough it comes back. It's like riding a bike. I am a performer at heart. And I will totally admit, I miss it greatly. I miss it a whole lot."</div>
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And then Rob starts belting out "What I Did For Love." Naw, just fucking with you.</div>
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See you next everybody!</div>
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<br />JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-88334469934730515002013-05-03T08:15:00.000-07:002013-05-03T08:15:37.062-07:00This Mixtape Loves a Good Three-Pointer<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">H</span>ey Mixtapers! Do you like to sing? Do you like to dance? More importantly, do you like to do both of these things at the same time in the most mediocre of fashion? Well you’re in luck as this week La Crosse’s very own adult show choir and reality show <s>punching bags</s> stars the Grand River Singers are holding auditions this weekend!</div>
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And seeing how we recap “Off Pitch” with our very own Clef Notes: Recaps in the Key of Shade, available to read day or night here at the Majak Mixtape, we believe that we are the perfect coach for you Mixtapers who want to take part in the glory that is <s>15 minutes of pseudo fame followed by a lifetime of regret, disappointment and the occasional foray into porn</s> Grand River Singers. So here are just a few tips:</div>
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Tip number one: Cry. From the moment you walk into the audition room to the moment you leave, you should just never stop crying. They should have to build an ark to get out of the rehearsal space because of your flood of emotions.</div>
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Tip Number Two: Accessorize yourself to filth. Whether it be a scarf or a bandana or a bow tie, the Grand River Singers spend <s>more</s> as much time picking out the right accent for their clothes as they do fine tuning their performances. Be bold. Be daring. Our suggestion, a bedazzled eye patch.</div>
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Tip Number Three: Song choice. Make sure you choose a song with a positive message. Since most GRS performances are like PSAs with jazz hands, try to find a song that is <s>cloying</s> uplifting in its very nature and delivers a message that young and old can really appreciate. Our suggestion, Lady’s tune, “Yankin.”</div>
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And there you go, with these helpful hints, you too have a shot at becoming part of the Grand River Singers. It’s gonna be good!</div>
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Continue reading the Mixtape as we take on gay basketball players, the final three of RuPaul’s Drag Race, the Townie Tea and so much more darlings.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://logotv.tumblr.com/">LogoTV</a></td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">H</span></b>ello, dahlings! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching the jock off your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where our snark is nothing but net. The biggest news story this week was pro-basketball player Jason Collins announcing to the world that he is a player for Team Gay. And as a cheerleader for Team Gay, we couldn’t be more excited for this development as it makes Collins the first openly gay male sports athlete in history, something that is both joyful in the almost universally lovely responses as well as mildly disheartening that this is a major event in the year 2013.</div>
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Collins wrote an extensive and beautiful piece about the matter for the latest issue of “<a href="http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/magazine/news/20130429/jason-collins-gay-nba-player/#ixzz2RrnWexry">Sports Illustrated,</a>” causing us to do the here-to-now unthinkable thing of actually reading that magazine outside of a dentist’s waiting room. Our favorite quote from the article comes towards the very beginning and sums up the entire situation perfectly:</div>
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“I didn't set out to be the first openly gay athlete playing in a major American team sport. But since I am, I'm happy to start the conversation. I wish I wasn't the kid in the classroom raising his hand and saying, "I'm different." If I had my way, someone else would have already done this. Nobody has, which is why I'm raising my hand.”</blockquote>
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And we’d call on you any day, boo.</div>
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In honor of him coming out and hopefully setting a new standard for it, we kick off this Mixtape with Tame Impala’s cover of the Outkast tune, “Prototype.”</div>
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Collins has received an outpouring of support from everybody from former President Clinton and current President Obama to pretty much any celebrity with a Twitter account and even <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/jason-collins-former-fiancee-carolyn-moos-had-no-170001023.html">Collins’ ex-fiancée</a>.</div>
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But with all momentous moments, the response to Collins’ coming out hasn’t been all roses as ESPN commentator Chris Broussard, moving at the speed of douche, <a href="http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/04/29/espn-chris-broussard-jason-collins/">let the world know</a> he believes that homosexuality is a sin and that Collins is “walking in open rebellion to God and Jesus Christ.” We wonder if Broussard had the same sort of passionate Bible-thumping response when Tiger Woods was putting his golf ball in holes all across the United States and most of western Europe because pretty sure the Bible is not super duper okay with adultery. </div>
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Broussard also went on to say, “I would not characterize that person as a Christian because I don’t think the Bible would characterize them as a Christian” because nobody is more qualified to be a theologian like somebody who makes their money commenting at length on the pulled groin injuries of various athletes.<br />
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In honor of this, our next song is "Planned Attack" by Quasimoto.<br />
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And Broussard isn’t the only one taking issue with Collins’ coming out as former Green Bay Packers football player LeRoy Butler found out this week after he tweeted a congratulations to Collins and promptly found himself <a href="http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sn-leroy-butler-church-jason-collins-20130502,0,700005.story">without a speaking gig at a church</a>. </div>
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According to Butler, the church, who was going to have Butler give an anti-bullying speech, canceled the gig because his support of Collins violated the moral clause in their contract. So let us get this all correct for a second: a church was going to have Butler talk about bullying but canceled his gig because he was being supportive of a person who is a member of group that, surprise, is routinely bullied. Seems totally logical. </div>
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Our favorite thing to come from this whole situation is this tweet from the Goddess known as RuPaul:</div>
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Outgaying you since the mid-1980s, hunty.</div>
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And speaking of RuPaul, let us dive into “RuPaul’s Drag Race” as we approach the season five finale this Monday on Logo. This season of Drag Race has been filled with double wigs, double eliminations and double Ds. How YOU doin’ Michelle Visage? The competition was stiff which wasn’t that surprising given all the glorious man candy around the work room this year.</div>
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Now we are down to our final three drag-testants: Jinkx Monsoon, Alaska, and Roxxy Andrews. It’s been a long road for these three, filled with tears and tucks. We break it down on why we are rooting for each one of these queens to win.</div>
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Jinkx Monsoon is our favorite of the year, mainly because her drag persona and abilities fall outside of the usual fare we see on this show and is way closer to theatrical performance. We knew we were going to love her the moment we saw this video of her performing “All That Jazz” live.</div>
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Sure her drag look is a little too Dollar Tree for us sometimes and the victim edit from the producers is a bit much at this point, but she’s a queen with the necessary x-factor to truly be a drag superstar.</div>
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Up next, Sharon Needles’ boyfriend/girlfriend Alaska. There are a ton of reasons we love Alaska this season: her wit, her ability to sense that being in a clique is a terrible idea, the bored drawl of her speaking voice. And nothing quite symbolizes all the reasons why we love her and wouldn’t be mad at her for winning is her perfume ad she did for a challenge:</div>
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Will she be able to get out from under Sharon’s spooky shadow? We sure hope so.</div>
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And finally Roxxy Andrews. Nope. We’re not even going to pretend we want this queen to win. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://fuckyeahrupaulsdragrace.tumblr.com/tagged/roxxxy_andrews">Fuck Yeah! RuPaul's Drag Race</a></td></tr>
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We’re sad that Alyssa Edwards didn’t stay on longer because of all her unintentional hilarity.</div>
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And we’re also disappointed that Detox didn’t bring her A-game like we expected. She’ll never be forgotten by us as we routinely like to drunkenly yell this phrase of hers at people now.</div>
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And let us be real, the true winner of this season will always be the same person who always wins: RuPaul. And in celebration of that, we have her new single, available on iTunes of course.</div>
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And from group of drag queens to another, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj have re-ignited their feud just in time to try help flagging ratings for this season of “American Idol.” This leads us to a segment we’re calling a:</div>
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It all began during one of the live shows this week when Mariah and Nicki started arguing and Mariah decided to shade Nicki more than the Minaj’s makeup artist does with her nose contouring by referencing the fact that Minaj has not gotten a Billboard 100 #1 hit in her career yet.</div>
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<iframe height="360" id="kaltura_player_1367587371" src="http://cdnapi.kaltura.com/index.php/kwidget/wid/1_4dqpliw3/uiconf_id/6740162/st_cache/59321?referer=http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_v384tz25&" style="border: 0px solid #ffffff;" width="640">Unfortunately your browser does not support IFrames.</iframe></div>
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<a href="http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_v384tz25">Mariah Carey Taunts Nicki Minaj on 'American Idol'</a></div>
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See, that’s the thing about Mariah. She will shade you, your family, and future generations if she has to all while planning a vow renewal ceremony at Disneyland because Nick Cannon gets a child discount.</div>
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Just look at the shade she flung in Jennifer Lopez’s direction years ago.</div>
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Nicki Minaj, of course, decided to feel all types of feeling about this shade and took to her Twitter account to post the following question: “"Why a woman SO successful at her age, is still so INSECURE, and bitter." Fair point. Even better question, why would a woman like Minaj, with all her money, purposely spend half of this season of “American Idol” wearing a wig that purposely was designed to look like the roots needed a touch up. So many questions, so little answer.</div>
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In honor of all of this, our next song is “Q.U.E.E.N.,” the newest music video from Janelle Monae and featuring Erykah Badu.</div>
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You know what’s an awesome ad for a soda pop? Having a group of black men in a line-up with a threatening goat as a bruised and battered white woman tries to correctly identify her attacker. And by awesome, we mean racist and misogynistic as all types of fuck.<br />
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Mountain Dew: Rotting both your teeth and your mind, one drink and commercial at a time.<br />
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And finally time to spill the . . .</div>
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Here’s a little known fact, Mixtapers: hand sanitizer is not made for you to get shitfaced on. I know, motherfucking weird right? People have apparently been going around to parks and <a href="http://lacrossetribune.com/news/local/drinkers-pilfer-hand-sanitizer-from-parks/article_6ea6c050-b211-11e2-ad98-0019bb2963f4.html">stealing tubes of hand sanitizer</a>, which contains alcohol, and have been either drinking it straight or using salt as a way to extract the alcohol. Seems pretty ingenious to us. We’ve always wanted a martini that could get us drunk AND moisturize our skin too.</div>
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Hopefully this will all lead to an episode of “Intervention” happening here in La Crosse. And we pray it’d be amazing as that Sylvia episode.</div>
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And in other illegal news, an Onalaska band teacher has allegedly lost her shit. Yes that’s real legal jargon. Trust us, we nap to Judge Mathis. The teacher has been charged with stalking and threatening her boyfriend <a href="http://lacrossetribune.com/news/local/onalaska-teacher-charged-with-stalking-assault/article_479f8370-b1ad-11e2-92d0-0019bb2963f4.html">after allegedly wielding both a knife and a wooden plank</a>. You know, if we had to spend every weekday listening to angst-ridded, acne-scarred, One Direction loving tweens mess up “When the Saints Go Marching In,” we’d probably snap at some point too.<br />
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And with that, we bid you a fond farewell! Be sure to like us on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook </a>and follow us on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/themajakmixtape">Twitter</a>. And remember to always let the haters know:<br />
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-77600128604171621612013-05-02T09:20:00.001-07:002013-05-02T11:20:03.942-07:00Clef Notes: Show Choir of Thunder<span lang="EN"></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This Microsoft Paint continues to hit all the right notes.</td></tr>
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Solos were fought for. Bottles were peed into. Dried cow shit was thrown. Recapping this show continues to be the pinnacle of our writing career.<br />
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Last week on Off Pitch, it was a battle of the new vs. the old as new members Vanessa and Justin duked it out for solos with old members Marcia and Greg. Marcia and Justin emerged victorious in these vocal battles as the group went to the Wisconsin Cow Chip Throwing Festival to bring their special brand of entertainment to the masses.<br />
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This week, the group goes to the beach and does some team building activities while a new performing opportunity is on the horizon for a couple members.<br />
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Here's your mic! </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://imwithkanye.tumblr.com/post/47554263472/off-pitch-watch-the-first-episode-of-vh1s">I'm With Kanye</a></td></tr>
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Now get in there and keep reading!<br />
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We begin the episode, after the umpteenth performance snippet of that damn “Color My World” song, with a visit at the Trim household as Rob and Tim lounge outside in their backyard. They trade pleasantries back and forth as the camera reveals that somebody else is at their humble abode: Honey Bon Jovi. Due to <s> needing a storyline for this week</s> being out of a job, Josh has now taken up residence at the Trim household and that is going about as well as you’d expect as Josh gleefully snatches a bagel from Rob and then promptly spits it out in a scene that is completely natural and totally unscripted at its very core.<br />
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Rob and Tim have a little heart-to-heart with our Honey Bon Jovi about what he’s trying to do in terms of finding employment. He tells Trim that he has been looking for landscaping positions since that is what he’s used to. Wait, what? Landscaping? Doesn’t that usually involve working with heavy machinery? Honey Bon Jovi plus a lawn mower just seems like an incredibly unwise combination like gasoline and a match or Marcia and complicated choreography.<br />
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Josh tells Trim that he feels worthless and promptly starts crying. We swear, he must put “can cry at the drop of a hat” under his special skills section of his resume. Anyway, Josh says he just wants to take care of some rich guy’s backyard and make a living from that. Oh Josh, there is a whole section on Craigslist devoted to that kind of employment; we just hope you’re comfortable trimming a bush in a jockstrap.<br />
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This all leads to another moment of<br />
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“I will find a job. I will get a house. Well not a house. I’ll start with an apartment first. And then I’ll get a house. And then I’ll build my white fence. And then, and then, and then I’ll have my dog and I’ll kids and white little swing, swinging back and forth. And a wife too.”<br />
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We’re said this whole thing wasn’t underscored by that theme from “Gone With the Wind.”<br />
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After this moment of angst and resilience, we cut over to the members of Grand River Singers awkwardly storming onto a beach like the worst Annette Funicello/Frankie Avalon movie you’ve ever seen. Some play in the sand. Others toss around beach balls. GRS member Nick decides to destroy a little more of the ozone layer.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Serving face AND aerosol, hunty</td></tr>
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They were going to go swimming, but the fecal count was too high. If being surrounded by something tainted with shit was such a big concern to any of these folks, we’re pretty sure they would’ve never joined GRS.<br />
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After a little bit of play time, the Grand River Singers are introduced to Pam Mumm, who is there to lead the folks on some team building exercises because nothing inspires unity amongst folks like their disdain for having to do team building exercises.<br />
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Anyway, Mumm hands out bandanas, weirdly not provided by Honey Bon Jovi, and has people partnered up. She then has them sing their partners name as they try to find one another. Congratulations Rob and Tim, you’ve just brought in somebody to essentially lead a version of Marco Polo on dry land.<br />
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After this activity, Mumm tells everybody that, “Listening equals caring.” This causes Tim to hilariously eye roll at this because even somebody who unleashes “Color My World” on the unsuspecting masses has some sort of limit on touchy-feely, Kumbaya stuff.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A lifetime of jazz hands make you buff as shit.</td></tr>
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And seriously, no trust fall?<br />
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What we lack in trust falls, we more than make up for in Josh Bell quotes as he tells the camera:<br />
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“It’s truly, truly is wonderful thing that we’re human beings and not ants. I mean, We could be ants cuz I can’t lift three times my weight. Can you? I can’t. Lift three times my weight, that would be. . . Don’t make me do math, I don’t want to do math. I still, I still couldn’t do three times my weight. So at the same time, we still have moments of greatness like an ant.”</blockquote>
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There comes a certain scary moment in a recapper's life where you’ve listened to Josh’s musings so many times that they actually start making sense. And then you reach for a bottle of whiskey, take a few shots and everything is right with the world again.<br />
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Anyway, Trim instruct the members of GRS to form a line so they can each sing a line from the National Anthem because two of the members will have the opportunity to belt it out at an upcoming event. Yep, Rob and Tim have the kids do a bunch of team building activities and then put them directly in competition with each other, therefore completely undermining all of the team building activities they’ve just done.<br />
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This singing leads us to a moment of:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKiF7iefNVQOLy6BgwfIHc6kKlH2BINfCVY5MuQKpcV4qEWXNOLoQTuq-9PO_wuc6FOyJ6ihtilS4CLB_im0RTXFx8Z1iRCgV1ChIicdHG1wiVGxMSfpE84hEXudg7nXEY1w6f8RQgOsKu/s1600/4-18-13-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKiF7iefNVQOLy6BgwfIHc6kKlH2BINfCVY5MuQKpcV4qEWXNOLoQTuq-9PO_wuc6FOyJ6ihtilS4CLB_im0RTXFx8Z1iRCgV1ChIicdHG1wiVGxMSfpE84hEXudg7nXEY1w6f8RQgOsKu/s320/4-18-13-7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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GRS member Malachi starts singing the song with a few riffs. Rob mocks this and says to the camera about Malachi’s performance: “Whitney Houston you ain’t.” No, but with a few more riffs, he could be Maya Rudolph.<br />
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This auditioning leads to something that Grand River Singers excel at more than high kicks and blades: a meltdown. GRS member Aubrey starts freaking out over how she feels she and others who are not as vocally talented as others are constantly being put on the spot to audition for solos when the same is not being asked of those who can’t dance. Oh Aubrey, there are not enough hours in the day to deal with the crappy dancing in GRS. Eric pipes in that he thought that this was just going to be a fun day at the beach and now things have turned into a big ole competition amongst folks.<br />
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And during this whole thing Little Ms. Team Builder silently watches this, proving that Mumm may be one of the most hilariously accurate marriage of person and surname ever.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIu2b357FPpnkICeaScyKgbkzgSnCv6IfCU5aOJexOatIl57qS-u76LsijbkLvu8AYIfSnEx-LeLGq5daUhqDIqKbTwX0M6a1sa5D7u39wa_Z8YAZnGubLN3L2mW3ZHo2-IiQ2tlHYOUw/s1600/5-2-13-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEIu2b357FPpnkICeaScyKgbkzgSnCv6IfCU5aOJexOatIl57qS-u76LsijbkLvu8AYIfSnEx-LeLGq5daUhqDIqKbTwX0M6a1sa5D7u39wa_Z8YAZnGubLN3L2mW3ZHo2-IiQ2tlHYOUw/s400/5-2-13-3.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We love that this is the expression that is on the face of anybody who comes into contact with GRS.</td></tr>
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We drift off to another scene with Jon, Greg and Honey Bon Jovi going to Alpine Inn to get some food as Josh tells them all that he’s still on the lookout for a job. Greg helpfully suggests that maybe he should apply at the Alpine. Honey Bon Jovi, never letting little things like being woefully unqualified for a position stand in his way, goes over and starts having a conversation about having a job there while also promoting Grand River Singers.<br />
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We love this moment because it’s one of the more ridiculous aspects of reality shows because obviously this guy knows who GRS is because he had to allow the cameras in there and signed a waiver to be on screen but yes, let us just pretend he has no clue for the sake of this dog and pony show.<br />
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Josh ends up volunteering to sing a song, to the horror of both Greg and Jon. He, of course, decides to sing his crowd-pleasing staple of “Happy Birthday.” We love the camera cutting to the dude who is nodding along and closing his eyes like Josh is taking him to church and putting him in the front pew with his vocals on the song.<br />
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We then cut over from Alpine Inn to the Eve of Destruction Monster Truck Show as the members of Grand River Singers, glad in sparkly coats and gowns, come traipsing through the crowd as they prepare to sing the National Anthem for the folks. Greg and Jon get to have a ride in the pace car of the event and Jon treats this like this is New Year’s Eve, Christmas and Halloween rolled up in one.<br />
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Eventually we get to GRS performing the National Anthem and Rob interviews that he’s incredibly annoyed at new member Steven for showing up without his coat.<br />
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After the performance, the Grand River Singers watch the monster truck show. Or at least that’s what the producers want us to believe as the footage of the monster trucks destroying cars looks nothing like any of the other footage of GRS at the speedway. It’s not even the same time of day. Oh yeah, we replayed that footage like it was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zapruder_film">Zapruder film</a>.<br />
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And here's the thing about reality shows. They are like the artificial flowers of television genres. No matter how real they look, they are inherently fake so it's the job of the people who make them at least passably realistic looking.<br />
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We end the episode with the GRS folks gathered together at the GRS rehearsal space. Trim want to have a little discussion about professionalism and specifically because of Steven forgetting part of his costume. This is a little scandal we’re going to call:<br />
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Steven gloriously douches his way through this conversation with a completely patronizing tone while Tim, who seems to be trying to make up for all of his silence of the first two episodes, questions him about his attitude and what would happen if Steven had shown up to another production without part of his costume. Steven says a director would’ve just given him a note and moved on with things. This does not go over very well with Tim to say the least.<br />
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Thankfully for Steven, Samantha exists to shift some of the Trim anger away from him as she has managed to not show up to rehearsals. She has apparently sent GRS stage manager Scott Jenks’ beard a message that hilariously says: “So I’m not grossing you out with womanly details but I’m not going to make it to practice.”<br />
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Way to treat a GRS rehearsal like 10th grade gym class, Samantha.<br />
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And there you have it, folks. We'll see you next week when the Grand River Singers get their own bus. That should totally go really well.<br />
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Make sure to like us on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook</a> and follow us on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/themajakmixtape">Twitter</a>.<br />
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</span><br />JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-13775341359060552102013-04-26T07:50:00.000-07:002013-04-26T07:50:04.878-07:00This Mixtape Takes This Baguette in Holy Matrimony<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>T</b></span>his week saw the premiere of episode two of “Off Pitch,” VH1’s latest reality show following the musical exploits of the La Crosse’s very own adult show choir, the Grand River Singers. This week brought us truly riveting television as we watched battle lines be drawn between the new members of the group and the old members as they fought it out for solos, resident himbo Honey Bon Jovi tried not to piss himself while in a van, and the group got bring their <s>obnoxious</s> jubilant brand of entertainment to the crowds at the Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw And Festival. Today a Cow Chip Festival, tomorrow the world folks. So with so much <s>nothing</s> hilarity happening in just the span of 20 minutes (20 minutes that we have helpfully recapped <a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/clef-notes-cow-shit-show.html">here) </a>things naturally have to be cut for time so VH1 has released some bonus footage.</div>
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First up, the Grand River Singers perform at Steppin’ Out in Pink, a breast cancer awareness event. We see you Off Pitch. Don’t think that GRS performing at a cancer benefit is going to stop us from being snarky because you’ve either underestimated our level of bitch or overestimated our level of humanity because WE ARE MONSTERS. </div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:899106/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705500%26vid%3D899106%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A899106" width="512"></iframe><div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 4px; padding: 4px; text-align: left;">
Get More: </div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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GRS member Marcia gets emotional about being at the event which is hilariously juxtaposed with GRS member Kayla referring to Marcia at the event as a hot mess while making this face:</div>
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You can just feel the empathy emanating from her curls.</div>
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And in the other bit of bonus footage, GRS hold an impromptu fundraiser, selling cheese curds and whatnot from Queeny Reeny. </div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:899107/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705500%26vid%3D899107%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A899107" width="512"></iframe><div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 4px; padding: 4px; text-align: left;">
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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Nick: “How are we going to entice people? With our good looks?”</div>
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You do it by putting Tim and more importantly his muscular arms front and center.</div>
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If you can’t pimp yourself out for show choir and cheese curds, what CAN you pimp yourself out for.</div>
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And before we start the Mixtape, we’ve got a word for you Joel McHale. We see that this week you tried muscling into our territory of making fun of “Off Pitch” by featuring it on “The Soup.” We’ll let this slide, for now, because we are huge fans of “The Soup.” And of “Community.” And we want to have sex with you. Yeah, mainly because we want to have sex with you.</div>
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Dive into an all-new Mixtape as we take on Ryan Lochte’s reality show, Gwyneth Paltrow’s People Magazine cover, open letters to Beyonce, gay marriage in France and so much more.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>H</b></span>ello dahlings! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching the Speedo off your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape. We have clocked in so let us get down to business, shall we?</div>
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After seemingly endless promos, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte and his reality show “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” premiered this week, and it was exactly the kind of shitfest you would think it would be. We will give lots of credit to the creative minds behind the show as we noticed when we watched the first episode, at 2:30 a.m. mind you while trying to fall asleep, that at every point when we thought we had reached our maximum amount of Lochte-is-an-idiot quotient, he magically would appear on screen without his shirt. It’s like they factored in the audience’s pain threshold into the show and planned accordingly.</div>
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And the thing is, yes, Ryan Lochte is not going to become a member of Mensa anytime soon. Hell, he’d be hard press to be a member of the Breakfast Club. But he’s sort of inoffensively stupid, if that makes any sense. </div>
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Overall, Lochte comes off like a guy who really enjoys his sport, loves his family and seems to not take the fame around him all that seriously so there are worst people in the world to be handing out reality shows to you. And the E! Network usually does.</div>
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So if the worst thing that happens on the show is Lochte being an idiot and the constant use of the mind-numbingly stupid phrase “Lochterage,” we might actually keep tuning in. And by tuning in, we mean searching through Tumblr for shirtless gifs of Lochte. Totally the same, right? Absolutely.</div>
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And speaking of E! and their shitty ass reality shows, they are just giving them out to anybody these days as now the boy band The Wanted will be <a href="http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/04/22/e-upfronts-the-wanted-kardashians/">getting their very own series for the network</a>. The group that has the distinction of being the boy band that ISN’T One Direction is still trying to make it happen in America apparently. According to <a href="http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1706348/the-wanted-walks-like-rihanna.jhtml">sources</a>, their next single is going to be titled “She Walks like Rihanna,” which shows you the near critical level of thirst for attention they have. Somebody better get them an IV filled with relevancy or they might die. </div>
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In other reality show news, this week saw the season 2 premiere of the ratchet-fest known as “Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta.” We live for this show because it is an unabashed mess and gives us moments like these:</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:901892/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1706032%26vid%3D901892%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A901892" width="512"></iframe><div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 4px; padding: 4px; text-align: left;">
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop_atlanta/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Love & Hip Hop Atlanta</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop_atlanta/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Love and Hip Hop Atlanta 2 </a></div>
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Homegirl is sipping wine through a bendy straw. And you damn well know that she probably poured that wine out of a box she got at Costco.</div>
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And if that wasn’t good enough, cast member K.Michelle put out a brand new single called “I Just Wanna Fuck.” Yep, you read that right. And it’s a piano ballad folks.</div>
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KY Michelle, what can we even say other than this is the best MadTV sketch we’ve ever seen. Keep on trolling.</div>
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And speaking of trolling, People Magazine just trolled us all this week when they announced who they thought was the Most Beautiful Woman in the World: <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/article/0,,20360857_20692638,00.html">Gwyneth Paltrow</a>. Really? Because when we look ed at this week’s issue, we see a photo of “Scandal” actress Kerry Washington in the corner so Paltrow is not even the most beautiful woman on her own damn cover let alone the world. People Magazine lists, especially stuff as arbitrary as anything related to beauty, have way less to do with pristine skin and good bone structure and a lot more to do with how well a publicist can negotiate a deal for their client. And Paltrow landing this cover just as the next “Iron Man” hits theaters this week is not what we would exactly call a coincident.</div>
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What makes this all the more hilarious is just a week ago, Paltrow was named by Star Magazine as the <a href="http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/04/hathaway-not-the-most-hated-person-in-hollywood.html">Most Hated Person in Hollywood</a>, managing to somehow outrank both Taylor Swift AND Chris Brown. It’s probably because she keeps sending links to her Goop newsletter to everybody. Madonna is too busy trying to adopt all of Malawi to really be interested in what kind of high-waisted pants you think we should all have in our closet. </div>
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In our of Paltrow's ability to rankle everybody's nerves by merely existing, we kick off this Mixtape with Janelle Monae's newest single "Q.U.E.E.N" with Erykah Badu.</div>
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In other famous women news, did you know that when Beyonce is one of the causes of sex trafficking of young teenage girls? Right? Who knew? According to<a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/beauty/open-letter-michelle-obama-beyonce-not-role-model-231900311.html"> an open letter written</a> to First Lady Michelle Obama, Beyonce is a horrible example for young girls and her sexy image is one of the causes why girls get lured into the sex trade business:</div>
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<br />“Remember that she's often brought into the 'life' by drug dealers who promise her a celebrity lifestyle, clothes like the ones Beyonce wears, and situations where she can live like Queen Bey: looking hot, being desired by alpha males, wielding power over others with her body and sexuality.”</blockquote>
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We’re all for shading Beyonce for the tacky-a-thon that is her tour outfits but to suggest that her being a successful woman who is in charge of her sexuality somehow creates the perfect bait for dudes to kidnap girls is just beyond disgusting since it seems to put an unhealthy amount of blame on Beyonce and weirdly gives a free pass to, you know, the people kidnapping girls.</div>
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Speaking of Beyonce, that’s leading us to this week’s</div>
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Beyonce debuted a new song “Standing on the Sun” in her commercial for H and M. Between this and Pepsi, it seems like Beyonce’s strategy for releasing music is through endorsement deals. We can’t wait for to be twerking in some adult diapers when she finally gets around to announcing her lead single from her upcoming album.</div>
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And we still have more Beyonce news as a snippet of her cover version of Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” for the “The Great Gatsby” soundtrack hit the Internet.</div>
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It’s hard to judge the Beyonce parts since it appears at the tail end of the snippet but Andre 3000, what in the actual goddamn fuck do you think you’re doing? You’re singing like you couldn’t find the right key of the song if you programmed it into a GPS.</div>
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Also from the soundtrack, we got a new track from Fergie. In it, she sings that a little party never killed nobody. Apparently she’s never been to an afterbar at Phil Spector’s house.</div>
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Will.I.Am’s contribution for the soundtrack also appears on his new album #willpower. Yes, we’re officially putting hash tags into album titles.</div>
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We love how it seems like to some people making music for “The Great Gatsby” soundtrack is just take a standard EDM tune and add just a hint of speakeasy flourish and done.</div>
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In other movie news, 20th Century Fox has <a href="http://www.vulture.com/2013/04/guys-and-dolls-channing-tatum.html?mid=twitter_vulture">bought the rights to remake</a> the classic musical “Guys and Dolls” and they are looking at Channing Tatum and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as potential stars for it. We’re sort of unsure about this idea UNLESS they are able to incorporate this into the film.</div>
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Could Marlon Brando do that? Don’t think so.</div>
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And in former celebrity news, Tara Reid <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/22/tara-reid-not-as-famous-discount_n_3132635.html?ref=topbar">got thrown out of a store</a>. To the surprise of probably everybody it wasn’t a Dollar Tree. According to sources, the actress threw a large “Do you know who I am” hissy-fit when a store refused to give her a celebrity discount. Tara, come on now. We’re pretty sure YOU couldn’t pick you out of a photo lineup at this point. The best part of the story is that it mentions that she is working on a new film called “Sharknado” about a tornado filled with, you guessed it, sharks. </div>
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And in conclusion, we’d like to salute France for legalizing gay marriage. Finally Pepe Le Pew can finally drop the straight act and get married to the Pink Panther like you know he always wanted to do.</div>
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At their gay French wedding reception, we hope they serve Sandra Lee's French Pork Chops.</div>
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We also have some songs that might be appropriate to play at these upcoming functions.</div>
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First up, Rufus Wainwright's "One Man Guy" off his album "Poses."</div>
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Cosmo Jarvis' flawfree song "Gay Pirates." It's nearly as offensive as you'd think a song called "Gay Pirates" would be.</div>
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And finally, Grace Jones' balls-to-the-disco-walls cover version of "La Vie en Rose."</div>
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And with that, we bid you adieu! Be sure to like us on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook</a> and follow us on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/themajakmixtape">Twitter</a>. And be sure to come back here next Thursday for our next Off Pitch recap and next Friday for an all-new Majak Mixtape. And remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-82354185827416767332013-04-25T07:55:00.001-07:002013-04-25T08:07:39.751-07:00Clef Notes: A Cow Shit Show<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Microsoft Paint skills stay snatching!</td></tr>
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Last week we were introduced to GRS, La Crosse's very own adult show choir, and their fearless leaders Rob and Tim. It was auditions time and the GRS people were a bundle of script-mandated nerves. Who would be out? What would a new GRS look like? How many times can Marcia screw up the choreography? So many thought-provoking questions.</div>
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This week: it's a meeting of the old and the new GRS as they work towards their first performance as a new group. Let the tears flows and the hands jazz, dahlings.</div>
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We begin this episode, after a brief opening tag involving a nonsensical dance-off between Honey Bon Jovi and Marcia, with Rob talking excitedly to the camera about how he feels the current crop of performers in GRS will bring the group to a new <s>nadir</s> pinnacle of success. The entire time he’s yammering, the camera slowly drifts back and forth between his talking and a hilariously bemused face on Tim’s face. Normally we’d say he was waiting to say something, but Tim, more than anyone else, knows that there is pretty much a snowball’s chance in hell on that regard. Instead, we think he’s probably silently wondering how he and Rob have somehow become the show choir equivalent of Penn and Teller.</div>
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We cut to the GRS rehearsal space where the performers have gathered to, duh, rehearse as well as meet the newest members of the group. Rob, swathed in our favorite scarf yet, tells the GRS members, specifically, Marcia to play nice when it comes to the new people. Aw, the tension. It’s like the Hatfields and the McCoys. Or the Bloods and the Crips. Or the Jets and the Sharks from “West Side Story,” except they were able to remember their choreography.</div>
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The six new members start filtering into the GRS rehearsal space as the old members clap as enthusiastically for the new members as audiences clap for the group as a whole after their performances, meaning half-heartedly at best.</div>
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We’re treated to a flurry of introductions. First up, we meet new member Eric who tells the camera that he wears his heart on his sleeves. On closer examination, he also wears a ring on his nose, leading us to wish that Grand River Singers will somehow incorporate Joan Osborne’s “What If God Was One of Us” into its performance repertoire.</div>
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Turns out that Eric is dating fellow new member Justin, stoking our enthusiasm for the inevitable sextape leak that will hopefully be titled “Jizz Hands.”</div>
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We cut from the lovebirds to new member Sam, who describes her life as a series of unfortunate events. More importantly we are introduced to new member Vanessa Blackwell or as we are going to refer to her as:</div>
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Within like two seconds of being on camera she pleasantly refers to herself as a bitch and after five seconds on screen we are absolutely smitten with her. In a room of full of people constantly on the verge of sobbing hysterically, it’s nice to have a voice of sharp disdain and bitchiness. VH1 said that Villainessa is the Rachel Berry of the group which is wildly incorrect since she is obviously the reality show answer to Santana.</div>
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Rob interviews that he is hoping to up the quality of GRS performances, a thought that sort of flies in the face of the entire premise of the show but whatever. He announces that they will be having their first performance of the season and asks if anybody has conflicts. Marcia and three other members do so they get to sit out and watch as the others get to reblock the performance as Scott Jenks’ beard directs people to their spots.</div>
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In rapid fashion we find out that Sam is basically terrible at having any sort of performance instincts while Greg and Justin and Marcia and Vanessa will be battling for solos. </div>
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The Oldies march outside after rehearsal to have a discussion about having to audition for solos and handle this in their typical mature and totally rational manner: crying. During all of this discussion, we love how Greg unashamedly says that he was the guy with the “pretty voice” in the group while standing with Josh and Nick. The fact that nobody took that moment of "unintentional" insult throwing to make some sort of snarky comment to the camera about Greg as a way to get more camera time proves that pretty much everybody in GRS is a far better human being than us here at the Mixtape.</div>
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Speaking of Greg, we next see him and Liv at work together as he frantically practices his solo while traipsing around his hotel workplace, underwhelming guests and co-workers alike. If GRS does nothing, it at the very least brings people together in one uniformed WTF face.</div>
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We cut back to the GRS rehearsal space where Rob announces that they are going to have a “solo-off” which is not NEARLY as erotic as it sounds.</div>
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We start with Justin and Greg as they battle for the solo for “Color My World.” At this point, we just need to have a moment. Can we? Let us just break it down for a second. “Color My World” is a terrible song. Like aggressively awful in its pep and spunk to the point that even Up With People would tell GRS to calm the ever-loving fuck down.</div>
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Over in the girls solo battle, Marcia and Vanessa were battling for the solo in Katy Perry’s “Firework.” The thing is, no matter which girl got it they were going to perform it light years better than Ms. Perry does the song live.</div>
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Gurl.Bye.</div>
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We cut to a Trim interview where Tim and Rob try to make us believe that one newbie (Justin) and one oldie (Marcia) getting a solo wasn’t something predetermined by a <s>producer</s> reality show god but instead because of their differences between their desire for showmanship vs. vocal abilities.</div>
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We end the rehearsal with Rob telling the GRS kids to report back to the space at 5 a.m. to leave for the performance. The camera whips around to pick up several annoyed/confused/scrunched-up faces including new member Sam. This is as about as subtle as foreshadowing is probably ever going to get on this show.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCxAtBx_fzGSBdsAaQagO-RdhZ7772tMh9C29N8UebjmlH1_vHdKjTGNreKwEZRi16hacWDs-CxWehuMxPDipP_Oc-z8EjZMTI5X2fThHRAzNy-qEhVDLMH6JMnKcfHi2OQdqSaWCcHvPm/s1600/4-25-13-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCxAtBx_fzGSBdsAaQagO-RdhZ7772tMh9C29N8UebjmlH1_vHdKjTGNreKwEZRi16hacWDs-CxWehuMxPDipP_Oc-z8EjZMTI5X2fThHRAzNy-qEhVDLMH6JMnKcfHi2OQdqSaWCcHvPm/s400/4-25-13-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Now it's time for an "Off Pitch" pop quiz.</div>
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In the first episode of "Off Pitch," Marcia knocked:</div>
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A. On Heaven's door</div>
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B. Your pride aside</div>
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C. A microphone off of its stand</div>
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D. You out.</div>
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If you answered C, you are correct.</div>
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GRS is:</div>
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A. What you use for directions</div>
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B. The Grand River Singers</div>
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C. Something you treat with penicillin</div>
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D. The word</div>
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If you answered B, you are correct!</div>
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Our couple name for GRS co-founders Rob and Tim is:</div>
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A. Trim</div>
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B. Robim</div>
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C. Timbert</div>
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D. Cam and Mitchell</div>
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If you answered A, you are correct! </div>
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And now back to the recap!</div>
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It is early the next morning and members of GRS are slowly but surely filtering into the rehearsal space. Everybody is there and accounted for except for Sam. FORESHADOWING PAYOFF! Everybody is rightfully annoyed Sam isn't there, and Rob tells everybody they are leaving because apparently show choirs aren't like the armed forces; they will leave your ass behind. </div>
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We cut back and forth between the various vans as they go off to destination unknown as the group bitch about Sam not showing up.</div>
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Vanessa: “You know what would make this sunrise beautiful? Everyone here on time, together.”</div>
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STOP WORKING YOUR WAY INTO OUR HEART, VILLAINESSA!</div>
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Honey Bon Jovi has got to pee. No seriously, this is a legitimate plot point of this episode that some editor spent hours piecing together and putting his/her film school degree to excellent use. Anyway, Honey Bon Jovi has to pee and apparently didn't do so during their one allowed rest break on this three hour car ride. To what we are sure is the surprise of everybody who watched the first episode, Honey Bon Jovi somehow manages to resist the urge to break down into tears over this lot in life and instead gets handed a water bottle to pee in, boldly asking if there was one a larger opening. This gets the follow response from fellow GRS member Molly J.:</div>
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“Just put the tip in the fucking bottle and go!” You know, we appreciate any woman who can confidently tell a man what to do with his dick. </div>
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Josh pees, much to the mixed squeals of delight and horror from the rest of the folks in the van. See this stuff right here, this is the stuff that wins Emmys. Or People’s Choice Awards. Or at least get a nomination for the Teen Choice Awards. Maybe. </div>
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GRS looks at their van windows and starts realizing they are going to be performing at a cow chip festival. Wait what? You’re telling us that these people got into a van at five a.m. with nary a clue where they were going to be performing? Okay show. We hope that means that the season finale is them singing “Born This Way” for a super pumped crowd at Folsom Prison.</div>
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And now</div>
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Josh: “Yeah it’s kinda shitty to be at a shitfest. But at the same time have you ever performed at a shitfest? So it's another thing that you can put on, put on, put on your a list of things you've done."</div>
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Bless him and everything he stands for.</div>
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Rob interviews that they only have one hour to set up, and he's catching hell from all the ladies for it. We see footage of him walking around to a picnic table as the ladies work feverishly to become </div>
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Vanessa: “We’re bitchy because we’re running out of time and we’re supposed to be ready in five minutes. You standing there chirping in our ears is not helpful so please go somewhere else if you’re not going to shut up.”</div>
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MARRY US VILLAINESSA.</div>
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This stress leads to our requisite moment of:</div>
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Rob: I can transform myself into a drag queen in one hour. If they can't do it, I'm sorry. They’re girls. They already have all the basic necessities.</div>
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Tim: But they need to look pretty.</div>
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Rob: They are pretty.</div>
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Tim: I'm saying, you don't have to look pretty when you do it so who cares.</div>
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True shade begins at home, folks.</div>
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We finally get to the performance and get to hear “Color My World” for the millionth already this episode. Greg says that hearing Justin open the show singing the song makes his heart break a little. And the fact that this song exists makes our heart break so apparently there is no joy in motherfucking Mudville today.The crowd looks on at this performance with the now standard befuddlement we’ve already grown accustomed to from GRS performances.</div>
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They do applaud and GRS member Kayla says, “The audience kind of liked it.” She says it in an uneasy tone, like she doesn’t know whether to be proud of GRS or disheartened by the shitty taste of the crowd.</div>
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Next up GRS attempts to perform the song "Don't Be Anything Less You Can Be" from "Snoopy!: The Musical." </div>
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Between this song and "Color My World," this setlist could've been given to Shelby to keep her blood sugar up in "Steel Magnolias."<br />
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Anyway, people are mumbling/forgetting the lyrics and this causes Rob to yell at the camera, “Pull it together people.” Why would they break with tradition now? Anyway we see snippets of different songs because this show is hell bent on never giving us a full GRS performance from beginning to end.<br />
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Afterwards, we see the group doing a slow walk together as Cher Lloyd's music yelps in the background. They've been able to survive this performance sans Sam and now get to do something amazing: throwing pieces of dried-up cow shit. We see Molly J. fling a cow chip while wearing a gown which hope means this will end up being her talent if she ever runs for Miss Wisconsin in the future.<br />
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We close out the episode seeing a guy dressed up as a dancing piece of cow shit. We're sure that somewhere in that there is a metaphor about "Off Pitch."</div>
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Next week, the group performs at a speedway and someone will cry. We didn't see the last part in the preview, but we're just going to assume that is going to happen the same way we assume the sun will rise in the east and set in the west. See you later because we are<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/page/2">RealityTVGifs</a></td></tr>
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Be sure to like us on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook</a> and follow us on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/themajakmixtape">Twitter</a>!</div>
JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-52178888677619565022013-04-19T08:27:00.000-07:002013-04-19T08:27:45.217-07:00This Mixtape is Not Here to Make Friends<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span></b>his week saw the release of several tracks from the upcoming Baz Luhrmann movie adaptation of “The Great Gatsby,” brought to you in completely unnecessary 3D because you really just want to reach out and touch all of the rich people malaise don’t you? Of course you do. Gaining as much or even more buzz than the actual movie itself is the soundtrack that was compiled by none other than rapper Jay-Z. The soundtrack features covers of “Crazy in Love” done by “Next to Me” singer Emeli Sande with the Brian Setzer Orchestra, Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” with Beyonce and Andre 3000 as well as new tracks from the likes of Lana Del Rey, Fergie, Will.I.Am and Florence and the Machine.<br />
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This got us thinking about some of our all-time favorite movie soundtracks, and we decided to compile a small list of ones that are our faves.</div>
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We kick off the list with the soundtrack of Baz Luhrmann’s movie adaptation of “Romeo and Juliet.” This movie was one of the defining films of our angst adolescent lives. The drama! The death! The Claire Danes crying face!<br />
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The soundtrack was jammed back with awesome tunes from The Cardigans, Garbage, and other 1990s mainstays. But no song got us more happy than the cover version of “Young Hearts Run Free.”</div>
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The next soundtrack we love also doubles for the Spice Girls’ second album. Yes dahlings, we’re talking about “Spice World” aka one of the greatest films of all-times. And by greatest film, we mean, one of the best movies to play a drinking game to. No seriously, it’s amazing. And nothing binds friends closer together than large amounts of alcohol and a crassly commercialized version of feminism meant to sell albums, dolls and potato chips. Below the Spice Girls serve up the best boot camp realness since Pauly Shore’s “In the Army Now.”</div>
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And finally, our favorite soundtrack is from one of the best movies in the whole entire existence of film: “Teen Witch.” “Teen Witch” remains one of the best films, mainly because we watched it pretty much every afternoon when cable networks used to obsessively play it. How can you not love a movie that brought us songs like “I Like Boys.”</div>
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“Most Popular Girl”</div>
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The always classic “Top That.” Iggy Azalea who? Nicki Minaj what? Make way for MC Polly Goldenberg-Cohen for the win.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVsb3VNfROWXFe8QeuHItuyhhfmwUP7-fRVpK1FnElar46iMbVNkvdRA5hmje9Tdw6JNmWccRlc7c_HfC8pAvt184RhweNank9dEnfECz4Oa8ULWvHUXJ1YW5WeENhYI4yDxzvex6zpA5F/s1600/4-19-13-2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVsb3VNfROWXFe8QeuHItuyhhfmwUP7-fRVpK1FnElar46iMbVNkvdRA5hmje9Tdw6JNmWccRlc7c_HfC8pAvt184RhweNank9dEnfECz4Oa8ULWvHUXJ1YW5WeENhYI4yDxzvex6zpA5F/s1600/4-19-13-2.gif" /></a></div>
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Now get yourself some Majak Mixtape as we are taking on our favorite reality shows including bonus footage from “Off Pitch,” all the celebrity dish and the truly WTF new show coming to Logo.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">W</span></b>e are reality show junkies here at the Majak Mixtape. Like hardcore junkies. Like Bravo is crack, and we sit around and freebase it like we were Halle Berry’s character in “Jungle Fever.” Our love for reality shows really knows no bounds as we get into everything from allegedly candid reality of things like “The Real Housewives” series to the competitive reality shows like “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and “American Idol” to the how-to reality shows like “Love It Or List It” and <s>Hot As Fuck Dudes Do Some Renovating</s> “Property Brothers.”</div>
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This week saw the debut of the Grand River Singers' reality show "Off Pitch," and we were serving all types of red carpet realness this week at the premiere at La Crosse's own Cavalier, dahling. The booze was flowing, the cupcakes were stacked high and the bow ties were ubiquitous. We even got to play our "<a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/this-mixtape-is-off-pitch-on-pitchers.html">Off Pitch" drinking game</a> with some of the cast members. Their livers may never be the same but that's the price we have to pay as a society. You can read our full recap of the first episode <a href="http://majakmixtape.blogspot.com/2013/04/get-into-all-of-this-microsoft-paint.html">here</a>.</div>
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As part of its promotion for the show, VH1 has released bonus footage from the first episode. To the surprise of anybody who watched episode one, there was footage of people having emotional breakdowns that DIDN'T end up in the first episode. Below, GRS member Aubrey has a breakdown:</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:899104/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705499%26vid%3D899104%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A899104" width="512"></iframe><br />
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Get More: </div>
<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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People are forever losing their shit in the GRS rehearsal space. It's like the show choir equivalent of the Interior Illusions Lounge on "RuPaul's Drag Race."</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvRDGNZw-A-R8KgHK9wbnTeV9mjdMMLKOnWoTCSmn52JWRwOCZBiGVWTr_1kCDudPQyRQFF6eAW-Nv1gN62jVGzIFZsC-TWOIQun-ur2zns3pWp4VQKvWSiN7MYv7qsQtrE86xplgZO3dl/s1600/4-18-13-9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvRDGNZw-A-R8KgHK9wbnTeV9mjdMMLKOnWoTCSmn52JWRwOCZBiGVWTr_1kCDudPQyRQFF6eAW-Nv1gN62jVGzIFZsC-TWOIQun-ur2zns3pWp4VQKvWSiN7MYv7qsQtrE86xplgZO3dl/s1600/4-18-13-9.gif" /></a></div>
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Source: <a href="http://fuckyeahrupaulsdragrace.tumblr.com/">Fuck Yeah! RuPaul's Drag Race</a></div>
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In honor of this emotional breakdown, our first song for this Mixtape is "Despair" from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' new album "Mosquito."</div>
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And speaking of "Drag Race," we wouldn't mind seeing GRS member Josh Bell as part of RuPaul's Pit Crew. Josh is clearly one of the breakout stars of the show because he's like a live action version of Dug the Talking Dog from "Up." Hyper, eager to please and with a beautiful mane of hair, Josh is reality TV gold.</div>
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h. In honor of this, we're dedicating a session to Josh in a thing we're calling:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZELFjk6Rie3iv38-1Gsuwj2v6Mtd2ITw92fjKB5Mw7cMdP-JFAiifZ7WFgbzvbhyklvR8SUounL3aoXyNhlIWqVMsfzQa20f17tVR4b6s2PJHRcf7cDezLF9A7-2Vsf1U6BoFlnN_Ldu/s1600/4-19-13-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZELFjk6Rie3iv38-1Gsuwj2v6Mtd2ITw92fjKB5Mw7cMdP-JFAiifZ7WFgbzvbhyklvR8SUounL3aoXyNhlIWqVMsfzQa20f17tVR4b6s2PJHRcf7cDezLF9A7-2Vsf1U6BoFlnN_Ldu/s400/4-19-13-4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Here is below footage of Josh talking about everything from Mother Earth to how he'd wake up GRS founders Rob and Tim.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:899101/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705499%26vid%3D899101%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A899101" width="512"></iframe><br />
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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There are so many gems in this segment including Josh casually referring to Mother Nature as a "red-headed bitch" and the fact that he said he loves donuts so much he'd change his middle name to Donut. But nothing quite comes close to this genius quote:</div>
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“I wouldn't bring 'em breakfast in bed or anything, 'cause, you know, who knows if they sleep naked or not, but, you know, I would serenade them at the door. Ya know, I'd sing at them through the crack. Ya know, just, good morning, Rob and Tim.”</blockquote>
Josh Bell may give some choice quotes for the editors to use, but we can only imagine what Ryan Lochte's editors had to work with because he reduced two anchors to absolute hysterics with his inability to handle their beyond softball questions they lobbed at him.<br />
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<iframe height="360" id="kaltura_player_1366382268" src="http://cdnapi.kaltura.com/index.php/kwidget/wid/1_oyyq9o26/uiconf_id/6740162/st_cache/81010?referer=http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_1okkvjs6&" style="border: 0px solid #ffffff;" width="640">Unfortunately your browser does not support IFrames.</iframe><br />
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<a href="http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_1okkvjs6">Olympian Ryan Lochte Sets New World Record ... For Stupidity</a><br />
- Watch More<br />
<a href="http://www.tmz.com/videos" title="TMZ Videos">Celebrity Videos</a><br />
or<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/subscription_center?&add_user=tmz" title="TMZ on YouTube">Subscribe</a><br />
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Some choice quotes from the interview:<br />
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"I'm a lot different than any other kind of Olympian. THere is so much more than to me than swimming. I like to go out and have fun."</blockquote>
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"My philosophy is that if you're a man at night, you have to be a man in the morning."</blockquote>
Lochte leaves the two anchors in absolute hysterics with one of them wondering, "How are they going to have enough material?" and "Seriously how are they going to put together 13 weeks of programming?"<br />
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Hopefully there will a lot less talking and a lot more of this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8B_2FNf04c9PtkJUEATjK8fYXIO2tc68JdCuWDwe06wKlO1A3Ln7ab4DDAXWpypStijOFLj8zQ0O4oLNZjV67svoh7SnbL2oKn9vXgzmirmtd_NmCgqhqcYGQe8XML7fbO9FErdVSxPK/s1600/4-19-13-6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd8B_2FNf04c9PtkJUEATjK8fYXIO2tc68JdCuWDwe06wKlO1A3Ln7ab4DDAXWpypStijOFLj8zQ0O4oLNZjV67svoh7SnbL2oKn9vXgzmirmtd_NmCgqhqcYGQe8XML7fbO9FErdVSxPK/s1600/4-19-13-6.gif" /></a></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">And while we adore </span><s style="text-align: justify;">mocking</s><span style="text-align: justify;"> writing about the Grand River Singers and Lochte, our absolutely favorite reality show of the moment is Bravo's series "Married to Medicine," a show following the exploits of </span><s style="text-align: justify;">a bunch of attention-starved people still probably trying to pay back their med school student loans</s><span style="text-align: justify;"> the medical elite and their wives in Atlanta.</span></div>
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This past week’s episode gave us here at the Majak Mixtape so much life, we think it should be put in a First Aid Kit. The episode revolved around medical wife Kari throwing a joint birthday party for her husband Duncan along with Mariah’s husband Ayden. The drama seemed to spiral out of control once Mariah’s sister told her a rumor about hearing that medical housewife Toya was letting everybody know that Mariah’s child with Ayden was not his.</div>
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Naturally this leads to a totally reasonable, rational and incredibly adult conversation between the two women that doesn't make them look like the stereotypical ratchet Black woman that populates the reality show landscape.</div>
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Or..........they beat the crap out of each other. We're going to go with the second one.<br />
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There are so many glorious things happening in this clip we don’t know where to begin. People’s idea for what constitutes appropriate black tie affair wear is hilariously at odds with each other as you have Mariah dressed like she just came from the set of “Harlem Nights,” Toya’s essentially wearing a glorified shirt as a dress, and Kari is dressed like the world’s oldest debutante waiting for her cotillion to start.<br />
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The highlight of it all is Mariah’s mother sashaying her way into the fight and repeatedly hitting Toya over the head with Stein Mart clutch purse and even congratulates her daughter for fighting with Toya.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRaVKY1NYaVg7Am30tgqw8UtIKws6GJhTRoQwqC68o0bCT0jNW2QJ7ubCH1ztMWhvCRcSXvFFfYcOZzQIE8HqksKkNv-VqW3MCXsHPJqKMVehk1dmSOzm-pVVY9iMMZqoUX7VgegI80a8h/s1600/4-19-13-5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRaVKY1NYaVg7Am30tgqw8UtIKws6GJhTRoQwqC68o0bCT0jNW2QJ7ubCH1ztMWhvCRcSXvFFfYcOZzQIE8HqksKkNv-VqW3MCXsHPJqKMVehk1dmSOzm-pVVY9iMMZqoUX7VgegI80a8h/s1600/4-19-13-5.gif" /></a></div>
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Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/tagged/married-to-medicine">RealityTVGifs</a></div>
That is some truly inspired parenting.<br />
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In honor of all of this fighting, our next song is the new music video from perpetual Twitter-feuder Azealia Banks and her latest single, "Yung Rapunxel."<br />
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We don't have the faintest idea of what's going on in this video other than that we might need to go find Jesus and repent for watching it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjbLksfnjQiJsbh8DV_Rui4GcMsw3-q_xAu0UCKxyqdtXSiqq-fZxdoYSDQFh5KMva2CiEsDR1BR4Oi3pWUP0kyOFQJazCC1ogdhJwdzG6c1BdQmhGsZw0quq4r10XkKQlDTfV5r4c2YHX/s1600/2-1-13-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjbLksfnjQiJsbh8DV_Rui4GcMsw3-q_xAu0UCKxyqdtXSiqq-fZxdoYSDQFh5KMva2CiEsDR1BR4Oi3pWUP0kyOFQJazCC1ogdhJwdzG6c1BdQmhGsZw0quq4r10XkKQlDTfV5r4c2YHX/s320/2-1-13-6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The programming on Logo, outside of anything attached to RuPaul, is pretty terrible. And that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon with their latest series that will be combining couples therapy with puppets. </div>
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And now let us:</div>
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Justin Bieber took time out of his busy schedule writing <a href="http://www.newnownext.com/justin-bieber-anne-frank-house/04/2013/?xrs=share_twitter">questionable remarks to Anne Frank</a> to post the following photo on his Instagram account to send his army of Beliebers into a frenzy.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNOvy3LAHkZnWQOSEsnsiHqrVbehiZcvlXhnXq83OH6XhiA3URuQ_1vDKURJZhKT6ymYqIwwSP-k5LXlLzJQ0QcV6EtY3Ekdjs6ZjtuAf1v2nHCWFsppxiCv4_58x7e1agi5EYBlXmy7vq/s1600/4-19-13-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNOvy3LAHkZnWQOSEsnsiHqrVbehiZcvlXhnXq83OH6XhiA3URuQ_1vDKURJZhKT6ymYqIwwSP-k5LXlLzJQ0QcV6EtY3Ekdjs6ZjtuAf1v2nHCWFsppxiCv4_58x7e1agi5EYBlXmy7vq/s320/4-19-13-3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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There is nothing not creepy about this photo since a large chunk of Bieber's fanbase still have recess. So the idea that he thought it'd be a great idea to post this bit of fanart is actually not terribly surprising given the level of thirst he usually exhibits. This is the dude who posted shirtless photos of himself just so he could try to get more votes for a VMA. The VMAs, people. Taylor Swift probably uses her Moon Man as voodoo doll for all of her exes.</div>
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Speaking of divas, Beyonce has been causing a stir as she launched her "Mrs. Carter Tour" and decided to trot out this little number.</div>
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From her controversial trip to Cuba with her husband Jay-Z to her song "Bow Down," Beyonce is clearly in a no-fucks-a-given headspace, and we are here for this. For years Beyonce has been accused of basically being a well-coiffed, amazing voiced Fembot who gave pat, pageant answers to questions and was completely devoid of any sort of personality. Well, it's hard to make that assessment now that she's telling bitches to bow down and flouncing around on stage with sparkling nipples. We have an amazingly similar outfit we wear when we go shopping for French Silk pie at Festival Food.</div>
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Also not giving a single fuck this week? Amanda Bynes. The former actress now professional trainwreck took to her Twitter to leave the following video.</div>
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Yes, we're sure you're eating a sour patch kid. It's like how one of our friends ate a "gummy bear" and ended up running naked through a cornfield.<br />
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And with that, we end this week's Mixtape. Have a fabulous weekend and check back here on Thursday for our next "Off Pitch" recap and next Friday for an all-new Mixtape.</div>
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And remember:<br />
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<br />JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-14763589278967835202013-04-18T06:16:00.001-07:002013-04-18T07:10:54.635-07:00Clef Notes: Tears of a Show Choir<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMVhkhzYpXH9DCVXrX2QxvghE3qeKV4LxtBljNNNbEvZ3hlmeAIQcQJpihD3gy3v78v-iODp4nqfsMMyRVbWyqG3kBc_-n9zD4FOJ7gEDiSIwbTLa_fjLhyvl5jnMJr_VveuGOtR70qWnW/s1600/jmay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="353" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMVhkhzYpXH9DCVXrX2QxvghE3qeKV4LxtBljNNNbEvZ3hlmeAIQcQJpihD3gy3v78v-iODp4nqfsMMyRVbWyqG3kBc_-n9zD4FOJ7gEDiSIwbTLa_fjLhyvl5jnMJr_VveuGOtR70qWnW/s640/jmay.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Get into all of this Microsoft Paint realness</span></td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">O</span></b>nce upon a time, in a land where three rivers meet, there was a group called the Grand River Singers. They were a lively band of performers who traveled the Tri-State area far and wide, laughing, singing, occasionally remembering their choreography. One day their Fairy God-producer came in contact with the group and asked them a question.</div>
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“Would you like your own reality show?” the Fairy God-Producer asked them.</div>
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“Oh yes,” they explained. “Oh yes we would!”</div>
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“Before it happens, I have three questions for you. Can you be hilariously inadequate at the most basic things required to be a singing group?”</div>
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“Oh, of course!” they said in unison.</div>
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“Can you ramp yourself into an emotional frenzy on cue?”</div>
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“We do it all the time!” they replied. “Two of us are crying right now.”</div>
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“And can you wear a lot of scarves? I mean like a lot. Like Debra Messing, <a href="http://pixel.nymag.com/content/dam/slideshows/2012/03/smash-messing/30_smash-messing-loungewear.jpg">season one of ‘Smash’</a> level of scarves.”</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinXUBKWk4YUGwYFDA1YNr2oUidLSz1nYJ8jb_AKBk9AAhlcyNokoLoCxSk8a7MuCqiiwcaEohH2dROuJ8jCvzNT2f56DpNK12uQOQsPoyMR5ii9IQajp81YzVBF9UGT50rLIw5hlUgw8Ql/s1600/4-18-13-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinXUBKWk4YUGwYFDA1YNr2oUidLSz1nYJ8jb_AKBk9AAhlcyNokoLoCxSk8a7MuCqiiwcaEohH2dROuJ8jCvzNT2f56DpNK12uQOQsPoyMR5ii9IQajp81YzVBF9UGT50rLIw5hlUgw8Ql/s320/4-18-13-5.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://pixel.nymag.com/content/dam/slideshows/2012/03/smash-messing/30_smash-messing-cardigan.jpg">Vulture</a></td></tr>
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“We bought a bunch from the ‘Smash’ going-out-of-business yard sale over at NBC so we’re good!” they said.</div>
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“Well then here is your reality show,” the Fairy God-Producer. “Remember, you only get fifteen minutes of fame.”</div>
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“What happens after that?” they asked.</div>
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“You go back to your regular lives,” the Fairy God-Producer said. “Or worse, you become one of those commenters on TruTV shows.”</div>
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A chill ran down GRS’s collective spine. “Well, we’ll make the most of it.”</div>
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“I’m sure you will,” said the Fairy God-Producer as he disappeared into the VH-1 ether, his voice echoing. “I’m sure you will.”</div>
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And with that, lights, camera, JAZZ HANDS!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh32tGio7_mAgnzT6RqRlW3ahG3jnZt_OVq8kPlDQZkSIQk9wplhQM6Ul7Lq_BvQ6VsuXRq292v-iHqJkdELwWG06VhqzWyzlRwgr4cBicN2Ijwc-VnUaMpx5zq7AhzaZa6G8FkLbqwtdTV/s1600/4-18-13-3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh32tGio7_mAgnzT6RqRlW3ahG3jnZt_OVq8kPlDQZkSIQk9wplhQM6Ul7Lq_BvQ6VsuXRq292v-iHqJkdELwWG06VhqzWyzlRwgr4cBicN2Ijwc-VnUaMpx5zq7AhzaZa6G8FkLbqwtdTV/s1600/4-18-13-3.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://s1271.photobucket.com/user/VH1digital/media/tumblr_ml3xi9DaKC1so2asao1_400_zps82806e87.gif.html?t=1365790477">VH1Digital</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still GAGGING on our Microsoft Paint skills? It's okay, boo. We'd be jealous too.</td></tr>
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When it comes to the premiere episode of “Off Pitch,” it was all about the T and A: tears and auditions. The first episode revolved around the <s>ridiculously overblown</s> earnest drama around auditioning for the Grand River Singers, La Crosse’s very own adult show choir. And can we just say how many times when explaining to people who GRS is, the looks of disappointment on their faces when people realize by “adult show choir” we mean the members are adults and not “adult show choir” as in banging while belting tunes. </div>
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Anyway, we kick off the episode with a flurry of rehearsal footage and an uncomfortably high number of blurred out faces as GRS co-founders Rob and Tim, Trim from here on out, give us background about the Grand River Singers being a “Glee”-inspired adult show choir. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJGciPEU5fHcVn99aEHMwzzldmOJYZT_tROtCoHWw3i09iGuJBOT4L0NlraeZP6KjNsXtvlEADoUSH_0b45mcztd4u-xzDRDbw0YOWuEQJJixTcVytWmHgLKN1YTdy4XZaeXEo3HD-iru7/s1600/4-18-1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJGciPEU5fHcVn99aEHMwzzldmOJYZT_tROtCoHWw3i09iGuJBOT4L0NlraeZP6KjNsXtvlEADoUSH_0b45mcztd4u-xzDRDbw0YOWuEQJJixTcVytWmHgLKN1YTdy4XZaeXEo3HD-iru7/s1600/4-18-1.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://s1271.photobucket.com/user/VH1digital/media/ROBISM_S1E1_zps2fd1a211.gif.html?sort=3&o=0">VH1Digital</a></td></tr>
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This interview quickly transitions into rehearsal footage of the group practicing Cher’s “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” from “Burlesque” so you pretty much have a very firm indication of the taste level of all the creative minds involved in this.</div>
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GRS member Kayla, over footage of the group inexplicably traipsing through a forest, let’s us know that GRS is a family. You know, like Partridge. Or Addams. Or Manson.</div>
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Side-note: Can we talk about how disappointing that a show all about people performing doesn’t have a proper theme song? That just seems like an egregious oversight so we here have decided on a few songs that GRS could sing for the opening credits of their show:</div>
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The Beatles, “With a Little Help From My Friends.”</div>
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It’s perfect right?! “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?” Apparently you won’t, you’ll give them a reality show instead.</div>
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ABBA, “Thank You For the Music.”</div>
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Vocally, GRS could not do anything worse to the ABBA catalogue that Pierce Brosnan didn’t already do in “Mamma Mia.”</div>
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Fame, “I Sing the Body Electric.”</div>
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It’s mainly because we hope that Trim shows up to one of the rehearsals with a cane, Debbie Allen style.</div>
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It’s audition day! We’re greeted with footage of members of Grand River Singers as well as other <s>attention whores</s> eager hopefuls lining up to audition for the chance to be <s>on a reality show</s> part of the illustrious Grand River Singers. The camera whips around to show a bevy of folks standing in some back alley doing warm ups. This is not unsurprising given how many of our own best performances in La Crosse have taken place in back alleys. And this is probably the part where our Mother has stopped reading this recap.</div>
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Anyway Rob tells the crowd, “We are not looking for the best singers or the best dancers. It helps. We’re looking for big personalities.” It makes total sense because why would a group DEVOTED TO SINGING AND DANCING want the best singers and dancers. That is some crazy talk.</div>
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We’re then introduced to Grand River Singers stage manager Scott and, more importantly, his immaculate facial hair.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMJCxoROdweW8dAGyyTWPmxH7yYW2exFjvwQos9PB90Zd1SLzinu9V76Ljkt-MzMH-86rilCfRZgMqwgu3gLLwTFoXJx_ZhkPF05E17DS-uhGgS3l4lXz07dBg9mNMnWxmOWwhgBpBFtm/s1600/4-18-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMJCxoROdweW8dAGyyTWPmxH7yYW2exFjvwQos9PB90Zd1SLzinu9V76Ljkt-MzMH-86rilCfRZgMqwgu3gLLwTFoXJx_ZhkPF05E17DS-uhGgS3l4lXz07dBg9mNMnWxmOWwhgBpBFtm/s400/4-18-3.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: Our own amazing skills</td></tr>
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Someone is obviously angling for some sort of Scruff endorsement deal, and we cannot knock that hustle. </div>
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We are treated to a host of quick snippets of people auditioning as well as a little thing we’re going to call:</div>
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Trim on GRS member Marcia- “She’s a good singer. Not a fabulous singer. A good singer. Terrible dancer.”</div>
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Trim on GRS member Greg- Tim: “He’s got the voice of an angel.” Rob: “And he’s the most fucking annoying person you’ll ever listen to you in your lifetime.” We like to call that a boomerang insult because once you toss it out, it’ll come hurling right back at you.</div>
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We end the auditions sequence with an appearance from GRS member Josh Bell. He decides to sing “Happy Birthday” as his piece because we assume “The Hokey Pokey” didn’t properly show off his vocal prowess. Was Josh Bell proud of his choice? You better believe it.</div>
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“I did kick the shit out of Marilyn Monroe,” he tells the camera while donned in one of his ten thousand bandanas. “That’s the year 2012 ‘Happy Birthday’ brotherfuckers.”</div>
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It’s that level of eloquence that makes us want Bell aka Honey Bon Jovi to someday end up in the same room as Olympic swimmer/fellow reality star Ryan Lochte just to see if the world could handle that much himbo interaction.</div>
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And we leave the world of auditions and promptly go to a brush-up rehearsal for the current GRS crew. Or as we like to call it:</div>
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Marcia ends up having a breakdown over not being able to dance well. Greg has a crying jag after Rob says they are going to push him to lose weight. We swear, if that story arc doesn’t end with Greg hooked on pills, wearing a fur coat, banging on the rehearsal door of GRS like Patty Duke in “Valley of the Dolls,” we will lose all faith in the reality show genre as a whole.</div>
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Josh, through his pretty tears, lets everybody know how sad he is about all the tension and how they aren’t being GRS. You all are being uncoordinated and hyper-emotional which, according to the past 11 minutes of your own show, seems fairly in keeping with what being GRS is.</div>
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The group comes together for a group hug. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio8mLtRWieESO6LWbquGqwVwIQ3y5v20UjgIcYrcWDTcvGFjA8sTRjfS4Va9rBdHIx4NCwjmYVwDDtU_FWYJ46Zm7FkC5wqE8vy0L4qW97Flu9VzGQ_dCQPm50VcisXL7aFQ629ku59krE/s1600/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio8mLtRWieESO6LWbquGqwVwIQ3y5v20UjgIcYrcWDTcvGFjA8sTRjfS4Va9rBdHIx4NCwjmYVwDDtU_FWYJ46Zm7FkC5wqE8vy0L4qW97Flu9VzGQ_dCQPm50VcisXL7aFQ629ku59krE/s320/7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://www.vh1.com/photos/gallery/?fid=1705845&pid=7984554">VH1</a></td></tr>
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And then they join hands and sing, "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)." Just kidding, but you completely believed us didn't you? Of course you did.</div>
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Performance Day! GRS gather at Riverside to perform their little hearts out for <s>wildly unreceptive</s> completely enthusiastic and engaged crowd while wondering if they are still going to be in the group. They perform “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me” and we can officially say that not even Cher tried to make this song happen as much as GRS.</div>
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And then we start the reveal! As members get added, Josh slowly but surely starts losing his shit. We suspect this is why he keeps his luscious hair so long, so he can wipe away tears at a moment's notice. Josh starts counting the number of guys and figures that he is out of the group. Rob decides to milk this moment for all he can; we sort of adore <s>the producers</s> Rob's enthusiasm when it comes to fucking with people in fragile emotional states in public places. To the surprise of pretty much only Josh, he makes it into the group again.</div>
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Marcia and Kayla cling onto each other, with Marcia telling to not cry if she doesn’t make into the group. This is underscored by a Muzak version of “Don’t Cry for me Argentina.” Somewhere Patti Lupone weeps. </div>
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Kayla makes it into the group and leaves Marcia standing there on the stage. The air is thick with tension. Naw, just kidding. There are episodes of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPQ3ArOFeSs">The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo</a> that had more suspense. Of course, Marcia gets into the group.</div>
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There are tears and hugs and it starts raining glitter and sequins from the sky. Okay, so the last part isn't true but you KNOW Trim would've been all about that if they had had a bigger budget.</div>
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We end the episode with sage words from Josh:</div>
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“We keep it honest and frank, right on the table. Here's the table, here's what I say. Take it or leave it. You don’t have to it eat. It’s gonna be good. It's gonna be good.”</div>
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Josh Bell, the Shakespeare of show choir performers.</div>
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And with that we close out this first recap of “Off Pitch.” Join us next week as we dish the dirt, sing the songs, and dry all of those tears. Will GRS get out of La Crosse? Will someone suffer a jazz hand related injury? Will we ever hear more than thirty seconds of a GRS performance? Stay tuned and find out.</div>
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Be sure to like us on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook</a> and follow us on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/themajakmixtape">Twitter</a>!</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-35103194399544371382013-04-12T07:11:00.000-07:002013-04-12T07:14:10.295-07:00This Mixtape is Off Pitch and On Pitchers of Beers<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>O</b></span>h Mixtapers, we’re just going to own up to the fact that we love terrible music. We don’t mean it in some obnoxious, hipster, hyper-ironic sort of way. We legitimately enjoy the worst that the music industry has to offer. We unabashedly have pretty much every dance single from every Real Housewife on our computer. In the 1990s, we probably single-handedly kept the worst corners of the teen pop music afloat. And for people that love terrible music, this week has been the gift that keeps on giving as a flurry of terrible music releases have been unleashed onto an unsuspecting public.</div>
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First up, Avril Lavigne has taken time out of her busy schedule of planning her wedding to Nickelback singer Chad Kroeger to put out a new single. It’s called “Here’s to Never Growing Up” because apparently deep in Avril’s Hot Topic heart, she’s really a Toys R Us kid. Maybe?</div>
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Avril Lavigne is like pop music’s more aggressively juvenile Peter Pan. At this point, we can’t even be mad at her steadfast refusal to never grow up when it comes to her image. Blink 182 still dress like we’ve caught them between shifts at PacSun.</div>
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Next up, Ray J has managed to record a new single from the confines of an ICU. That’s the only way we can explain the level of THIRST in his new track that discusses having sex with Kim Kardashian ten thousand relationships ago. The song has the amazing title of “I Hit It First.” </div>
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<iframe frameborder="no" height="166" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F86665190" width="100%"></iframe></div>
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We hope Ray J can afford some Ethan Allen furniture since he so desperately needs to find himself a seat.</div>
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And finally, Brad Paisley and LL Cool J cure racism with their song “The Accidental Racist,” a title that somehow ISN’T a title of a Tracey Jordan film. In the tune, Paisley and LL Cool J try to come to some sort of understanding about Paisley’s desire to show his Southern pride by wearing a Confederate flag. You want to show your Southern pride? Get a bumper sticker with a photo of some collard greens.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="no" height="166" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F87011876" width="100%"></iframe></div>
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This song includes lines like:<br />
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“If you don’t judge my gold chains, I’ll forget the iron chains” and “If you don’t judge my do-rag, I won’t judge your red flag.” </blockquote>
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Last time we checked, a do-rag never tried to secede from the union. The only way this song could get more offensive is if the music video was of LL Cool J and Brad Paisley tap dancing down a staircase dressed up like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjCFYpWDmfM">Bojangles and Shirley Temple</a>.<br />
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Now twirl yourself into the rest of the Mixtape as we provide you the necessary "Off Pitch" drinking game as well as spilling that celebrity tea as always.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmDEA65ROcUN8H46WvMMktKtw_JEtYXPVLcetQwL2bBLlHYwg7WwkjiiaA-DyIYBEKPoI6EUpwwFSrlgaWQyME0jjYC7LvfjULPArEVFbjEW-rG9m9CxN4af9d3tCvxpuEvc8W1puuHRws/s1600/4-12-13-2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmDEA65ROcUN8H46WvMMktKtw_JEtYXPVLcetQwL2bBLlHYwg7WwkjiiaA-DyIYBEKPoI6EUpwwFSrlgaWQyME0jjYC7LvfjULPArEVFbjEW-rG9m9CxN4af9d3tCvxpuEvc8W1puuHRws/s1600/4-12-13-2.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/page/4">RealityTVGifs</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>W</b></span>e’re less than a week away from the official premiere of the Grand River Singers reality show “Off Pitch,” and nothing says ready to have a front row seat for this glorious train wreck quite like devising our very own drinking game. We figured we might as well be as drunk watching the show as the people were when they gave it the green light.</div>
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Before we begin, remember, never drink and jazz hand under the influence. Someone’s liable to lose an eye.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMAtkBy6FnYNDj83Jkv3U9e3d9sXG2z4gQYBF3kzQfLbq8SJZQpaaR7SkQc51rien_biSikJ1XkZVyiNHmvtyYIL3NCJlXTxxZmkjZvImD_bXmn1swCX3Mf1kxcfq4s9RQqJVdcV5e65o-/s1600/3a1ba7fa-fd90-4ef0-a5df-8edece3dc84a_zps96a2b9da.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMAtkBy6FnYNDj83Jkv3U9e3d9sXG2z4gQYBF3kzQfLbq8SJZQpaaR7SkQc51rien_biSikJ1XkZVyiNHmvtyYIL3NCJlXTxxZmkjZvImD_bXmn1swCX3Mf1kxcfq4s9RQqJVdcV5e65o-/s1600/3a1ba7fa-fd90-4ef0-a5df-8edece3dc84a_zps96a2b9da.jpg" /></a></div>
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Somebody cries. Based on the first episode alone, we’re surprised that “Off Pitch” didn’t get Kleenex to be a sponsor given the amount of tears that are being shed. People are crying because they’re sad, crying because they’re happy, crying because we assume a sequin got into a tear duct.</div>
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Somebody is drinking booze. Setting a show in La Crosse and not seeing somebody downing a few beers is as likely to happen as going through a season of "Bad Girls Club"</div>
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without a girl’s lady business having to be blurred out.</div>
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Below GRS member Aubrey makes cocktails for her pals at La Crosse establishment Big Al’s.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:897306/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705193%26vid%3D897306%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A897306" width="512"></iframe><br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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We love how half of Aubrey’s interview segment is devoted to how she’s already tipsy. We can’t wait for them to repurpose this for the opening segment of her episode of “Intervention.” We hope Kristin Chenoweth leads the session.</div>
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In honor of all of this, our next song in this Mixtape is “How Many Drinks Remix” from Miguel and featuring Kendrick Lamar.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bpK9DG03wiI" width="420"></iframe><br /></div>
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You see somebody wearing a scarf. Take two drinks when it’s somebody other than GRS founder Rob Jones. Seriously, the scarf budget on this show must be astronomical. Extra drinking points whenever you wonder how many shirts with beyond questionable prints on the cuffs GRS co-founder Tim has in his wardrobe.</div>
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Below Tim and Rob, our as we like to refer to them as "Trim," give us a tour of La Crosse. Congratulations to the both of them for being able to get through "Ol' Man River" without wearing any blackface.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:897298/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705191%26vid%3D897298%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A897298" width="512"></iframe><br /></div>
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Get More: </div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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Somebody is actually off pitch. It’s sort of a given, you know, with the title and all.</div>
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Somebody does jazz hands. </div>
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Somebody does blades.</div>
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You realize you know the difference between jazz hands and blades.</div>
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There is a WTF face on an audience member during a GRS performance.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMtka4tU0EFTNAS_CpnULwGt3yKbImnAKbms4wvTQB9zd8JbGZqrGXqWFcwvO0ol1Wu5vpIJAEt0B6WqA9Z4UWcsiNsrbhMbDBJzuFi0P5vQp4XzB96Zwvj8nYHFR9IU7xn5os89vUszdx/s1600/4-12-3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMtka4tU0EFTNAS_CpnULwGt3yKbImnAKbms4wvTQB9zd8JbGZqrGXqWFcwvO0ol1Wu5vpIJAEt0B6WqA9Z4UWcsiNsrbhMbDBJzuFi0P5vQp4XzB96Zwvj8nYHFR9IU7xn5os89vUszdx/s1600/4-12-3.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com/tagged/married-to-medicine">RealityTVGifs</a></td></tr>
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Marcia messes up the choreography. We’re not saying that Marcia is bad at the choreography (yes, yes we are). We'll be surprised if she makes it all the way through the season without accidentally impaling herself on a microphone stand.</div>
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Rob is on screen and not talking. Trust us, it’ll probably be the least amount of alcohol you’ll consume during this game.</div>
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Nicholas gets edited into looking like an offensive gay stereotype. Take three drinks if you’re friends with him like us and know that he IS an offensive gay stereotype. The amount of hairspray Nicholas will go through during the course of the series will probably cause the Environmental Protection Agency to launch some sort of investigation into "Off Pitch."</div>
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Below, Marcia and Nicholas vie to become the new Karen and Jack.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:897330/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705197%26vid%3D897330%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A897330" width="512"></iframe><br /></div>
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Get More: </div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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You see Greg rocking a bow tie. If you’ve ever wondered what a baby faced, Midwestern Dr. Who would look like, you’ve got Greg and his extensive collection of bow ties.</div>
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And trust us, we know a little thing about bow ties.</div>
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You put Josh aka Honey Bon Jovi on mute and admire his <s>everything</s> hair.</div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" height="288" src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/embed/mgid:uma:video:vh1.com:897325/cp~channelId%3D3%26id%3D1705197%26vid%3D897325%26instance%3Dvh1%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Avh1.com%3A897325" width="512"></iframe><br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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A GRS member makes a heartfelt speech, specifically about how much the group means to them. Nothing offsets saccharine like a shot of gin.</div>
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Somebody is a diva during the rehearsal process. Given the amount of quirky personalities in one room together, it’ll be no surprise that they’ll probably be the occasional raised voice in the process. You have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet, and you go to bruise a few egos to make a <s>reality show worth not canceling after its first week on air</s> successful show choir.</div>
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The first episode of "Off Pitch" is available now on Hulu and iTunes for free. Be sure to come back next week as we recap the first episode!</div>
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First up in commercial break, Oprah has reached Ray J levels of desperation when it comes to keeping her OWN television network afloat apparently as she is now appearing in ads as her "Color Purple" character along with Tyler Perry as Madea.</div>
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Next up, The Air Curler.</div>
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There is not enough I CAN'T in the world for this product.</div>
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And finally, a dating website for the rural folks.</div>
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We love that, according to this ad, one of the horrible people you could end up talking to you on regular a dating website is a lonely ethnic person. The horror of it all.</div>
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Now it’s time to</div>
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Here’s a glimpse into the potential future of the cast members of “Off Pitch.” Farrah from “Teen Mom 2” is <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/04/10/farrah-abraham-james-deen-sex-tape-dead-ex-boyfriend/">shopping a porn movie </a>around to people as a bid to squeak out another few milliseconds of D-list fame. At first, Farrah tried to pass this off as some sort of Kim Kardashian/Pam Anderson sex tape. That quickly went down the tube (phrasing?) when her co-star, porn star James Deen, let it be known that it wasn’t some candid video but a regular ole porno. The whole situation has left us with so many questions:</div>
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Who thought this was a good idea?</div>
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Is Farrah more unprofessional on the set than James Deen’s “The Canyons” co-star Lindsay Lohan?</div>
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Will Farrah be providing the musical soundtrack for the video?</div>
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In other MTV reality show news, the producer and cast of "Buckwild" are annoyed that a week after their cast member and breakout star Shaine Gandee died the network has <a href="http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/04/10/mtv-buckwild-canceled/">decided to cancel the show</a>. The producer and cast members have gone as far as saying that Shaine would've wanted them to continue <s>famewhoring</s> making the show. Nothing quite says "bereavement" and "honoring the dead" quite like wanting to continue making a reality show, right?</div>
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Cast members even got into <a href="http://www.eonline.com/news/406639/buckwild-producer-slams-cancellation-and-disses-teen-mom-jenelle-evans-fires-back-on-twitter">a feud on Twitter</a>, of course, with the cast members of "Teen Mom 2." It's a fight where we can gleefully say that we are Team Nobody.</div>
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In other, non-reality show news, the president of Malawi <a href="http://gawker.com/5994159/president-of-malawi-says-madonna-just-came-unannounced-and-made-poor-people-dance-for-her">is as annoyed with Madonna</a> as anybody who has bought her last two albums. It all began when Madonna came to Malawi to check on her charitable deeds and even penned a handwritten note, hilariously addressing the PRESIDENT OF A COUNTRY BY HER FIRST NAME. We mean, we get it. You're Madonna. You're an icon. You can do pretty much anything except for maybe having a viable movie career. But starting off a letter to the president of Malawi with "Dear Joyce" is five kinds of too familiar. She's a president, not the lady that does your Restylane injections.</div>
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In response to this trip, President Banda revoked Madonna's VIP status as a visitor. We didn't even know that that was a thing that heads of state could just be doling out to people. The best part of President Banda's takedown of Madonna was the following line:</div>
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"<span style="background-color: #f6f6f6; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Liberation Serif', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;">She just came unannounced and proceeded to villages and made poor people dance for her."</span></blockquote>
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Hey, it could've been worse. She could've made them sit through a screening of "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmec0w5G4xA">The Next Best Thing</a>."</div>
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And with that we bring this Mixtape to a glorious conclusion. Make sure to add us on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/themajakmixtape">Facebook</a> and follow us on <a href="https://twitter.com/themajakmixtape">Twitter</a>. And as always, remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-18889630928954202902013-04-05T06:34:00.000-07:002013-04-05T06:44:05.011-07:00This Mixtape Is Harter, Better, Faster, Stronger<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>H</b></span>ello Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching the sequins off of your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape. We are less than two weeks away from the debut of the Grand River Singers reality show “Off Pitch” and we couldn’t be more excited for that train wreck to finally pull into our television station. </div>
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In the newest promo, VH-1 highlights the stress and drama of waiting to be chosen to be in GRS as Robert Jones announces the latest lineup of folks. Due to the super trailer pretty much giving away who makes it into the group, this has about as much dramatic tension as an episode of “House Hunters.”</div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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Does Marcia make it into the group? Hopefully she does, if only because of her ninja ways with a microphone.</div>
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<a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch</a>, <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/off_pitch/series.jhtml" style="color: #439cd8;" target="_blank">Off Pitch </a></div>
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Since we are the eternal optimists, we’re just going to assume that the VH-1 will see the <s>utter desperation for any shred of fame</s> talent of the cast has and starts making spin-offs for them. And since we are not only optimists but also <s>shamelessly riding the coattails of folks like we’re one of Destiny’s children</s> filled with creative ideas, we’ve decided to pitch a few “Off Pitch” spin-off ideas for VH-1 and other networks.</div>
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First up,</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"> “Love and Jazz Hands.”</span></b></div>
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We’re a huge fan of the utter ratchet mess that is the “Love and Hip Hop” franchise on VH-1. The second season of the Atlanta edition is debuting this month and VH-1 just released the “super trailer” for it. </div>
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We think they should take some of the cast members and pluck them into a gritty urban environment. Show choir vocals would be so much more amazing with some chopped and screwed production. And besides, we just really want to watch GRS member Nicholas rip the weave out of someone’s head while singing “Firework."</div>
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Next,</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>"Rob and Tim's Show Choir Takeover"</b></span></div>
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Our next idea is that Rob and Tim get in touch with their inner Tabatha Coffey and travel around to different middle school/high school show choirs that are floundering and help them step their game up. All they would have to do is play footage from “Off Pitch” to show them what not to do.</div>
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And finally </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>“Project Runway: Show Choir Edition.”</b></span></div>
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Let us be real, it couldn’t be any worse than this current season. Lifetime could gather designers from all across America to design outfits for show choirs. The true challenge of it all would to make people of all shapes and sizes look like the same level of shit. Not an easy task, but we’re sure through grit, determination and more glitter than a Ke$ha urine sample, these designers could pull it off. Instead of saying “Make it work,” Tim Gunn could say, “MAKE IT SING.” </div>
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Heidi Klum would conclude the episode with, “In show choir, sometimes you’re on key and sometimes you’re not. I’m sorry, you’re off-pitch.”</div>
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Now get into an all-new Mixtape. Get into all of it as we bid a fond farewell to the Matt Harter era of La Crosse and brew us a cup of celebrity tea.</div>
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Have yourself a seat.</div>
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Oh elections, how we love you, mainly because stuffing a ballot box is the closest we usually get to being a top. This week saw Tim Kabat elected as the new mayor of La Crosse, bringing a close to the glorious four years that were the Matt Harter era.</div>
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Oh Mayor Harter, how we’re going to miss you. We loved everything about because you always were able to provide us with so much fodder. You were like a real life version of the Bobby Newport character from “Parks and Recreation,” expertly played by Paul Rudd.</div>
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Back in 2009, Harter was elected mayor of La Crosse at the ripe old age of 24. Yes, 24. You read that right. We even went on Harter’s Wikipedia page to verify this fact. And yes, Mayor Harter even has his own Wikipedia page. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathias_Harter) This victory made a) Matt Harter the youngest mayor in the history of La Crosse and b) the rest of look like unbelievable slackers.</div>
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In honor of this, we kick off this Mixtape with Majical Cloudz and their song “Childhood’s End.”</div>
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Our favorite thing that ever came out of the Harter era was his <a href="http://lacrossetribune.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/article_63b4a56c-d0d9-11de-a005-001cc4c002e0.html">calendar scandal</a> that happened fairly early on in his term. Mayor Harter appeared on the cover of an annual fundraising calendar done by the local radio station 95.7 The Rock. Harter went as far as signing copies of the calendar and even lent his voice to ads promoting it, saying, “Hi, I’m Mayor Matt Harter, and I approve this calendar.”</div>
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Unfortunately for Harter, approving this calendar meant co-signing a bunch of photos of half-naked women on pool tables and tractors. It was an idea OBVIOUSLY stolen from the yearly Supreme Court Justice Christmas card.</div>
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When faced with this criticism, Mayor Harter let it be known that he never actually flipped through the calendar. We never really bought that idea since it was a calendar and not a picture-less book.</div>
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We’re going to miss you Mayor Harter, if only because there was something sort of awesome about bumping into the mayor of our town at wristband night at The Library. In case you return to your family’s trash and recycling business, we have the perfect song for you. It’s Tyler, the Creator’s tune “Trashwang” from his new album “Wolf.”</div>
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We interrupt this Mixtape to remind of that moment when Megan Draper thought it was a good idea to do this for her husband Don on last season of “Mad Men.”</div>
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The new season of “Mad Men” starts this Sunday, and we are totally excited for reasons actually not connected to Jon Hamm’s penis. We know, shocking. </div>
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Things we want to happen in Season Six:</div>
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1. Fired employee Sal takes time out of his busy schedule trolling parks for tricks and makes a reappearance in a remount of "Bye, Bye Birdie."</div>
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2. January Jones never dons that horrendous fat suit again.</div>
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3. Peggy Olsen gets high again.</div>
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4. Zosia Mamet appears again, this time in dual roles of both her lesbian photographer character AND Shoshanna from “Girls.”</div>
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5. We see Donald Draper’s penis.</div>
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DAMN IT. Almost made it through that list without referencing it. Sorry not sorry about it.</div>
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Speaking of “Girls,” the actor who plays Charlie <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/chris-abbott-quits-girls-seasons-article-1.1307804">has decided to quit</a>. Sources close to the actor say he was unhappy with the direction the show was going. Sounds like somebody finally decided to marathon episodes of season 2.</div>
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Less tears, more white girl twerkin next season.</div>
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Hey Mixtapers, have you ever been sitting around and thought to yourself, “Gee, I really love songs about blowjobs, but I just can’t seem to find one with a terrible enough metaphor?” Well you’re in luck because 98 Degrees have decided to rectify this situation with their latest effort titled “Microphone.” The song has such Grammy-worthy lyrics like: </div>
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“Put this in your hands (Put this in your hands!)<br />
And hold it up to your lips<br />
We can be a two-piece band<br />
And make some hits while you sing in this microphone”</blockquote>
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Oh electronic cigarettes, the new favorite D-list celebrity endorsement. First we had Stephen Dorff endorsing them.</div>
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This week saw Courtney Love deciding to take a break from being a mess to unveil her new ad campaign for an electronic cigarette.</div>
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Electronic cigarettes endorsements: where the only ash is the remains of your once promising career.</div>
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This week, Snoop Dogg put out a new single with, of all people, Miley Cyrus. Normally we’d be rolling our eyes at this collaboration but since Snoop Dogg once did a song with the boy band Big Time Rush, this is actually a step up in the world. Make of that what you will. </div>
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At this point we’re pretty sure we could get Snoop to do a song with us as long as we booked a studio and had enough weed.</div>
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We end this Mixtape saluting one of our favorite movie critics, Roger Ebert. After a tumultuous battle with cancer, Ebert died the age of 70. You will truly be missed. But we’ll always have the reviews. And we will also have “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls,” the absolutely bonkers movie you wrote with Russ Meyer.</div>
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As always, thank you for reading and have a wonderful weekend. And remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-70637745651056213052013-03-29T09:50:00.000-07:002013-03-29T09:50:13.647-07:00This Mixtape is Hippity Hoppitying Down The Treasure Trail<br />
Bunnies. Bonnets. Undead messiahs. Easter has a little bit for everybody, doesn’t it? We here at the Mixtape have always enjoyed the holiday mainly because a) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups somehow are ten times more delicious when they are processed into the shape of an egg and b) we look absolutely delightful in pastels.<br />
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For those of you who never went to Sunday school OR never got around to renting “The Passion of the Christ,” Easter basically revolves around a comeback story greater than Cher’s and Tina Turner’s combined as Jesus Christ died for our sins and then three days later was basically like, “Psyche! Totally alive again.”<br />
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This coming back, against all of the odds in the world, has us here at the Mixtape thinking about other comebacks that are trying to happen in 2013 because we’ve never found a sacred religious event that we couldn’t twist into the opportunity for sarcastic barbs.<br />
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Here are some things trying to make a comeback in 2013:<br />
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Number one: Matt Lauer’s good reputation<br />
Matt Lauer’s public persona has taken such a knock lately we’re waiting for the “Today Show” to unveil the new segment “Where in the World is Matt Lauer’s Likeability.” Lauer has been on the bad side of a lot of press ever since the nasty exit of his co-host Ann Curry from the “Today Show” and the resulting decline in the ratings. <br />
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We never had any sort of special affection for Lauer, but we definitely started having an active dislike of him when he interviewed Anne Hathaway and decided to kick off the interview referencing paparazzi snapping photos of her private parts when she was getting out of her car at the premiere of “Les Miserables.”<br />
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Anne survived Oscars with James Franco, Russell Crowe’s singing AND Christian Bale’s Batman voice so she really did not have time for Lauer’s bullshit.<br />
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Recently, NBC executives have come out in defense of Matt Lauer but these are the same people that greenlit “Whitney” and “Animal Practice” so their judgment about a lot of things isn’t what we‘d call stellar.<br />
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Number Two: Amanda Bynes’ tenuous grasp on reality<br />
We’ve loved Amanda Bynes since she was offering advice to troubled adolescents as her alter ego Ashley on “All That.”<br />
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We also enjoyed her movie “She’s the Man” if only because it introduced us to the glory of shirtless Channing Tatum.<br />
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And then Amanda Bynes got Twitter and opened the door to let us into her exceedingly whacked out mind.<br />
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Recently Bynes took to her Twitter to let the world know that she wants rapper Drake to <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/21/amanda-bynes-drake-vagina_n_2929248.html">“murder” her vagina</a>. We have no idea what that exactly means, but we did once let a frat boy manslaughter our face and that was AMAZING.<br />
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Sane! Amanda Bynes, please come back to us. Mainly because we really want a sequel to “What a Girl<br />
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Number Three: Boy bands who actually dance.<br />
We have no problem with One Direction. They are adorable twinks with accents. But we long for the days when boy band choreography required more movement than just jumping up and down excitedly to the music. We were reminded of this exact fact when the Backstreet Boys decided to release their own version of the “Harlem Shake” and included some of their old choreography into the routine.<br />
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This also makes us wish that there was another season of “House of Carters” if only for more epic fights between Nick and Aaron.<br />
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Continue reading as we take on gay marriage, Rick Ross lyrics, the latest “Off Pitch” commercial and so much more.<br />
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Oh gay marriage, you’re having a moment right now aren’t you? You’re on the cover of “Time” magazine, all over the social networks and, most importantly, being argued about in front of the Supreme Court. You’re like the It Girl of social justice movements and we are living for every second of it.<br />
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In honor of gay marriage, we kick off this Mixtape with Active Child's song "Evening Ceremony"<br />
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This week, attorneys went before the Supreme Court to discuss both California’s Proposition 8 as well as the Defense of Marriage Act. The Supreme Court Justices for their part seemed fairly nervous about whether or not they should be even hearing these cases.<br />
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Justice Samuel Alito said:<br />
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“Traditional marriage has been around for thousands of years. Same-sex marriage is very new. You want us to step in and render a decision based on an assessment of the effects of this institution which is newer than cell phones or the Internet.” </blockquote>
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Gay marriage: younger than both spring time and the iPhone apparently.<br />
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What these proceedings have lacked any sort of real stance on the issue from the justices, it’s more than made up in delicious quotes from them. Our particular favorite was from Justice Elena Kagan as she addressed the notion that whole point of marriage is for procreation:<br />
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" ... Suppose a state said that, 'Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation, we are not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55.' Would that be constitutional? ... If you are over the age of 55, you don't help us serve the government's interest in regulating procreation through marriage. So why is that different?"</blockquote>
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Clearly Kagan was moved by the ten thousand engagements/near marriage storylines that happened during the run of “Golden Girls.”<br />
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And from "Golden Girls" to Spice Girls, our next song is Melanie C doing a solo version of "Viva Forever" at an Australian radio station this week.<br />
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And while the Supreme Court heard arguments, people took to their Facebook accounts to change their profile pictures to red equal symbols in support of gay marriage. It’s like KONY 2012, except nobody’s had a meltdown and ended up naked in the street. Yet.<br />
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Oh you thought we forgot about that time you were all about THAT movement and set your Facebook picture to a KONY 2012 photo to only find out it was basically a big ole scam? Oh no, we have a long memory here at the Mixtape.<br />
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This week saw VH-1 releasing another new promo for the upcoming Grand River Singers reality show “Off Pitch.” In this promo, GRS member Marcia tells us the difference between jazz hands and blades.<br />
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Sadly blades does not involve shanking a rival show choir.<br />
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In music news, rapper Rick Ross took time out of his busy schedule of taking his shirt off in performances to defend his disgusting lyrics in the Rocko song “U.O.E.N.O”<br />
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In the song, Ross raps the following line: “Put molly all in the champagne, you dont even know it/I took her home and I enjoy that, she aint even know it.”<br />
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In a recent interview, Ross said, “I would never use the term rape, you know, in my lyrics.” No, you just described a rape scenario and let us come up with the term for you. Think of it as like a really a-hole version of the “$50,000 Pyramid.”<br />
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And now let us spill:<br />
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The La Crosse area is quickly becoming THE destination for reality shows as it was revealed this week that HGTV's "House Hunters" <a href="http://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/home-and-garden/local-family-to-appear-on-hgtv-s-house-hunters/article_d22ddcf6-90b7-11e2-af9c-001a4bcf887a.html">filmed an episode</a> of the program and it will air in April.</div>
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We're still trying to figure out why La Crosse has become such a hot spot for filming reality shows. Maybe it's the picturesque scenery. Maybe it's the friendly townspeople. It's probably because the production staff of any of these shows can get shitfaced on what they would spend just to get into a club in Los Angeles.</div>
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In honor of "House Hunters" coming to the area, we end this Mixtape with Phantom Planet's lovely cover of Crosby Stills and Nash's song "Our House."</div>
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Have a great weekend and remember:</div>
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-16181673839507806432013-03-22T07:41:00.002-07:002013-03-22T08:16:47.404-07:00This Mixtape Got 99 Problems But Off Pitch Ain't One<br />
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Oh reality shows, where hope and aggressive mediocrity spring eternal. This week saw the release of the super trailer for the brand new VH1 reality series “Off Pitch,” focusing around La Crosse’s very own adult show choir the Grand River Singers (more on all of that later, hunty). </div>
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With promotion kicking into high gear for the series, we here at the Mixtape started thinking of other things in La Crosse that would make for brilliant reality shows because nothing there is nothing like making a tidy profit off the desperate, fame-seeking desires of others. Right? Right.</div>
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Think of it as like “Gorillas in the Mist” but the gorillas are homophobic, misogynistic douche bags dressed in Aeropostale. We’d follow a set of bros in their natural habitats including The Library, Brothers and Coconut Joe's as they take time out of their busy schedules of doing Insanity workout videos to binge drink and try to score some fun girl for the evening. They laugh, they fight, they have an obscenely high amount of homoerotic sexual tension. And if that isn’t interesting enough for you, the cost of this show would be minimal. You literally would only have to pay the cast with Affliction muscle tees and Buckle jeans. </div>
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NBC has “The Voice.” Oxygen has “The Face.” ABC has “The Taste.” We’d like to introduce “The Shot,” the reality show that would combine two of our favorite hobbies: getting drunk and judging people as we’d put bartenders to the test of coming up with the best shot in weekly challenges that would test their creativity as well as our liver. We would naturally be the host of the show and if RuPaul can have her Pit Crew, we’d have our Shot Boys. Shaken and stirred, honey.</div>
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Before there was Sweet Brown, there was La Crosse’s very own Peaches.</div>
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Famous for strutting around La Crosse in a variety of colorful outfits, we would all watch the living crap out of a Peaches reality show.<br />
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And if doesn’t work out, she totally could become the newest member of Grand River Singers for season 2 of “Off Pitch.” We all got time for that.</div>
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Continue reading as we take on the Grand River Singers, the season finale of Girls and all the celebrity tea worthy to spill. Shake your booty, gurl.</div>
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Before we begin this Mixtape, we'd just like to state that we adore and love everybody in Grand River Singers. Now, that we have that out of the way, time for us to mock the living shit out of them.</div>
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There have been so many thought-provoking series that have illuminated the VH-1 landscape over the years like “Breaking Bonaduce,” “My Fair Brady,” and “Fantasia For Real.”</div>
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Joining this pantheon of reality television excellence is “Off-Pitch,” a <s>scripted within an inch of its life</s> candid reality show following the adventures of La Crosse’s self-proclaimed “ambassadors of music,” the Grand River Singers.<br />
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Aw the Grand River Singers, a group that has never met a weave or a piece of glitter they didn’t like as they jazz-hand their way across the Tri-State area in their bid to bring <s>middling</s> high energy entertainment to the <s>under-whelmed</s> enthusiastic masses. </div>
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Between all the high kicks and the spray tans, the group has been able to raise a substantial amount of money for art scholarships for local youth. Who says acts of charity can’t involve splits and a costume change? NOT I, my Mixtapers. Not I.</div>
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This week saw the release of a “super trailer” for the group’s upcoming reality show. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it would be like if you took “Glee” musical numbers, the Midwest satire of “Drop Dread Gorgeous” and the intense waves of secondhand embarrassment of “Waiting For Guffman” and put them all together with a dash of talking head segments of “Modern Family,” your prayers have been answered.<br />
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We can already tell that GRS member Josh is already being positioned as the breakout star with the amount of time given to him in the trailer for the show. It's probably because of his combination of 1980s rocker beauty and his adorably Bullwinkle brain. We've already decided to dub him "Honey Bon Jovi."<br />
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We also appreciate the fact that the head chiefs of GRS, Rob and Tim, are basically dressed like the gay couple from "Best in Show."<br />
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And if the series is going to be filled with confrontations as awkward as the one between Steven and Greg, we are totally in because there is no better place to have a totally <s>producer-driven</s> candid come-to-Jesus meeting than next to frozen chicken patties at a Festivals grocery store.<br />
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Since the announcement of the series, there has been a whole lot of pearl clutching around social media about the series potentially putting La Crosse in a bad light, which we find sort of ridiculous; La Crosse at one time was known nationally for allegedly having a serial killer throwing dead people into the Mississippi River so we’re pretty sure it can withstand some <s>questionable,</s> well-meaning choreography that can't be anymore awkward than a Miley Cyrus "twerking" video.<br />
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“Off Pitch” debuts on April 17 and you can best believe we are going to be recapping it to filth, Mixtapers. If we can withstand four years of Lea Michelle making this face while singing on "Glee":</div>
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We can pretty much survive anything.</div>
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We interrupt this Mixtape for a:<br />
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Who knew that Naomi Campbell was equally adept at throwing shade as she is hurling a cellphone at an assistant’s head? Well we all do now as Naomi uses a very pointed tone to call out Coco Rocha's questionable use of purple lipstick.</div>
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And now we take on the second season finale of "Girls" in a segment we’re calling</div>
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Here’s the thing about the difference between season 1 and season 2 of “Girls.” Season 1 was like a pop star’s big hit album, filled with lots of catchy hits and some boring filler. But it at least showed promise and some sense of direction. Season 2 of “Girls” is like when that pop star comes out with his or her sophomore album and tries to make some bid for artistic merit by suddenly going all dark and twisty. This season was basically Lena Dunham’s “My December” to her first season's "Breakaway."</div>
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The season finale found our self-involved ladies pretty much back where they started: Hannah in the arms of Adam, Marnie back with Charlie, Shoshanna being single and Jessa being a non-motherfucking factor. Such growth.<br />
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In honor of these ladies, our next song is "She" by the amazing singer Laura Mvula.<br />
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Whatever point Lena Dunham seemed to have in season one pretty much dissipated by the middle of season 2 as plots seemed to go nowhere faster than Alyssa and Coco’s feud on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” And the few points that Dunham seemed to be making got lost among a lot of meandering plotlines.<br />
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A lot of the press that has surrounded Girls has been how it’s a more realistic, grittier version of Sex and the City. All the nope in the world on that belief. Just because these privileged white people look like shit while being self-involved doesn’t make it any more grounded in reality than the haute couture mess that was “Sex and the City.”</div>
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Whatever “Sex and the City” and its problems were (so many puns), you could at least say it has some sort of point-of-view. “Girls” is pretty aimless. In the hands of better writers, actors, directors, craft service people, this could be some sort of meta-commentary on the characters. But nobody on this show is that talented, and it’s pretty much devolved into a series of vaguely connected vignettes with one of the various themes: a. Hannah is pathetic, b. Marnie is pathetic, c. Shoshanna is comparatively less pathetic, d. Jessa is a special butterfly.</div>
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If this season has taught us anything, it’s that apparently nobody in New York City is having a good time ever. Or if they are, they clearly aren’t hanging out with Hannah and her crew, which actually makes total sense.</div>
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In honor of "Girls" and hopefully a change in better quality for its third season, we present Postal Service and their newest tune "Turn Around."</div>
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Two months ago, Justin Timberlake put out this gloriously stupid promo for his new album “The 20/20 Experience” that’s out this week.</div>
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This week, Andy Cohen decided to do dead-on parody of said video for promotion of the upcoming “Real Housewives of Atlanta” three-part reunion.</div>
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Now let us do what?!</div>
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In a blow to true love everywhere, Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough decided <s>not to re-up her bearding contract</s> <a href="http://news-briefs.ew.com/2013/03/16/ryan-seacrest-julianne-hough-have-split/">to break up</a>. The two cited their busy schedules as the cause for the break-up as Seacrest has probably been too busy trying to get a film crew inside of Kim Kardashian’s uterus.</div>
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In other news, Jessie J <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/16/jessie-j-shaves-head-photo_n_2891262.html">shaved her head for charity</a>. We’d all be happier if she had shaved off some of that melisma from her singing repertoire instead.</div>
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In total random celebrity news, Redfoo of LMFAO is trying to bring his party rocking ways to<a href="http://music-mix.ew.com/2013/03/17/madonna-rips-boy-scouts-glaad-awards/"> a tennis court near you</a> as there are reports that he’s now attempting to be a professional tennis player. Who knows. Maybe John McEnroe would have been a lot nicer on the court with AutoTune.</div>
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You know when it’s a slow celebrity news week? When there is a story on Huffington Post devoted solely to the<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/20/jon-hamms-private-parts-mad-men_n_2915010.html"> size of Don Draper’s dick</a>. Apparently, Jon Hamm's tendency not to wear underwear combined with his form fitting attire has caused quite the stir on set.<br />
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Our favorite part of this story is that there is a whole YouTube video devoted to just highlighting this.<br />
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In honor of King Kong Don, we end this Mixtape with The Hood Internet's awesome Daft Punk/Justin Timberlake mash-up.</div>
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Have a good weekend my little Mixtapers. And always, remember:<br />
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JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-904225845233583687.post-76440573518788117392013-03-15T11:33:00.000-07:002013-03-15T11:33:07.263-07:00This Mixtape Is Not a Belieber<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>T</strong></span> his week cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church gathered together and made a momentous decision this week. No, they didn’t decide to change the color of their robes to a more slimming color than red. Instead, they announced they had picked a new pope in the form of Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina, making him the first non-European pope in more than 1,200 years and thus proving the Catholic Church just has a really, really slow time table when it comes to being progressive.<br />
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We’ve heard many reasons why Bergoglio was chosen to become Pope Francis, but we really like to believe he clinched the deal by performing a stunning rendition of “You Must Love Me” from the “Evita” soundtrack.</div>
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With the new pope chosen, we can officially shift our attention back to the way more important replacement that needs to happen: who’s going to be taking over for Joy Behar on “The View”? Ever the helpful folks here at the Mixtape, we’ve come up with a short list of options for the opening.</div>
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Kathy Griffin</div>
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There is word out that the producers want Brooke Shields for the job but if you’re going to be trolling through the cast of “Suddenly Susan” for a new co-host, you might as well go with Griffin. She’s sassy boarding on obnoxious and has no problem discussing in public what kind of lube that Barbara Walters likes to use which would make her a perfect co-host for the show. Plus, we’d just want to see if she could get fired faster than Rosie O’Donnell.</div>
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And if it can’t be Kathy Griffin, it should be her BFF Anderson Cooper</div>
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We’d love to have Anderson Cooper on the panel, just because he would read Elisabeth Hasselbeck to filth on a daily basis. Plus our mornings would be so much better if got to have a cup of coffee while Anderson had one of his giggle fits.</div>
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And finally, why don’t you just replace Joy Behar with Fred Armisen’s Joy Behar?</div>
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We mean, “Portlandia” is super popular but one can not live life on IFC checks alone can you? Of course not.</div>
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Continue reading the Mixtape as we talk Justin Bieber meltdowns, celebrity hacking, political news and so much more! And you better have a second wig on because we are snatching them all today.</div>
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It’s a tale as old as time. Or at the very least Leif Garrett. Teen idol makes the hearts of an adolescent nation swoon while topping the charts and then soon finds himself/herself facing younger competition, an aging demographic and just the general awkwardness of transitioning from cute youth to hot adult in front of the eyes of an eager, often brutally honest public. Justin Bieber seems to be in the midst of that awkward transition and this week has been a pretty big shit show for him which sucks for him and is a boon to us because one person’s bad life decision is this person’s next Blogger post.</div>
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Justin Bieber has just been acting a fool and we are living for it. Last week, the Bieber got in touch with his inner Alec Baldwn and threatened to beat up a photographer while in London.</div>
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It’s really hard to take Justin Bieber serious when he continues to dress like a character from “The Hip Hop Kids” sketch from SNL.</div>
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And besides, if he really wanted to make that photographer suffer, he should’ve just started blasting the acoustic version of “Beauty and the Beat.”</div>
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And if he isn’t fighting with a photographer, he’s <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/03/07/justin-bieber-collapses-hospitalized-oxygen-london/">passing out before a show and needing oxygen</a>. And if he isn’t doing that, he’s <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/03/11/justin-bieber-cancelled-concert-low-ticket-sales-portugal/?adid=hero2">canceling a show in Portugal due to low ticket sales</a>. And if that isn’t occupying his time, he’s <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/03/05/justin-bieber-booed-at-concert-london-late-young-fans-curfew/">getting booed by bans for showing up late to his concert</a>.</div>
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<span lang="EN">But the best part of all of this is when one hot mess decides to fling shade at another one, which is exactly what Bieber did when he <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/03/14/justin-bieber-lindsay-lohan-money-tax-returns-instagram/">posted a lengthy rant on his Instagram</a> account to counter the growing tide of people who think he’s becoming a bit of handful. He called out folks who were saying he was turning into Lindsay Lohan by writing: “</span>"... to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;)"</div>
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Justin Bieber later re-posted the message sans the Lindsay Lohan remark as if one can merely just retract shade that easily. I mean, we go after Lindsay Lohan all the time but we’re nobodies. Bieber making fun of Lindsay Lohan's financial situation is like giving a kid an aluminium bat to hit a pinata without even putting a blindfold on him.<br />
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In honor of Bieber acting a fool and being able to do what he wants with little consequence we start this Mixtape with AlunaGeorge's cover of "The Jungle Book" tune "I Wanna Be Like You."<br />
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Hey Mixtapers, have you been struggling to find out who your baby daddy is but find going to a proper medical facility way too intimidating? Well have no fear, Identigene is here for you.</div>
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Identigene: Located next to the condoms you both should’ve purchased in the first place.</div>
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And now for another round of:</div>
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This week actress Michelle Williams has found herself embroiled in controversy <a href="http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/03/14/michelle-williams-redface/">for dressing up in stereotypical Native American garb for a magazine shoot</a>.</div>
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The level of cultural appropriation in this one photo is so high we’re not quite sure that Gwen Stefani wasn’t the hired stylist for the shoot.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/53507115" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <a href="http://vimeo.com/53507115">Looking Hot - No Doubt</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/heberpailos">Heber Pailos</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</div>
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We just want to know who, in their right mind, thought that this was remotely a good idea. Probably the same people who thought <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/galleries/2013/02/27/ondria-hardin-claudia-schiffer-more-blackface-models.html#viewAll">putting Claudia Schiffer in blackface and an afro</a>.</div>
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An added bit of lawls to this whole thing is the headline for it is “No Place Like Home.” Weird, we wonder if there is a group of people that, like Dorothy, found themselves, due to outside forces, leaving their home and trying to get back to it. Not ringing any bells at the moment though.<br />
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DANCE BREAK<br />
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This week saw the meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference where the movers and shakers within the conservative wing of the GOP gather together. And like any sort of gathering, who is left off the guest list is almost always more entertaining than the people that make it in.</div>
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The biggest snub was of enigmatic New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, a person a lot of people feel might eventually become the Republican nominee for the 2016 election. When asked about the lack of an invite for Christie, CPAC chairman Al Cardenas <a href="http://firstread.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/03/14/17311838-cpac-chair-christie-didnt-deserve-an-invite-this-year?lite">said</a>:</div>
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"This year, for better or for worse, we felt like, ah, like he didn't deserve to be on the all-star selection, ah, and, for decisions that he made. And so hopefully next year he's back on the right track and being a conservative," Cardenas said. "He's a popular figure, but everyone needs to live by the parameters of the movement."</blockquote>
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Cardenas was also quoted as having this particular philosophy about how he thinks the Republican Party needs to be:</div>
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"I'm a firm believer that if the Republican Party's going to have success, it's going to do so by being a conservative party and not a home for ah, for everybody."</blockquote>
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Nothing says “in touch with the masses” quite like sounding like a 1950s country club. We guess that makes Herman Cain the lawn jockey.</div>
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In honor of all the tears that will be shed over losing to President Obama, our next song is Best Coast's cover of Roy Orbison's song "Crying."<br />
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Former presidential hopeful Mitt Romney will be speaking at the event. Maybe he’ll give a shout-out to the dude who ruined his chances by leaking that video of making that “47 percent” comment as the guy behind it revealed himself this week.</div>
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Turns out, he was a bartender at the event. This is why you tip people. The person who makes your mojito today can ruin your political chances tomorrow.<br />
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In honor of this, we present Jonas Rathsman's tune "Bringing You Down."<br />
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And with that, we bring a close to another Mixtape. And remember:<br />
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</span>JMayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18425222595022926703noreply@blogger.com0