Happy Monday everybody. Hope everybody survived the first big snowfall of the year in the La Crosse area. There is nothing quite like the first sprinkling of snowflakes to make you want to stay home, make a warm drink, and curl up by the plasma screen to watch a god awful amount of television to pass the time. Having caught up completely on the great zombie AMC series The Walking Dead, yours truly turned his attention to monsters of a whole different variety.
Coming from the other world known as Manhattan, armed with witty barbs, Botox, and unlimited delusions of grandeur, the Logo network has given us one of the greatest bits of trainwreck television in recent memory in the form of The A-List: New York City. Populated with a group of self-involved, well-manicured, divas of hissing nature, The A-List follows a group of allegedly fabulous gay men as they shop, sex and scheme their way through the Upper East Side of New York.
Less of a Who's Who and more of a Who The Fuck cast which includes photographer Mike Ruiz, fashion designer Marc Jacobs' former boy toy Austin A and Lance Bass' former boyfriend Reichen Lehmkul as well as a bunch other 'mos pretending to be part of the upper echelon of society in the NYC.
From left to right:
We have Ryan, who owns a beauty salon with such glamorous clients as Pamela Anderson and Rachael Ray
Next up is model Rodiney who doesn't have a conversation on the show the producers couldn't work some subtitles to.
Next to him with the camera is fashion photographer Mike Ruiz
Stylishly pouting in a grey blazer next to him is Derek who is a former model turned model agent of some sort.
In the pool with the floatation device is Austin, one of designer Marc Jacobs' many former paramours.
And Queen Bee of the group is Reichen, former contestant on The Amazing Race
We enjoy this piece of trash television simply because the men on the show so clearly relish being famewhores and being nasty with their barbs to the camera as if they know that this is their one opportunity to indulge in being in their own version of The Women.
We'll give the producers of this show, the people also behind our favorite Real Housewives of Atlanta, for so quickly establishing a formula to the episodes of essentially being 25% random meetings at restaurants/gyms/clubs so exclusive the cast members are THE ONLY ONES THERE so they can gamely exposition some plot points, 25% inordinate amount of subtitles on any person who even vaguely has an accent like Reichen's boyfriend Rodiney, 25% Austin A using this show as an audition reel not for more modeling jobs but a stint at Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab house due to his incessant drinking, 20% Reichen's orange tan, 4% the viewing public wondering if this is setting the gay community back a good thousand years and 1% Mike Ruiz appearing on the show with poodle hair before dashing off to have a real glamorous life.
All of this adds up to a 100 percent hot mess with no room for any redeeming characteristics for most of the cast. Just the way we like our reality shows.
We'll give the producers of this show, the people also behind our favorite Real Housewives of Atlanta, for so quickly establishing a formula to the episodes of essentially being 25% random meetings at restaurants/gyms/clubs so exclusive the cast members are THE ONLY ONES THERE so they can gamely exposition some plot points, 25% inordinate amount of subtitles on any person who even vaguely has an accent like Reichen's boyfriend Rodiney, 25% Austin A using this show as an audition reel not for more modeling jobs but a stint at Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab house due to his incessant drinking, 20% Reichen's orange tan, 4% the viewing public wondering if this is setting the gay community back a good thousand years and 1% Mike Ruiz appearing on the show with poodle hair before dashing off to have a real glamorous life.
All of this adds up to a 100 percent hot mess with no room for any redeeming characteristics for most of the cast. Just the way we like our reality shows.
Tonight the boys gather together with our lovely goddess of talk Wendy Williams to dish about this season of The A-List which pretty much revolved around Austin A being a drunk shit stirrer, Rodiney and Reichen having the worse relationship EVAH, and pretty much everybody else standing around doing commentary on why they hate either Austin or Rodiney or Reichen, depending on whichever way the metaphorical winds are blowing.
So in honor of these bitches, we've put together a lovely little mixtape that you can blast on your way to the Hamptons, spray tanning on top of a building or being kicked out of an Off-Broadway musical.
We lead off with the truly abysmal theme song to The A-List called "Boy Like Me" by some guy named Kaden.
Sounding like the worse song Adam Lambert never recorded, "Boy Like Me" bounces its way through a series of whispery vocals married with some Lady GaGa circa The Fame era backing music. We're assuming that silver tint to everything is supposed to distract from the cheapness of the video. Trust us, it doesn't. As awful as this song is, and it is in a variety of ways, its badness makes it a perfect fit for The A-List which is jam-packed with a plethora of delusions of fabulousness:
We'll admit it sounds infinitely better than Reichen's vocally-challenged single in honor of his stance against Don't Ask, Don't Tell titled "Up to the Sky."
We're instituting our own policy for Reichen called Don't Sing, Don't Record.
Next up we have Brooke Valentine's one hit "Girl Fight"
As much as the guys like to talk about how classy and wonderful they are, they spend most of their free time clawing each other like sorority sisters fighting over the last Cosmopolitan, we feel it's very appropriate. See below, Austin and Derek get in a cat fight over Austin's insistence on being naked because he's spent so much time in Europe. And by Europe, he probably means working as a waiter at Olive Garden or something. Anyway, Derek does not appreciate Austin's hurling of himself into the swimming pool.
Is yelling while naked anything close to dignified? Nope. And that's why we love Austin. He knew exactly why he was cast and has fulfilled the douchebag role in such magnificent ways that we haven't seen since Spencer Pratt and his buggy eyes of insanity were all over MTV's The Hills.
Next up, a song that was introduced to us by our friend Grant, Robbie Rivera's tune "Let Me Sip My Drink."
One of the most consistent things on the show is how central couple Rodiney and Reichen like to discuss their relatiosnhip problems with everybody in the whole world. Reichen in particularly likes to talk about how he has issues with Rodiney then somehow becomes amazed when his fellow castmembers, who all have some completely misplaced loyalty to Reichen due to his once fleeting touch of fame while dating former NSYNC-er Lance Bass, don't really groove too much on the Rodiney. Below, puckered face Ryan invites Reichen, Derek and Rodiney for a spa day. And nothing says RELAXATION like talking about the slow and steady dissolution of your relationship. Totes brills you guys.
Last up, we serve up the theme song to Wendy Williams' talk show.
When it was announced that Wendy Williams was going to be the host of The A-List reunion special, we were super excited. We're sure Wendy will be "HOW YOU DOIN" all up and through that reunion as the boys continue to throw all sorts of side-eyes at Rodiney and Reichen's truly screwy relationship.
Oh the blissful lack of self-awareness is a beautiful thing. We can't wait! Tune in tonight for The A-List reunion special on Logo at 9 p.m. eastern/8 p.m. central time.
We leave you with a preview of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 3. We're pretty sure more money was spent on this ad than the whole season of The A-List.
As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads.
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