Show us your Tweets, Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, serving you DIGITAL GETDOWN REALNESS BETTER THAN YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture when it finally confesses it DID send photos of junk to you. Oh Rep. Anthony Weiner, Weiner-Gate continues to be the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? While Arnold Schwarzenegger is busily supporting his mistress and John Edwards is facing prosecution for using campaign funds to try to tidy up his scandal, you were holding a press conference the other day and pretty much put a lot of Democrats in a huge bind as they try to admonish him while trying to be supportive. Today's Mixtape, we're taking on all things Weiner for one last time hopefully because, unlike the rest of the press, we are not in fact Weiner-tized. But before we get to the talk, let us first:
First up, apparently Betty Draper just can't get a break. First "The Hangover" star Zac Galfinakis threw oodles of shade at "Mad Men" actress January Jones and now "Lost" co-creator Damien Lindolf took to his Twitter to give his criqitue of Ms. Jones' performance in "X-Men: First Class" by Tweeting, "Emma Frost's THREE mutant powers: Telepathy, Transformation to Solid Diamond and last but not least, Sucking at Acting." We'd take his opinion seriously if, you know, he hadn't hired Bai fucking Ling to be on an episode of "Lost."
In our next cup of tea, a Kardashian bared her nipple for the world to see. The world remains completely unsurprised by this revelation. Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian were on the Fox News Network, promoting themselves or one of the ten million beauty products they have sponsorship deals with. Khloe apparently spent the entire six minute segment on the network showing her nipple to whoever is up early in the morning and is watching "Fox and Friends." Khloe, letting no moment of being totally devoid of class, took to her Twitter and stated after the show: "I had a nip slip and I loved it." Well we guess whatever distracts from people talking about your linebacker shoulders is a good thing.
In other news, Beyonce might be re-thinking the firing of Daddy Knowles. With "Run the World (Girls)" under-performing, Beyonce has quickly rushed out a new single in the form of "Best Thing I Never Had." Also rushing out? The leak of her upcoming album some three weeks prior to it scheduled release. Somewhere, Kelly Rowland is laughing her ass off while working on her album that will see the light of day sometime between now and the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Elsewhere, Beyonce's "Dreamgirls" co-star Jennifer Hudson has inked a deal to talk about her weight loss in a new book. We assume the audio book will just be Jennifer Hudson caterwauling "Feelin' Good" for half an hour.
Now pour some gasoline, light that cigarette and follow us into the rest of the Mixtape, y'all!
Oh Huma Abedin, how are you holding up? We'll give you a lot of credit for not being anywhere your husband Rep. Anthony Weiner's press conference as he finally admitted to sending out that half-naked photo as well as carrying on several Internet relationships. It's always so uncomfortable seeing the wife standing beside her husband as he cries into the microphone at the podium while you maintain what little shred of dignity you have left while secretly hoping that large amount of Quaaludes you chugged before prancing out to be part of this three ring circus. So props for you. And while the world continues to go through all of your husband's text messages with his assorted lady loves, we here at the Mixtape have decided to give you some suggestions to get through this moment with him.
Number one, you need to fuck up some of his shit. Sorry, there is no delicate way of saying this. You need to go through and tear up some of his crap like you're auditioning to be in the next Tyler Perry film. Is it the right and responsible thing to do? No. Will it get you sent to jail? Potentially. But will you feel better after you do it? Absolutely. Here are some songs to bump you up for the occasion. First up, The Noisettes and their song "Saturday Night" from their splendid album "Wild Young Hearts."
Next up is Lily Allen's song "Shame For You" from her album "Alright, Still."
And nothing quite makes us quite ready to knock some skulls quite like Sahara Hotnights' one hit song "Alright, Alright."
And after you've messed up his stuff and have gotten a fantastic attorney to make any charges go away, it's time for you to come to accept what has happened and what you may need to do. Below, Jazmine Sullivan takes a break from busting the windows out of people's car and sings about her resentment. (It should be noted that Beyonce did a version on her "B'Day" album. And who sang this song first? Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. Yes, nothing quite screams soulful ballad quite like Victoria Beckham.)
And another song to deal with the pain is Laura Nyro's song "The Bells" featuring the backing harmonies of Labelle.
We know that being in close contact with Mr. Weiner might be painful, which leads us to our next song from Friendly Fires and their tune "Hurting" from their album "Pala."
Never have been more upset that Oprah is done. You know Oprah would've devoted at least two episodes to interviewing Huma. But all is not lost. Okay, just go along with us. ABC has The View and CBS has The Talk. Oprah's struggling OWN Network needs some more hit programs. What better way to get a lot of press and ratings than have a "The View"-style chatfest but have the panel consist of famous women whose political husbands were disgraced by scandal. Come on now, if Elliot Spitzer can get a show on CNN after his time banging a bunch of hookers on the Upper West Side of New York City, surely Mrs. Spitzer along with Maria Shriver, Huma and the former Mrs. Jim McGreevey could host their own program. Secretary of State Hilary Clinton could drop every once in awhile to be a guest panelist even. Genius idea is genius. We even have some ideas for potential theme songs.
First up, Blu Cantrell's song "Hit 'Em Up Style."
The still classy tune by Riskay called "Smell Yo Dick."
Or Mary J Blige's song "Not Gon' Cry."
Whatever you decide to do or not do Huma, remember, you can always do bad all by yourself.
As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads! NOW LET THEM ALL KNOW HE WASN'T MAN ENOUGH FOR YOU.
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