Peach, Please - Love Don't Cost a Thing, But It Don't Pay No Bills, Either

Last week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Phaedra hosted the greatest baby shower ever put on television, Sheree went to a seminar/date with her fake doctor boyfriend and his hairline of jankness, Cynthia proved to be actually interesting in her talking head interviews, NeNe got her plastic surgery on but still kept her orange Bieber cut, Dwight proved that he will wear anything and do anything to keep his pinched face in front of a camera, Kim desperately wants to be a two hit wonder and as always, nobody cares about Kandi.

Also, the gossip mags were all a-buzz that Kim maybe knocked-up. Or not. As humanity awaits what may be one of the sure signs of the apocalypse, the continuing procreation of one Kim "Tardy to the Plan-B Party" Zolciak, let's get to this week's episode of delusions, bad dates, and Phaedra being, well, Phaedra.

Real Housewives of NYC Ramona and her bug eyes welcome you!

First up, can we just talk about our continuing love for all things Phaedra? One of the best additions to any of the housewife franchises, we love Phaedra and her equestrian delusions of grandeur simply because, as of yet, she has never approached a situation with even the slightest thought of not making a total ass out of herself. And we sort of love her commitment to being the Bougie Countess Luann of the Atlanta franchise because Phaedra gives us priceless moments like last week's Bougie Baby Shower:


Or this week's maternity photo shoot:


We're sure sharing a pickle gave former jailbird Apollo a few flashbacks to the clink.

Phaedra was also part and parcel of our favorite scene of the whole episode. Cynthia, desperate for something to do other than go back and forth between short and long hair, decided to host a mother's day brunch/dinner at her humble abode. Naturally, Phaedra had to get some digs in before even entering the house.


Then the ladies gathered together in their own African-American version of The View, with less storming off in a huff. And what better dinner conversation could there be than the assorted things a lady can put up their vajayjay.


Which, according to doctors, sugar up the woo hoo is a bad, bad, bad idea. I know, shocking. It can also lead to conversations like this:


Also, this Southern Belle does not approve of this dinner conversation.

Mainly because it wasn't happening in a cotton field.

Anyway, the dinner continued to be the gift that kept on giving to the Bravo viewing audience because the group also discussed the stupidity that is Phaedra and her inability to know one shred of anything about her own pregnancy.

Oooh Phaedra, I can't even begin with your foolishness. It's a rare thing of beauty, like a magical solar eclipse of stupidity that you can't look directly at or you'll be blinded by all of its magnificence.

Speaking of magnificent stupidity, let us turn our attention to Sheree and her date who clearly watched one too many rom-coms because of his stupid insistence to make Sheree eat some food off his finger. THIS IS NOT HITCH.

And you aren't even Jaden Smith, let alone Will.

We interrupt this post with the now obligatory Black hair commercial:

Back to the show, Kandi and her mother decided that the abundant commercials for Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls weren't enough and instead decided to be in their own reality show version of it:

We'll give Kandi's mom some credit. After living through the mummy who birthed Kim Z. last week, Kandi's mom is a grounding presence, since she goes through life as though prepping for her own talk show on Oprah's upcoming network:

With that, we hug out it for this week's edition of "Peach, Please." Remember The Real Housewives of Atlanta are moving to Sundays now so you can expect your weekly dose of Down South crazy to be recapped on Mondays to kick off your work week in Hotlanta style.

In honor of Phaedra, we leave you with "Boughetto"