Nick of Time: Enroll in Nicktoon Academy

Welcome to Nicktoon Academy.

The Finest Education Cable TV Can Provide.

So, you're like totally a transfer student or something right? Right. Well you're in luck that you and that tragic thing you call a backpack have the great bit of kismet to sit down next to us. Nicktoon Academy is brutal, don't let all the cartoony smiles fool you. There are some straight-up bitches, freaks and future parolees sitting around here. But there are also lovely, wonderful, and shockingly talented folks like ourselves lingering about these hallways.

Lunch time! Okay, so you're going to sit with us and we're going to totally school you in all the cliques and kooks that go to this school. Ugh, and pay no attention to those two freaks.

They are always doing sad eyes. We hear the cat is a huge kitty-litter-fiend.

So like everywhere, Nicktoons Academy is divided in a bunch of groups. Sitting up front in the cafeteria, those are mommy's favorite sociopaths otherwise known as the Mean Girls.

Miranda is their leader. We hear she's still bitter because of how underappreciated As Told By Ginger was. The one who keeps beating people up?

That's Helga. She's like the enforcer of the group and totally a loose cannon. How else do you explain the unibrow?

And the one with the doll? That's Angelica. She's a total spoiled brat that hasn't met a mindgame she hasn't adored. Someone said she's actually getting plastic surgery to look like her Cynthia doll. Her cousin Tommy actually transferred schools to get away from her.


The tragedy sitting at the round table playing Dungeons and Dragons on their iPhones, that is our very own Geek Squad.

Doug is alright. He likes to daydream a lot, though. And word is, he was never the same after his vacation to Disney.



Eliza Thornberry just came back from adventuring around the world. She's okay until you're in science class. She always tries to stop the massacre of animals or some such shit.

You'd think with an accent Rocko would get dates more, but he's pretty much a loner. It's probably because of all the pervy stuff around him and that creepy sidejob he got to pay for his lunch.

Ugh. Hide your kids, hide your wives, because we got a Roger Klotz in our cafeteria. OBVIOUSLY.

We hear he got BeBe Bluff knocked up. Allegedly.

Oooh, you should hear this new tune I just downloaded.

Oh look, it's the fairies from the drama department. They are always rehearsing a number.

Well back to class. Hope you have a good rest of a first day at Nicktoon Academy. You should come over tomorrow. We're going to watch Snick.