Oh Brett Favre, we can't even throw salt on your game at this point. Your constant back-and-forth melodrama every season is a thing of beauty to be perfectly honest. If we actually liked yours, or frankly any sports team, we'd probably be a lot more pissed off at you. But given that the closest to sports we've ever come is Netflixing seasons of Friday Night Lights, and only because of Kyle Chandler, we enjoy all of your diva grandstanding and your soap opera way of whipping people into a frenzy. Whenever you do retire, we'll be deeply sad because who is going to take up the d-bag mantle that you've possessed far so long at this point. LeBron James came close with that ego circle jerk masquerading as an ESPN special about his decision to leave for Miami so he can eventually have sex with one of the Kardashians. Yet even that can't manage to touch your ability to find martyrdom within your millions of dollars. So in honor of you and your ways, we've put together this little mix called "There's Something About Favre."
First up is Billy Joel's "Big Shot" from Joel's 1978 52nd Street album
Though Billy Joel is assailing the sucky attitude of a female celebrity, a lot of what he says could probably apply to Brett if seen through the eyes of his Packer fans.
"You had to be a big shot, didn't cha
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn't cha
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
So much fun to be around
You had to have the white hot spotlight
You had to be a big shot last night, Oh oh"
Granted Billy Joel isn't really in the position to be judging anybody since he's of late been too busy marrying and divorcing trophy wives, tending to an allegedly suicidal daughter and, most frequently, crashing his car.
Brett Favre would probably shrivel and die if he wasn't the center of some sort of drama because being in athletics, a lot of things are out of one's control. So what, and who, you can control become the thing du jour for you to manipulate all because of one little thing:
Ego, it always comes back to ego. And like the poor man's Girls Aloud says above, Brett needs to sit down with his ego before he completely fucks up whatever legacy he has now. Which is doubtful because the only bits of self-awareness Brett has shown has been an advertisement for Best Buy. And it's not introspection when somebody scripts it for you.
And frankly when you have all the money and success in the world and heterosexual fans proudly declaring they'd suck your cock because that's not gay just supportive of the team, it's easy to become:
So I'm sure Brett Favre will keep us ever involved with his foibles. And if you don't like it, I'm sure all Brett would say is: