Clef Notes: A Very Off Pitch Christmas

Happy Holidays, dahlings, and welcome to a very special edition of “Clef Notes: Recaps in the Key of Shade.”  Earlier this year, we had the displeasure honor to recap episodes of the La Crosse-based VH1 series “Off Pitch,” a reality show following the completely producer-driven quirky misadventures of La Crosse’s very own adult show choir, the Grand River Singers.

Over the course of eight episodes, the Grand River Singers sang and dance their way into the hearts of snarky bloggers America as they performed at venues big and small like the cow chip throwing festival, Applefest, a racetrack and ending the series season performing at the Mall of America. They laughed, they cried, they knocked over microphone stands.

In honor of Grand River Singers (and because we’re utterly shamelessly when it comes to trolling for views of our blog), we’ve decided to put together a special yuletide parody of “Off Pitch,” having watched and recapped every episode. So yes, we are writing this from a therapist’s couch if you were wondering. So sit back, sip on some eggnog, and get ready for all the seasonal shade that you can handle as we present “A Very Off Pitch Christmas.”

Clef Notes: Color Our Show Choir

Once upon a time, a few short weeks ago, we started recapping the VH1 series "Off Pitch," a series following comedic exploits of La Crosse's very own Grand River Singers. And in that time we've experienced auditions, festivals, tears, sequins, bow ties, jazz hands, blades, scarves, music videos, and more performances of "Color My World" than we think it's humanly possible for one person to stand. And now we come to the end of our recapping journey with the final two episodes of "Off Pitch." 

If you don't know the difference by now, you never will.

Clef Notes: This Show Choir Will Flash Your Mob

Buses were bought. Replacements were found. Apples were fest-ed.

On last week's "Off Pitch," the producers of the show Rob and Tim decided to purchase a bus for Grand River Singers so they could make those long journeys of five minutes across the bridge to Applefest in style and comfort. The group were whipped up into a frenzy of delight and wonderment as they got to not only paint the bus but also audition for solos for their upcoming performance. And speaking of performances, with GRS member Drew not being able to make it, Rob found himself donning a sparkly jacket and hitting the stage with the GRS kids while talking sadly to the camera about how he missed performing. And then he started singing "Rose's Turn" from "Gypsy." Okay he didn't do that. But now that we've put that idea out there, you now want this to happen in Season 2 don't you? Of course you do.

This week, GRS take on Rob's bitchy attitude, make a music video and spring a flash mob on unsuspecting shoppers just trying to get some groceries.  

Clef Notes: The Wheels on the Show Choir Go Round and Round

Teams were built. Anthems were sung.  Tears were shed, as per usual.

On last week’s episode of Off Pitch, our faithful heroes, the Grand River Singers, stormed the beaches of Pettibone to have some fun in the overcast sun in a bid to lessen some of the tensions brewing about the rehearsal space. Show choirs aren’t just all glitter and jazz hands, honey. 

Anyway, to try to create a more loving and supportive environment, Rob and Tim did some team building exercises. This went as well as anything else attached to GRS as quickly the good vibes dissolved into competition as Rob and Tim made the kids stand in line and sing the National Anthem because two lucky GRS-ers were going to get to perform it at a monster truck rally. Well, we’ve moved from dried cow shit to monster trucks so that’s some version of progress, right?  We ended the episode with new member Steven defending his lack of a sparkly coat at the monster truck gig and perpetually absent member Sam being, well, late.

This week the Grand River Singers make a lovely new purchase while getting a surprising new temporary addition to the group.

Clef Notes: Show Choir of Thunder

This Microsoft Paint continues to hit all the right notes.

Solos were fought for. Bottles were peed into. Dried cow shit was thrown. Recapping this show continues to be the pinnacle of our writing career.

Last week on Off Pitch, it was a battle of the new vs. the old as new members Vanessa and Justin duked it out for solos with old members Marcia and Greg. Marcia and Justin emerged victorious in these vocal battles as the group went to the Wisconsin Cow Chip Throwing Festival to bring their special brand of entertainment to the masses.

This week, the group goes to the beach and does some team building activities while a new performing opportunity is on the horizon for a couple members.

Here's your mic! 

Source: I'm With Kanye

 Now get in there and keep reading!

Clef Notes: Tears of a Show Choir

Get into all of this Microsoft Paint realness

Once upon a time, in a land where three rivers meet, there was a group called the Grand River Singers. They were a lively band of performers who traveled the Tri-State area far and wide, laughing, singing, occasionally remembering their choreography. One day their Fairy God-producer came in contact with the group and asked them a question.

“Would you like your own reality show?” the Fairy God-Producer asked them.

“Oh yes,” they explained. “Oh yes we would!”

“Before it happens, I have three questions for you. Can you be hilariously inadequate at the most basic things required to be a singing group?”

“Oh, of course!” they said in unison.

“Can you ramp yourself into an emotional frenzy on cue?”

“We do it all the time!” they replied. “Two of us are crying right now.”

“And can you wear a lot of scarves? I mean like a lot. Like Debra Messing, season one of ‘Smash’ level of scarves.”

Source: Vulture

“We bought a bunch from the ‘Smash’ going-out-of-business yard sale over at NBC so we’re good!” they said.

“Well then here is your reality show,” the Fairy God-Producer. “Remember, you only get fifteen minutes of fame.”

“What happens after that?” they asked.

“You go back to your regular lives,” the Fairy God-Producer said.  “Or worse, you become one of those commenters on TruTV shows.”

A chill ran down GRS’s collective spine.  “Well, we’ll make the most of it.”

“I’m sure you will,” said the Fairy God-Producer as he disappeared into the VH-1 ether, his voice echoing. “I’m sure you will.”

And with that, lights, camera, JAZZ HANDS!

Source: VH1Digital