Gleecap - Gleek State of Mind

Hey Gleeks. Well it all comes down to this. After 22 episodes, three fake recaps, countless songs, numerous eyerolls, a billion jank characterizations and an inhumanely large number of Bruno Mars tunes, we've finally reached the conclusion of season two of the Fox series "Glee." It's been a long,long, sometimes seemingly unending journey to Nationals, but we and the kids of New Directions finally have made it to the Big Apple. Will the kids of New Directions win Nationals? What will Quinn's big shocking plan be? Are there any people that like Rachel and Finn enough individually to muster the necessary give-a-crap to see if they get back together? All will be revealed later. But first, it's time for our second mini-recap of the second hour of the Oprah farewell party.



You have no idea how ridiculously easy it is to find a whole wide spectrum of crying Oprah .gifs



While the first hour of the spectacular was okay, with Beyonce flogging her flop single in a stellar performance while people like Madonna came to sit at Oprah's royal throne to talk about how pretty much Oprah is the cause of everything from the sun shining to rainbows after storms to the discoverer of the cure for everything short of the common cold.

The second hour was the more deeply personal hour of the program as people like Tyler Perry, sadly not dressed up in Madea drag, talked about the 64,000 or so people that Oprah helped send to school with her scholarship program. We may mock Oprah for a multitude of things, but we have to give her credit for actually being one of the greatest philanthropists out there. We had appearances from Michael Jordan and Stevie Wonder. Maya Angelou also came to the show with a new poem. Sadly, it didn't reach the amazingness of "Maya Angelou reads Man-for-Man section of Craigslist" a la "The Big Gay Sketch Show." We also had an appearance from Oprah's longtime boyfriend/dependent claim on her taxes Stedman as well as Aretha Franklin doing the longest version of "Amazing Grace." No seriously, two minutes into the program, I sent a text to my friend Grant, asking if Aretha had actually verbalized any real words yet. The best part of the whole damn thing? Maria Shriver showing up to it because they filmed this spectacular the day that Arnold went public with the lovechild. Maria Shriver took the opportunity to not only honor Oprah but throw some mad shade at Arnold, much to our delight. Shriver told Oprah, "You have given me love, support, wisdom and, most of all, the truth." SNAP. THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED.

We'll be sure to tune in today to see how Oprah plans on ending her talk show. Maybe it'll turn out that her show is actually the afterlife.

Anyway, up next, we're getting our final Gleecap on of the season!

Gleecap - The ABCs of Glee

Afternoon Gleeks! Welcome to a very special edition of the Gleecap! With tonight being the finale of season two, we've decided to put a little friendly guide together in case you missed an episode or just want to refresh yourself.

Mike Chang's abs want you to keep reading!

Gleecap - Death and All His Gleeks

Morning Gleeks! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE PALLBEARER OFF YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Gleecap, where we detail all the high, low and severely out of tune notes from every episode of "Glee." Last night brought us our pentultimate episode of season 2 of "Glee" and it was filled with death, tears, songs, dance, and a little bit of Willy Wonka. Can you ask for more from "Glee"? Other than non-shitty characterizations and plotlines that make sense? Not really. But before we delve into who died, who unfortunately is still living and all the other plot details of the episode, let us first:

First up, Arnold Schwarzenegger as he let the world know that ten years ago he fathered a child with a member of the staff at his house while he was married to Maria Shriver. 20 bucks says he wishes that staff member had turned out to be The Terminator. This information makes Maria Shriver's whole getting out of the marriage a) make even more sense and b) seem even classier since she's pretty much remained mum about the whole matter. For his part, Schwarzenegger has told the press that he's a fair target and to leave his family out of the ridicule. Come on Arnold, if you were good at setting boundaries you probably wouldn't have screwed your staff member, would you? Don't think so.

In our bits of tea sure to delight certain ladies of Bravo, former "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" star Danielle Staub has taken to being a stripper for the strip joint Scores and its website. The 48-year-old has signed a THREE year deal to make occasional live appearances at a Scores in New York as well as appearances on its website. We're sure Teresa Giudice is flipping over tables with joy. Here's the thing, you know your life choices have been extremely screwy for a long period of time when stripping on the Internet is one of the more dignified decisions you've made.

In TV news that will devastate fans of horrible relationships, Lisa Edelstein aka "Cuddy" on "House" will be leaving the program at the end of its current seventh season. In a statement, Edelstein stated she was sad about moving on from the character she's played for the past seven years but looks forward to all her new acting challenges ahead. Girl, we're pretty sure that your biggest acting challenge is going to find something that isn't on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Elsewhere, CBS has put a bullet in the brain of the "Criminal Minds" spin-off "Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior." We hope that being out of a job will make Forest Whitaker campaign for a "Fast Times at Ridgmont High" reunion film.

And lastly, to the dismay of Brittany S. Pierce of "Glee" who stated she doesn't want to die until "One Tree Hill" was canceled, "One Tree Hill" looks like it will outlive us all as it has been renewed for yet another season. We never could get into "One Tree Hill" as Chad Michael Murray seemed to be one of the most successful graduates of the Channing Tatum School of Non-Acting.

And that's a little bit of the tea for today! Now let us get our "Glee" on!

Gleecap - The Prom Gleek

Morning Gleeks! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE CORSAGE OFF YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Gleecap, where we take you to the prom when you can't find anybody else. It's the big prom episode of "Glee," and though we're like 99.9 percent sure it can never measure up to the clusterfuck we concocted during our faux Gleecap trilogy, we're absolutely certain that the episode will deliver enough poofy dresses, inexplicable characterizations and random music numbers to keep all of us happy. And if not, we've totally spiked the punch with Everclear to guarantee this stuff will be on and popping. But before we start awkwardly posing for photos and trying to figure out who we're going to vote for prom queen (hint: ourself), let us first get down to what happened . . .

Fleetwood Mac made a pretty little penny as the kids from New Directions sang selections from the group's album "Rumours" due to guest star Kristin Chenowith's suggestion that New Directions had a bad case of the Macs, the one socially transmitted disease that Puck hasn't had to get treatment for at this point. Sue, proving to single-minded in her quest to destroy Mr. Schue, starts up the school's newspaper if only to drop a bunch of blind item rumors about everyone in the school including implying that Sam and Quinn are banging each other at the seedy motel he is staying at and Rachel/Finn have been staking out. Turns out that Sam's family is poor, and he even had to sell his guitar. Thankfully they still have money for his hair dye and gym membership. Mr. Schue briefly contemplates Cheno's offer to join her as she tags her musical, "Cross Rhodes," to New York before realizing that his true goal is to help the kids get to Nationals. Oh also, Brittany got called stupid by Artie, we found out that Mike Chang's wang is huge, and Santana is still using Karofsky as her beard. With so many plot points you'd think that last week's episode progressed some things. But you'd be wrong. Oh so very wrong.

Drunk!Blaine wants you to continue reading . . .

Gleecap - You Can Glee Your Own Way

Happy Monday Gleeks! Welcome to yet another stunning, flawless, amazing, NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW BETTER THAN YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Gleecap, where we dish the dirt on all the high, the low and some of the totally bum notes that make up your average episode of "Glee." In this installment of the Gleecap, we're taking on New Directions' tribute to the mega-album "Rumours" by the this-is-why-"Behind The Music was created" band Fleetwood Mac. Before we delve into all of Sue's Jane-Lynch-is-under-contract-so-she-should-appear-every-now-and-then shenanigans, the return of human Bratz doll Kristin Chenowith, the bonding that comes from espionage and teenage yellow journalism, let us first remember what happened . . .

We found out that Quinn Fabray used to be a fatty, that Lauren used to compete in beauty pagaeants, that Santana is pretty amazing when it comes to blackmailing people into dating her, that Karofsky is able to pull off a beret while trolling around the hallways with Santana to stop bullying, that St. Kurt is such a special butterfly that the boys from Dalton travel two hours just to sing a Keane goodbye song to him, that Rachel needs some serious therapy to deal with her Finn issues as she almost thinks about getting Quinn nose job and that Emma finally gets some therapy to deal with her crippling OCD. And that's what you missed on the last episode of "Glee." Now get out those vinyl record players, find a mic stand with some scarves attached to it and get ready for some "Rumours" realness in our all new Gleecap. We've got our eye on you.

Gleecap - Gleecapped This Way

Morning Gleeks! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE AUTOTUNE VOCALS OFF YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Gleecap, where dish on all the high (and low) notes of episodes. Last night was the heavily promoted, GaGa-infused episode of "Glee" that was supersized to be a whole 90 minutes. If you thought that this supersized episode meant anything other than Fox being able to cram even more commercials than normal into their cash cow program, we're going to need you to take a seat away from us. Preferably in another room. Because we don't want to catch your debilitating case of naivete. But before we talk about what happened last night, let us press rewind on our mental DVR and go back to last week's episode.

Gwyneth Paltrow stopped writing her Goop for five seconds to make her umpteenth appearance as McKinley High School's only substitute teacher and Mr. Schuester's girlfriend who gives Will the bright idea of doing a benefit show for the New Directions to raise money for both themselves and for Artie, Tina, Mike, and Brittany and their Brainiacs club to go to Detroit. A club we're never going to hear about again. Sue Sylvester created her own League/Legion of Doom with former New Directions director Sandy Ryerson, Will Schuester's ex-wife Terri and Vocal Adrenaline coach Dustin Goolsby and tries to destroy the benefit with a wide variety of shitty tactics that not even Wile E. Coyote would sign off on. Elsewhere, Santana got tossed into the Kurt/Karofsky storyline when he tossed a slushie in her face, and she threatened him with the razor blades in her hair. And that's what you missed on last week's "Glee."

Put that hand over your heart and continue reading the Gleecap!

Gleecap - Goop the Fuck Out

Hey Gleeks, welcome to yet another stunning, flawless, amazing, HITTING HIGH NOTES BETTER THAN YOUR FAVORITE edition of the "Gleecap," where we watch the show so you don't have to. After several long weeks of being on hiatus that gave us the prime opportunity to come up with our own faux-Gleecaps to tide us over, "Glee" made a less-than-auspicious return with a brand new episode featuring Gwyneth Paltrow, Cheyenne Jackson, and wow-they-remembered-they-ever-put-her-on-the-show-to-begin-with Charice as New Directions tried to raise money to make it to Nationals because they are always in financial turmoil outside of those big practice numbers. But before we get to what happened last night, let us catch up with what happened on the last new (and real) episode of "Glee."

New Directions made it to Regionals and of course this proved to be the perfect time for them to figure out whether or not they can write an original song. With some rhyming books, they got down to business with Mercedes fulfilling her obligatory sassy black girl stereotype by singing a song called "Hell to the No," Santana singing her magnificent ode "Trouty Mouth" to Sam, Puck leaving no opportunity to make some reference to Lauren's weight go amiss by singing a tune called "Big Ass Heart."

Meanwhile, Quinn plotted to keep an eye on the burgeoning friendship between Finn and Rachel by helping Rachel with her original song. And by help, we mean try to destroy Rachel's self-esteem which did actually lead to Rachel's big solo song so we guess Quinn is owed a thanks in Rachel's eventual Oscar speech. The other members of New Directions wrote a song called "Loser Like Me" and inexplicably gave the big solo of it to Rachel, despite spending two seasons complaining about her getting all the solos.

Over at Songwarts, Blaine and Kurt made out.

And really? Isn't that all we need to know about that storyline. Ugh, fine. Kurt's bird died, Blaine decided to sing a duet with Kurt. Then they made out. we're the context of the tongue swapping is hugely important to you.

Elsewhere, Jane Lynch was busily trying to turn shit into gold with Sue's umpteenth attempt at destroying Mr. Schue and his Glee club. As always, like any good cartoon villain, Sue failed miserably. We're waiting for the moment that she starts getting her plans from the Acme Corporation.

And that's what you missed on the last episode of "Glee." Continue reading to get all the highs, lows, and Paltrows of last night's episode.

Gleecap - Glee-icide is Painless

Hey Gleeks! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, serving you HIGH NOTES REALNESS better than your favorite edition of the Majak Kingdom's Gleecap, where we remember old storylines so the "Glee" writers don't have to. "Glee" is still on hiatus this week but will make a triumphant return next with a brand new set of episodes, including a super-sized 90 minute episode to feature Lady GaGa's "Born This Way." With "Glee" still giving us rerun realness, we've decided to do one final extravaganza of a fake Gleecap. But before we get to the "Glee," let us first:

First up, a former member of boyband 98 Degrees is about to show a lot of eager women the "Hardest Thing" as he joins the legendary hot mess that is Chippendales. Oh yeah, according to TMZ, Jeff Timons, the attractive non-Lachey member of 98 Degrees, has decided to sign on for a four-week stint with the group starting in May. How far has your career fallen when stripping for a bunch of cougars and brides-to-be is most likely a step up from wherever you are? Seriously, you'd think that Nick Lachey would find his former boyband partner a place on one of the ten thousand crappy NBC reality competition shows he keeps inexplicably getting booked on as a host. Timmons could be the Brian Dunkleman to Lachey's hyper-muscular Ryan Seacrest. And you know, if there is a God, Seacrest will turn this whole thing into a reality show for the E!.

In other news, the Huffington Post has been hit with $105 million class action suit filed by a bunch of writers from the liberal website. And faster than you can say WHERE'S MY MONEY, the hyperbole has started to spill all over the Internet as one former writer told "Forbes" magazine:

"In my view, the Huffington Post’s bloggers have essentially been turned into modern-day slaves on Arianna Huffington’s plantation."

Oh we're sorry. We just temporarily went blind from all the SIDE EYE because, you know, nothing quite says SLAVERY like submitting material to a blog on your own free will. Totally the same. This was actually in fact a plotline that got cut from "Roots" due to time constraints. We're just surprised at the restraint of the blogger to not also throw in Nazi references and talking about feeling raped by Arianna Huffington's heavy accent, since rape and Nazis also seem to be also totally valid and equal comparisons.

Anyway, that's the small bit of tea as we have a jam-packed "Gleecap" to cap off our trilogy of fake Gleecaps! Continue reading now!

Gleecap - Gleek Swan

Happy Hump Day Gleeks! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, giving you KARAOKE VOCALS REALNESS better than your favorite edition of the Gleecap, where Mercedes goes when her tater tots are busy cooking in the deep fryer. "Glee" is still in reruns so we're back with another one of our recaps of a fake episode of "Glee." But before we get to all the "Glee," let us first:

First up, our girl Wendy Williams was eliminated last night from "Dancing With the I-Only-Have-Recollection-of-Who-You-Are-Stars." As much as we live for Wendy Williams, we're glad she's gone because watching her dance was physically painful. Also physically painful? Wednesday night's show, where everybody had a sob story to tell with their dance. Normally, we think that's fine and dandy since we watched "American Idol," where no personal tragedy is left unexploited for votes. The thing is, whatever genius suggest personal song week decided to do it the week that half of the celebrities were going to do the rumba. Because nothing quite says HONORING A DEAD FRIEND/MOM/RELATIVE/PET quite like the hyper-sexual dance that is the rumba.

Wendy Williams isn't the only person leaving a program as rumors continue to swirl that Katie Couric is about to leave the CBS News anchor position she's been at for the past five years. Poor Katie. She never really got a fair shake due to her "Today Show" background and notorious perkiness that people thought made her unfit for the anchor's chair. Surprisingly, Diane Sawyer, who anchors the ABC News, hasn't come up against that kind of criticism. We guess having Whitney Houston ask you for the receipts and making Britney Spears cry in an interview make her infinitely more credible than Katie.

Speaking of Britney Spears, her music video for "Till the World Ends" premiered at the 3 a.m. today. Britney's new video is just like "Slave 4 U" except it's awful. We mean, it's relatively less awful than "Hold It Against Me" was and doesn't begin to approach the stankness of "Radar," but we're not quite sure why Britney's people thought it'd be a wise idea to borrow so much thematically from one of her greatest music videos so she could walk around in a daze in this one. Girlfriend can't even clap her hands with a sense of passion. We wait with fevered anticipation for the choreography-centric edit of this video. We seriously haven't seen this many quick-edits for a performance since they tried to edit Renee Zellweger into being a competent dancer in "Chicago."

And that's the tea for today! Watch your back and continue reading for today's Gleecap!

Gleecap - Beach Blanket Glee Club

Hey Gleeks Hey! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, giving you RECAP REALNESS better than your favorite edition of the Majak Kingdom's Gleecap, where we watch "Glee" so you don't have to let plotlines get in the way of the musical numbers. Just like the writers! "Glee" is still on hiatus until April, which has sort of left us in a bit of lurch in terms of recapping things. But you know how stunning, flawless, amazing we are? We can recap an episode that didn't even happen. Oh yeah, that's right Gleeks. Put down those slushies and tots and get ready as we give you some NEW GLEE REALNESS to help tide you over until the show comes back with new episodes, new albums, and new storylines to periodically drop and pick up at will.

Gleecap - Nether Regionals

Last week on "Glee," we think Gwyneth Paltrow guest-starred on the program, but we're not quite sure as she was so underused by the program. Maybe? Anyway, Paltrow's Holly Holiday character was back and doling out sex advice to all of the woefully undereducated students at McKinley High as she was filling in for the sex education teacher. Over at Gay Hogwarts, Kurt found himself being confronted with his unsexy nature by Blaine, who thought it'd be a wise idea to talk to Kurt's father about how Kurt knows boo diddley about the okey doke. Not a horrifyingly awkward conversation in the least. Elsewhere, Emma was still coming to terms with her feelings for Will and the fact that her husband Dentist Carl has only drilled her teeth since they tied the knot. Somewhere in the midst of this, we also got Santana admitting her feelings for Brittany, Brittany thinking she was knocked up, Quinn and Finn getting it on, half of the Glee club joining the celebacy club to perform a stunning rendition of "Afternoon Delight." Because why not.

Continue reading for the Gleecap of all the Regionals madness.

Gleecap - The Gwyneth Paltrow Variety Hour Featuring the Cast of Glee

Happy Hump Day Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, giving you GUEST STAR REALNESS better than your favorite edition of the Gleecap, where pop culture goes when it just can't get enough of Gwyneth Paltrow being shoe-horned into programs so she can try to launch a music career. We're back after having a week off from the program as they were in reruns last week. What will happen this week? Who will fight? Who will sing? Who will have already forgotten all their characterization from the last new episode? WHO KNOWS? But we're here to find out all about it. But before we get to the Glee, honey, let us get to the tea:

First up, in "Glee" news, Darren Criss and the Warblers are going to be putting out an album in April according to a report on Billboard. The album would include all the songs that the Warblers have been doing on "Glee" including "Teenage Dream," "Bills, Bills, Bills," "When I Get You Alone," and other tunes that have managed to end up on the show, PLOTTING BE DAMNED. We love Darren Criss. We really do. We want to marry him and adopt a bunch of children that will wear pink sunglasses and sing about Harry Potter. But if the people behind "Glee" don't get his character to transfer to McKinley soon, we're going to get really tired of the boy version of the "Facts of Life" that is the Warblers scenes on "Glee."

Well that was fast. Michaele Salahi, alleged White House crasher, has already been booted from this season's of VH-1 "Celeb Rehab." According to TMZ, she was let go from the show due to the fact she doesn't have an actual addiction. Well other than famewhoring? Maybe? But if they were going to start treating that they'd have to devote a whole house just for Dr. Silver Fox Drew.

In other nobody news from TMZ, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are gearing up to duke it out over custody of their child according to papers filed. Wentz wants to have shared custody with Ashlee. You know, so they can both tend to their absolutely BOOMING CAREERS that have them both in such demand.

First up, somebody has been been giving the "Real Housewives" Mickeys according to some reports.

Gleecap - The Human Glee-ague

Happy Wednesday Gleeks, we're here for another stunning, flawless, amazing, tipping back red cups better than your favorite edition of "Gleecap!" Last week on "Glee," the show was alive with the sound of Justin Bieber as Sam tried to woo Quinn with the Justin Bieber catalogue, which worked as well as you think. Elsewhere, Sue decided to join the Glee club because wacky shenanigans is her stock in trade. After singing a few tunes and dealing with some cancer kids, Sue decided to get a job coaching Aural Intensity. Elsewhere, Rachel decided to get some of her mojo back by deciding to pen a tune to help win the competition. Finn thought this was such a great idea that he decided to tell her so. In private. After everybody shouted and yelled at how stupid it was. Because that's the awesome, stand-up dude that Finn is.

Anyway, before we get to the Glee, let's spill us some tea!

In some "Glee"-related tea, "Glee" star Ashley Fink who plays Lauren on the show has responded to critiques about her appearance. In an interview with The Advocate, Fink tackles recent remarks made by Rosie as Rosie talked about how she heard from a lot of bigger women that they wished they had cast a "heavy pretty girl" in the role of Lauren instead of Ashley Fink. Rosie, for her part, seemed fairly complimentary of the actress when she was interviewed. Through the magic of the internet and whatnot, the story was contorted into Rosie herself talking smack about Ashley, leading her to say that she thought it was strange what Rosie said and how Rosie had always been very supportive. We especially appreciated the shade that Ashley slung at Rosie when she said in the interview, "Then she was on Access Hollywood, promoting a new hairstyle or something, and for some reason she decided to talk about me again." It's nice to see that Lauren can throw Santana around like a ragdoll as well as throw some shade.

In our favorite bit of REALLY? gossip news, Melissa Leo of "The Fighter" has pretty much fucked up her chances for getting an Oscar according to inside sources. The star, who recently won a Golden Globe for her role, decided to aggressively campaign this year with a serious of print ads with herself swathed in fur and standing beside a pool as well as this beauty:

Oh desperation, the one thing you can't Photoshop out of a picture no matter how hard you try. Initially Ms. Leo had been all aboard for this stunt to get her attention, THAT SHE DIDN'T NEED TO DO AT ALL, but now has backtracked away from the campaign, saying in an interview with The Daily Beast, "I've been busting my ass, trying to get the movie sold and seen, and now I show up where they ask, get put into hair and makeup that they pay for, so I can promote this thing [and campaign]. So I'm a little confused. I thought this is what we're doing. This is what all the girls are doing."

Melissa Leo is also still bitching at having to play Mark Wahlberg's mother, seeing as she is only 11 years older than him. Tell it to Anne Bancroft, Melissa. She had to play a predatory cougar old enough to have a college-age daughter for Dustin Hoffman to romance and was only SIX years older than Dustin.

This whole thing is especially funny to us, this aggressive campaigning for the the Oscar, coming on the heels of how Mo'Nique famously won her Oscar for "Precious" without campaigning at all for it. But maybe the Academy is just a REALLY big fan of "The Parkers"?

Anyway, that's the tea. Let's get to the Glee!

Gleecap - The Justin Bieber-ence

Happy Hump day everybody! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, muting all of the Justin Bieber songs used in the episode edition of the "Gleecap," where we watch Glee so you don't have to anything but download the tunes. Last week on "Glee," Finn and Quinn continued to have feelings for each other that culminated with mono while Blaine proved that he's not the Gay Yoda that he had initially been portrayed as while Kurt still clung to the hope he'll be the non-trout mouthed Meg Ryan to Blaine's well-coiffed Billy Crystal in their romantic comedy "When Harry Met Twinky."

In today's "Gleecap," we take on Bieber Fever, cancer kids, new wave classics and all of the other random crap that was tossed into last night's episode. But before we get to the "Glee," let's spill us some tea!

First up, Billy Ray Cyrus has taken to GQ Magazine to talk smack about his daughter Miley Cyrus because that's good parenting. In a new interview, the country star details how he believes that "Hannah Montana" destroyed his family because who knew that allowing your teen daughter to become a Hollywood star would potentially lead to a bevy of bad life decisions on her part. BRAND NEW INFORMATION BILLY RAY. Billy Ray even goes as far as saying he believes that Satan is coming after his family. Satan is most likely just trying to get his money back from renting "The Last Song." 

But seriously, this is the sort of idea, in the words of one Emerson Cod, give bad ideas the will to live. Saying that show that you co-starred on for YEARS with your daughter destroyed your family is one big ole SIDE EYE of a thought process since it sort of negates all of the things you could've done as a parent. Seriously, not all child stars have to go nutso. Look at all of the kids from the "Harry Potter" franchise, infinitely bigger than anything Miley has been connected with. Those kids have been in the public eye forever but somehow managed not to get videotaped toking up with a bong. Trying to be the "cool dad" with your never going to be cool I-have-no-soul patch is what undid Miley more than any television show Billy Ray.

And you know, if you had issues with Miley, doing an interview about it is not the way to go about it. I mean, really? Because that worked so well to mend the fences between Jon Voight and Angelina Jolie when he was all over E!, crying about missing his daughter and whatnot. But as my grandma always says, the eyes see out, not in.

And speaking of people who like to run to magazines to discuss others, Dr. Drew has taken Billy Ray to task for the interview because a) Dr. Drew has something resembling correct logic and b) he has yet to be able to detox his crippling addiction to being a famewhore. In an interview with Joy Behar, Dr. Drew pretty much puts a lot of the blame on Billy Ray for creating the weird father/daughter relationship, saying, "You can't be the parent, the friend and the co-star. That is very confusing; that creates boundary problems for a child and therein lies the core of one of the problems that Miley seems to be manifesting now."

Shameless as Dr. Drew is in his attempts to be interviewed about every troubled star he's never met, we'll give him credit for actually saying the proper thing about the situation. And we'll also thank him for giving us Janice Dickinson in rehab. That trainwreck is gold.

Gleecap - My Funny Glee-entine

Happy Wednesday everybody. Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, not giving two craps about continuity better than your favorite edition of the Majak Kingdom's Gleecaps, where we watch Glee so you don't have to do anything but download the soundtracks.

We're doubling the Glee, doubling the iTunes sales this week as "Glee" had a brand spankin' new episode after the Super Bowl that featured cheerleader canons, Michael Jackson mash-ups, and a stunning amount of character development for a glorified guest star in the form of bully Karofsky. Meanwhile, Finn made out with Quinn and made peace with Puck but still was distant with Rachel because kissing Puck is infinitely worse than getting knocked up by Puck and lying about the child being yours, which actually sort of fits the amount of dumb logic Finn seems to careen through life with. Elsewhere, Brittany, Santana and Quinn quit the Cheerios because a trophy is not worth almost killing themselves for one of Sue's stunts. Plus, we got a completely shoehorned in scene of Fairy Potter and the Warblers singing "Bills, Bills, Bills," discovered that Kurt still lives at home and is not attending a boarding school and saw that the Lohans are going to be the whipping post for "Glee" this year. Whew.

Before we recap all the hot mess of this Valentine's Day-centric episode, which makes the fact that the high school football team was seriously playing a championship came in Feb. even more suspect, let us do what we do best as we got a big plastic cup filled with some TEA, ready to throw!

First up, Prince does what relevancy hasn't been able to by kicking Kim Kardashian off the main stage. Kim Kardashian was pulled up onto stage during Prince's gig at Madison Square Garden and was asked to dance because we're pretty sure Prince initially thought it was Apollonia, his co-star in "Purple Rain" at first, but just rolled when it we discovered instead it was the E! starlet. When ordered to dance by Prince, most people would be busting a move like crazy. Not our Kim Kardashian. After awkwardly standing around for a few seconds, Prince dismissed Kardashian because his name is Prince, and he is funky. The E! redeemed herself, slightly, when Prince gave her another chance to come up on stage. This time he probably thought she was Vanity.

Next up, "American Idol" winner/reality star/professional bad life decisions maker Fantasia Barrino may be pregnant with the child of the married man she was seeing and whose former wife recently sued Fantasia in court for alienation of affection according to a report. We're taking this news with a grain of salt as Fantasia admitted during the alientation of affection trial that she had once gotten pregnant by Antwaun Cook but chose to abort the child instead.

In other news, Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg has a stalker. According to TMZ, Zuckerberg has obtained a restraining order against Pradeep Manukonda, a 31-year-old man who kept sending Zuckerberg messages, showing up to Facebook offices and wouldn't stop with the Mafia Wars requests. Okay, we made up the last one but those stupid game requests should be grounds for restraining orders. And curiously, this restraining order is coming on the heels of the one WE just filed to keep Zuckerberg from ever having to "act" ever again like he did on "Saturday Night Live." 

In news surely to cause a spike in suicides among English majors everywhere, Bristol Palin is writing a memoir to come out this summer because nothing qualifies a person for a book deal quite like being unable to properly use birth control.

Gleecap - O Come All Ye Gleekful

Last week on Glee: Will decided to hand out some solos to the vocally amazing Quinn and Sam for Sectionals as well as on-the-verge-of-complete-crazy Santana while Finn and Rachel were left to stew in their own juices of failure in both in terms of solos as well their relationship as Santana, and inexplicably the writers, decided to have her not-so-secret out about her banging Finn. Off at Stepford Academy, the drones and their lovely uniforms were also getting ready for Sectionals because nobody in the Glee-verse aside from Vocal Adrenaline ever takes more than a day to prepare for stuff. Kurt decides to try out for a solo and finds himself on the sidelines, singing that god-awful Train song because this show has just embraced having zero-to-no taste level whatsoever at this point. Emma got married to Dentist Carl, Rachel cheated on Finn with Puck, and the Warblers and New Directions magically tie at Sectionals because why the not eff not at this point.

This week: An hour-long infomercial for the Glee Christmas album. Seriously, let's just call this episode what is and move on with our lives.

Gleecap - Hot Sectionals

Last week on Glee - Sue decided to marry herself, which prompted a visit by her mother as played by Carol Burnett who decided to take some time out of her busy schedule of hawking DVDs of the Carol Burnett Show to make an appearance, sing a song and teach Sue a very special lesson about how bullies are created; elsewhere, in the storyline that the writers actually care about, Kurt continued to bullied by Karofsky but thankfully Kurt's dad Burt was getting married to Finn's mom Carole so he could distract himself from his troubles by designing a wedding like the good gay scarf-swathed stereotype he is; Finn, after the prompting of having to witness a whole wedding essentially about the awesomeness of Kurt, decides to become one of the converted and embraces Kurt, both literally and figuratively, through the shit magic that is the Bruno Mars songbook; additionally, the writers, starved for storyline ideas, re-watched season one and remembered Santana banged Finn so they trotted that loveliness out again.

This week - SECTIONALS. If you don't like that ultra brief episode overview we say:

Gleecap - Wedding Glee Blues

Last week on Glee: Sue Sylvester used biological warfare to get herself installed as Principal of McKinley and swiftly got rid of tater tots because she knows not the power of tater tot casserole clearly; the Great Tots Offensive caused a defensive move by Mercedes who stuck a bunch of tots in Sylvester's tailpipe because, according to in love Kurt, Mercedes is eating her feelings because she's single; single Mr. Schue got sick due to Ms. Sylvester and fucked batshit crazy ex-wife Teri while bonding with guest star Gwyneth Paltrow. who was all about fun with students because she's devoid of any concept of adult responsibility which makes her pretty much ideal for our little McKinley High; oh also, Kurt got a death threat from his bully. Songs were sung, baby versions of the Gleeks were trotted out and Fred Astaire rolled in his grave. And that's what happened last week on Glee.

This week on Glee: Fists are thrown, bouquets are tossed, scores of dropped storylines get referenced and alliances are reinforced as the Burt and Carole get married, Sue decides the greatest love of her all is inside of her as she gets married to herself with the aid of guest star Carol Burnett, and Kurt's bullying storyline comes to a climax.

Do you want for me to get on with the Gleecap?

Gleecap - Glee-ing In The Rain

Last week on Glee: Kurt went covert and ended up Gay! Hogwarts and drew attention from Fairy Potter aka Blaine aka new actor Darren Criss and also fended off the advances of a jock bully because Glee's taking bullying serious now or something. In a storyline that we're sure that the National Organization for Women simply ADORED, Puck taught Artie that being an asshole to girls is a way to get into their good graces.Elsewhere, people were using Coach Beiste's mental image as a chastity belt since everybody at McKinley High School goes from zero to penetration within two kisses.

This week on Glee: Glee gets a substitute in the stick figure form of Gwenyth Paltrow, Sue Sylvester uses biological warfare in order to gain power, Mercedes eats her feelings.

Kelly Kapor's indignation over the irresponsibility of Glee welcomes you to read the rest of the Gleecap!

Gleecap - Never Been Glee'd

Last week on Glee: Mr. Schue continued to be a creeping creeper who creeps by doing The Rocky Horror Picture Show solely to get back into the twitching arms of Emma who is still madly in love with Dr. Carl. HAVE MERCY. Meanwhile Sam has an eating disorder, Finn has body image problems, Mercedes is a Why-the-hell-are-you-playing-Frank-N-Furter issue, Santana and Brittany magically made-up off-screen, GLAAD was offended by the use of the word "tranny" by Mike Chang, Sue Sylvester made her weekly reminder of having a differently abled sister because the show is only allowed one bit of continuity, and shirtlessness abounded to the praise of many a viewer.

This week on Glee: Mash-ups, throwdowns, and Katy Perry all collide together as Puck makes his return, Kurt makes an exit, and a potential new love interest makes a first appearance.

The Cheerios and their hips of team spirit beckon you to read further!