This Mixtape Can't Stop

It’s a Friday night, and we are positioned at our usual spot with a drink in one hand, and our coat in the other. It’s at this precise moment when one of our friends, dressed sharply in a bow tie and nice pale blue button down shirt, comes shuffling through the crowd that is downtown bar on a Friday night. He comes up to us, somewhat giddy and pulls us aside to have a little talk.

“Which one do you think is better?” he asks us, holding his phone up to us.

We squint our eyes a bit as we scrolls rapidly through a set of six photos. At first we can’t tell the difference since they all seem to be of the same person---him---in the same pose---goofily grinning. It takes us a couple moments until it finally clicks.

“You’ve been gone for like past ten minutes so you could take selfies in the bathroom mirror?” we sigh, moving our drink from one hand to another as our eyes drift back and forth between our friend and his phone.

“Which one do you think is best?” he asks us, scrolling through the evidence of his impromptu bathroom photo shoot.

“I don’t know,” we say as we study the photos. “There is more lens flare happening in these photos than in both ‘Star Trek’ movies.”

“Just choose one,” he says as he keeps scrolling.

“That one,” we say.

“That’s not even a photo of me.”

Oh selfies, only a word that sounds like a euphemism for self-pleasure could accurately capture the masturbatory nature of social media. The term “selfie” came into its own in 2013, named the “Word of the Year” by the Oxford Dictionary . Somewhere, twerking is mad that it pulled an ass muscle for NOTHING.  In honor of the selfie, we’re talking about our favorite selfie moments of the year.

Before they broke-up this year, the Jonas Brothers got lots of press for Nick Jonas posting a shirtless selfie on Instagram this summer. 

Who needs a purity ring when you’ve got abstinence abs.
In honor of Nick Jonas and his shirtless beauty, we present Iggy Azalea's "Work" mashed together with Britney Spears' "Work Bitch."

Another selfie that caused a lot of stir was Kim Kardashian’s bathing suit selfie she posted to show off her slimmed down figure after giving birth.

In honor of Kim K., our next song is "Mirror" from Kat Dahlia's awesome EP "Gangsta"

The most notorious selfie of the year would have to be the one that President Obama took this year while attending at the Nelson Mandela memorial.
“Does Instagram have a bereavement tint?”

In honor of the dignitaries snapping a photo together, our next song is Disclosure's "You & Me" from their album "Settle."

Our personal favorite selfie was of Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper taking a selfie together while at Wimbledon.
It's the pic that launched a thousand fan-fics.

We still don't know what the fox says, but we do know what the Mixtape has to say about the year that was 2013 so keep reading as we take on Miley, #Thicke, great moments in shade and so much more!

Hello dahlings! Welcome to another edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it regenerates itself into the new Doctor. This is the last Mixtape of 2013, and we couldn’t be more excited to share it with you. It’s been a crazy year filled with the birth of a royal baby, a government shutdown, the untimely deaths of Paul Walker and Corey Monteith, and more X-Factor judges than you can shake a lacefront at. And we were there every step of the way except for those months we didn’t write this blog, letting you and pop culture have it, hunties. And now we’re about to start a brand new year! But you can’t move forward until you know where you’ve been so let us press play one last time in 2013 and get what?!

2013 was filled with musical comebacks. Miley Cyrus came back as Rihanna, Justin Timberlake came back as Robin Thicke, and Robin Thicke came back as a more rapey Marvin Gaye. No song in 2013 got people on the dance floors and caused more controversy than Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” and its accompanying music video. 

In under five minutes, Robin Thicke was able to encapsulate some of the most popular trends of 2013: 
Unnecessary hashtags.

"Ironic" sexism


Between “Blurred Lines” and Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky,” Pharrell had a major huge career resurgence. We’ve always loved Pharrell, mainly because no matter how old he gets, he will always dress like he just worked a day shift at Zumiez.

And there is nothing better when two pop culture moments can meld together so we had to appreciated DWV taking on the Amanda Bynes debacle of 2013 to the melody of "Blurred Lines" in their parody, "Blurred Bynes."

And while Robin Thicke dominated the airwaves, no singer gathered as much press as Miley Cyrus, who joined in Robin Thicke in the biggest VMA train wreck performance since Britney was trying to give us more.

We could go on and on about cultural appropriation, the use of black women as props, and wonder exactly how much MDMA Miley was on when she performed, but we prefer to concentrate on the best thing that came from this performance:
You just know Rihanna is thinking, "There are not enough blunts in the world to get me high enough for this foolishness."

On a side note, our favorite moment of the entire 2013 VMAs was the extra “Baby, baby” that JC Chasez threw in his performance during the NSYNC section of Justin Timberlake’s performance. 
We see you, JC Chasez, trying to riff your way back into relevancy.

Miley was everywhere. She was booty popping at Juicy J concerts, she was swinging naked on a “Wrecking Ball,” and she even hosted “Saturday Night Live.” 

In honor of Miley, our next song on this Mixtape is "Problem" from Natalia Kills, off of our favorite album of the year "Trouble."

Miley wasn't the only pop girl to put out an album this year.

This year we found out that while Sara Bareilles is still not going to write you a love song, she will pen a tune for Katy Perry to rip-off completely as there were many comparisons drawn between Sara’s “Brave” and Katy’s hit single “Winded, Breathy Vocals” “Roar.” Though we were pretty meh about the single, we did enjoy the high school kids who won a contest to have Katy Perry perform at their school by putting together this video.

And while Katy Perry was roaring across the pop landscape, Lady Gaga tried to mount a comeback in the form of her album “ArtPop.” Lady Gaga, like Miley Cyrus, hosted “SNL” and performed at the VMAs as well as hosted her own rave as well as performed songs at the iTunes Festival as a way to generate hype.

So what did all of these high profile events translate in terms of sales? All three pop stars opened with relatively the same amount of first week sales.

Miley’s “Bangerz” album opened with 270,000 copies. Katy Perry’s “Prism” album debuted with 286,000 copies sold while Lady Gaga’s “Artpop” debuted with 258,000 copies sold.

It was an especially big decline for Lady Gaga, whose "Born This Way" album debuted with over a million copies sold in 2011. Apparently, Mother Monster had some of her Lil Monsters taking away by CPS in the intervening years.

These low numbers, given all the hype that surrounded most of these releases, made people concerned that 2013 was going to be the demise of the “pop girl.” 

And then Beyonce came out of nowhere and dropped her self-titled album, selling over 600,000 copies in just three days of digital sales on iTunes. In one swift move, Beyonce proved that sometimes the biggest hype you can have is no hype at all.

No hype if you don’t include the Super Bowl. And those Pepsi commercials. And those H&M commercials. And that lipsync performance at the inauguration and the following Super Bowl press conference where Beyonce sang live to shut up the critics.

"Yes! Why did you let Jay-Z make a rap comparing himself to Ike Turner on Drunk in Love?!"

Speaking of the Super Bowl, Beyonce's performance featured a brief reunion of Destiny's Child. As soon as “Independent Women” started, social media went in on band member Michelle Williams like she had interrupted the show to sing “Pretty Girl Rock.”

One vocal person was R&B singer Keyshia Cole. Her coming for Michelle’s wig led to the greatest moment of shade in 2013.

When asked about Keyshia Cole’s diss of Michelle’s performance at the Super Bowl, Michelle said:

“I can’t wait to see her [Keyshia Cole] in person so we can really try to talk and say ‘hey what happened?’  Cuz I will say this, I was a major fan of hers. That’s my first time even saying that. I understood her story… was rooting for her. I have a little sister that’s adopted. My little sister’s mother was a crack addict. My little sister was born with crack cocaine in her system, so when I see somebody like Keyshia Cole who is defying the odds, doing her thing and taking care of her family, she was somebody I was rooting for!”

A close second was Mariah Carey throwing shade at fellow “American Idol” judge Nicki Minaj in an interview with Barbara Walters.

In related news, “Are You That Bitch?” is the title of an upcoming doggy dating show on Animal Planet.

In honor of Mariah so expertly letting Nicki have it, our next song is "Favorite Star" from Quadron's amazing album "Avalanche."

And we're now going to take it down a notch as we talk about some of the things that passed away in 2013

ABC's sitcom "Happy Endings."
 It was smart. It was hilarious. It was therefore doomed to fail. After three seasons, "Happy Endings" got canned. Below, the cast and crew of do a fad that came and went this year: the Harlem Shake viral video.

Azealia Banks' career
Poor Azealia. She Tweeted herself out of career as she got into a feud with pretty much every person in the industry. See, at least Kanye West got an album out before he became a raging asshole.
"If we dance our way there, the unemployment office won't be as depressing."

Paula Deen on Food Network
With a scandalous lawsuit surrounding her brother that dredged up info about Paula's racial politics, the Food Network decided to cut their ties with the popular hostess.
We have heard that Paula is still trying to reach out to the African-American community.
"Y'all, this cornbread recipe goes out to all my niggas in jail, beating their dicks to the Double X-L.
And from my kitchen to yours, love and best bitches!"

To her credit, she never made a Kwanzaa Cake.

Nothing says "Afro-centric" quite like apple pie filling.

Our ability to see after watching both "Teen Mom" Farrah Abraham's and "New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking" star Tami Erin's respective "leaked" sex tapes.
People will do anything to not resort to appearing on "Rachel vs Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off."

Us writing about "Off Pitch"
We spent most of 2013 being mean-spirited good-naturedly poking fun of the reality show detailing the misadventures of La Crosse's very own Grand River Singers. The show came and went with the speed and dignity of a late night Grindr hook-up, but we'll always remember the show thanks to our "Clef Notes: Recaps in the Key of Shade." Available on this very blog!
Stay strong, Honey Bon Jovi. Stay strong.

In honor of this, our next song is "Always Forever" from Cults' 2013 album "Static"

Now it's time for a

Somehow, Miley Cyrus and her uncoordinated lower back spasms became the face and booty of twerking in 2013.
She can't stop, and she can't twerk.

We now provide you with two of our favorite twerk moments of the year.
First up, Julian Serrano
Julian Serrano Pretty Gang Twerk @julian serrano from fredo501 on Vimeo.

And our second favorite twerk of the year was the Vine videos put online by some NC State baseball players.

It was a crazy year for politics. We had government officials being busted for drugs, that government shutdown in the fall, the implementation of the Affordable Care Act and subsequent dramas around the website but nothing quite exemplified the craziness of 2013 in terms of politics quite like the meteoric rise and almost equally fast fall of Senator Ted Cruz.

Senator Cruz had been a tea party darling for a bit but found himself in the spotlight when he took to the floor for a 21 hour talkathon in protest of the Affordable Care Act. What can one possibly talk about for 21 hours? Well you can read lyrics from a Toby Keith song, parts from Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” reference “Star Wars,” and even read “Green Eggs and Ham.”
His favorite Dr. Seuss book is "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" because it's all about some green lefty learning the power of a Christian holiday.

Our favorite political moment of the year was Michelle Obama giving Speaker of the House John Boehner all types of side-eye the day of the inauguration.
"I'm telling you, going as the cast of Orange is the New Black is an awesome Halloween costume!"

We'd write more about 2013, but we have drinks to drink and dudes to kiss at midnight. We hope you have a happy and safe New Year. And as always, remember:

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