Last week on Glee: Kurt went covert and ended up Gay! Hogwarts and drew attention from Fairy Potter aka Blaine aka new actor Darren Criss and also fended off the advances of a jock bully because Glee's taking bullying serious now or something. In a storyline that we're sure that the National Organization for Women simply ADORED, Puck taught Artie that being an asshole to girls is a way to get into their good graces.Elsewhere, people were using Coach Beiste's mental image as a chastity belt since everybody at McKinley High School goes from zero to penetration within two kisses.
This week on Glee: Glee gets a substitute in the stick figure form of Gwenyth Paltrow, Sue Sylvester uses biological warfare in order to gain power, Mercedes eats her feelings.
Kelly Kapor's indignation over the irresponsibility of Glee welcomes you to read the rest of the Gleecap!
We start the episode with Sue Sylvestor getting in touch with her inner Sadam Hussein and using biological warfare as a way to get to power as Principal at McKinley like any reasonable, rational and not batshit crazy educator would do in her position. And like any war zone, there is collateral damage and in this case it was Mr. Schue as he ended up getting sick and having to go home after having a hallucination.
We wish all of our hallucinations of sickness were as cutesy!
Anyway, with Mr. Schue out of the picture, Kurt, flushed with the glow of being totally in love with his Fairy Potter boyfriend, knocked on the door of one substitute named Holly Holiday played by Gwenyth Paltrow. Ms. Holly Holiday, in grand tradition of so many substitutes on television dating back to when Mr. Belding's cool younger brother was a sub on Saved By The Bell, is all about the fun and shirking responsibilities and singing heavily reworded versions of Cee-Lo songs.
We'll own this shit right now: we don't like Paltrow. We used to. Emma was one of our favorite films, Shakespeare in Love was great, and how you can you not love Sliding Doors, a romantic comedy that has a relationship hinge on Monty Python references. Then somewhere after the Oscar, Paltrow went on a bad film bender including Shallow Hal and View From the Top.
First of all, of fucking course Candice Bergen would be all up in this shit. She's like the female Samuel L. Jackson in her inability to turn down roles, especially in god awful chick flicks. Are you that strapped for cash Candice? Did you burn through all of your Murphy Brown money in bad stock investments? Or was the pull of being in utter crap just too strong?
Which bad films are fine and dandy if Paltrow wasn't so ungodly smug. So we were all prepped to hate the Paltrow, especially given how we figured she'd be jammed into as many scenes as possible given her friendship with Glee creator and Running With Scissors director Ryan Murphy.
Suprisingly, we enjoyed Paltrow since apparently the smug torch was being carried not by her but Kurt as he blossomed from his mainly off-screen relationship with Fairy Potter which meant that he obviously had to drop his friendship with Mercedes like she was a plotline on this show. She, being of the big and beautiful variety, immediately decided to take out her frustrations with Kurt by being mad at Sue for ridding the cafeteria of tater tots. Or something like that. Honestly, we just thought she liked tater tots because, you know, they are stunning, flawless, amazing, better than your hashbrowns, etc. But since nothing on this show can't be that basic besides Finn's dance moves, her brief foray into the world of Norma Rae sign waving is all stemming because Kurt is dropping her to spend time with Blaine.
Which okay show, last week Kurt pretty much had nobody to talk to and was all alone and isolated. This week he has Mercedes back involved in his storyline JUST so he can drop her like she's hot? You know in the grand scheme of this show, it's not even that terrible of a bit of jankity jank jank jank continuity so we'll let it pass this time.
We'll give credit Mercedes for trying to contend with Kurt and Fairy Potter as they went out to Breadstix together and had a conversation that amounted to what we'd like to call a Gay-Off while poor, completely out of place Mercedes sat on the sidelines like the fat girl she is. Hey, we can continue to call her that because Glee has taught us that while gay bullying is bad, trading in negative stereotypes about the plus-size people is always okay when done for a laugh. Except when you need to have some sort of an emotional pay-off for a storyline. Maybe? Who cares.
And while Mercedes was off being chunky, Mr. Schue was off being taken care off by his crazy ex-wife Terri who appeared because clearly somebody on the writing staff was like, "Oh shit, remember when we signed her to be a series regular? Yeah, I know. What the fuck was up with that? Anyway, let's have her come back and talk in a baby voice with Will and use the application of Vicks as foreplay so Mr. Schue will have sex with her and then pretty much act like her feelings for him have re-materialized without his aid at all."
"Sounds great! But can we put in a musical sequence where Mr. Schue dances to 'Make 'Em Laugh' so we can have amazing dancing to off-set the terribleness that will be 'Hot Honey Rag' since Rachel Berry can't even do a decent cartwheel."
"We are geniuses. iTunes sales never lie."
So after Sue fires Will because in the land of Glee there are no unions or contracts, she soon realizes that she might actually need the Willster given the surprising flaky nature of somebody named Holly Holiday.
Elsewhere, after a failed attempt to get Mercedes hooked up with a football player of same ethnicity, Kurt went full-on Summer's Eve with Mercedes by pretty much implying that friendships are just stop-gaps between relationships. And of course, because Mercedes is fat, she agreed and scampered off to hook up with football guy because this week being a Gleek isn't social suicide?
Which speaking of suicide, we're already calling it now that Kurt's bully is probably going to die in a blaze of I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON glory.
The episode ended with Mr. Schue back at McKinley High School, teaching the Gleeks and making Gene Kelly roll in his grave with a hot mess that was a "Singing In the Rain"/"Umbrella" mash-up of totally unnecessary origin.
Yikes. Just yikes.
Overall we actually liked this episode because Glee does comedy infinitely better than it does After School Special drama so kudos to the return of that. We're sure people are still raging over the bi-polar jokes Holly Holiday made:
Or still trying to repress the idea of Mr. Schue getting a thermometer up his New Directions.
Overall, we enjoyed this episode more than last and are fully prepared to facepalm our way through next week's episode as Sue potentially gets married, Kurt and Finn's parents tie the knot as well and things may go from bad to worse with the bully situation.
Until then, may the Gleek (and tater tots) be with you.