First up, fire engine red Rihanna releases her new album Loud today and pretends that whole doom and gloom period that was Rated R never existed.
Oh Rihanna, we appreciate that you've dropped some of the poor man's Grace Jones antics, but we're still going to miss the Rated R era of your career, especially compared to the blandness that is Loud. With Rated R not doing the big numbers that Good Girl Gone Bad and its seriously ten million special editions/re-releases did, her record company was understandably nervous that Rihanna's bid to be a credible artist had blown up in her face so they immediately rushed the "Umbrella" singer back into the studio to cut an album.
It's a classic industry move that has happened countless of times from Janet Jackson following up the dark The Velvet Rope with the brightness that was All For You to Kelly Clarkson going from the screeching of My December to the produced-within-an-inch-of-its-life of All I Ever Wanted.
So how is Loud? Meh. That's all we can really say. It's hard to get into an album that reeks of solidifying slightly fractured fanbase. Plus, any album by a vocally challenged artist like Rihanna that has the fresh nerve to sample the even more vocally challenged Avril Lavigne to make a song about binge drinking definitely deserves a shaking of the head at.
Judging you right now Rihanna.
Next up, Zombie!Michael Jackson releases a brand new single from ~beyond the grave~ as he teams up with Akon on the single "Hold My Hand."
We were with this song for exactly eight songs before Akon's trifling production stamp showed up with its prison door sound and the yelling of KONVICT which is tacky under the best conditions and even more so when you're singing with Dead Jackson and talking about wanting to hold hands. The prison cell door slamming just gives the illusion that this could a love theme from Oz.
The song would be infinitely better if it was Michael Jackson's lovely vocals, but of course Akon has to be on the track. The whole thing sounds like Justin Bieber b-side single which is deeply disappointing because, you know, KING OF POP and all. We can't hate on the song completely because we love the shameless choir that comes in towards the end to give the song an illusion of grandeur; it's our second favorite thing behind songs having inordinate amount of finger snaps.
Next up, "Chasing Pavements" chanteuse Adele suddenly remembers that, you know, she has a music career and drops a new single "Rolling in the Deep."
It sounds exactly like what you'd expect an Adele single to sound like which is either good or really bad depending on your level of fandom. Overall, we enjoy it greatly because while it's not a huge stretch for the singer, the more insistent drum beats and the overall almost disco-esque inspired undercurrent to the sharp vocals makes this song a great treat before every teen drama latches onto Adele again for their Sad Ending Montage of Teen Angst and Clearasil Perfection.
Next up Aussie country singing star Keith Urban releases a new album today called Get Closer.
We literally know nothing else about Keith Urban aside from the fact that a) he was genetically blessed with some of the best hair ever to be flat ironed and b) he is currently married to the Botoxed Mask that is Nicole Kidman. Frankly do we need to know more? I don't think so.
Well that's it for new Tunes Tuesday! We'll be back next week with a mega-edition of New Tunes Tuesday in preparation for Black Friday shopping with new albums from Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, Robyn and many others. As always, love, peace and downloads!