Hey y'all, welcome to the last edition of our week long tribute to Food Network personality Sandra Lee. We survived her main courses, hid her side dishes in balled up napkins, and fed her desserts to the dog underneath the table.
Now we take on the thing that Sandra Lee is most famous for outside of her tablescapes, her undying love of cocktail time. To be perfectly honest, Semi-Homemade cooking is 15 minutes of her reheating things from the grocery store, 5 minutes of her detailing her various hot gluing exploits and 10 minutes of her making alcoholic drinks so strong you could strip paint off the walls or freckles off of Bobby Flay.
So we end the week with a martini shaker in hand and the number of detox scrawled on the other as we delve into the wide world of Sandra Lee's happy hour(s).
First up, Sandra Lee's Sake Sorbet Cocktail
There are so many things that highlight why we adore Semi-Homemade: the extreme amount of joy when Sandra is in close proximity of booze, the sing-songy tune in which she sings about cocktail time, the fact that producers of this show saw it fit that cocktail time needed to have its own onscreen graphic.
Also, Sandra is sharing the same styling choices as Amy Poehler's cool mom from Mean Girls.
Next up, Sandra continues to abuse poor, sweet innocent sorbet with Sandra's Really Raspberry Sorbet Cocktail
Aside from looking exactly like Pepto, we'd have some serious questions about having this drink. The idea of drinking yogurt/sorbet mixed with a heavy hand of vodka just makes our mind reel, our palates scream, and our head ache in anticipation. We do appreciate that in spite of this being a family dinner in honor of her niece, Sandra cannot be begrudged her cocktail. And frankly, we are of the same opinion when having to deal with anybody under the age of like 25.
Next up, Sandra Lee implies that French people are lushes while serving a Pink Elephant cocktail.
She says that she got the name of this cocktail from a restaurant but methinks that the crew came up with the name, knowing full well Sandra was too busy taste testing to know that "seeing pink elephants" is a well-known euphemism for delirium tremens or alcoholic hallucinosis. Oh that Sandra, always giving shout-outs to the less fortunate. She's like Mother Theresa with a high-ball glass.
Next up, Sandra Lee makes a cocktail in the outfield of a child's little league tournament with a Drunken Float
There is pretty much no occasion that Sandra Lee doesn't find alcohol being added to be inappropriate. Births, deaths, weddings, divorces, the opening of an envelope, all of them can be improved with a few shots of vanilla vodka. She's a woman after our liver.
Lastly, Sandra Lee makes a Santa Sleigh's Cocktail that will have the Jolly Old Man being pulled over by the North Pole Police.
We do admire Sandra's restraint in limiting her brandy to just half-a-cup. We once saw her add two cups of rum to a pitcher for a cocktail. That pitcher only made two drinks.
The most disgusting part of this whole recipe is when she CLEARLY adds not egg nog, but egg nog flavored creamer to her drink. AND IT COMES OUT IN CLUMPS. Merry Christmas, here's food poisoning!
And with that my dear semi-homemakers, we end our tribute to the one and only Sandra Lee.
We leave you with a fake episode of Intervention starring Sandra Lee.