Bunnies. Bonnets. Undead messiahs. Easter has a little bit for everybody, doesn’t it? We here at the Mixtape have always enjoyed the holiday mainly because a) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups somehow are ten times more delicious when they are processed into the shape of an egg and b) we look absolutely delightful in pastels.
For those of you who never went to Sunday school OR never got around to renting “The Passion of the Christ,” Easter basically revolves around a comeback story greater than Cher’s and Tina Turner’s combined as Jesus Christ died for our sins and then three days later was basically like, “Psyche! Totally alive again.”
This coming back, against all of the odds in the world, has us here at the Mixtape thinking about other comebacks that are trying to happen in 2013 because we’ve never found a sacred religious event that we couldn’t twist into the opportunity for sarcastic barbs.
Here are some things trying to make a comeback in 2013:
Number one: Matt Lauer’s good reputation
Matt Lauer’s public persona has taken such a knock lately we’re waiting for the “Today Show” to unveil the new segment “Where in the World is Matt Lauer’s Likeability.” Lauer has been on the bad side of a lot of press ever since the nasty exit of his co-host Ann Curry from the “Today Show” and the resulting decline in the ratings.
We never had any sort of special affection for Lauer, but we definitely started having an active dislike of him when he interviewed Anne Hathaway and decided to kick off the interview referencing paparazzi snapping photos of her private parts when she was getting out of her car at the premiere of “Les Miserables.”
Anne survived Oscars with James Franco, Russell Crowe’s singing AND Christian Bale’s Batman voice so she really did not have time for Lauer’s bullshit.
Recently, NBC executives have come out in defense of Matt Lauer but these are the same people that greenlit “Whitney” and “Animal Practice” so their judgment about a lot of things isn’t what we‘d call stellar.
Number Two: Amanda Bynes’ tenuous grasp on reality
We’ve loved Amanda Bynes since she was offering advice to troubled adolescents as her alter ego Ashley on “All That.”
We also enjoyed her movie “She’s the Man” if only because it introduced us to the glory of shirtless Channing Tatum.
And then Amanda Bynes got Twitter and opened the door to let us into her exceedingly whacked out mind.
Recently Bynes took to her Twitter to let the world know that she wants rapper Drake to “murder” her vagina. We have no idea what that exactly means, but we did once let a frat boy manslaughter our face and that was AMAZING.
Sane! Amanda Bynes, please come back to us. Mainly because we really want a sequel to “What a Girl
Number Three: Boy bands who actually dance.
We have no problem with One Direction. They are adorable twinks with accents. But we long for the days when boy band choreography required more movement than just jumping up and down excitedly to the music. We were reminded of this exact fact when the Backstreet Boys decided to release their own version of the “Harlem Shake” and included some of their old choreography into the routine.
This also makes us wish that there was another season of “House of Carters” if only for more epic fights between Nick and Aaron.
Continue reading as we take on gay marriage, Rick Ross lyrics, the latest “Off Pitch” commercial and so much more.
Oh gay marriage, you’re having a moment right now aren’t you? You’re on the cover of “Time” magazine, all over the social networks and, most importantly, being argued about in front of the Supreme Court. You’re like the It Girl of social justice movements and we are living for every second of it.
In honor of gay marriage, we kick off this Mixtape with Active Child's song "Evening Ceremony"
This week, attorneys went before the Supreme Court to discuss both California’s Proposition 8 as well as the Defense of Marriage Act. The Supreme Court Justices for their part seemed fairly nervous about whether or not they should be even hearing these cases.
Justice Samuel Alito said:
“Traditional marriage has been around for thousands of years. Same-sex marriage is very new. You want us to step in and render a decision based on an assessment of the effects of this institution which is newer than cell phones or the Internet.”
Gay marriage: younger than both spring time and the iPhone apparently.
What these proceedings have lacked any sort of real stance on the issue from the justices, it’s more than made up in delicious quotes from them. Our particular favorite was from Justice Elena Kagan as she addressed the notion that whole point of marriage is for procreation:
" ... Suppose a state said that, 'Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation, we are not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55.' Would that be constitutional? ... If you are over the age of 55, you don't help us serve the government's interest in regulating procreation through marriage. So why is that different?"
Clearly Kagan was moved by the ten thousand engagements/near marriage storylines that happened during the run of “Golden Girls.”
And from "Golden Girls" to Spice Girls, our next song is Melanie C doing a solo version of "Viva Forever" at an Australian radio station this week.
And while the Supreme Court heard arguments, people took to their Facebook accounts to change their profile pictures to red equal symbols in support of gay marriage. It’s like KONY 2012, except nobody’s had a meltdown and ended up naked in the street. Yet.
Oh you thought we forgot about that time you were all about THAT movement and set your Facebook picture to a KONY 2012 photo to only find out it was basically a big ole scam? Oh no, we have a long memory here at the Mixtape.
This week saw VH-1 releasing another new promo for the upcoming Grand River Singers reality show “Off Pitch.” In this promo, GRS member Marcia tells us the difference between jazz hands and blades.
Sadly blades does not involve shanking a rival show choir.
In music news, rapper Rick Ross took time out of his busy schedule of taking his shirt off in performances to defend his disgusting lyrics in the Rocko song “U.O.E.N.O”
In the song, Ross raps the following line: “Put molly all in the champagne, you dont even know it/I took her home and I enjoy that, she aint even know it.”
In a recent interview, Ross said, “I would never use the term rape, you know, in my lyrics.” No, you just described a rape scenario and let us come up with the term for you. Think of it as like a really a-hole version of the “$50,000 Pyramid.”
And now let us spill:
The La Crosse area is quickly becoming THE destination for reality shows as it was revealed this week that HGTV's "House Hunters" filmed an episode of the program and it will air in April.
We're still trying to figure out why La Crosse has become such a hot spot for filming reality shows. Maybe it's the picturesque scenery. Maybe it's the friendly townspeople. It's probably because the production staff of any of these shows can get shitfaced on what they would spend just to get into a club in Los Angeles.
In honor of "House Hunters" coming to the area, we end this Mixtape with Phantom Planet's lovely cover of Crosby Stills and Nash's song "Our House."
Have a great weekend and remember: