This week: An hour-long infomercial for the Glee Christmas album. Seriously, let's just call this episode what is and move on with our lives.
Elsewhere, Glee finds new ways to make us totally creeped out about Brittany and Artie's relationship by continuing to make her a singing/dancing version of Corky from "Life Goes On." Last week, she believed in a magic comb bringing her powers and this week she, of freakin' course, believes in Santa Claus. How a girl who spends so much free time with Satan's Helper Santana can remain so blissful and optimistic about life should actually be applauded if it wasn't done in such a developmentally challenged sort of way.
Speaking of idiots, Mr. Schue decides that this school, which has shown nothing but disdain for New Directions except when the plot dictated otherwise for an episode, would absolutely adore the New Directions coming around to sing carols. Finn, in a rare showing of continuity given his spiritual awakening with the Grilled Cheesus, encourages the group to believe in the power of music. And they were promptly served up a shoe because no teacher at McKinley knows boundaries. At all.
The Glee kids find out that Brittany believes that Santa exists and go to the mall where secret humanitarian lets an elf know that she has rights and then hops on Santa's lap to ask for one special little request for Christmas.
Ooooh, way to go Artie. Now that you've kept this Santa charade going, you're going to have to make like Ludacris and find out how to:
Elsewhere, Rachel tries to give Finn a special Christmas present in the form of her singing the Carpenters' classic "Merry Christmas Darling." Extra special shout-out to the looping of Rachael referring to AV Club helping engineer the snow. Sure, Glee. In the spirit of this episode, we're just going to with this.
At Gay Hogwarts, Kurt and Fairy Potter sing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" as part of a rehearsal for Blaine. You know the only thing cuter than Blaine and Kurt singing this song? Blaine and Kurt singing that song in HIGH DEFINITION, HOLLA FLAT SCREEN.
To the surprise of only the characters on this show, Sue has rigged the Secret Santa so she'd receive all the presents, and if you didn't see Sue rigging the Secret Santa thing, you need to promptly get the hell out of this blog. This plotline initially doesn't make a lick of sense in terms of the people actually continuing onto Sue's office and then willingingly handing over the presents to her, even with her bullshit excuse of being a member of the Lima police department.
Why nobody turned tail and go get returns immediately for their presents makes as much sense as Karofsky being able to go back to bullying and not a single member of the Glee club using this other attack of throwing slushies as a way to get him out of the school and thus being able to bring Kurt back. But no, that would make sense and make the whole Kurt leaving thing a far less painfully drawn out storyline than these writers so desperately want to cling onto. Again, whatever.
We come back from commercial and people finally make sense for once and take all of Sue's gifts. Whew. I guess even the show writers can get something right.
Speaking of very much wrong, everybody decides that Brittany needs to be coddled about this Santa Claus so they get Coach Bieste involved while Sue gets in touch with inner Grinch because being a big huge bully is funny since no Kurts were harmed in the process. Or something. We'll give extra credit for the show making Brittany run into Grinch-tor while rocking the Cindy Lou Who hair style. Snaps to that.
We come back from the commercial break with the world continuing to keep Brittany in the closet about the whole Santa thing while Finn continues to be a big ole cheerleader for the Christmas spirit and a big ole naysayer when it comes to trying to be a part of Finnchel. God bless those people at the Tree Place for playing a Christmas tune that totally syncs up with Rachel's feelings about the situation. Actually, we adore when Glee goes full-out musical mode that actually furthers the plot so props to this.
Poor Rachel. Not even the power of Wham! could save her relationship. Rachel must have learned Ways to Win Back Boy You Cheated On by way of watching Season 4 of Sex and the City.
Back from commercial, the kids are sitting around, plotting how to raise money with the boys donating watches and the girls offer to cut their hair. Will, as always, brings stuff back to himself for a moment and then decides to go out into the world to help sing to cheer people up.
Elsewhere, the infantilization of Brittany continues as Coach Bieste comes to deliver a special message.
What? There's something in our eye. That's all. We're stone cold bitches.
Anyway, if Santa came to our house, we'd ask for one of the greatest dolls known to boy or girl:
Well that or:
Back from commercial, Brittany's storyline continues to go on for longer than God or the Producers should've allowed. Over in the teacher lounge, the teachers get a special performance from the Glee club who are admittedly rocking the best cardigans.
What? We love cardigans ironically because we are THAT hipster douchebag. Anyway, the Glee club goes panhandling in the teachers' lounge and everybody's heart grows three times bigger. Even Sue was touched. And if you DIDN'T see that shit coming you're an infant and can't read this anyway.
Next, Artie walks because he really is the less mobile version of Tiny Tim of this show.
We end the episode with Mr. Schue and Sue coming to a momentary truce of sort, by way of Sue breaking and entering Mr. Schue's house along with the Glee club to help trim his tree.
And with that we bid you adieu as Glee takes a break for a bit. We'd just like to thank everybody for reading and making our Gleecaps one of the most popular features on the Majak Kingdom. Merry Chrismahanukwanzakah to you all!