Oh Grammys, where do we even begin with you? The Grammys released their list of nominations for the 2011 Grammy Awards and the list, as it always does, drew a mix of gleeful YAYS, resounding NAYS and a whole lot of what the effety eff were you people thinking. Well joyfully devoid of both the Black Eyed Peas and Taylor Swift this year, the list of nominations reads, in parts, more like something you would see on the Teen Choice Awards than something supposedly honoring the best in music in the past year.
We mean, for every HELL YES we let out for Janelle Monae, Cee-Lo Green and Arcade Fire being nominated for awards, there were plenty of ARE YOU SERIOUS proclamations as we saw the likes of Bruno McCoke Fiend Mars and Chris "Domestic Disturbia" Brown get nominations as well Katy Perry having her name tossed in several times including Best Pop VOCAL (the only time the words Katy Perry and Best Pop Vocal should be uttered together is when a NOT is somehow involved but more on her later) is making us question, in the words of Project Runway judge Nina Garcia, the taste level of the people involved in what will be no doubt a 10 hour musical ego circle jerk.
So in honor of the Grammys and their nominations, we here at the Mixtape have put together an ultra mega mixtape to go through a few of the categories.
Let's start with the biggest category of the night and the one with the greatest WTF nomination: Best Album of the Year
Album Of The Year:
Arcade Fire- Suburbs
Eminem- Recovery
Lady Antebellum- Need You Now
Lady GaGa- The Fame Monster
Katy Perry- Teenage Dream
You know what, we're going to be elitist music snobs and own it right now. One of these nominations is not like the others.
Normally we wouldn't even be worried about Katy Perry and her stunted adolescence put to music known as Teenage Dream potentially winning the Best Album of the Year, especially given competition from Lady GaGa's The Fame Monster as well as Eminem and Arcade Fire and even Lady Antebellum (which will always sound like a Southern drag queen name to us), but let's be serious.
They gave a boatload to Taylor Swift last year, which proves that being vocally challenged may actually be a boon to your chances of snatching the big prize. And god help us all if Katy takes the stage and tries to sing "Fireworks" live again, a song that clearly somebody who knows nothing about singing wrote as the verses are way too loud and the chorus is too high and Ms. Russell Brand sounds like a bleeding cat even with the help of twenty layers of AutoTune on her album.
Moving onto Best New Artist
Best New Artist:
Justin Bieber
Drake
Florence & The Machine
Mumford & Suns
Esperanza Spalding
We're pretty much Team Anybody Not Justin Bieber since it's pretty much a done deal that he will totally win the award because you can't deny his ubiquity at this point. Personally we want Florence and the Machine to win because Florence is a ginger and haven't they suffered enough humiliation in their life. Give the gingers a break, y'all.
We'd be okay with a Mumford and Suns win too.
We were just informed that Esperanza Spalding is in fact an R&B singer and not a dialect of Esperanto.
Next up we have Song of the Year:
Ray Montagne- Beg Steal Or Borrow
Cee Lo Green- Forget You
Miranda Lambert- House That Built Me
Eminem Feat. Rihanna- Love The Way You Lie
Lady Antebellum- Need You Now
Frankly we think it's probably going to go to either Lady Antebellum's loving ode to drunk dialing, Eminem's domestic abuse put to music tune or Cee-Lo's masterful use of F-bomb dropping. Ray and Miranda Lambert are pretty much cannon fodder.
Other nominations of note:
Beyonce's still flogging the horse on life support that is the I Am Sasha Fierce album by somehow managing to get a nomination for the live version of "Halo" in the Best Female Pop Vocal Performance.
Somehow Glee managed to squeak out a nomination in best pop performance by a duo or a group for their take on "Don't Stop Believin," weirdly competing against Paramore's "The Only Exception" and Train's annoy-fest "Hey Soul Sister" which have both been covered this season on Glee.
Michael Jackson managed to get a nomination for "This Is It." We're hoping that if he wins, Jermaine Jackson is not allowed anywhere near the stage and instead the mess that is LaToya gets to do the acceptance speech because it'll be like Michael was alive again but somehow more masculine.
Susan Boyle, of Britain's Got Talent mania, got nominated for her I Dreamed a Dream album. If she performs, we hope it goes better than her recent appearance on The View.
Which calling your album The Gift just makes us think back to the glory days that were when Bravo decided that Paula Abdul should front her own reality series.
We hope that Fantasia's album Back to Me wins simply because all this Minnie Mouse, homewrecking, former American Idol winner would have the audacity to have a song called "Collard Greens and Cornbread" on it.
Win or lose, we imagine this will be her reaction:
And with that, we wish you a happy Friday and a great weekend. For a complete list of the Grammy nominees, check it out here.
And as always we wish you love, peace, and downloads.
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