Here at the Majak Kingdom, there is no greater television addiction than the Food Network. And if the Food Network is the addiction, Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee is the cocaine that we routinely freebase. There are a multitude of reasons to love Sandra Lee: her love of cocktail time, the insanity that someone so opposed to actually cooking has a cooking show, her deep fascination with tablescapes or simply the fact that in her relationship with Andrew Cuomo she has the potential of being the first lady of New York which would make the greatest inauguration themed episode ever created for her program. Sadly, Sandra Lee moved on from Semi-Homemade Cooking to her equally crazy show Sandra's Money Saving Meals which is built upon the neat little axiom of "Everything I told you on Semi-Homemade was a total lie." Her ability to completely overhaul her message while maintaining it is completely consistent with what she has been saying proves that she may be perfectly suited to be a politician's wife.
So right now, the Majak Kingdom would like to introduce a series we're calling "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Lee" where, with the help of YouTube, we get to recap all of the magical Sandra Lee insanity in easily digestible parts.
Our inaugural column is centered around some of the great abominations that Sandra Lee likes to call "desserts."
Up first, Sandra Lee's May Day Centerpiece Cake from her episode Spring Picnic
The May Day Cake highlights one of the chief tennets of Sandra Lee which is cake is merely the vehicle to deliver canned frosting. Blood sugar be damned, Sandra Lee covers the cake with cans and cans of white fluffy icing with child-like glee while also sprinkling edible flowers on the cake which turns out to be the only thing within the dessert that has any nutritional value aside from maybe all of the bugs that have inadvertently been iced into the cakes.
Next up, Pecan Cinnamon Angel Food Cake from her "Sailing" episode
Because nothing says sailing like an angel food cake, Sandra Lee, dressed head to cameltoe in white because that's completely appropriate for grilling and making food, puts together an angel food dessert. This highlights one of the great abuses that happened over the course of Semi-Homemade: the destruction of the angel food cake.
I don't know what childhood trauma caused Sandra Lee to take her anger out on poor innocent angel food cake since I didn't read her memoir titled, of all the things in the world, Made From Scratch.
But pecans + cinnamon + icing + angel food cake= alcohol has killed your taste buds. It's simple mathematics.
Lastly, Sandra Lee's Noel Cake
There are so many things wrong with this, I'm just going to say: