The Majak Mixtape - New Tunes Tuesday

Welcome to the Mixtape Formerly Known as New Music Tuesday. Frankly, we're surprised that it took us so long to jump aboard the alliteration train for our weekly feature about the various new things in music. Anyway, as always my lovelies, we are here to deliver the good, the bad, and the Autotuned to death songs, albums and videos to win friends, influence others and drive your roommates up the fucking wall. And if you don't like our music choices:

First up, fresh out of that transparent closet, Ricky Martin and Joss Stone's new tune "The Best Thing About Me is You"

Apparently Ricky Martin came out of the closet not only as a proud gay man but also Jason Mraz? Maybe? Because this whole song reeks of a more ethnically diverse version of Mraz's duet with blander-than-bland Colbie Caillat:

Plus, Ricky Martin and Joss Stone just make an odd pairing. But we've seen worse. WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU CHELSEA HANDLER AND 50 CENT (photo courtesy of TMZ)

Next up, Robyn's new video for her new single "Indestructible" off her upcoming album Body Talk, Part 3

We love Robyn since she's basically if Morrissey moved to Sweden and took his depression through dancey synths by way of new millennium Ace of Base, he'd pretty much come out as Robyn but with more luxurious hair. Her songs, at least our favorites, are forever about sad things like never being somebody's person, something hurting with every heartbeat, dancing on one's own. If we didn't also enjoy her songs like her remix of Snoop Dogg's Sexual Seduction we'd think we had a serious case of iTunes-influenced depression.

We interrupt this Mixtape to bring you news:
According to reports from TMZ, Disney starlet Demi Lovato has dropped out of her joint tour with the Jonas Brothers to check into rehab for what publicist says is for "emotional and physical issues."

We're pretty sure having to duet with our ex, especially if he was a Jonas and especially if it was this bullshit:

In other news, Taylor Swift has sold over one million copies of her album Speak Now in just one week, striking another win for delusional 20-year-old girls with fairy tale tendencies.

We ask you readers: which is the bigger tragedy?

Oh p.s., rumors continue to swirl that Taylor Swift is dating actor Jake Gyllenhaal. Terrifying ain't it Jake!

We don't know if it's true or not. But knowing Taylor, we'll find out the truth on the next album when they break up and she writes ten million songs about him.

Sassy!Jake sends us back to le Mixtape

Next up, our favorite Ice Cream Truck man drops a tune for the fall with his song "Get Into It" featuring the trans-superstar Amanda Lepore.

"Some want to date me/some want to date rape me." Oh Cazwell, rhyming "me" with "me" is very much from the school of Avril Lavigne Poetry but we can forgive because you're stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching YouTube views from your favorites, etc.

Some may claim that this song isn't as awesome as the audio crack as "Ice Cream Truck" and we say to those folks:

Lastly, Eminem and female rapper du jour Nicki Minaj go for the bleachers with their new song off Minaj's upcoming album Pink Friday with their tune "Roman's Revenge."

Nicki Minaj drops the lovey dovey pretense and comes after her haters, particularly one now dethroned Queen Bee.

When reached for comment, all Lil Kim could do was:

In a separate statement, Nicki Minaj said:

We're already counting down the days until these two heffas put out a joint single/album/tour/and line of pasties.

See you next time my mixtapers: Love, peace and downloads!

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