What is the what what, y'all?! We're back with another stunning, flawless, amazing, stuffing the ballot box better than your favorite, edition of "Look at Your Life, Look at Your Choices," the Majak Kingdom's look back at all things fabulously and disastrously 2010. On Monday, we took on a bevy of scandals that kept the blogs busy and the attorneys busier as stars couldn't seem to keep their privates off of Twitter, their asses out of rehab and their names out of the tabloids, much to our delight and their publicists' dismay. On Tuesday we went after just a small smidgen of all the flops that populated 2010 as flopping became the hottest trend since leggings as pants, neither of which are actually a cute or desirable look.
Today, we're taking on the cray cray that Washington D.C. politics had to offer up this year. It was like an Old Country Buffet of b.s. as the right, left and center waged wars about the BP Oil Spill, health care reform, Don't Ask/Don't Tell, and tax cuts all while everybody was scrambling to stay in their political office with the impending mid-term elections. It's been a year of candidates thinking it was a good idea to reassure people they are not a witch in their political ads, of rallies for both sanity and fear, the solidification of Tea Party movement, the fracturing of the American political system and, most importantly, the Palin family making a move into reality television.
So much political craziness, so little time. So let us get to it!
We start of this trip down political memory lane with President Obama signing the Health Care Reform Bill in in what we're calling . . .
"I Can't Vote, (Cough Cough) I'm Sick. Boo You Senator."
After working on it for some two years of his presidency, President Obama signed Health Care Reform into law in March of this year to the delight of pretty much no one. Somewhere in the process, President Obama came to the SHOCKING realization that getting Republicans/Democrats/health care professionals/the American people at large all on the same page of agreement was going to prove to be a damn near impossible feat. I know . . .
The whole health care reform splintered both parties as Republicans tried to deal with the Tea Party movement members who really didn't want any part of any sort of health care reform because they totally believe in the government meddling in the lives of Americans. Unless we're talking about a woman's reproduction rights or gay marriage. Then, we've found out, it's perfectly okay for the government to meddle? Maybe?
The Democrats found themselves fighting with each other as the liberals were still mad about the lack of a public option, the moderates just wanted something to pass so they could maybe get re-elected and conservative Democrats were too busy out getting spray tans with Republican leader John Boehner to care either way.
LOOK AT YOUR SKIN, LOOK AT YOUR COLOR. ORANGE IS A FRUIT. NOT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
Next up, we tackle the epic mishandling of the firing and the attempted rehiring of Shirley Sherrod in
"When the Sherrod Hits the Fan"
So Shirley Sherrod got screwed over royally, let's be frank about this. It all started so innocently, as these things always tend to do. Sherrod was giving a speech an NAACP event. Soon video of the speech made its way to conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart, who posted a two minute excerpt of the video with Sherrod talking about working with a White farmer and how she struggled with her own brushes with racism and whether or not she should give him the full power of her help.
The excerpt quickly leaped from Breitbart's blog to the FoxNews website and caused a firestorm as accusations of "reverse racism" (which wouldn't reverse racism mean, we don't know, tolerance or something) and the NAACP quickly decrying what Sherrod said and Sherrod resigning from her post as a Georgia State Director of Rural Development while folks like Bill O'Reilly were taking to the air in outrage over the Sherrod thing.
And to the surprise of pretty much nobody with any sort of common sense, there was a lot more to the story. The full video showed Sherrod discussing how, YEARS AGO, while working for a private advocacy firm for African-American farmers did she encounter the White farmer and found ways to help him. The fact that Fox News ran with the bloggers story isn't all that surprising. This is the network that just recently accidentally ran the words "Holocaust winner" under "Night" author and Holocaust SURVIVOR Elie Wiesel's face.
But there is not enough I CAN'T in the world for NAACP throwing out judgment at Sherrod before knowing the full story. I mean, I'd be more likely to take a college freshman's research paper on 2012, using only Wikipedia and his own imagination, more seriously than something some blogger with a beyond obvious political bent dreamed up.
The Obama administration tried to offer Sherrod some sort of job. Sherrod's response was, unsurprisingly:
Next up, we take on the BP DISASTUH in
"Just Let Your Oil Spill Gloooooow"
On April 20, an oil rig explosion detonated a three-month ordeal in the Gulf Mexico as oil gushed all throughout the Gulf Coast, releasing some 205 million gallons of oil into the surrounding waters. The oil spill caused so much damage to the environment that even Captain Planet would be hard pressed to fix it with his Planeteers, let alone the American government or BP.
The oil rig explosion happened in the midst of an on-going off shore drilling debate as a chorus of folks like Sarah Palin and RNC chair Michael Steele were exalting for people to "Drill, baby, drill," proving that porn dialogue and political messages are often the same.
And while the oil spilled out into the waters, BP found new and amazing ways to damage its own reputation in the form of BP executive Tony Hayward, who suffered from an oil spill of the mouth:
And when he wasn't saying something stupid, BP executive Hayward was doing something stupid, like going off to see his boat "Bob" compete in a yacht race as the disaster continued with seemingly no end in sight that June.
But not to be outdone in the Gaffe Olympics, Rep. Joe Barton of Texas, the ranking member of the house energy committee too, apologized to BP for having to pay for all the damage that BP caused.
Republicans and Democrats together had the same reaction to Barton's statements:
And Barton wasn't the only person issuing awkward apologies. Just listen to Swedish BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg as he tells the press how much BP sympathies with the "small people."
Come on, BP. LOOK AT YOUR TRANSLATOR, LOOK AT YOUR CONNOTATIONS.
We briefly sidetrack from one BP disaster to another with Bristol Palin doing a routine on "Dancing With the Stars."
Oh the Palins. We're sort of glad Sarah has decided to turn to reality show TV because it seems way more of a fit for her than the rigors of being competent. We also give Palin credit for roping Kate Gosselin into an episode of her show so she could look like a wonderful, self-aware example of humanity in comparison. Well played Palin.
We end this post with a hopeful note as President Obama signed a repeal of "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" in something we're calling
"The Few. The Proud. The Gay."
While John McCain was probably furiously talking to his wife Cindy, wearing her best Sharon Stone circa "If These Walls Could Talk" haircut, about her participation in a "It Gets Better" video that took the government to task about the Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy, the President listened to the wise words of Lady GaGa.
JUST KIDDING. Since its inception, people have been trying to get rid of "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" as the policy, at best, allows for a glass closet for members of the military. One can draw parallels between the Clinton presidency and the Obama presidency as Clinton failed with both Don't Ask/Don't Tell as well as getting health care reform passed while Obama has managed to at least get something passed with health care as well as repealing a policy that became one of the many albatrosses around Clinton's neck during his two terms as president. But Clinton trumps Obama when it comes to impeachment hearings, so score one for him I guess.
We're not quite sure what effect this will have on the armed services. We don't expect an outbreak of man-on-man action or a sudden influx of demands for basic training to built around when Ellen's talk show is airing. We just feel like it's pretty obvious that gays and lesbians have always served in the armed services.
This whole thing has led to the further unraveling of the Maverick Mystic that used to be wrapped around John McCain as he staunchly defended "Don't Ask/Don't Tell."
McCain was clearly remembering that back when "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" was first passed, it was under the full name of "Don't Ask/Don't Tell/Don't Pursue." But in the 18 years or so since it was passed, the "Don't Pursue" part has sort of been dropped as members have been booted from the military after their private e-mails were searched and they were found to be gay.
Oh John McCain
Somewhere Kathy Griffin is greatly enthused that she can finally start her military shows and seriously ask WHERE ALL HER GAYS AT without fear of somebody being tossed out.
And with that sassy finger wave, we bid you farewell until tomorrow, for another stunning, flawless, amazing edition of "Look at Your Year, Look at Your Choices." We wish you