Happy Christmas Eve Eve everybody! We're back for another shade throwing, wig snatching, tea spilling edition of the Majak Mixtape.
Before we even get into the hot mess that is the troubled Broadway production of the Bono-penned musical "Spiderman: Turn Off the Lights," which has a whopping $65 million budget that is almost as large Bono's Jesus complex, we have an update about the on-going Lindsay Lohan situation that we discussed in yesterday's mixtape because this girl might not have had an acting job in forever, she has been working overtime to keep her names in the tabloid headlines. We've dubbed the whole thing "LINNOCENT TIL PROVEN GUILTY."
As we reported yesterday, Lohan got into some sort of scuffle with a worker at the Betty Ford Clinic after she and some of her fellow patients went gallivanting off to a bar where Lohan claimed to have only had a few Shirley Temples and some French fries while the others drank. (SIDE EYE). When Lohan returned to the facility at one in the morning (SIDE EYE AGAIN) and was asked to take a breathalyzer test by a staff member named Dawn Holland because she claims to have smelled alcohol on her breath.
There were initially a ton of conflicting reports about whether or not the ginger/sometimes platinum blond/always questionably styled starlet ended up taking a drug/alcohol test. Lohan's father Michael, who we really think just lives in a tent in front of TMZ at this point, immediately went out to the press to "defend" his daughter and told everybody that she had passed drug tests given to her when she came back from going out. The world, in return, GURL PLEASE-d the hell out of Daddy Lohan and got confirmation from other sources and found out that Lohan was indeed clean.
And how do we know Dawn Holland thought that Lindsay Lohan was getting her drink on? Because Holland stupidly let herself get interviewed by the Edward R. Murrow of Tabloid News TMZ. That doesn't violate all kinds of confidentiality things at all (SIDE EYE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS).
Coming as a surprise to only Holland herself, she got sacked from her job at the Betty Ford Clinic. According to an interview with RadarOnline, Holland said she was let go because of the interview and now being freed from the constraints of Betty Ford employement, she's now "going full force."
Ugh, Dawn Holland.
And from the flop of Lindsay Lohan's life to the creative flop coming to the Great White Way, we switch gears and take on the on-going drama surrounding the upcoming production of the Spiderman musical "Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark." Directed by "Lion King" creative force Julie Tamor with music written by U2, the show has been causing tons of headlines from the moment it was announced that it was even going to be down since super hero plus singing almost never equals a good idea. But with Tamor at the helm of the show, you can't fault people thinking that it might work since she somehow was able to transform Disney's "The Lion King" animated film into a true artistic vision on the Broadway stage.
Which very much may be the same that happens with "Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark." You know, if like everybody is able to get out of the show alive.
Since its inception, the show has been plagued with a whole host of problems. Primarily, you have to overcome the global side-eye at the idea of adapting Spider-Man into a musical. Super hero, in all contexts outside of a comic book, take a ridiculous how amount of suspension of disbelief to keep members of the audience going FACEPALM every other second given all the contrivances that are sort of intrinsic to the genre. But now you're supposed to add on top of the not-so-secret identities, the endless supervillain monologues and the mass destruction of towns during huge battles that nobody seems to be all that concerned about a sprinkling of KICK, STEP, PIVOT, KICK, SNAP choreography and harmonies?
Super hero musicals have never really been able to take off in a non-cult fandom way. Many moons ago, there was a pitiful attempt to turn Superman into a stage musical. Bad idea is bad. The only thing came from the fiasco was the somewhat magical standard tune "You've Got Possibilties."
Broadway is littered with tons of piss poor ideas for adapting things from the pop culture as a way to make a fast profit. For every "Hairspray," there is a monstrosity like the infamously awful musical version of "Carrie."
So much 1980s cheesiness happening as the musical reaches its climax of Carrie kicking some mean girl ass.
We are like 90 percent sure that GaGa had the same set design for the first leg of her Monster Ball tour.
Anyway, with that sort of dubious Broadway history, the Spider-Man musical was going to have a tough go of it in the best of conditions. Then the delays of when the show was going to start pushed Alan Cummings, who was to play the Green Goblin, out of the project as well as Evan Rachel Wood, who was going to play Mary Jane Watson.
The show is currently in previews and has pretty much become the "Macbeth" of musicals. Oh, we're not meaning in terms of quality. Not in the fucking least. "Macbeth" has a notorious reputation of being cursed and have been allegedly been plagued with many accidents, including even death. The play is often referred to as "The Scottish Play" when productions are going on as superstition dictates that speaking the name of the play in a theatre brings bad luck. Very superstitious indeed.
So far one cast member has suffered a concussion, one stunt double broke both of his wrists during rehearsals while another broke his toe. PLUS, (I know, how much shit is going to happen, right?) during one of the preview performances, a stunt person ended up dangling about the audience during the end of the first act.
And then a stunt person was injured this week when the rope attached to him broke and sent him plummeting 30 feet to the ground.
The stuntman was taken to the hospital but luckily didn't sustain any life threatening injuries.
Needles to say:
"Rent" star Adam Pascal took to his Twitter to vent his rage about the pile up of injuries happening at the Spider-Man musical, stating:
I have to weigh in on Spiderman. They should put Julie Taymor in Jail for assault! I know what its like to fall and get hurt in front of 2000 people. It's no fun, but at least it was the one time it happened. I hope whoever was hurt is ok and sues the shit out of Julie, Bono, Edge and every other asshole who invested in that steaming pile of actor crippling shit!The actor soon found himself having to backtrack his statements as Twitter is a great place to rant and/or send inappropriate photos of your private parts on, but sarcasm is not one thing it ever delivers terribly well.
Will this show get it's stuff together and be able to premiere in February? Will it be the worse thing to happen to the Spider-Man franchise since Emo!Peter Parker?
Who knows. But we'll be there Mixtaping the hell out of it as always. Below, a commercial for "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark."
Bonus, the craptacular live action version of Spider-Man from the late 1970s:
As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads! BRING ON THE DANCERS