The Majak Mixtape - What is the What What

Hey everybody. Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, talking smack better than your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when the cat is away.

Today we're devoting this whole mixtape to hot tunes and even hotter gossip as we cap off a fabulous with all the rumors, innuendos, and half-truths we've found fit to blog about. But before we get to all of the latest celebrity gossip and, more importantly, some really fantastic tunes, we're going to discuss a few things that we've been reading about that have made us throw our hands up in the air and yell:

In news that will have Judy Garland rolling in her grave, there are reports that Beyonce is going to team with Clint Eastwood to produce a wholly unnecessary remake of the classic film "A Star is Born," according to a report on Deadline. And while we wait for this story to inevitably be retracted as wild speculation, we immediately yelled at "I CAN'T" at the idea of this. We loved "Single Ladies," but come on girl, an actress you are not. Barbra Streisand couldn't even pull off a remake of "A Star is Born," and she's got an Oscar to her name. We will give credit to Beyonce for aiming higher than a Tyler Perry film (SIDE EYE TO JANET JACKSON).

Next up, Sandra Bullock's ex Jesse James proves that he has little to no media training as he tells People Magazine that 2010 was the best year of his life. James recently announced his engagement to reality star and tattoo artist Kat Von D, who previously dated Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue so her life choice skills are dubious at best. But Jesse James saying that 2010, the year that he was exposed as a Nazi memorabilia wearing cheater extraordinaire, was the best because he found fell in with a best friend who stood beside him. I CAN'T. You wouldn't need somebody to stand beside you if you had kept it inside your pants, dude.

According to TMZ, Antoine "HIDE YOUR WIVES" Dodson is getting his own reality show. LORD I CAN'T. That dead horse has been beaten to hamburger meat now. OBVIOUSLY.

The last I CAN'T is reserved for ourselves for putting ourselves through the nightmare of sitting through the US version of "Skins" on MTV and contributing to its 3.33 million viewers for its premiere episode as well as sitting through not one but TWO nights of the season premiere episodes of the 10th, Simon-less season of "American Idol." SHAME ON US FOLKS. SHAME ON US. On the plus side, we realized we have a far greater threshold for pain than we were aware of before.

Now let us get down to what we do best, which is saying derogatory things we'd never do about people we'll never meet. It's the way that the Internet always intended it to be. Our cup runneth over this morning, which is causing us to

In not totally unsurprisng news, the first family of reality show famewhoring, the Kardashians, are making waves with Kim Kardashian taking yet another page out of the Paris Hilton handbook by deciding to put out a music single, allegedly at the encouragement of Kanye West. It's like the world is one big LiveJournal community and Kanye West is just out trolling us all, which always ends up so well for the rapper. This is why we our first song is from Skream and Example and their song "Shot Yourself in the Foot Again."

When she isn't laying vocals down in the studio, Kim Kardashian is also out blaming "Teen Mom" for causing a rise in teen pregnancy. She must have pulled this from the Jenny McCarthy Book of Taking Two Things That Haven't Found to Have a Cause and Effect Relationship But Stay Steadfast in Your Belief That There Is Anyway. Elsewhere in the family of attention seekers, Rob Kardashian is being courted by the totally for women magazine "Playgirl" (WINK) to pose in le buff according to US Magazine. If he accepted the gig, he'd join such illustrious people as Levi "Im-Palin-ator" Johnston and Keith "Before I Got Better Management" Urban. In honor of him and his booty, our next song is Paloma Faith's cover of Akon's "Sexy Bitch."

In honor of the Kardashians, we're kicking of the mixtape with Kanye West vs. The XX in this mash-up:

Up next, an update from the hot mess who doesn't have a hit sitcom on CBS:
To the surprise of pretty much no one, word is out that Lindsay Lohan's camp attempted to pay off that Betty Ford Clinic worker who was going to press charges agains the starlet according to a report on RadarOnline. The plan was to include $25,000 as well as the duo doing a television interview and have photo taken together because nothing says ON THE PATH TO TOTAL RECOVERY like hanging with the person accusing you of assault. The deal fell apart and now the Betty Ford worker is attempting to press those charages again. We're not saying that this whole thing reeks of Dina Lohan's handiwork. We're just going to say it doesn't NOT reek of Dina Lohan's handiwork. In honor of Lohan's continuing troubles, we submit the dead-on suggestion of the tune "I Know I Fucked Up" by Darren Hayman as sung by Allo Darlin's Elizabeth Morris:

Taco Bell is pulling their ads from MTV's show "Skins." We'd give them a lot of props if it was because they actually watched the show and realized what a crap in skinny jeans kind of show it was. Instead, Taco Bell has decided to pull ads from the show because of all of the child pornography allegations from the Parents Television Council and all the drug use. A representative said, "Upon further review, we’ve decided that the show is not a fit for our brand and have moved our advertising to other MTV programming."

The child porn stuff allegations would have us nervous too since lord knows Taco Bell can't make a stance about drug use since, behind White Castle and Perkins, it's one of the most popular places for drunk kids to get food after all-night ragers. In honor of the drunk kids on Skins, our next song is Cold War Kids "Louder Than Ever" since it seems like the buzz/criticism is growing with leaps and bound.

Speaking of teens gone wild, Cameron Diaz is claiming that she got weed from Snoop Dogg when she was in high school, according to an interview she taped for the George Lopez Show. Diaz, who claims to have gone to the same high school as the rapper, is promoting her movie "Bad Teacher" and is now saying that Snoop may have sold her some of the OOO WEEEEE back in the day. Oh that Cameron Diaz, always been green whether she is driving an electric car, smoking marijuana or recycling plots (LOOKING AT YOU "KILLERS" and "KNIGHT AND DAY"). We think Cameron Diaz should spend less time looking back at the past and more time looking at her scripts and her life and her piss poor career choices. Hence why are next song is She&Him's gorgeous new video for their new single "Don't Look Back."

And with that bit of twee-magic, we end today's tea-tastic edition of the Majak Mixtape. As always we wish you love, peace and downloads. BRING ON THE SOLID GOLD DANCERS!


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