This Mixtape is Not Here to Make Friends

This week saw the release of several tracks from the upcoming Baz Luhrmann movie adaptation of “The Great Gatsby,” brought to you in completely unnecessary 3D because you really just want to reach out and touch all of the rich people malaise don’t you? Of course you do. Gaining as much or even more buzz than the actual movie itself is the soundtrack that was compiled by none other than rapper Jay-Z. The soundtrack features covers of “Crazy in Love” done by “Next to Me” singer Emeli Sande with the Brian Setzer Orchestra, Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” with Beyonce and Andre 3000 as well as new tracks from the likes of Lana Del Rey, Fergie, Will.I.Am and Florence and the Machine.

This got us thinking about some of our all-time favorite movie soundtracks, and we decided to compile a small list of ones that are our faves.

We kick off the list with the soundtrack of Baz Luhrmann’s movie adaptation of “Romeo and Juliet.” This movie was one of the defining films of our angst adolescent lives. The drama! The death! The Claire Danes crying face!

The soundtrack was jammed back with awesome tunes from The Cardigans, Garbage, and other 1990s mainstays. But no song got us more happy than the cover version of “Young Hearts Run Free.”

The next soundtrack we love also doubles for the Spice Girls’ second album. Yes dahlings, we’re talking about “Spice World” aka one of the greatest films of all-times. And by greatest film, we mean, one of the best movies to play a drinking game to. No seriously, it’s amazing. And nothing binds friends closer together than large amounts of alcohol and a crassly commercialized version of feminism meant to sell albums, dolls and potato chips. Below the Spice Girls serve up the best boot camp realness since Pauly Shore’s “In the Army Now.”

And finally, our favorite soundtrack is from one of the best movies in the whole entire existence of film: “Teen Witch.” “Teen Witch” remains one of the best films, mainly because we watched it pretty much every afternoon when cable networks used to obsessively play it. How can you not love a movie that brought us songs like “I Like Boys.”

“Most Popular Girl”

The always classic “Top That.” Iggy Azalea who? Nicki Minaj what? Make way for MC Polly Goldenberg-Cohen for the win.

Now get yourself some Majak Mixtape as we are taking on our favorite reality shows including bonus footage from “Off Pitch,” all the celebrity dish and the truly WTF new show coming to Logo.

We are reality show junkies here at the Majak Mixtape. Like hardcore junkies. Like Bravo is crack, and we sit around and freebase it like we were Halle Berry’s character in “Jungle Fever.” Our love for reality shows really knows no bounds as we get into everything from allegedly candid reality of things like “The Real Housewives” series to the competitive reality shows like “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and “American Idol” to the how-to reality shows like “Love It Or List It” and Hot As Fuck Dudes Do Some Renovating “Property Brothers.”

This week saw the debut of the Grand River Singers' reality show "Off Pitch," and we were serving all types of red carpet realness this week at the premiere at La Crosse's own Cavalier, dahling. The booze was flowing, the cupcakes were stacked high and the bow ties were ubiquitous. We even got to play our "Off Pitch" drinking game with some of the cast members. Their livers may never be the same but that's the price we have to pay as a society. You can read our full recap of the first episode here.

As part of its promotion for the show, VH1 has released bonus footage from the first episode. To the surprise of anybody who watched episode one, there was footage of people having emotional breakdowns that DIDN'T end up in the first episode. Below, GRS member Aubrey has a breakdown:

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Off Pitch, Off Pitch

People are forever losing their shit in the GRS rehearsal space. It's like the show choir equivalent of the Interior Illusions Lounge on "RuPaul's Drag Race."

In honor of this emotional breakdown, our first song for this Mixtape is "Despair" from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' new album "Mosquito."

And speaking of "Drag Race," we wouldn't mind seeing GRS member Josh Bell as part of RuPaul's Pit Crew. Josh is clearly one of the breakout stars of the show because he's like a live action version of Dug the Talking Dog from "Up." Hyper, eager to please and with a beautiful mane of hair, Josh is reality TV gold.

h. In honor of this, we're dedicating a session to Josh in a thing we're calling:

Here is below footage of Josh talking about everything from Mother Earth to how he'd wake up GRS founders Rob and Tim.

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There are so many gems in this segment including Josh casually referring to Mother Nature as a "red-headed bitch" and the fact that he said he loves donuts so much he'd change his middle name to Donut. But nothing quite comes close to this genius quote:
“I wouldn't bring 'em breakfast in bed or anything, 'cause, you know, who knows if they sleep naked or not, but, you know, I would serenade them at the door. Ya know, I'd sing at them through the crack. Ya know, just, good morning, Rob and Tim.”
Josh Bell may give some choice quotes for the editors to use, but we can only imagine what Ryan Lochte's editors had to work with because he reduced two anchors to absolute hysterics with his inability to handle their beyond softball questions they lobbed at him.

  Olympian Ryan Lochte Sets New World Record ... For Stupidity
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Some choice quotes from the interview:
"I'm a lot different than any other kind of Olympian. THere is so much more than to me than swimming. I like to go out and have fun."
"My philosophy is that if you're a man at night, you have to be a man in the morning."
Lochte leaves the two anchors in absolute hysterics with one of them wondering, "How are they going to have enough material?" and "Seriously how are they going to put together 13 weeks of programming?"

Hopefully there will a lot less talking and a lot more of this:

 And while we adore mocking writing about the Grand River Singers and Lochte, our absolutely favorite reality show of the moment is Bravo's series "Married to Medicine," a show following the exploits of a bunch of attention-starved people still probably trying to pay back their med school student loans the medical elite and their wives in Atlanta.

This past week’s episode gave us here at the Majak Mixtape so much life, we think it should be put in a First Aid Kit. The episode revolved around medical wife Kari throwing a joint birthday party for her husband Duncan along with Mariah’s husband Ayden.  The drama seemed to spiral out of control once Mariah’s sister told her a rumor about hearing that medical housewife Toya was letting everybody know that Mariah’s child with Ayden was not his.

Naturally this leads to a totally reasonable, rational and incredibly adult conversation between the two women that doesn't make them look like the stereotypical ratchet Black woman that populates the reality show landscape.

Or..........they beat the crap out of each other. We're going to go with the second one.

There are so many glorious things happening in this clip we don’t know where to begin. People’s idea for what constitutes appropriate black tie affair wear is hilariously at odds with each other as you have Mariah dressed like she just came from the set of “Harlem Nights,” Toya’s essentially wearing a glorified shirt as a dress, and Kari is dressed like the world’s oldest debutante waiting for her cotillion to start.

The highlight of it all is Mariah’s mother sashaying her way into the fight and repeatedly hitting Toya over the head with Stein Mart clutch purse and even congratulates her daughter for fighting with Toya.
Source: RealityTVGifs
That is some truly inspired parenting.

In honor of all of this fighting, our next song is the new music video from perpetual Twitter-feuder Azealia Banks and her latest single, "Yung Rapunxel."

We don't have the faintest idea of what's going on in this video other than that we might need to go find Jesus and repent for watching it.

The programming on Logo, outside of anything attached to RuPaul, is pretty terrible. And that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon with their latest series that will be combining couples therapy with puppets. 

And now let us:

Justin Bieber took time out of his busy schedule writing questionable remarks to Anne Frank to post the following photo on his Instagram account to send his army of Beliebers into a frenzy.

There is nothing not creepy about this photo since a large chunk of Bieber's fanbase still have recess. So the idea that he thought it'd be a great idea to post this bit of fanart is actually not terribly surprising given the level of thirst he usually exhibits. This is the dude who posted shirtless photos of himself just so he could try to get more votes for a VMA. The VMAs, people. Taylor Swift probably uses her Moon Man as voodoo doll for all of her exes.

Speaking of divas, Beyonce has been causing a stir as she launched her "Mrs. Carter Tour" and decided to trot out this little number.

From her controversial trip to Cuba with her husband Jay-Z to her song "Bow Down," Beyonce is clearly in a no-fucks-a-given headspace, and we are here for this. For years Beyonce has been accused of basically being a well-coiffed, amazing voiced Fembot who gave pat, pageant answers to questions and was completely devoid of any sort of personality. Well, it's hard to make that assessment now that she's telling bitches to bow down and flouncing around on stage with sparkling nipples. We have an amazingly similar outfit we wear when we go shopping for French Silk pie at Festival Food.

Also not giving a single fuck this week? Amanda Bynes. The former actress now professional trainwreck took to her Twitter to leave the following video.

Yes, we're sure you're eating a sour patch kid. It's like how one of our friends ate a "gummy bear" and ended up running naked through a cornfield.

And with that, we end this week's Mixtape. Have a fabulous weekend and check back here on Thursday for our next "Off Pitch" recap and next Friday for an all-new Mixtape.

And remember:

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