Oh sexytimes, aren't you just a joy? At the very least, it's a better way to burn calories than using an Ab Lounge or that god-awful Shake Weight.
Which bravo for something in the mainstream media finally rivaling the homo-eroticism of the volleyball playing scene of Top Gun.
Anyway, we here at the Mixtape would like to put together a little mixtape for the weekend that is all about the sexy sexy time between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/fuck buddy/random at the bar/the person from Craigslist that is totally going to steal some shit when you fall asleep. Whew, so many potential sexual partners, so few free clinics.
But we digress, as per usual. Here's a mixtape for okey doke. And if the sexytimes don't work out to be all that it was cracked up to be, you'll at least have something to listen to! See, every bad sex cloud has an aural silver lining because Saturday night may be alright for fighting, Friday night is for........
First up is Poe and her tune "Fingertips" from her album Hello
Oh Poe, whatever happened to you? Most likely you got lost in the shuffle of 1990s female acts that weren't quoting Maya Angelou at the VMAs. At least you aren't singing over footage of abused animals.
Anyway, "Fingertips" is one of those sort of foreplay-ish tunes and has the sort of gauzy, Truffaut film soundtrack quality to it, and there is nothing like a little beret roleplay.
Next up is British singer Corinne Bailey Rae and her tune "Closer" from her album The Sea.
One of the sexiest songs Prince never recorded, Bailey Rae's "Closer" is a tune that manages to be sexy without being vulgar, a rare thing in the current pop realm. Growning in leaps and bounds from her debut album, Bailey Rae uses her girlish vocals to good use for this tune tailor-made for a long soak in the tub together. Because we hear people actually do this outside of television and films. And to those people we say we hate you.
Speaking of Prince, a bonus tune is his song, "Erotic City"
We tried to google directions to find where exactly Erotic City is. The closest response we got was the Center of Disease Control in Atlanta.
And a bonus to a bonus, Swedish pop singer Robyn covers Prince's "Jack U Off"
Next up is Marvin Gaye and his song "Distant Lover"
Marvin Gaye's voice was probably the cause of half of all pregnancies in the 1970s.
Bonus, Marvin Gaye singing "Distant Lover" live. The audience reaction when he starts the tune is worth listening to this live rendition alone because if he can make 'em scream like that 20 feet away and fully clothed, child, we don't even want to know what happens when they get down to the get down.
Speaking of live, we have Labelle and a live version of their tune "You Turn Me On"
Oh Labelle, the only thing more over-the-top than Patti's vocals were their costumes. Looking exactly how you'd picture characters in a blaxploitation film set in outer space, Labelle tears into this tune about carnal desire. The acapella at the end, where the women harmonize the salacious lyrics of "I come like the pouring rain each time you call my name" is brilliant. And if you don't know what that means, you're probably a virgin who can't drive.
And if you're up for a Round Two, try Labelle's song "Going Down Makes Me Shiver"
Some say this song is about baptism and making a connection with a higher power. Others believe it's about sucking some dick. We post, YOU DECIDE.