This Post Is Not The Father

If you didn't laugh at all at the above screencap, this post ain't for you because this post is celebrating trash television moments we love in honor of Queen Oprah having Ricki Lake, Phil Donahue and Montel Williams among others on her show.

(Photo credit: Harpo productions Inc./George Burns)

So get prepped for the good, the bad, and the Divorce Court because you may not be the father, but you will be the reader.

First up, we celebrate one of the greatest things we've ever witnessed in Court Show history. Judge Lynn Toler was presiding over a case in Divorce Court when Deitra Hicks, a Tyler Perry actress, launches into song while her husband details the various ways he has lied, cheated and been an alcoholic. If ever you wanted a musical version of Waiting to Exhale, one can view the below moment as a pretty good dry run of that scenario. MMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHM.

Next up, Judge Milian goes off on a few stupid defendants in her fantastic ways.

First up a law student flunks the bar with Milian:

And it's never good to be mean to the children:

Bonus: a woman passes out in the People's Court

Over in the courtroom of Judge Mathis, a woman is falsely accused of being a crackhead and is scammed by her landlord. The landlord gets served a plate of humble pie with a side of SWEET JESUS.

Next up, a defendant teaches us the meaning of Rocket Science on Judge Judy. The mind reels that this girl will vote and procreate.

We often like to say around The Majak Kingdom that we're "SNATCHING WIGS TONIGHT." We mean that in the figurative sense unlike this guest on Ricki Lake:

Snatching wigs and DOORAGS, honey.

Lastly, we end up the current king of trashy TV, Maury. You know you're part of the cultural fabric of the TV landscape when you even get a song:

There is nothing funnier in a trainwreck way than when it turns out a guy is not the father. Especially when he responds in that universal language: dance.

But nothing can ever hold a candle to this

We leave you with a moment with "Oprah"

If you don't like it:

Or you'll get a CHAIR TO THE FACE

Which would make Oprah:

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