What the What?!

Happy Thirsty Thursday, y'all. We're back, serving up another slice of hot gossip from the week because if we spare the rumors, we spoil the celebs. And we'd HATE for that to happen.

First up, as reported on The Huffington Post, conservative television show pundit and bowtie devotee Tucker Carlson admitted to sending out a series of fake e-mails posing ousted and then reinstated MSNBC talk show host Keith Olbermann.

Tucker Carlson sent e-mails to a Philadephia News reporter under the guise of being Olbermann, having registered the domain name KeithOlbermann.com back in July.

According to the story Carlson wrote a series of e-mails as "Olbermann" dissing his boss at MSNBC, saying, "I could have [MSNBC head] Phil Griffin fired tomorrow if I felt like it, trust me. And if he keeps yapping about me in public, I may. For the moment, however, keeping Phil around is like having a drunk chimp in the office -- more amusing than threatening."

When reached for comment by a Yahoo reporter, Carlson fessed up and offered the excuse of, "Could you resist? It was just too funny. The flesh is weak."

Where exactly does one even begin to make a start with the WTF nature of this story? First of all, who has time to register domain names and send out fake e-mails to people? As my mother continuously harps at me, I can't even send her an e-mail, and I'm doing that as MYSELF. It takes an incredible amount of time management skill and crazy to go as far as to send out fake e-mails to a news organization and then when confronted with it your basic excuse is to say you couldn't help yourself. Really? REALLY? You know who says that? Children, drug addicts and maybe Yogi Bear.

And at least when Yogi wasn't resisting the call of picnic baskets, he was traveling around the world, trying to save it.

Though Carlson isn't totally useless. He provided some delightful second-hand embarrassment during his brief stint on Dancing With The Who-Is-That?-I'll-Wikipedia-Them-During-the-Commercial Stars.

Speaking of second hand embarrassment, while Kanye West has gone from talking about the Taylor Swift situation lately to recently tweeting that he is no longer going to talk about it, the ever inventive minds at Vivid Entertainment have decided that they may want to do their own interpertation of the notorious VMA incident.

Prince gives a side eye to the vary notion of this fuckery.
 According to a report on HollywoodLife.com, the dirty minds behind Vivid Entertainment are mulling XXX-ing the incident which is actually, while gross, still one of the less WTF options that have been done. Don't think so? There have been porn versions of The Cosby Show, That 70s Show, 30 Rock, DEXTER of all things, Friends, Star Trek, and a host of other things. There have been porn takes on the Tiger Woods scandal as well as, of course, Sarah Palin. All we can say is that our Google search has never felt more dirty and in need of a trip to confession.

Speaking of the adult entertainment industry, walking sex doll Heidi Pratt, formerly of The Hills and legit relevancy, and her husband Spencer Pratt apparently were held at gunpoint by the police according to a report on RadarOnline.com.

RadarOnline has video of the toxic twosome as the police mistakingly show up to their house in January because someone thought Montag was being held hostage at her home, after seeing her rush into her abode while hiding her face having just recently had one of her ten million surgeries at the time.

At least that's what the police are saying. Honestly, we assume the police were there to stop Heidi for ever putting out more songs like this:

All the Vaseline on the lens won't help you Heidi. We know this from years of watching Teri Hatcher on Desperate Housewives try the same thing. Though we'll admit it, that we sort of think the song is catchy. Damn you Autotune and your hypnotic abilities!

And lastly in "LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES" news, socialite/professional frenemy and occasional Chuck guest star Nicole Richie had to file a restraining order against a photog. That isn't necessarily all that earth shattering.

But according to TMZ, what makes this restraining order sort of crazy in a people-really-don't-have-boundaries is that Nicole filed on the behalf of her young daughter Harlow because the photog has been allegedly been parked out in front of the girl's PRESCHOOL.

Here is our opinion on the matter: the children of celebs should be off limit. They didn't choose to have fame whoring parents who will pose on the cover of People Magazine and USWeekly at a drop of a hat. So leave the kiddies alone.

Of course, unless they are shoved into the spotlight and get a Billboard hit. Then, they are totally fair game. Sorry Willow!

And with that we bid you a farewell and a happy Thirsty Thursday, y'all.

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