What is the what what everybody?! Welcome to yet another stunning, flawless, amazing, dropping albums better than your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where we believe every time a pop culture moment gets a mix, a DJ gets his or her wings. Before we tackle new videos from Kanye West and Enrique Iglesias, album news from Lady GaGa and a plethora of new music announcements from No Doubt and Jazmine Sullivan, let us first:
Up first, to the dismay of all unpublished authors everywhere, "Jersey Shore" star Snooki and her book "A Shore Thing" comes out this week and god bless the NY Post for publishing some hilarious excerpts from it. The greatest one being:
"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
We don't know what is sadder: the fact that Ms. Snooki got a book deal or somewhere there is an Ivy League English major grad who spent hours trying to capture Snooki's "artistic vision" as a ghostwriter for her.
In other bits of gossip, our favorite bad press princess Lindsay Lohan is free and already making questionable life decisions according to reports. In the latest edition of Us Magazine, it's being claimed that Lohan is interested in moving next door to her ex-girlfriend and frequent Twitter-sparring partnet DJ Samantha Ronson.
Let us start the betting pool as to when Lohan will be out at the club, declaring that she just wants to go out and hang out with friends and she's ONLY drinking a Red Bull while Dina Lohan rides the hell out of her coattails, we mean, STAUNCHLY DEFENDS HER DAUGHTER AGAINST THE LYING PRESS.
And to the surprise of pretty much no one, Selena Gomez allegedly dating teen superstar Justin Bieber has caused some of his already cray cray fan base to find new and intricate ways to show they have no lives according to a report from Entertainment Tonight Online. The 18-year-old "The Wizards of Waverly Place" star was recently snapped by the photogs getting close to the 16-year-old popstar because there is nothing inherently creepy about celeb photos following around teenagers, waiting for them to make out. Anyway, as soon as those photos hit the Internet, apparently some Justin Bieber fans took to Selena's Twitter with one fan writing the ridiculous statement:
"@SelenaGomez, [I] swore [to] my mom that if you broke [his] heart revenge will be great, I promise ... and I'm not alone in this ... be careful."
Ugh. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. You're on Twitter threatening a celeb you don't know over a guy in three years, when you're all angsty and listening to the back catalogue of Kate Bush, you'll pretend you never liked to begin with.
COME ON NOW.
Now let us get to the music in honor slaying-your-favorite edition of New Tunes Tuesday. Recently, Kanye West brought together Nicki Minaj, Jay-Z and Rick Ross for a track "Monster" off his album "My Dark Twisted Fantasy." Anticipation was high when it was announced that they were making a music video for the tune and now we have a first look at the video as an unfinished version recently leaked to the Internet and has already caused a huge amount of stir over the misogyny-laced imagery.
We love Kanye West. We really do. But not five seconds into the video and you're sexualizing the lynching of models. Really? That is the reason why "I CAN'T" gifs were invented Kanye.
On the upside, it did give us this fabulous Nicki Minaj gif to use in the future:
Next up, making our junior high self squeal with delight, No Doubt took to their Twitter to announce they were in the studio, recording a new album. We were initially really enthused at this news until we stopped for a moment and realized that the band had been saying they've been working on a new album forever and a day at this point. I mean, get your shit together No Doubt. Gavin Rossdale will have found out about another love child by the time you put out a new No Doubt album Gwen. Below, one of our favorite No Doubt songs, "New."
We hope that the return of No Doubt will put Hailey Williams and Paramore in their proper place as Hailey seems hell bent to become the new Gwen Stefani. You think we're kidding? Think about it, chil'runs. Lead singer of a band they've been in since high school or so. Lead singer becomes the focus of media attention as female singers often do. Bands put out videos addressing this.
And both Stefani and Williams found initial solo success by singing the hooks for folks, with Stefani getting on Moby's song "Southside" as well as Eve's "Blow Your Mind."
While Hailey of course was on the ubiquitous B.o.B. song "Airplane"B.o.B - Airplanes
Uploaded by AtlanticRecords. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
We're sure Gwen Stefani ain't scared. BUT WE GOT OUR EYES ON YOU HAILEY.
In other Twitter related news, R&B singer Jazmine Sullivan decided to pull an Amanda Bynes and announce her retirement from music for the time being. We here at the Majak Mixtape love Jazmine Sullivan hope this retirement lasts about as long as Amanda Bynes' did because in a world full of Beyonce wannabes, we appreciate Jazmine Sullivan's voice that was deeper and raspier at tween age than most grown women can hope for.
Also, just in time for her announced departure from the music industry, an unreleased track from Ms. Sullivan hit the Internet.
COME BACK GIRL. COME BACK!
Up next a photo of Lady GaGa's ass care of her Twitter.
"Born This Way" comes out in May. We give the GaGalupe credit for being at a point in her career that being half-naked is a sign of restraint.
We end this Mixtape with the side-eye fest that is Enrique Iglesias' video for his charmingly titled tonight, "Tonight (I'm Fucking You)."
How Enrique went from:
To now basically making his own softcore porn films so he can make out with pretty ladies in public places, we're not quite sure. We wonder what Julio has to say about all of this. He's probably too busy beginning the beguine.
And with that, we end today's edition of New Tunes Tuesday. As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads! Bring on the DANCERS