The Majak Mixtape - Mixtape Your Ass Off

Hey Mixtapers hey! We're back for another stunning, flawless, amazing, up in the gym working on our fitness better than your favorite editon of the Majak Mixtape, where we make life better one track at a time.

It's that time of the year. You indulged in too many servings of egg nog, mimosas, peanut cookies with the Hershey kisses and now find yourself bursting at the seams of your wool sweater. Your ability to have any restraint when it comes to comfort food, along with your ability to look down and see your toes, has gone into hibernation like Yogi Bear. And while we're in the midst of the deep freeze that is January, you know at some point you are not going to be able to hide behind that hoodie forever when spring comes, and it's t-shirt weather yet again.

But before you start running to the Internet to find if there are still places that still will sell and ship fen-phen (because what's a little heart valve problem when you can be skinny? Right? Maybe? GET HELP), we here at the Mixtape are going to help you and your jiggles out with some tunes and work out routines to put the bass, not the flab, back into your walk.

Before we get into the routine, let us stretch and . . .

In a blow to all lovers of completely posed candid shots of love, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are dunzo according to People Magazine Online. The duo starting dating back in October to pretty much the surprise of the entire universe due, in probably no small part, their 9-year-age difference which doesn't even quite grasp the maturity gulf between the two as anyone who has ever had the misfortune of picking up a Taylor Swift album can attest to.

Anyway, as soon as the couple got together, they became a fixture in the gossip rags, JUST IN TIME for both the public relations blitz of Swift's album "Speak Now" as well as Jake Gyllenhaal's "Love and Other Drugs." We're pretty sure T-Swift and her loyal fan base of people who enjoy umpteenth number of songs about things either being or not being a fairy tale didn't need it, but Jake Gyllenhaal's film, which was cursed with both a bland-tastic promo as well the stink of failure as buzz mainly focused on Anne Hathaway repeatedly showing her chicken cutlets in picture, needed some press. We would NEVER imply a relationship existed merely to better the P.R. of the two people involved. Actually, we're terribly heartbroken over all the missed Taylor Swift/Jake Gyllenhaal and Selena Gomez/Justin Biebers double dates that would've been.

In other news, rapper Gucci Mane has lost his mind. Or found a way to work the legal system. It all depends on your way of looking at it. Anyway, the designer-named rapper, according to a report from TMZ, filed a "Special Plea of Mental Incompetency" because he couldn't "intelligently participate in the probation revocation hearing." The intrinsically suspect idea of Gucci Mane being able to intelligently participate in anything aside, the court decided to order the "Spotlight" rapper into custody pending an evaluation of his mental state.

Speaking of rappers getting locked up, in other report from that great news provider that is TMZ, rapper Wacka Flocka has surrendered to police to face a multitude of charges including:
-- Possession of marijuana less than 1 ounce

-- Possession of firearm by convicted felon

-- Possession of hydrocodone

-- Possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony

-- Violation of probation for driving on a suspended license

-- Violating Georgia's "Criminal Street Gang and Terror Prevention Act"
Back in December, Wacka Flocka's home was raided by the police. We don't really care that much about the rapper and what happens to him. We just really got a mild kick out of repeatedly typing the name "Wacka Flocka" in this post.

Let's keep this arrest things rolling as former talk show host turn infomercial pitchman Montell Williams was cited for possessing drug paraphernalia while at an airport in Milwaukee according to CNN.

Maury Povich would never.

And finally, Oscar winner and Queen of Comedy Mo'Nique will be announcing this year's Oscar nominations this year according to USA Today on January 25. Skinny bitches, you've been warned.

Now let's get get get the fitness on. Tom Hardy insists on it.

First up, you can't have a good fitness-centric mixtape without techno music. And a plethora of scantily clad people thrusting their nether regions to it. This is why we naturally begin this list of music with the obvious choice of Eric Prydz and his classic tune "Call On Me"and even more classic music video.

God bless Eurotrash music, where throbbing music meets throbbing other things in collision of beautiful WTFuckery. We're pretty sure nobody was inspired to go launch a new diet passed on the above video but we're sure some people worked a few things out. If you know what we mean. And we think you do.

Anyway, hardcore dance music is the perfect thing to listen to whether you're trying to use your Ab Lounge for something other than a REALLY expensive folding chair or you've finally decided that an exercise bike is not something to just hang dress pants on. Dance music is sort of like the almond of music genres: nutty, tasty and able to give you energy:

Pussycat Dolls vs. Ida Corr and Fredde Le Grand

Katy B "On a Mission"

Cheryl Cole "Promise This (Digital Dog Radio Edit)

Duck Sauce "Barbra Streisand"

We take a momentary pause in our work out mix to STOP THE INSANITY with Susan Powter as she explains how completely unqualified she is to give out any weight loss advice.

We just love the fact that nobody finds the fact that she has no other qualification other than being a fat girl gone skinny not to be one of those "PEACE OUT" moments. Oh the 1990s. Things were so much more simple back then, weren't they?

Before we hop into the mix, we have put together our list for who should be on "Celebrity Fit Club" if VH-1 ever decides to do it.

1. Val Kilmer- He went from being the sexy lead in films like "Top Gun" and "The Doors" and "Batman Forever" to tax liens and "MacGruber." SHAMEFUL.

2. Christina Aguilera

3. Carnie Wilson. She'd be insulted if she wasn't included on this list to be quite honest since her yo-yo dieting is her main source of cash at this point.

4. Oprah Winfrey. We'd want her on this show simply because she'd make Gayle King do all the exercising for her.

5. Jessica Simpson. Until she has a come-to-Jesus meeting with her stylists who insists on stuffing her into ill-fitting clothes, she might as well come on this show. It's not like she's above using reality TV to help finance her crap albums and remarkably well-selling shoes.

To cleanse yourself from that, we hop back into our music with British ice synth queen Sophie Ellis-Bextor and her fantastic cover of Olivia Newton-John's "Physical."

C.C. Music Factory "Gonna Make You Sweat"

Erika Jayne "One Hot Pleasure"

Cher "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me"

And now, for a cool down tune

Now dance your sweaty butt up out of our Kingdom! As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads!Now bring on the DANCERS!

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