Happy Tuesday everybody! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, still shaking and crying over the end of "Hannah Montana" better than your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture comes to get out of the cold with some hot tunes. Today is another rousing edition of New Tunes Tuesday, where we detail all the highs and lows in music releases. But before we get to new tunes and albums from Adele, Oh No! Oh My!, Jennifer Lopez, Chris Brown and more, we've got to do what we do best which is:
EOnline is reporting that Christina Aguilera, when not busily applying red lipstick with the finesse of a Ronald McDonald clown in training, got into a scuffle with her "Burlesque" co-star Julianne Hough at a pre-Golden Globes party, with Aguilera allegedly telling Hough she'd destroy her country music career. We're pretty sure that a) Aguilera is too busy wrecking her own career to be going after other people's and b) Aguilera can't do anything to Hough's music career that Hough's own weak vocals haven't been doing.
TMZ is reporting that "Boardwalk Empire" actress Paz de la Huerta, whose name sounds like a place Lindsay Lohan would pass out at, was reportedly too drunk to attend a Golden Globes after party and was turned away. And then the girl took a tumble onto the ground with her date and ripped her dress. And people wonder why we love the Golden Globes so much.
TMZ is also reporting that the Octomom Nadya Suleman has filmed a fetish film where she whips a man dressed up in a diaper and a bonnet, squashing the last little hopes that her children might not end up at Promises Clinic.
And lastly, "Knocked Up"/"Funny People" scribe Judd Apatow took time out of his busy schedule of writing underwhelming shrew roles for women in his comedies to go after Ricky Gervais and his hosting stint at the Golden Globes, stating on his Twitter that he thought "The Santa Clause" was better than "The Invention of Lying," that Gervais should do an episode of "Extras" about him failing as a Golden Globes host and stating he thought "Joan Rivers did a wonderful job hosting the Golden Globes tonight." Since Joan Rivers is actually hilarious in the world we reside in, we're not sure how that's much of a burn.
To Judd Apatow and all the other stars all mad at Ricky, we're just going to give you a Helena Bonham Carter side eye.
And now, onto the music!
First up, Jennifer Lopez tries for an Easter-style miracle and revive her dead music career as her new single leaked to the Internet.
Oh J.Lo, trying to use "American Idol" judge position as a way to revive your formerly hot now ice cold music career? Because that worked out so well for Paula Abdul.
The song itself is generic and bland electro-pop, which under normal circumstances would be harsh criticism but in the current radio environment is high praise as being indistinguishable from one another seems to help this recent spat of electro-dance tunes take over the Billboard charts. And like any good dance song, Lopez and her vocals are pretty much inconsequential to the proceedings. Dance is a producer genre with the singer being glorified window dressing. And in the grand scheme, J.Lo has done way worse tunes than this. LOOKING AT YOU "DEAR BEN."
Speaking of electro, Benny Benassi goes slumming and hooks up with Chris Brown for a new tune "Beautiful People."
We love Benny Benassi and have sort of have come to a detente when it comes to Chris Brown, just so he'll stop all of his crying.
We're sort of in tears that Benny Benassi has had his crown snatched by the likes of David Guetta. I mean, there is room enough for both but Guetta has become the dance producer du jour with songs for Rihanna, Kelly Rowland, Madonna and the Black Eye Peas. And as fabulous as we think "Commander," "Celebration," and the earworm-tastic "I Gotta Feeling" were, Guetta has never produced anything, either for himself or others, as singularly awesome as:
Might as well keep this electro-fest going as we tackle the song that has the Internet moderately curious in a "REALLY?" sort of way. Some girl named Sabrina has put out a song, in the worse time ever might we add, called "I Wanna Shoot Lady GaGa."
Sabrina explained that she hates Lady GaGa for being calculated. Hating a pop star for being calculated is like being shocked when a rap star has an arrest record; it goes with the territory. Pop music, hell music in general, has some calculation inherently in it, no matter who the person is. I'm personally way less annoyed with Lady GaGa's meat dress antics than the faux sincerity heaped upon the world by Taylor Squint, but that's just how we roll. Insincerity is sort of part and parcel of the business as you're putting out a product. And lord knows, we're tired of some of Lady GaGa's antics of late and feel like "Born This Way" will be one of the most overhyped things known to man, but if you're going to diss a person, you need to come out with a banging, discostick-snatching tune.
Plus, is there anything more calculated than trying to get some shine by putting out a truly abysmal song that name checks a famous celebrity? We don't think so Sabrina.
We shudder what would've happened if David Bowie had tried to trot out a Ziggy Stardust persona now with the way that people seem to have some weird wishy-washy notion of authenticity above artistry thing. And nothing like putting out a song called "I Wanna Shoot Lady GaGa" in the midst of the whole Arizona tragedy. Talk about some epic fail on your part girl.
Also, we liked this song a lot better when it was the infinitely less violent tune "I'm Afraid of Britney Spears."
Next up, one of our favorite bands Oh No! Oh My! have put out a new album titled "People Problems."
We love Oh No! Oh My! and their splendid use of exclamation points in their band name. Acoustic pop that is just a step or two away from twee-ness, Oh No! Oh My! return with another album of fantastic music that can serve as the soundtrack for all hipster falling in and out of love type of romantic comedy. Not that we would know anything about THOSE type of films at all.
Also out with a new album is The Decemberists and their album "The King is Dead."
Sounding a bit like early 1990s college radio, the boys of The Decemberists have put a momentary stop to sea shanty tunes and have gone a little more straight forward with their music, either to the delight or dismay of members of their fan base.
We'll always have an affinity for The Decemberists because of "Mad Men" and their brilliant use of The Decemberists' tune "The Infanta."
And there you have it, lovelies. Another stunning, flawless, amazing edition of the Majak Mixtape. As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads. BRING ON THE MASH-UP!