The Majak Mixtape - Live On Tape (3/14-3/18)

Hey Mixtapers hey! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, giving you STARTING OFF THE WEEK realness better than your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes while trying to get tickets for Elton John concerts.

Happy Monday everybody! Well as happy as a Monday can be. We hope you had a glorious weekend. We sure had an entertaining one as we got to the see the glory and magic of Illusions at Howie's this past Saturday night with a guest appearance from the Muse Theatre's upcoming production "The Marvelous Wonderettes." They were serving up girl group realness while the Illusions cast took it back to the 1970s with a mix of the mandatory ABBA tunes as well Baycity Rollers and KISS. It does feel like the 1970s all over again with the high gas prices, the crisis in the Middle East, the inordinate amount of young men with feathered hair.

Anyway, today is another edition of LIVE ON TAPE, the Majak Kingdom's guide to where you can catch awesome music acts on television this week. But before we get to what's on tap, let us:

We simply adore a news cycle that is all about celebrity peen. In two stories giving good headlines this morning, Jake Gyllenhaal found himself being snapped by a particular eager fan while trying to take a piss in a urinal while attening SXSW according to TMZ. Gyllenhaal was trying to mind his own business when a fan snapped a photo of his lower Gyllenhaal. After having what we can only imagine was a less than pleasant discussion, Jake was able to convince the man to delete the photo. The whole situation proves that people would do anything than have to sit through "Love and Other Drugs" to see a naked Gyllenhaal.

In other celeb peen news from TMZ, a sex tape that Usher allegedly made with his now former wife is apparently being shopped around. If Usher's alleged sex tape is anything like his recent live performances, it will start fine, quickly devolve into a lot of wheezing, and there will be an obligatory appearance from Will.I.Am.

In other news, "Harry Potter" starlet Emma Watson, who recently put university on hold, has inked a deal to be the face of Lancome cosmetics. Ron Weasley, for his part, is still waiting to hear back from Ginger Ale executives.

Charlie Sheen has managed to sell out his planned tour “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option Show" in just minutes with a whole dollar from each ticket going to relief for the victims of Japan's tsunami and now you can even get Charlie Sheen swag! That's right folks. Show your support for the batshit crazy star by purchasing your very own Charlie Sheen t-shirt including phrases like "I've got one speed, GO!" or "You're either in Sheen's Korner Or You're With The Trolls." Charlie Sheen Merchandise: We're Committed To Excellence. And To Needing to Be Committed.

And that's the tea, my lovelies. Continue reading to see where you can see Florence and the Machine, Cold War Kids, Matt and Kim and other acts on television this week!


David Letterman will welcome the sounds of the Cold War Kids. They're like the Cabbage Kids but with a greater fear of nuclear war. Below, the Cold War Kids perform their song "Hang Me Up to Dry" off their 2006 debut album "Robbers and Cowards" on the "Later! With Jools Holland."

Over on Jay Leno, Avril Lavigne will hold onto the last fleeting shreds of relevancy while performing a song off her new album "Goodbye Lullaby." Below, Avril Lavigne gets her acoustic on while trying out two-tone hair her fellow guitar player in a performance of her tune "My Happy Ending" from her 2004 album "Under My Skin."

On a rerun of "Lopez Tonight," Chrisette Michelle will be on, giving neo-soul realness for the audience. Below, Chrisette Michele is on "David Letterman" performing her tune "Blame It On Me" from her second album "Epiphany." It's nice to see somebody taking responsibility for themselves in their tunes. (SIDE EYE TO SHAGGY "IT WASN'T ME").

Carson Daly will have an explosion of indie artists as he greets Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Lykke Li and the School of the Seven Bells. The sound you just heard was the bursting seams of skinny jeans as hipsters across America got raging good music erections. Below, School of the Seven Bells perform their song "Windstorm" from their album "Disconnect From Desire."

Over on Ellen's talk show, she will have a rerun featuring an appearance from the Zac Brown Band whose lead singer almost always looks like he took great effort to look so half-assed in appearance. Below, the band performs their tune "Whatever It Takes" at the House of Blues.

On Jimmy Kimmel, one of our favorite bands, The Wombats, will be on to promote their upcoming album "This Modern Glitch." Below, the band performs our favorite tune of theirs, "Let's Dance to Joy Division" from their debut album "A Guide to Love, Loss and Desperation."

We're not quite sure when exactly Mr. "TRL" became the bastion of indie music, but we're enjoying Carson Daly's music guests as he greets the sounds of Matt and Kim. If ever you wanted to see what Jimmy Fallon would look like with a scene haircut, check out Matt and Kim performing their song "Daylight."

Jimmy Kimmel will be getting his St. Patrick's Day on with an appearance from the Young Dubliners. May the Shamrock Shake be with you! And as you can tell from the video below, The Young Dubliners must be an old name.

Over on TBS, Conan will be a rerun with the mellow stylings of Iron and Wine. We're planning on starting our own band called Plastic and Rail Vodka. Below, Iron and Wine performs their tune "Rabbit Will Run" from their/his album "Kiss Each Other Clean," which would seem to be an impossible feat given Samuel Bean's Brillo pad masquerading as facial hair.

We end the week with appearances from Alice Cooper on Jay Leno as Leno likes to have musical guests that are almost as relevant and as fresh as his jokes. Below we flashback to 1971 as Alice Cooper as he performs "Is It My Body."

Over on the Carson Daly Extravaganza of No1Curr, the former second coming of Dick Clark until Ryan Seacrest snatched his wig will be having the glory that is Florence and the Machine. Below Florence and the Machine perform their song "Drumming Song" off their album "Lungs."

And those are the tunes for the week! As always we wish you love, peace and downloads! BRING ON THE HORRIBLE STYLINGS OF SERENA FOSTER.

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