Aloha Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, serving you SEVERE WEATHER REALNESS better than your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes to get that recipe again when it leaves its cake out in the rain. Spring has seemingly finally sprung as we've gotten warmer temperatures, oodles of rain and the threat of the Mississippi River flooding. What a wonderful season, right? And yesterday, the region found itself being pummeled briefly when a down pour of hail came sweeping through the area for about five minutes but stayed on Facebook for about twelve hours as everybody with a camera on their phone immediately ran outside post-storm to take photographic evidence of the hail aftermath.
But in spite of the potential of damaging severe weather and the threat that the spring thaw will turn downtown La Crosse into Atlantis, we have a deep affection for spring. And it's not exclusively because of all of the half-naked joggers whose exercising we vicariously live through. Spring is that time of year where people have those grand plans of rebirth and renewal as the flowers bloom, new love often times blossoms, and garage sales signs become ubiquitous.
In honor of the heavy downpour yesterday and the continued rain that is supposed to be happening today, we've put together this little mixtape in its honor. But before we get to the rain on the roof, it's time to deal with the tea that needs to spilled!
In our first bit of tea, Russell Brand is discovering what happens you get caught between a flop and a success and the best that you can do is to come in second to your animated self as "Hop" managed to keep "Arthur" from claiming the top spot in this weekend's box office. "Hop" was able to put $21 million more in its Easter basket while "Arthur" came in a very distant second with only $12 million or so. Who knew that remaking a film based around the antics of a wealthy drunk, whose biggest concern is having to marry Jennifer Garner in order to keep his millions, wouldn't necessarily play well during these times of economic turmoil. Plus, besides Katy Perry, no1curr about Russell Brand.
Speaking of no1curr, the James Franco/Danny McBride/Natalie Portman film "Your Highness" found itself in a low spot of number 6 at the box office with just a scant $9.6 million. People might be in the midst of Natalie Portman and James Franco fatigue as Portman has been everywhere with the success of "Black Swan" and Franco's fail as an Oscar host has been a constant source of discussion. Plus, was anybody really crying for a medieval stoner film? Anybody? Bueller?
In other news, Lindsay Lohan hid in a closet to stay away from her father Michael Lohan. Yeah, girlfriend isn't even trying to not give us material anymore is she? Anyway, according to the magical folks that comprise TMZ, Michael Lohan, being the bright shining example of fatherhood, came knocking on Lindsay Lohan's apartment window. Lindsay, the sterling product of said shining example of fatherhood, promptly went and hid in a closet like she was a male teen idol.
In other news, "Sucker Punch" starlet Vanessa Hudgens has declared the Internet the worst invention ever and not because of all the sketchy things you know she probably found while searching through Zac Efron's completely heterosexual browser history. Hudgen declares that the Internet takes away the glamour and mystery out of show business. You know what else takes the glamour out of show business? Pictures of your lady business all over the Internet.
And that's the tea for today!
Now flip your hair, get your umbrella and continue reading the rest of the mixtape!
Pop music is a place absolutely flooded with songs about rain. Singers are constantly talking about making love in the rain, taking walks in the rain, rain of purple color, no rain, rain that happens in the month of November, rain that apparently inspires laughter within it, crying in the rain, raindrops falling on their heads. The pop music songbook is practically water-logged at this point with all the tunes about it. So we decided to put on our galoshes and wade through some of the songs about rain today in honor of yesterday's downpour.
It would seem silly not to start off this Mixtape with the classic Carpenters tune "Rainy Days and Mondays" wouldn't it? Karen Carpenter, who was able to sound sad even when singing about being on top of the world, tackles two things that always make her sad: rainy days and Mondays. We here at the Mixtape don't have any particular problem with rainy days per se and waking up on Monday is usually a good sign that we survived our weekend.
And while Karen Carpenter was all sad anorexic panda about a few sprinkles at the beginning of the week, Shirley Manson of Garbage was reveling in a downpour of rain with the band's song "I'm Only Happy When It Rains." You got to appreciate that period in the 1990s when women like Shirley Manson and Gwen Stefani were all over the radio. Shirley Manson still remains one of the coolest women of rock while Gwen Stefani is still trying to figure out what exactly a hollaback girl ever was.
Speaking of awesome women fronting bands, Annie Lennox and Eurythmics stopped having sweet dreams for a second and gave us the song "Here Comes the Rain Again."
Not too fussed about rain? The band Travis and their song "Why does it always rain on me." We're not quite sure whatever happened to Travis, but we always had this distinct feeling that Chris Martin and Coldplay pretty much washed out their chances.
Up next, The Cardigans took a break from being love fools to talk about how you're the storm.
We interrupt this mixtape to bring Britney Houston and her drag parody of Rihanna's "Umbrella."
Next up, Madonna sings about "Rain" while sporting a Spock haircut. No seriously, it totally is a modified Spock hairdo. Madonna was in the midst of her "Erotica" phase and decided to briefly put her clothes and instead sing about rain. Why she felt the need to clearly raid the closet of Natalie Merchant's closet, we don't know.
Next up, one hit wonder Billie Myers and her song "Kiss the Rain." Back in 1997, this song pretty much flooded Top 40 radio and the whole thing seems like a perfect encapsulation of that time period. You've got Billie Myers flouncing about with her wild hair of artistic credibility in the music video while warbling over the sound of guitars. We mean, you know she had merit because she was unafraid to scribble all over a mirror or curl up in a bathtub. That's art right there.
We follow up Billie Myers with Milli Vanilli as they lip sync for their pop lives in their tune "Blame It on the Rain." Oh Milli Vanilli. You got to have to sort of appreciate every ridiculous thing about them with their addiction to rocking bike shorts as high fashion, their song productions that seemed to have only two drumbeat choices, and the fact they must have filmed all their performance footage for music videos on the same set at one time. We'll give them credit for having an interracial love interest, which even now is a rare thing in pop music videos. EBONY AND IVORY REALNESS.
Speaking of lip sync, we present you Lea Michelle doing "Rain on my Parade" and having a terrible time NOT serving NEWBIE DRAG QUEEN REALNESS when it comes to her ability to give anything remotely natural with her lip sync.
And lastly we end this Mixtape with one of our favorite artists, Corrine Bailey Rae and her song "Another Rainy Day." With a voice as soothing as gentle tapping of raindrops on your roof, we simply adore this love song that came from her first self-titled album.
As always we wish you love, peace and downloads my mixtapers. NOW BRING ON THE RUPAUL AND HER RAINING MEN.