Greetings and conDRAGulations Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE FALSIES OFF YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes to not fuck it up.
Today, we're waving that checkered flag, starting our engines AND applying ten thousand layers of Kryolan makeup to our faces in fevered anticipation for the season finale of the greatest reality competition show that doesn't involve cakes, "RuPaul's Drag Race" on Logo. Oh yes, this season has left us gagging over all the extravganza eleganza that Ru and her crew have been serving with crazy challenges, amazing guest panelists, and, of course, the Lipsync For Your Life throwdown that's like a gang battle but with heels and dance music. But before we untuck in the Interior Illusions Lounge and sip some cocktails perfected by Absolut and dish all the glittery dirt about this season, it's time for us to:
Our first cup of boiling hot tea, elephants may never forget, but box office audiences seemed to have forgotten all about the Robert Pattinson/Reese Witherspoon film "Water For Elephants" as the Depression-era circus drama (god, how many times have we've seen THAT movie done before) came in third this week in the box office as those damn macaws of "Rio" reigned supreme at the box office; Tyler Perry's latest entry in the seemingly never-ending Madea franchise, "Madea's Big Happy Family" came in second. Word has it that the original title was "Tyler Perry's Ridiculously Large and Easy Paycheck," but the studio felt that would be way too honest of a title.
We don't know what the box office results for "Water For Elephants" means for Pattinson's chances of a post-"Twilight" film career since the film did only cost $40 million and made $17 million in its first week. What we do know is that the Hollywood companies who put together the trailers/commercials need to come to the realization that no amount of Florence and the Machine music is going to make a film good. If that was true, we'd be watching "Eat, Pray, Love" on a constant loop.
Anyway . . .
SILENCE! Bring us, our Mixtape.
Hey Mixtapers, thanks for keeping face and continuing to read this dragalicious Mixtape in honor of the season three finale of "RuPaul's Drag Race." After a season filled with tucks, tears, and triumps, we are now down to our final three drag queens of Alexis "Carrington" Mateo, "Thrilla-in-Her" Manila Luzon, and "Ra-Ra" Raja, pictured below as they serve DOLLA DOLLA BILL REALNESS.
We're 90 percent sure that the competition for the next drag superstar is between the hilariously politically incorrect Manila and the leggy Raja while Alexis Mateo will have to settle for hanging a bronze medal around her neck and let it settle into one of those crazy faux-breast plate things that have been all the rage on "Drag Race" this season. Anyway, in honor of tonight's season finale and the impending reunion special, we've put together this little Mixtape of tunes that will put the WERQ in work week.
We kick off the Mixtape with, what else, the theme song of "Drag Race" as performed by RuPaul.
God bless RuPaul. Without "Drag Race," Logo would be forced to play even more shitty gay romantic comedies of dubious budgets. Seriously, "Drag Race" is pretty much the defining bit of programming for the network who hasn't met a show that they didn't think needed an all day marathon. Thanks to RuPaul and her bevvy of dolls, Logo has been able to be something other than the low-rent, hillbilly, gay cousin of the uptown cool of Bravo.
You can tell that Logo has put a lot of money into "Drag Race," simply because the promos are more expensive looking than a whole season of the hot mess-a-thon that is "The A-List: New York."
No wonder those backstabbing boys that make up that show are always going to restaurants, salons, and gyms when nobody else is there. It's not because they are so exclusive; it's because it's probably after hours and the film crew has taken a hairpin to the door. That ever-present laugh of RuPaul? They recorded that while she was on the way to the bank, honey.
Next up, some super smart YouTuber has put together some dance tunes based on some of the queens and their quotes from this season. A reality show is nothing without people trying to spin a phrase into merchandising goal and the queens on "Drag Race" are no different. Shangela pretty much built a whole industry around one little phrase said ad nauseam:
And Alexis Mateo has spent most of the season trying to make us believe that she's is the sole arbiter of the word BAM. He may have slipped off to Nowhere-ville, but all of us who had to withstand Emerl-mania remember hearing BAM all the freakin' time. Anyway, Alexis Mateo finally got a phrase we could live with and that was turned into a fantastic little tribute dance song for her.
Fellow Puerto Rican contestant Yara Sofia also found herself being remixed:
The season has had many highs (turning jocks into drag queens) and a few lows (everything about Raggedy Shangie) but nothing has quite compared to the moment when "RuPaul's Drag Race" briefly became the WWE. It was during a Lip Sync For Your Life between boring-ass India Ferrah and batshit crazy Mimi Imfurst that things got out of hand. India was busily trying to serve some PLEASE SAVE MY BORING ASS REALNESS when Mimi, apparently high from her lacefront glue, decided to come off the stage and hoist India in the air and thus blessing us with the following gifs:
The only thing more a mess than Mimi Imfurst's pitiful performance is that fact that India Ferrah paid good money for fake saggy titties.
In honor of Mimi losing her ever loving shit on the main stage and getting herself booted from the contest, our next song is Tina Turner's "I Might Have Been Queen" from her "Private Dancer" album.
Poor Mimi. At least she didn't smacked in the face by James Van Der Beek coming out from an egg at the New Now Next Awards like Delta Works.
Or fall during the opening number like Mariah did:
We're personally rooting for Manila Luzon because she's highly inappropriate with humor, impeccably stylish and delivers the necessary level of extravganza eleganza when she performs:
Age of Aquarius
We're still holding out that our favorite drag queen Britney Houston will one day make an appearance on "Drag Race." Below, girlfriend is serving up some JANET JACKSON REALNESS in her video tributes to "Feedback" and "Pleasure Principle."
And with that, we bring this Mixtape to a close! As always we wish you love, peace and downloads! And if you can't love yourself, how the hell you're going to love somebody else. Can we get an AMEN?!
Eh, close enough. NOW LET THE MUSIC PLAY!