Good Friday Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE PSALMS FROM YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it's trying to escape from some boring-ass sermon. It's Good Friday and nothing quite kicks off a super fun weekend quite like remembering Jesus hanging on cross, bleeding and drowning on dry land. Thankfully Our Savior was put into a cave and three days later he rose again as a Cadbury Egg. Right? Maybe? Theology has never really been our strong point here at the Mixtape. Anyway, being the religious/spiritual minded folks we are, especially given that we may all be making our maker next year when the world ends, we've decided to throw ourselves into religious studies by forming our very own hipster Bible study group. But before we bow our heads apatheticially and pray ironically, let us first:
First up, Tyler Perry's wig is all in a twist over criticism of his films by Spike Lee. Several years ago, Spike Lee came for Madea's wig and criticized the rampant stereotypes that make up a Tyler Perry film. Tyler Perry, two years later and just under the freakin' buzzer, finally decided to direct these attacks from Spike Lee by saying in an interview that he was sick of Spike Lee: "I’m so sick of hearing about damn Spike Lee. Spike can go straight to hell." That statement is 10 times more interesting if you read it in Madea's voice by the way.
We have our very own love/hate relationship with Tyler Perry. We love an African-American is such a powerhouse in the film industry. We just wish he wasn't, you know, terrible.
Speaking of celebrity feuds, Donald Trump seems to be getting into one every other day since he started his alleged campaign to run for the White House aka How to Succeed in Promoting Celebrity Apprentice Without Ever Really Trying. First, Donald Trump had a tiff with Bill Cosby and now he and Jerry Seinfeld are at odds with each other. Jerry Seinfeld was supposed to appear at some charity event of Donald Trump's but decided to pull out of it because of Trump's "birther" remarks about President Obama. Trump, being the rational human being that he is, momentarily stopped demanding Obama to SHOW HIM THE CERTIFICATE (Whitney Houston voice) and wrote an open letter to Page Six of the "New York Post" to lambaste Seinfeld for ditching out on all the sick kids at St. Jude's. The Donald even came decided to throw in some digs about Seinfeld's admittedly awful show "The Marriage Ref" by saying, "What I do feel badly about is that I agreed to do, and did, your failed show, 'The Marriage Ref,' even though I thought it was absolutely terrible. Despite its poor ratings, I didn't cancel on you like you canceled on my son and St. Jude. I only wish I did." It's nice to see that he keeps such a cool head when in tense situations making him perfect to lead the nation.
Donald Trump has replaced Seinfeld with Bret Michaels, who issued his own statement that dissed Seinfeld by saying, "We should never allow the spirit of generosity to be overshadowed by divisive political beliefs -- and when it comes to saving the life of a child, there is absolutely no room for political rhetoric."
And we also never let being a total washed-up has-been stop a person from getting their own dating reality show on VH-1, either.
Our favorite celebrity feud of the week was the one between Lady GaGa's management and Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al put Lady GaGa's people on blast for the fact that he had come and asked to a parody of "Born This Way." He apparently got word from GaGa's management that GaGa would have to hear the song first before making a decision so Weird Al went and recorded the tune and received a big NO from GaGa about it. The thing is, Weird Al doesn't need permission to parody a song and was just doing it out of politeness. As soon as the story hit the Internet, everybody pretty much started calling GaGa a humorless disco stick, which prompted GaGa to go, "OF COURSE HE CAN DO A PARODY OF ME." On one side, it's nice to see GaGa have some self-awareness but on the other side it's sort of hilarious to think of somebody to basically do a caricature of a caricature. You can listen to "I Perform This Way" here.
And that's the tea for today! Now dust off your hymnals, straighten that bowtie and hold onto your skinny jean because we're about to take your ass to church.
Amen and halleloo my Mixtapers, thank you for continuing reading. Welcome to our first meeting of our hipster Bible study group. Feel free to pull up a chair, untie the laces of your Converse and make yourself comfortable as we talk about the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit through the unwavering power of hipster douchebaggery. Some people were surprised when we decided that we would put together this group as hipsters are not known for beng terribly church-y people. All that standing up and sitting down is way too much movement for people who routinely stand completely still at concerts, only shifting to move their iPhone from one pocket to another or make sure the twirl on their ironic moustache is still at maximum power. But we figured if the rap genre could make room between talking about hos and weed to chat about the power of prayer and rock-and-roll could offer up a spot amongst its Satan worship, the hipster movement was more than ready to let Jesus take the wheel as long as he made a stop at an Urban Outfitters and a vegan cupcake bakery on the way to the worship.
Today, we're going to be tackling the story of Good Friday, the day we remember Jesus dying on the cross. We begin the story with Judas Iscariot, the friend of Jesus and one of the apostles. Judas decided to sell out Jesus and tell some Temple Guards where he was at and got some 30 pieces of silver for it because there were apparently no Check Into Cash places in Biblical time AND Judas had the tendency to be both greedy and annoyed, which always makes for wonderful life decisions. Anyway, this backstabbing of Jesus by Judas leads us to our first song, "Turning Tables" by Adele since after having to hear Gwyneth Paltrow sing it, we need to correct that musical sin pronto.
Jesus is dragged in front of a trial, which you just know TruTV would've been serving us up some gavel to gavel coverage of that with special appearances from Nancy "My Stylist Hates Me" Grace. Jesus is condemened for saying that he's the son of God and when he encounters Peter, Peter is all "YOU DON'T EVEN GO HERE" and denies knowing Jesus. Jesus, to his credit, was basically like "CALLED IT" and didn't get mad at Peter for being utterly jank. This leads us to our next song "I Thought I Saw Your Face Again" from She and Him's album "Volume One."
So after Judas backstabs and Peter is all WHO DAT about him, Jesus finds himself in front of Pontius Pilate. This leads us to our next tune "Big Bad Mean Motherfucker" from the band Girls since, well, that was what Pilate was in a lot of ways.
Both Pilate and King Herod meet with Jesus and intially find no guilt and Pilate just wants to have Jesus whipped for a period of time and send him on his merry little way. The chief priests have other plans, though, and get the crowd whipped up into a frenzy and have them calling for Jesus, instead of the murderer Barabbas, to be crucified. This leads us to our next song, "Shell Games" from Bright Eyes' most recent album "The People's Key" because all the manipulation to get rid of Jesus was pretty much a shell game with the people getting played.
So much of the IS HE THE SON OF GOD stuff that could've easily been resolved with a trip to Maury Povitch.
The crowd wants Jesus dead and Pilate put Jesus on the cross.
While Jesus is on the cross, Judas has had a change of heart at some point in the story and has tried to give the money back and now is depressed about his monumental cock-up of his friendship with Jesus. This leads us to our next song, The Smiths' "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now."
Jesus agonizes on the cross for some six hours and in his last three hours, the world is plunged into darkness because if you kill the son of God, you sure as hell better believe that God is going to shut off the lights on you. This leads us to our next song from Death Cab for Cutie, "I Will Follow You into the Dark."
Pontius Pilate wants confirmation that Jesus is dead and a guard stabs Jesus on his side and confirms that Jesus has, in the words of my mother, gone on to Glory. Joseph of Arimathea comes to take Jesus' body and put him in a tomb. This leads us to our next tune from Spoon, "The Ghost of You Lingers."
They roll a rock in front of the tomb and in three days they're going to get one big huge surprise.
And that is the story of Good Friday. We think. If any of the details are fucked up, blame it on Wikipedia. Let us all hold hands and say one final prayer. "Yesterday was Thursday. Today is Good Friday. We-we-we so excitedWe so excited. Worshipping, Worshipping, YEAH! Worshipping, Worshipping, YEAH!"
As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads! NOW BRING ON THE CHURCH MUSIC!