Pencils down Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE ANSWER KEY FROM YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it skipped too many classes during the year. For lots of folks, the joys of sunbathing at the pool, vacationing with family or merely watching various parts jiggle about as people jog through town is temporarily interrupted by that dreaded thing called summer school. Stuck in a classroom while people frolic below, trying to learn all the things you paid no attention to in the first place, is like some academic equivalent of the hotel room from Satre's "No Exit."
Anyway, being the industrious folks that we are here at the Majak Mixtape, we decided to throw our hat into the ring before the much ballyhooed student loan bubble busts. And what better way to make some money for our pocketbook is to open our educational institution, to join our other business ventures like our lab, our grocery store, and our roller rink. We're going to educate the bejesus out of you so you can be able to get your SFA (stunning flawless amazing, of course) degree because knowledge, especially of trivial pop culture factoids and the latest music, is totally power. But before we take you on a tour of campus and introduce you to the bevvy of high powered professors we have on campus, let us put down our books and first:
(Spill the Tea)
Voulez vous a beatdown? According to a lawsuit, "Lady Marmalade" singer and R&B legend extraordinaire Patti Labelle allegedly told her bodyguards to beat down on a West Point cadet because he was standing too close to her luggage. The best part of this story? Camera footage shows the confrontation but also Ms. Labelle POSING FOR PHOTOS with two Houston police officers who have been called to investigate the matter. Who knew the po-po were such fans of "New Attitude"?
In other news, the seemingly never-ending, probably completely PR-driven story of Cheryl Cole's ouster from the American version of "The X-Factor" may be thankfully coming to a close as sources are saying the Girls Aloud singer has been offered her spot back on the show. We're sure if "Pussycat Dolls" singer Nicole Scherzinger wasn't busily launching her umpteenth attempt at a hit solo tune, she'd be furious at this turn of events as she had been shifted into Cheryl's position as a judge. According to sources, Cole's return seems to be dictated on the notion that her contract has a play or pay clause, meaning she'd get paid for a season's worth of the show whether or not she appeared. It's amazing how reading the fine print can suddenly make people throw open their arms and welcome people back. All this backstage stuff is probably going to a) be way more interesting than the actual show and b) make an AMAZING "E! True Hollywood Story" episode.
The MTV Movie Awards, for reasons completely unknown, continues to exist and aired last night. Allegedly it's an awards show, but for the most part, it's a three hour long attempt to get people to see various films this summer. "Twilight" dominated the awards, Justin Bieber somehow won most jaw dropping moment for his stupid concert film, Robert Pattinson made out with Taylor Lautner to the delight of slash fiction writers everywhere, Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake groped each other in a sad attempt to get people to see the OTHER film about no strings attached sex, and host Jason Sudekis poked fun at Blake Lively as well as the possibility that he may or may not be the father of actress January Jones' baby. Whew. That description gives the vague notion that it was interesting. Wrong. Absolutely wrong.
And that's just a little of the tea from the weekend. Now show us some school spirit Mixtapers as we go back to school!