Take it off, Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE GOOD JUDGMENT OFF YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when its nude photos end up on the Internet. This has been a terrible week if you're a celebrity with photos of yourself in some state of undress. We first had that NY congressman who may or may not have tweeted a photo of his lower half clad in boxers to some college student. Then, we had "Gossip Girl" starlet Blake Lively embroiled in a photo scandal as alleged nude photos have been hitting the various gossip blogs this week. And then yesterday, we had wrestler Tito Ortiz claiming that his Twitter was hacked into, causing a photo showing off his little wrestler to hit the 'net. A publicist's nightmare is obviously this Mixtaper's wet dream because this shit pretty much writes itself. And while the who, what, when, and why of the situation is still being parsed, that doesn't mean we can't put these scandals to music. Of course not. But before we get to the dirty bits, let us first serve up some sweet tea.
In our first cup of tea, Kelsey and Camille Grammer continue to gold medal in the Tacky Olympics as they get in touch with their inner "Kramer vs. Kramer" and duke it out for sole custody of their two kids. To the surprise of pretty much no one, the duo are having difficulties settling matters with TMZ reporting that Camille is claiming that Kelsey only wants their son full-time and not their daughter. What's that sound? Oh that's the room being booked at Promises already. Say hi to your bunk mates, the Sheen children!
In other news, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson have unveiled their clothing for tweens because a woman who would willingly go out in public dressed in this fetching ensemble:
In shocking TV news, no1curr about Paris Hilton and her view of the world as her new reality show for Oxygen, airing most likely between marathons of "Bad Girls Club" and "Top Model," debuted to dismal audience of some 409,000. Somewhere Kim Kardashian is laughing her COMPLETELY NATURAL ass off. You know, if her face was allowed to show any emotion other than crass materialism.
In other bits of television tea, Glenn Beck has announced that his program on the Fox News network will be coming to a close at the end of June. In preparation of this, Fox Studios have gone and waterproofed everything within the building to prepare inevitable flooding coming forth from the tear ducts of Glenn Beck.
NY Representative Anthony Weiner kicked off this recent run of photo scandals when a photo was sent to the Twitter account of a 21-year-old college student who was a follower of Weiner. The photo also unfortunately ended up in the Twitter thread of all of his followers. Since then, the story hasn't really been able to die chiefly because Weiner seems hellbent on talking about this as some way to clear the issue. The issue, the more he jabbers his jaws, becomes more murky as Rep. Weiner claims that a hacker posted the photo but refuses to answer the simplest of questions: is it him in the photo?
If ever Webster Dictionary gets around to adding the term "THIS BITCH THINKS HE'S SLICK" to it, we hope that Weiner's face is put next to the definition. In honor of Weiner, we kick off the Mixtape with Matt and Kim song "Camera."
Next up, we have Weezer and their song "Photograph."
And while the cable news people have been going crazy over that story, the gossip blogs latched onto the photo scandal that is Blake Lively. A few days, a set of nude photos hit the Internet. Most of them didn't have a face in the shot except for one. Faster than you can say, "You know you love me, xoxo," everybody and their mama were dissecting whether or not the boobs belonged to one Ms. Lively. We're sure more people looked at her boobs on the Internet than have ever watched an episode of a "Gossip Girl." And to those people we say, "Smart choice." In honor of those first set of photos, we offer up Emily Osment and her song "Get Yer Yah-Yas Out."
Blake's representative quickly mounted a defense of his client while simultaneously letting us know what various websites we could view the photos that were DEFINITELY NOT of his client. Genius. Absolute genius. In honor of Blake's initial tacit defense, we offer up June Carter and Johnny Cash's song "It Ain't Me Babe," which we can imagine would be what Blake said to alleged boyfriend Leo DiCaprio.
While Leighton Meester has been busily playing psycho roommates or second fiddle to Country Paltrow, Blake has snatched a lion's share of the attention by linking herself with a high profile actors and projects. You can't knock a chick with ambition, that's for sure.
The denial by Blake's reps apparently anger the people who hacked her phone, causing them to send out even more photos of the starlet in states of undress. Gurl, you really shouldn't have denied this if you knew there were some more lingering around. Denying makes you a what?
We wish more stars had the attitude of Rihanna and, to a way lesser extent, Cassie. When both of these ladies had nude photos of them showing up all over the Internet, they hand-waved it all away with a few pithy remarks. Cassie went as far as saying: "IT SEEMS THAT SOMEONE HAS HACKED INTO MY COMPUTER…THAT’S REAL FOUL AND EVIL. NOW STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN A TITTY BEFORE." We love that nude photos are probably the least embarrassing things about Cassie (her permanently delayed sophomore album and her relationship with P.Diddy taking the top two spots).
And the last person to get into this mix is MMA fighter Tito Ortiz, who is claiming that his twitter account was hacked and is why a lovely photo of him stark naked was able to hit the Internet. Tito Ortiz is not really a stranger to people looking at private parts because he is married to retired porn star Jenna Jameson. In honor of Tito and his naked bits, our next song is Wang Chung. Because we love an easy dick joke like you wouldn't believe.
Also, we offer up Kylie Minogue's song "Nu-Di-Ty," a song apparently so hot that even some of the letters are randomly erect.
That's all we got for you folks today! We're going to get out of here before you start taking off all your clothes. Have a great weekend. As always, we wish you love, peace and downloads! NOW GET ON YOUR NASTY GRIND.