This Mixtape Is On-Key

Aw, nothing like a huge natural disaster to make everybody act like a-holes on Twitter, right? This week Oklahoma was hit with a devastating tornado that claimed the lives of some 24 folks, including nine children. Naturally in the wake of such a horrendous disaster, people looked inward and became introspective about their own lives and tried to make sense out of the tragedy. OR they took to their Twitter accounts to find new and intrigue ways to create public relation nightmares for their publicists to have to clean up because what’s the point of having a thought, any thought, if you can not share with the entire world as soon as it pops into your little head.

First up, “Daily Show” co-creator Lizz Winstead took to her Twitter account to make a few pointed political jabs while referencing the tornado. Most pointedly, Winstead tweeted to her followers: “ This tornado is in Oklahoma, so clearly it has been ordered to only target conservatives.” Once the full devastation of the event was brought to light, Winstead eventually tweeted the following apology: "Made a political joke, Twas before devastation revealed. In hindsight, had I understood, I would have refrained. Beyond sorry, #LetMeHaveIt," 

Here’s a helpful hint, Winstead, if you ever need to know when is it a good time to make a joke about a disaster: never. See, there you go. Super simple.

Speaking of tact or lack thereof, somebody a part of the Kardashian klan is most likely being fired after Motley Crue drummer Nikki Sixx sent out a tweet blasting Kim Kardashian for promoting bronzer in the midst of the tornado coverage. As we all know, Kardashians, like a lot of other celebs, get a lot of money for promoting various products through their Twitter accounts and its all probably put on an automatic schedule monitored by some lackey so we doubt Kardashian took time out of her busy schedule of trying not to be Photoshopped out of anymore MET gala photos to personally tweet it. But you know something wrong when somebody from Motley Crue has gained the moral high ground on you.

And from Kardashian attack to another, Frances Bean Cobain took to her Twitter to assail Kendall Jenner for having the nerve to tweet that she wished some things were easier. Yep, that’s one rich white girl complaining about another rich white girl complaining. Cobain went on a mini-rant about how Kendall had nothing to complain about given all the horrible things going on in the world.

We here at the Mixtape just hate that logic because it basically amounts to should ever have bad feelings about what they are going through because somebody somewhere is going through something worse so just get the fuck over it and don't be a baby no matter how much whatever you're going through sucks for you. Unless you’re the ONE person on Earth really going through the worst times. You can console yourself with actually able to feel bad. So yay?

In honor of this, we kick of this Mixtape with Sky Ferreira's "Everything is Embarrassing."

And the most interesting tweet to come out of all of this was “The Office” and well-know atheist star Ricky Gervais tweeting the following: “Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry send prayers to #Oklahoma #PrayForOklahoma. I feel like an idiot now… I only sent money.”

Now Ricky, you know that they also probably sent lacefronts, blunts and a shit ton of Autotune as well.
Now you dive into the new Mixtape and hopefully do better than Miguel leaping over an audience at this week’s Billboard Music Awards.

This week saw the series season finale of "Off Pitch," with our intrepid heroes performing at the Mall of America. It's been a long, strange trip for our Grand River Singers and what better way to look back at their season long journey than with:

A is for ambassadors of music, the phrase that Grand River Singers like to refer to themselves as. We here at the Mixtape like to think we are the ambassadors of snark, bringing sarcasm to nations near and far.

B is for bow ties as frequently worn by GRS member Greg Bashaw.

 Greg: I think that Steve shouldn’t be in the planning committee. He just needs to stay in the background. Like he’s used to. 
We guess when we catch Greg between emotional meltdowns and pants ripping embarrassments, he’s reading bitches for filth.---Clef Notes, This Choir Will Flash Your Mob

C is for crying. GRS members like to cry. A lot. When they're happy, when they're sad, when they're excited. Tears, they just be a flowing like they had all just finished watching a 24 hour marathon of "The Notebook."
Marcia ends up having a breakdown over not being able to dance well. Greg has a crying jag after Rob says they are going to push him to lose weight. We swear, if that story arc doesn’t end with Greg hooked on pills, wearing a fur coat, banging on the rehearsal door of GRS like Patty Duke in “Valley of the Dolls,” we will lose all faith in the reality show genre as a whole.
Josh, through his pretty tears, lets everybody know how sad he is about all the tension and how they aren’t being GRS. You all are being uncoordinated and hyper-emotional which, according to the past 11 minutes of your own show, seems fairly in keeping with what being GRS is.----Clef Notes, Tears of a Show Choir
Everybody just needs a little more confidence, which leads us to our next song "Confidence" by the band The Dodos.

D is dancing. Example: paintography.

In honor of busting a move, our next song is "Lose Yourself to Dance" from Daft Punk.

E is for editing. The editing and continuity of this show made one of our friends wonder if this whole production wasn't just the high school AV Club project of one of the producers' kids:

"We come back from commercials to a hilarious moment of just abysmal editing. Rob is backstage announcing the Grand River Singers with his usual “ambassadors of music” schtick. They are all dressed in their usual Song That Dare Not Be Named ensembles of glittery jackets with yellow shirt as we know that The Song That Dare Not Be Named is the opener for GRS performances.

Five seconds later, the boys appear on stage and are magically not only in different outfits but in a completely different section of the show while Rob is still introducing the opening number on the microphone backstage."---Clef Notes, The Wheels on the Show Choir Go Round and Round

F is for feelings. The folks of GRS have a lot of them
"Josh tells Trim that he feels worthless and promptly starts crying. We swear, he must put “can cry at the drop of a hat” under his special skills section of his resume."---Clef Notes, Show Choir of Thunder

G is for Grand River Singers

"And can we just say how many times when explaining to people who GRS is, the looks of disappointment on their faces when people realize by 'adult show choir' we mean the members are adults and not 'adult show choir' as in banging while belting tunes."---Clef Notes, Tears of a Show Choir
"They were going to go swimming, but the fecal count was too high. If being surrounded by something tainted with shit was such a big concern to any of these folks, we’re pretty sure they would’ve never joined GRS."---Clef Notes, Show Choir of Thunder
In honor of the joy that the group has performing together, our next song is "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.

H is for Honey Bon Jovi, the breakout star of “Off Pitch” 
Josh: “Yeah it’s kinda shitty to be at a shitfest. But at the same time have you ever performed at a shitfest? So it's another thing that you can put on, put on, put on your a list of things you've done."
Bless him and everything he stands for.---Clef Notes, Cow Shit Show

I is for incoherent as in “Honey Bon Jovi’s ramblings to the camera are usually brilliantly incoherent.”

J is for jazz hands

K is for knock as in Marcia knocked her microphone into the audience the first episode

L is for all the lawls we got from the audience reactions to GRS
M is for muscles

"A lifetime of jazz hands can make you buff as shit."---Clef Notes, Show Choir of Thunder

N is for newbies
"We finally get to the performance and get to hear 'Color My World' for the millionth already this episode. Greg says that hearing Justin open the show singing the song makes his heart break a little. And the fact that this song exists makes our heart break so apparently there is no joy in motherfucking Mudville today."---Clef Notes, Chow Shit Show

O is for opinions because Rob and Tim had a lot about their singers.
Rob: I can transform myself into a drag queen in one hour. If they can't do it, I'm sorry. They’re girls. They already have all the basic necessities.
Tim: But they need to look pretty.
Rob: They are pretty.
Tim: I'm saying, you don't have to look pretty when you do it so who cares.
True shade begins at home, folks.----Clef Notes, Cow Shit Show

P is for period. That awkward moment when Sam decides to tell the nation the reason why she can't make rehearsals is because she's stuck to a toilet because of her period.

There are many people to talk to this about: your mom, your gal pals, your gynecologist. Your choreographers? Not the people for this because what are they going to tell you? Like you can't soft shoe yourself into better health, Sam.

Q is for Quamme
The hair may say party boy, but the aerosol can says all business

R is Roy G. Biv, the GRS bus
The group get to performance at La Crescent Applefest. We love they decide to take a bus to the festival that is literally just like five minutes across the river from La Crosse.---Clef Notes, Wheels on the Show Choir Go Round and Round

S is scarves, the trademark accessory for the Grand River Singers
"Drink when you see somebody wearing a scarf. Take two drinks when it’s somebody other than GRS founder Rob Jones. Seriously, the scarf budget on this show must be astronomical."---This Mixtape Is Off Pitch and On Pitchers
T is for Trim, our nickname for Tim and Rob

"We're pretty sure that mocking their own GRS performers is one of Tim and Rob's versions of foreplay."---Clef Notes, Color Our Show Choir

U is for unemployed, one of the only major storylines of the season was Honey Bon Jovi's quest for gainful employment.

"We cut from this to Josh still trying to find a job. Yep. THIS is the thing that the show has decided needs to be the only major episode-to-episode storyline of the season. He hopes to get a job so he can have the funds to ask Aubrey out. Aw, it’s like he’s a tattooed, long boarding, only fleetingly comprehensible Jay Gatsby."----Clef Notes, This Show Choir Will Flash Your Mob

V is for 
 “I’m not a mom, I’m not a grandma. I’m gonna look the way God wants me to look. And that’s hot.”---Clef Notes, Color Our Show Choir

W is for Wisconsin.

"The crowd goes over to a local watering hole to get themselves a shot before a parade. Only in La Crosse would a plastic cup filled halfway be considered 'a shot.'"---Clef Notes, Color Our Show Choir
X is xenophobia as this show is probably used as part of terrorist recruitments in other countries

Y is for YouTube because we’re constantly YouTubing songs after the show to get “Color My World” out of our heads.

Z is for Zen as we are in a very Zen place now that we’re done recapping this show and won't have to hear this song for some time:

And with that bid "Off Pitch" a fond farewell. As always, we like to thank the Grand River Singers for being really good sports. Have a great weekend and remember:

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