Just when you thought that Gwyneth Paltrow and her Goop newsletter had completely cornered the market on recommending ridiculously overpriced things to the masses (we’re talking about $425 colon cleanses
and $835 wool pants), Her Royal Winfreyness came back roaring with her annual “Favorite Things” list as published in the latest issue of “O” magazine.
And like all the other lists that came before it, it’s an amazing blend of unabashed excess married with touchy-feely spirituality that we’ve come to expect from Her Royal Winfreyness. You seriously have to admire anybody that would put their own meditation CD with Deepak Chopra on the same list they have things like Beats Studio headphones, truffle popcorn and Himalayan salt shot glasses.
We here at the Mixtape decided that in honor of Oprah and her favorite things (including chai oolong tea and organic cotton pajamas) we’d compile our own, extremely low-rent list of some of our favorite things in a segment we’ve brilliantly decided to title:
|STAY MAD AT OUR CREATIVITY|
We like our underwear like our relationships: colorful, cheap and easily replaceable.
Kwik Trip food.
Why would we put warmed over gas station food on this list? Because when it’s three a.m. on a Friday night and you just drank your weight in dollar drinks at The Helm, a Kwik Trip chicken sandwich
or five is not only a meal but also a life saver.
We love bow ties and wear them on a daily basis so we can look like we’re on our way to a “Dr. Who” panel at Comic-Con.
Starlite Happy Hour.
We love any place that can destroy our liver with cocktails as well as our cholesterol with deep-fried mozzarella sticks. And you know what, we’re going to amend this one to include happy hour in general because drinking before sundown is a mark of true adulthood.
And because we’ve already been inundated with so much Christmas already (it’s like the pilgrims displaced a whole people for NOTHING), we end this list with the second greatest Christmas album recorded by a drag queen (Mariah Carey reigns supreme), Rupaul and her album “Ho Ho Ho.”
Below, her performance of “Little Drummer Boy.”
We’d write more, but we know you Mixtapers are poor as you are impatient so click to continue reading as we dish about the YouTube Awards, crack smoking politicians, the greatest show on television (this week), and so much more in an all-new Mixtape.
Hello dahlings and welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, snatching the wig off of your favorite edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it isn't secretly videotaping Justin Bieber while he's asleep. We've got a jam-packed Mixtape this week just brimming with tunes and bad life decisions of the rich and famous. You know, just the way God intended it. So let's press play and get this Mixtape going, shall we?
Pop star Justin Bieber was caught leaving a brothel this week while on tour in Rio de Janeiro. In his defense, he thought the Brazilian Wax Museum was going to be something completely different.
Later on in the week, Justin Bieber was hit by a water bottle during a concert, knocking the microphone out of his hand.
When reached for a statement, the water bottle said, “For once in my life, I just wanted to do a positive thing for the environment.”
From one hot mess to another, this past Sunday saw YouTube host its inaugural music awards featuring “live music video” performances from the likes of M.I.A.:
And Arcade Fire:
Nothing exemplified the clusterfuck-ness of the show than when “Parks and Recreation” star Rashida Jones dropped off two babies for hosts Jason Schwartzman and Reggie Watts before giving out the Breakthrough Video Award to “Thriftshop” duo Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
Those infants were crying like they thought they were about to hear another live performance of “Same Love.”
In other music news, “Work Bitch” chanteuse Britney Spears released her follow-up single “Perfume.”
Fans and critics have praised Britney for sounding less Autotuned on the single than on recent efforts. Yes, we've officially come to the point where sounding like an actual human being on your single is considered a noteworthy accomplishment.
In business news, Blockbuster announced this week it's closing its remaining stores as well as ending its DVD-by-mail service. While you may be gone, your training videos will never be forgotten.
|Somewhere there is a hipster in this exact same outfit discussing the gender politics of "Saved By The Bell.'|
Let's all form a huddle to do talk about sports. It's time for . . .
This week, Aaron Rodgers broke his collarbone while playing against the Chicago Bears while Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte tore his knee ligament while trying to catch a fan who ran at him. Meanwhile, we here at the Mixtape stubbed our toe in our Zumba class so, you know, walk it off you pansies.
In other sport news, jocks can be bullies. We're going to let that shocking news soak in for a moment. Okay, everybody good? Good. As we were saying, jocks can be bullies to others and often times to each other as highlight by the scandal surrounding Miami Dolphins players Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin as both players are suspended due to accusations that Incognito took hazing to the point of bullying Martin with racial slurs.
Ritchie Incognito (seriously, how is he NOT a villain from "Kick-Ass") tactfully addressed matters on his Twitter by writing: "If you or any of the agents you sound off for have a problem with me, you know where to find me. #BRINGIT.”
Nothing dissuades the public notion you're an aggressive a-hole quite like threatening an ESPN reporter publicly on Twitter. Like who is your sports agent? Chris Brown?
In honor of both of these players trying to hold onto their careers, our next song on this Mixtape is Broken Bells and their song "Holding On For Life."
And now we present:
Investigation Discovery’s crime shows have the best titles in all of television: “Cuff Me If You Can,” “Alaska: Ice Cold Killers,” “Southern Fried Homicide.” This week the network introduced a new show to this great pantheon:
|Dentures martini: Poligripped, not stirred|
Hosted by a trio of sassy old broads, the show is devoted to the murderous exploits of senior citizens. It’s like “Golden Girls” and “Grumpy Old Men” combined with a high body count, and it’s amazing. The first episode had a case of a woman who murdered the retirement home lothario in front of a roomful of octogenarians and nobody even noticed that he had been shot in the head. Multiple times. We mean, that's understandable if "Wheel of Fortune" is on because that is serious business.
The general flippancy about the entire thing is what makes this show a must-watch as everybody has this oddly lighthearted tone because the murderers may be urinating in their Depends at the time of committing murder. Like we've literally seen people more upset about being stuck behind an old person driving than any of these people talking about how one of these oldsters killed a family member.
In honor of these old people killing folks, our next track is Mogwai's song "Remurdered" from their upcoming album "Rave Tapes."
And finally, let us get out the chips and dip and crack open a beer because we're about to have a what?
After months of denial, Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted he did indeed smoke crack, making him the bald male Canadian version of Shoshanna from “Girls.”
The “crackusations” initially came about because of a videotape allegedly showing Ford smoking crack. Yep, a mayor of a major North American city is caught on tape smoking crack. And you thought those girls with their “soft grunge” fashion Tumblr pages were committed to 1990s nostalgia.
In honor of all of this 1990s realness, we’re serving up a track from Cut Copy’s 1990s dance music influenced album “Free Your Mind.”
And just when you thought this story couldn't get more bizarre, a video leaked the other day showing Mayor Ford threatening to "person's throat, poke out his eyes and ensure his victim is dead" according to a BBC News article. Ford said that he was probably drunk when he made this rant, just like how he was drunk when he allegedly smoked crack.
When asked if her son was an alcoholic, Ford's sister responded with, "It depends on what you consider an alcoholic." Well we're from Wisconsin so we're just to go refrain from commenting on the drinking habits of others.
The U.S. Senate passed LGBT anti-discrimination bill that would protect gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders in the workplace. But before you get too excited with waving the rainbow flag around, the House of Representatives are most likely not going to pass the bill with House Speaker John Boehner, through his spokesman, saying he opposed the bill because it'd cause "frivolous litigation" and "hurt small businesses." The Traditional Values Coalition says that children are already "being confused by transgender teachers." You know what children are getting confused by? Long division. That's what they're getting confused by.
In other politics-connected news, Callista Gingrich was in La Crosse signing copies of her third children’s book. We haven't read any of the series but when it comes to keeping a bratty child's attention, we're just going to assume the woman married to Newt Gingrich is an expert.
And with that, that's the end of this week's Mixtape. Have a great weekend! Be sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter or buy us some Polito's pizza if you see us out and about. Have a great weekend and remember to always: