This Mixtape is a Little Too Ironic

Time to have one hand in your pocket and the other one giving a high five, Mixtapers, as it was announced this week that Alanis Morissette is planning on turning her best-selling album “Jagged Little Pill” into a musical and therefore helping teach future generations the wrong meaning of irony. 

Morrissette joins other 1990s acts like Spice Girls, Britney Spears  and even “The Bodyguard” soundtrack, who have all found their music turned into jukebox stage shows. Never one to not cash in on the hard work of others, we here at the Mixtape started combing through our extensive 1990's CD collection (thanks to Sam Goody) and have come up with a few potential ideas to invest our money in.

A “Clueless” musical based on its popular soundtrack needs to happen if only because the idea of a “Rolling With the Homies” dance number extravaganza is something we didn’t know we were missing in our lives until just now.

Plus, there would be original numbers like “Party with the Haitians,” “You’re Just a Virgin (Who Can’t Even Drive),” and the power ballad duet “I Have Direction (To the Mall).”

Because Alanis Morissette shouldn’t be the only angst-filled White girl from the 1990's to have a musical on Broadway, we’d throw our weight behind a musical based on Fiona Apple’s debut album. 

Extra points to it if they were somehow able to incorporate her notorious acceptance speech from the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards.

Based on one of the best selling debut albums in history, “Hootie!” would use the music of Hootie and the Blowfish’s “Cracked Rear View” to tell the moving story of a man who simply wants a girl to hold his hand and a girl who just wants somebody to let her cry and a world who still trying to figure out who exactly was Hootie.

Dr. Dre’s Grammy-winning debut album would be awesome to see as a Broadway show, just to see the reaction from audiences who were pearl-clutching over “Into The Heights” incorporating hip-hop music into its musical. Just wait until you see people high-kicking to “Bitches Ain’t Shit.”

We believe this musical should happen if only because a) it would allow Lauryn Hill the money to pay those back taxes and b) Wyclef and Pras from the Fugees could get jobs working the box office. And if that doesn’t pan out, they could always just bring “Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit,” the superior “Sister Act” we might add, to the Broadway stage just so people will be reminded that if they want to be somebody and they want to go somewhere, they better wake up and what? PAY ATTENTION.

Now get out of that ridiculous hover dress and continue reading as we take on the good, the bad, and, of course, the Gaga of pop culture.

Hello dahlings and welcome to another SNATCHING edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it isn't being yelled at by Alec Baldwin. We’ve got a jam-packed edition so let’s press play on this Mixtape and get:

After several years away from the pop music game, British songstress Lily Allen is back and causing a stir with her latest single and music video “It’s Hard Out There.”

Faster than a Tumblr social justice warrior could write “#problematic,” Allen found herself mired in controversy over whether or not her video was racist in regards to Lily having a crew of Black women dancing around her. Allen addressed these criticisms by saying, in part:
“The video is meant to be a lighthearted satirical video that deals with objectification of women within modern pop culture. It has nothing to do with race, at all.”
Clearly this is some sort of metaphor about the way male chauvinism hoses women.

Here's our thing: objectification in the name of satire is still objectification, just with a different intent. And Lily Allen being fully dressed around a bunch of half-naked women is less a statement against the culture and more of a way of having your cake and twerking it too. You get to get the controversy and YouTube views but then you also get to put distance on it by putting a little bow on top that is saying you're just critiquing the treatment of women.

This isn't the first time that Lily Allen has sharply skewered pop culture and materialism as she did so expertly on her song "The Fear."

And see, nary a booty had to be popped.

At the end of the day, we say the real way to combat the objectification of women is to have women fully dressed while half-naked men dance around them. We say this as a total flaming homosexual supporter of feminism. Example below:

In celebration of the release of her new album “ARTPop,” Lady Gaga threw an “ARTRave” this week, which is like a regular rave but people are high not only on MDMA but also an inflated sense of self-importance so, you know, business as usual for Lady Gaga. The “ARTRave” featured performances from Lady Gaga, decked out in her typical understated attire.

We hope we just didn't give away Gaga's Christmas card
With all of this promotion, including upcoming hosting gig on “SNL” as well as a special with the Muppets, you’d expect “ARTPop” to sell hugely right of the gate? Not so much, according to Hits Double Daily. The website predicts that Lady Gaga will sell around  250-275,000 units, a sharp decline from when “Born This Way” sold 1.1 million copies its first week.

Guess it's time for the Little Monsters to start offering oral sex again on Craigslist. Paws up, pants down, Little Monsters.

For pop lady comparisons, Miley Cyrus and her “Bangerz” album sold 270,000 units its first week and all Miley had to do was shamelessly co-opt an entire subculture lick a sledgehammer. Gaga’s chief competition, Katy Perry, sold 268,000 units of “Prism,” an album so generic one can just assume that RC Cola was one of the executive producers.

In other music news, Mariah Carey released her new single called “The Art of Letting Go," a song she just must have written when she looked at the prospects of "#Beautiful" going number one on the charts.

In other celebrity news, Fox has picked up a new animated series from "Family Guy" creator Seth McFarlane called Neverending Racist Joke Village "Border Town," detailing the misadventures of two families who live in a U.S./Mexico border town. We're sure it's going to be filled with the usual nuanced humor we've come to expect from McFarlane.

This week saw the Kardashian family debuting a new commercial for their Kardashian Kollection clothing line for Macy’s Target Burlington Coat Factory Sears.

And in other commercial news, break out your foam fingers, your teddy bears and your tongues! Miley Cyrus is bringing her minstrel show Bangerz tour to a town near you!

Time for some . . .

Adam Levine is rumored to have been named People’s hottest man alive. Let us all remember that there was  a time, circa "Songs About Jane," that he looked like this:
Before he transformed into this:

so there is hope for a very limited few of us us all. In honor of this metamorphosis, all we can say is:

Jake Gyllenhaal was hospitalized for punching a mirror. According to sources, the actor was filming an emotionally-charged scene and got so into his performance that he punched the mirror. When asked for comment, the mirror said, “I should’ve never asked him about if they were going to do a sequel to Prince of Persia.”

And finally we bring you . . .

We love VH1 reality shows even though their programming of late seems geared to set Black people back so far that after one more season of "Black Ink Crew," we'll probably be back to being considered only 3/5 of a person. But no matter, we continually get our life from the hit franchise "Love and Hip Hop," both the Atlanta edition:

And the original New York edition. This week, we had a great moment in ratchetness from the love triangle that is Peter Gunz, his girlfriend Tara, and his recording artist/secret wife Amina. In the following scene, Tara comes to confront Amina about messing around with Mr. Gunz. Things are handled in a really adult, professional, totally non-tacky way.

Tara smacked Amina so hard, she may have corrected the poor girl's speech impediment. It's hard to tell with all the bleeping and the even louder noise of Rosa Parks slowly turning in her grave.

Let us be reminded that all this strife is over a man who, by his own account, was dead-ass broke before even signing up for this show so these ladies are fighting over a crumb of a crumb just to get some camera time.

In honor of these people who clearly need some direction in their lives, we have Dum Dum Girls and their song, "Lost Boys and Girls Club."

And with that, we bring the Mixtape to a close. Be sure to like our Facebook page and remember:

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