What is the what what y'all. It's another stunning, flawless, better than your favorite edition of New Music Tuesday.
We're tackling a hot mess of releases coming out this week as we take on the Black Eyed Peas continued existence making music for sorority girls to fall off of pool tables, Jazmine Sullivan continues to save R&B music one bad ass album at a time, and Glee continues to drain the pockets of its loyal fanbase with another volume of their Kidz Bop tunes.
Dancing Paul Rudd invites you to continue reading.
First up, the Black Eyed Peas assault Top 40 radio with their brand of crap pop music with their new album The Beginning, which is somehow different thematically from their album The E.N.D.? Maybe? We don't really try to search for the deeper meaning in Black Eyed Peas songs since we spend the bulk of time trying to figure out what oldies song Will.I.Am is busily stealing from to construct one of his tunes.
Will.I.Am has displaced T-Pain as the most annoying producer in Top 40 radio as his tunes assault the ears. I mean, we love us some Nicki Minaj but even we can concede that "Check It Out" is a terrible tune. And somehow recently was able to get worse because Cheryl Cole of X-Factor/Girls Aloud/Cheating Soccer Player Husband Fame recently lent her thin vocals to the track. Being too cheap to actually film a new video, Chery Cole was just digitally added in the background.
Oh Cheryl, don't stop cringing quite yet as our favorite basic bitch Keri Hilson puts out a new, floptastic single "The Way You Love Me" with the kind of video that used to only be shown on BET after hours.
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most basic singer of them all? It's tragic her level of desperation and the fact that somehow she managed to drag Faith Evans into this trainwreck, dredged up the corpse that is JoJo's career to trot her out in a cameo and also Dawn of Danity Kane fame managed to get out of the death grip of Diddy to appear this floptastic video.
We're not quite sure how Keri Hilson went from this the female empowerment of her other flop single "Pretty Girl Rock"
To the Not Safe For Life video that is "The Way You Love Me" where somehow managed to outskank Christina Aguilera circa her Dirrty era. We'll give her that title since Keri so rarely wins at anything else in life.
Next up, to cleanse your palate, we offer up the wonderfulness that is Jazmine Sullivan,who has a brand new album Love Me Back. She, along with Chrisette Michele and Debarge, put out albums this week proving that you can put together a high quality R&B album without being a homewrecking hooch (LOOKING AT YOU ALICIA KEYS AND FANTASIA).
ChrisetteMichele's new single from her album Let Freedom Reign
And El Debarge being a well-aged MF-er with his new album Second Chance.
In he's-still-got-a-record-deal? news, somebody thought it would be wise to let Soulja Boy put out another album for some reason.
Where's our trust Wendy Williams "I Can't" gif when we so desperately need it?
Oh there you are. We missed you. Speaking of Wendy Williams, color us rainbow because we are super pumped with our favorite talk show goddess this side of Oprah tackling the ungodly hot mess that is Bravo's The A-List: New York City. It's a show that has given us such wonderful moments as former Amazing Race competitor/Lance Bass paramour Reichen decides that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is the perfect issue to sink his famewhore tentacles into by writing a song. Because nothing says SERIOUS BUSINESS like acoustic guitar against a wall of Cascada sound.
It's brilliant trainwreck television at its finest.
Speaking of brilliant trainwreck television at its finest, Glee has rolled out another volume of their tunes this week with a Volume Four including songs from tonight's episode where Santana tries to tackle "Valerie" as made famous by Amy Winehouse and the Zutons:
Elsewhere, Sam and Quinn team up to do less harm to a Dirty Dancing classic than the Black Eyed Peas.
And on those Autotuned ending notes, we close out today's edition of New Tunes Tuesday. Be sure to check back tomorrow as we Gleecap the new episode of Glee as the Gleeks go off to Sectionals. Will they win? Will they lose? Will Kurt be considered a patron saint for gays? Who knows? But we're excited to see how this all turns out. WE'VE GOT OUR EYES ON YOU GLEE.
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