Morning Mixtapers! Welcome to another stunning, flawless, amazing, SNATCHING THE DIPLOMA OFF YOUR FAVORITE edition of the Majak Mixtape, where pop culture goes when it finally wakes up from being bored to death by the commencement speech. It was quite the bustling weekend downtown as people were busily celebrating Weinerfest, the actual festival about hot dogs and whatnot and not what we routinely call nights at certain college bars here. And the folks that weren't high on sour kraut and beer were basking in the glow of having graduated with ceremonies happening at WWTC, Viterbo and UW-L. We remember that blur of caps, gowns, parties, tears, celebrations when we graduated from UW-River Falls many, many, many moons ago. We also remember that feeling when the cheap rail drinks wore off and you woke up, still in your cap and gown, in like a clump on your dorm bed and suddenly remember, "Crap, I have to be an adult now." The days of whining about finals and dancing at keg parties to Outkast's "Roses" are over.
So today, in honor of this transition into a post-college existence, we've put together this little Mixtape. But before we get to the tunes, let us first tackle a weekend's worth of tea:
First up, "Desperate Housewives" may have come to another lackluster conclusion last night, but the lawsuit between former star Nicolette Sheridan and series creator Marc Cherry continues to entertain in ways that Mary Alice's cloying narration never can. According to TMZ, Nicolette Sheridan accused Marc Cherry of saying at Eva Longoria's wedding to basketball star Tony Parker that he thought Parker had to be gay in order to marry "this little, small girl with no t*ts, that looks like a boy." Sources close to the wedding say that Marc Cherry didn't say this as some under his breath aside but proudly declared this loudly at some point, and that Eva Longoria thought it was a hilarious statement. Of course she would. This is the woman who showed up in a bathing suit to the VMAs a few years ago and said, "I wasn't going to let a little thing like a hurricane keep me from wearing my bathing suit." That Hurricane's name? KATRINA.
In other news from TMZ, Rebecca Black is in fact not pregnant. We didn't even know that was a rumor. But it's good to know that she wasn't kicking it in the backseat on her way to an appointment with an OBGYN.
With networks having their upfront presentations the past few days, there is a flurry of TV-related tea to spill. You've got Ashton Kutcher taking a break from tweeting and having no strings attached sex with Natalie Portman on the big screen making a return to television as Charlie Sheen's replacement on "Two and a Half Men," potentially making this the longest "Punk'd" prank ever. Aston Kutcher released a statement saying that he could never replace Charlie Sheen but would do his best to entertain people. Oh Ashton, why start now?
Elsewhere, NBC has made it known that the "Celebrity Apprentice" will go on with or without Donald Trump if his song-and-dance known as his presidential campaign actually turns serious. Entertainment Weekly has been keeping a helpful scorecard when it comes to which shows have been renewed, which ones are on the bubble and which ones have already bitten the dust.
And that's just a little cup of tea for today! Now whip that tassle back and forth and get ready for a Mixtape all about helping you with your post-college life.
Aw, post-graduation life. It's bit of an overwhelming idea isn't it? Think about it. This is the first time since you were five years old that your life is not being dictated by an educational system filled with tests, classes, homework, asshole teachers, stupid group partners, and the lingering thought in the back of your head that it's never going to end. And yet here you are, diploma in one hand and not a freakin' clue in the other hand as you start figuring out what exactly to do with that liberal arts degree. That leads us to our first song of the Mixtape, the opening number from the hit show "Avenue Q." Below, the cast members discuss why it sucks to be them as well as what you're exactly going to do with a B.A. in English.
British artist Jamie Cullum also has tackled the idea of what it's like to have a degree and be out in the world with his tune "Twentysomething." With his laidback vocals and lounge-y style, Cullum hilariously details the hazards of post-college life with lyrics like:
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
In dealing with your post-college life, some of our friends took what we like to refer to as the Peter Pan method. You can simply refuse to stop living like you're out of college. Live with your slacker bros in some ramshackle shack while still playing beer pong, hanging out John Belushi COLLEGE posters around your home and never once invest in an actual bed when futons are so much more comfortable. And when your parents, concerned about all the student loans you still need to pay back, try to harass you about why you haven't actually used that history degree, you can respond with the following:
You can look to the boys from Comedy Central's latest single-camera comedy series "Workaholics" as your inspiration.
Or Ethan Hawke's character in "Reality Bites."
Then there was this little other cluster of fucks who went the equal but opposite direction. Their life just becomes one speeding train to J. Crew Village as they slowly morph into good, respectable, suburban folks that, after just a few months out of college, find that such a long and distant and unsavory memory. A nice middle management job at a nice corporate office that gives the illusion of upward mobility with its promises of "promoting from within" though for some reason people are constantly being hired from the outside for upper positions. You find a certain comfort in no longer having to worry about what you're going to have to wear to work as it will always be some combination of khaki pants, dress shirt and tasteful tie; you actually have mild panic attacks on Casual Fridays because you never can quite figure out what exactly is appropriate so you wear your everyday ensemble but with a joke tie just to let people know you're not a complete douche.
They periodically wake up in a cold sweat and say, "How did I get here."
No matter, your twenties is that magical time where you're supposed to figure out the rest of your life. That is totally not daunting. At all. No amount of art history classes can really prepare you for the trials and tribulations of the day-to-day malaise of adulthood. Hell, it took us forever to start thinking about the calendar year as January through December and not September through May. But that's the joy of being a twenty-something. Allegedly.
Armed with a degree, you're probably going to march into the world of entry-level employment or the even more magical existence known as temp work.
It's all about moving from having a job to making a career. In honor of this, our next track is Mayer Hawthorne's cover version of the Isley Brothers classic "Work to Do."
And a lot of that work? Is going towards paying back those student loans. CNBC recently did a documentary on the student loan crisis in America in a special called "The Price of Admission." According to the documentary, Americans now owe more on their student loans than they do on their credit cards. And student loans can't be wiped out by bankruptcy and can actually outlive a person who has taken the loan. Oh yeah, imagine that. You prematurely meet your maker and your parents are now paying some huge student loan, one made larger because of that semester you thought you'd switch to being an art history major. The government has tried to overhaul the system, but in some ways it has merely become invested in keeping it the jank way it is. And for the twenty-something graduates, they just want to make some money, pay their loans off and still be able to eat something other than generic ramen.
But such is life, isn't it? For all the turmoil that your twenties can bring, there is a certain amount of freedom that comes along with it. Life is always changing, which leads us to our last song of the mixtape: Avenue Q, "For Now."
As always we wish you love, peace and downloads! NOW BRING ON THE MASH-UP.