Yule Blog: Make The Yuletide HEY GURL HEY

O come all ye Majak Kingdom faithful for yet another stunning, flawless, amazing, sleigh riding better than YOUR FAVORITE edition of the "Yule Blog," our celebration of all things holidays. We took you back to high school/junior high with Christmas music from the likes of NSYNC, Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears in our teen pop "Egg Nog Me One More Time," proving that you can EuroDance pop for the Baby Jesus. The following week we took it the ~streets~ with a mix of hip hop tunes from the likes of Run DMC, Kurtis Blow and TLC in our mix "Ho Ho Hos in Different Area Codes" because the "Three Wise Men" desperately needs to be a name of a fly ass rap group.

This week we're taking you to the gay bar!

That's right lovelies. Come to the gay bar this holiday season where Santa Claus has six-pack abs and a spray tan, "Jingle Bells" has a house beat underneath it, the carolers have donned their best Express apparel while singing "It Came Upon the Midnight Queer" and Rudolph's nose is so red from the rampant misuse of poppers.

Politically incorrect stereotypes aside, we thought it'd be a glorious idea to celebrate a big gay Christmas, especially with the gay community being all up in the headlines the past few weeks with the House of Representatives recently voting to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that prohibits gays and lesbians from serving openly in the armed services while over in the "Glee"-verse you had Blaine and Kurt singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with each other. And if that wasn't enough to plant a rainbow flag at the North Pole, you had the whole John Travola-is-maybe-gay scandal getting a whole other, well we'd normally say second wind but this has been going on for seemingly forever, life as actress Carrie Fisher pretty much outs him in an interview, shamefully not in "Out," with "The Advocate." Just for that, we heard that John Travolta is going to make Fisher atone by sitting through multiple screenings of "Battefield Earth."

And keeping with this week's theme of male celebs and the questioning of their sexual preferences, "American Beauty" actor Kevin Spacey sat down to be interviewed about his film "Casino Jack" and somehow found himself being asked about his sexual orientation by a Daily Beast reporter who actually asked Spacey, "We gay men have always proudly claimed you as a member of our tribe, and yet you don't proudly claim us back. Why?"

The Majak Mixtape - Merry Splitmas!

What is the what what everybody! If you are presently reading this, we can only assume that you've managed to not get yourself buried alive under a snow bank and/or die of some horrible frostbite to the ungodly chilly temperatures that have been whipping their way through the region. Well as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you reach for a hot toddy.

The weather isn't the only thing that has gone chilly this week. While this is allegedly the season of tidings and good cheer, this is also the time of heartbreak, bruised egos and the dividing of assets. The weeks leading up to Christmas is a notoriously popular time for people to break up because a) they want to begin the New Year with a completely clean slate so they can make out with strangers at bars without a guilty conscience and b) people, even in the best of financial positions, don't want to run up their credit card bill buying presents for some jerkwad they are going to dump and find some lords-a-leaping. We're not really all that surprised because any time period that is so focused on enthusiasm and optimism is probably to provoke an equal yet opposite reaction from the whole of humanity.

 Hollywood seems to be following this trend to the T as this week has been a rush of announcements of various celebrity bust-ups. Seriously, the only thing happening at a higher rate at this point are teen girls getting knocked up in order to try to land on MTV.

(Which sidenote. We don't understand how anybody is the least bit surprised at the possibility of this actually becoming some sort of phenom with some teens trying to get knocked up just to be on MTV. I mean, these girls are gracing the covers of tabloids on a weekly basis, shoving off actual celebs to do this, and attending red carpet events all because they and their boyfriends didn't know how to use birth control. We live in a society where fame is no longer the spoils of doing some noteworthy but the noteworthy thing itself. Blah blah blah college research paper blah blah blah cakes, back to the bitchery)

Some break-ups have been shocking (ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds) while others were more of the we-had-to-Wikipedia-who-the-hell-they-are (Dylan Walsh from Nip/Tuck and his wife splitting, most likely because she could no longer handle the awesome 90210-ness of his name). No matter, break-ups are very in this holiday season in particular. They are like a more dignified version of the leggings-as-pants trend.

The Majak Mixtape - Accomplishments of Gilt and Circular Origins

Oh it's the most wonderful time of year. You know what I mean, don't you? That time of year where you pack the family together into the car, make the long journey off to the relatives where you put on your wool sweaters, sip some hot cocoa, sing some carols in front of the fire while reminiscing about the good ole days and opening presents and remembering the simple pleasures of just being together and the joy that can come from just that.

Actually, we're in fact referring to that magical time of year where Hollywood's egotistical fascination with itself reaches its maximum capacity otherwise known as awards season as the Hollywood Foreign Press announced nominations for the Golden Globes. Oh the Golden Globes, how we enjoy you probably the most of the upcoming awards since you're basically like a real high budget version of all of those school award dinners we had to go to in high school as the stars sit at their tables with their cast members, half of whom they probably can't stand and the other half they probably had long forgotten about affairs with, while awards for both film and television are given out while we find out that the popularity contest of life continues even in death as, like every awards program, the sound is tactlessly left on as people applaud with varying degrees of enthusiasm/respect for dead folks.

Notoriously WTF in its nominations every year, the Golden Globes continues to prove to be a reliable source of head shaking as we scrolled through the list of nominees that somehow found Jennifer Love Hewitt of both "Party of Five" and "vajazzling" fame up for a Golden Globe for her Lifetime film "The Client List" while people like "Parks and Recreation" Amy Poehler were snubbed while the supporting acting categories for television remain one of the biggest hot messes known to award shows as the HFP delightfully thrown in everybody from comedy, drama and TV films all into one category because that totally makes sense. Maybe? Who knows? We're just here for the bad styling choices, the boozed-up celebrities and the too-slow-to-get-to-the-beeper f-bombs that seem to always populate the program.

So if you were thinking about going anywhere before reading this all we can say is:

and enjoy!

The Majak Mixtape - New Tunes Tuesday

Twas 10 days before Christmas and all through the blog, this creature was stirring, slamming down hella amounts of nog. What is the what what, everybody! Welcome to another flawless, stunning, amazing, slaying your favorites, etc., edition of the New Tunes Tuesday. We've shoveled the snow, hung the stockings, and caked the fruit in anticipation of Christmas and record companies are continuing to drop bountiful amounts of new CDs in this fourth quarter to help make up the most money they can to offset some of the flops they've had to shoulder (LOOKING AT YOU BIONIC).

In today's edition, we take on Zombie!Michael Jackson's new album of material from ~beyond the grave~, American Idol's runner-up Crystal Bowersox and her attempt to pretend that the year is 1974 with her debut album, R.Kelly takes a break from sex scandals and trapping folks in closet to make an album of oldies and dusties sound alike while Diddy introduces the world to future bankruptcy-filers Dirty Money on their new joint album. And bringing up the rear, as always, is one of favorite singers of basic quality who drops an album of such "basicness" it even has the word basic in its title.

We hope you're ready because:

Peach, Please: Acting A Mess

Last week on the Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kim's never ending storyline about recording "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" with Kandi continued with no sign of stopping or becoming interesting as she met with vocal coach Jan Smith to help work on discovering little things like notes, keys and pitch while her former gal pal DJ Tracy tagged along for moral support and to make Kim's hair styling choices seem less awful in comparison; elsewhere, equally delusional Sheree decided to pick up her I WANT TO ACT storyline and run with it, having abandoned her fashions to cheers of everybody with taste; speaking of no taste, our favorite boughetto princess Phaedra had a photo shoot for her and baby, Cynthia's future husband decided to come for NeNe's wig and Kandi continued to be on this show for reasons unknown to us.

This week on the Housewives: Friendship contracts are signed, tours are plotted and Sheree gets a part in a play that makes Tyler Perry look like David Mamet in comparison.

So sit down, relax and drink that wine out of a plastic cup like any one of our southern belles would do and enjoy today's recap!

Mo'Nique will cry if you don't read the recap.

The Majak Mixtape - I Can't Wait To Smoke You Again

Ooo Eeee, Miley Cyrus, what the eff is going on with you? We mean, on a certain level, we completely understand what you're going through. Like, who hasn't been put out in the national spotlight by the Disney Channel and been examined by the likes of TMZ and Perez Hilton as you go through your adolescence and your brother puts out a crappy but catchy single and your parents split in the midst of rumors that your mama got it on with Brett Michaels? It's a story as old and cliche as time isn't? Right? Maybe?

Anyway, we understand how all of this would make you want to act out against your parental/managerial authorities who have basically wanted to keep you perpetually 14 for the rest of your life in order to make as much money as possible. And even that we sort of get because getting older can sort of kill your career as the tweens get older and become angsty and discover things like, we don't know, My Chemical Romance or something equally black-clothed in their existence while they rock asymmetrical bangs of earnestness and mumble quotes from "Catcher in the Rye" like any teenage asshat would. We get that, we know that, and we, unfortunately, completely lived that. We also thankfully had this period of our life undocumented by the press.

But your latest little stunt?